NationStates

So this title is probably gonna catch a lot of eyes, and you're probably all wondering what it is I'm talking about. No, this thread isn't about literally watching someone take their last breath, so if that's your thing, you better make your own thread. This thread is more metaphorical but still kinda literal in its own respect. What I'm talking about is watching someone utterly fail at life and make all the wrong decisions, and because they're not gonna take advice, you're powerless to stop their little personal apocalypse.

So as some of you might know, my one ex girlfriend is a drug addict. Despite everything I tried, nothing worked and we ended up separating and for a couple years I didn't interact with her at all. I didn't know if I would ever see her again, and then one day all the years of anxiety, depression and PTSD came flooding back in with an Instagram post by this one girl I know. In the photo, the girl is on a boat somewhere on the great lakes. Guess who was next to her? So I was shocked and I felt this usual sick feeling wash over me. My ex looks even more decimated as a person than she did in highschool. Indeed, 5 years of addiction can turn a Jon Bon Jovi into a Mick Jagger, and fate wasn't kind to her.

Have any of you ever been unfortunate enough to witness a friend or family member totally ruin their life and pass the point of no return? How did you deal with the stress it caused? Is it wrong to still care even when you know that person not only doesn't care about you anymore but doesn't care about themself either?

I'm sure this topic totally isn't gonna give anyone the feels

Good call on editing the title.

Rojava Free State wrote:So this title is probably gonna catch a lot of eyes, and you're probably all wondering what it is I'm talking about. No, this thread isn't about literally watching someone take their last breath, so if that's your thing, you better make your own thread. This thread is more metaphorical but still kinda literal in its own respect. What I'm talking about is watching someone utterly fail at life and make all the wrong decisions, and because they're not gonna take advice, you're powerless to stop their little personal apocalypse.

So as some of you might know, my one ex girlfriend is a drug addict. Despite everything I tried, nothing worked and we ended up separating and for a couple years I didn't interact with her at all. I didn't know if I would ever see her again, and then one day all the years of anxiety, depression and PTSD came flooding back in with an Instagram post by this one girl I know. In the photo, the girl is on a boat somewhere on the great lakes. Guess who was next to her? So I was shocked and I felt this usual sick feeling wash over me. My ex looks even more decimated as a person than she did in highschool. Indeed, 5 years of addiction can turn a Jon Bon Jovi into a Mick Jagger, and fate wasn't kind to her.

Have any of you ever been unfortunate enough to witness a friend or family member totally ruin their life and pass the point of no return? How did you deal with the stress it caused? Is it wrong to still care even when you know that person not only doesn't care about you anymore but doesn't care about themself either?

I'm sure this topic totally isn't gonna give anyone the feels

Yes. A very good friend from university. It’s hard to watch and even harder to know there’s nothing you can do. Because you can’t live their life and people only change their ways if the really want to and put the effort.

As to how I dealt with it? Well, I don’t think I ever did. He ended up committing suicide. As much as I mourned him in retrospect and as harsh as it will across, that may have been a blessing. He was on a fast track to death, suffering a lot and had no desire to stop. Death was a mercy.

Is it wrong to still care? No. Whatever happened, it was a person that had an effect on your life. Good or bad, in the end, it was someone you loved and you don’t want harm to come to them, not really.

Farnhamia wrote:Good call on editing the title.

Yeah I looked back at it and was like "that's too much"

Nanatsu no Tsuki wrote:

Rojava Free State wrote:So this title is probably gonna catch a lot of eyes, and you're probably all wondering what it is I'm talking about. No, this thread isn't about literally watching someone take their last breath, so if that's your thing, you better make your own thread. This thread is more metaphorical but still kinda literal in its own respect. What I'm talking about is watching someone utterly fail at life and make all the wrong decisions, and because they're not gonna take advice, you're powerless to stop their little personal apocalypse.

So as some of you might know, my one ex girlfriend is a drug addict. Despite everything I tried, nothing worked and we ended up separating and for a couple years I didn't interact with her at all. I didn't know if I would ever see her again, and then one day all the years of anxiety, depression and PTSD came flooding back in with an Instagram post by this one girl I know. In the photo, the girl is on a boat somewhere on the great lakes. Guess who was next to her? So I was shocked and I felt this usual sick feeling wash over me. My ex looks even more decimated as a person than she did in highschool. Indeed, 5 years of addiction can turn a Jon Bon Jovi into a Mick Jagger, and fate wasn't kind to her.

Have any of you ever been unfortunate enough to witness a friend or family member totally ruin their life and pass the point of no return? How did you deal with the stress it caused? Is it wrong to still care even when you know that person not only doesn't care about you anymore but doesn't care about themself either?

I'm sure this topic totally isn't gonna give anyone the feels

Yes. A very good friend from university. It’s hard to watch and even harder to know there’s nothing you can do. Because you can’t live their life and people only change their ways if the really want to and put the effort.

As to how I dealt with it? Well, I don’t think I ever did. He ended up committing suicide. As much as I mourned him in retrospect and as harsh as it will across, that may have been a blessing. He was on a fast track to death, suffering a lot and had no desire to stop. Death was a mercy.

Is it wrong to still care? No. Whatever happened, it was a person that had an effect on your life. Good or bad, in the end, it was someone you loved and you don’t want harm to come to them, not really.

The only thing worse than when someone dies is when they go on living to a point that life itself is pain. A person can die inside while still being very physically alive, and that's what really shakes me up

I've seen a lot of people fail with drugs, adultery, and generally lack discipline. It's not fun to watch but here's the secret: you don't have to watch. All you can do is try to show them options, see their own folly, and help them strive for improvement. If they won't do any of those things, well that sucks, but your role is over at that point.

Never try to help someone once you realize that person doesn't want to help themselves. It's a waste of time for you and, usually, you enable them to continue being damned fools, to both of your detriment.

Rojava Free State wrote:

Nanatsu no Tsuki wrote:
Yes. A very good friend from university. It’s hard to watch and even harder to know there’s nothing you can do. Because you can’t live their life and people only change their ways if the really want to and put the effort.

As to how I dealt with it? Well, I don’t think I ever did. He ended up committing suicide. As much as I mourned him in retrospect and as harsh as it will across, that may have been a blessing. He was on a fast track to death, suffering a lot and had no desire to stop. Death was a mercy.

Is it wrong to still care? No. Whatever happened, it was a person that had an effect on your life. Good or bad, in the end, it was someone you loved and you don’t want harm to come to them, not really.

The only thing worse than when someone dies is when they go on living to a point that life itself is pain. A person can die inside while still being very physically alive, and that's what really shakes me up

Indeed, but there isn’t much you can do unless they really wish to change. The helplessness is what eats at you.

I saw the best posters of my generation destroyed by madness, starving hysterical naked,
dragging themselves through the NSG forums at dawn looking for an angry reply,
hotheaded hipsters burning for the ancient heavenly debates to the starry dynamo in the machinery of night,
who poverty and tatters and hollow-eyed and high sat up smoking in the supernatural darkness of cold-water flats floating across the tops of cities contemplating the 2nd Amendment..

Howl..

I ruined my life by never getting a job. And now I'm too old to be a good hire, unless I can make up some spectacular story that'd excuse my lack of a resume.

Deep down, I don't want to work if I don't have to. And I find life meaningless for the most part. I perhaps don't have anything I want to be. The only reason for a career or job, is to get enough of an income to survive off of. If I managed to strike it rich, of course I'd quit and try to live off of the proceeds and never contribute to society.

You could simply buy a woman (not in a literal sense) amongst other things, if you're rich enough.

I dunno, how useful are the determinations of third parties in saying a person's life has been failed?

Ifreann wrote:I dunno, how useful are the determinations of third parties in saying a person's life has been failed?

When they're clearly destroying their health and relationships with others and the grim reaper is just around the corner, that's how you know they failed their whole existence.

Bombadil wrote:I saw the best posters of my generation destroyed by madness, starving hysterical naked,
dragging themselves through the NSG forums at dawn looking for an angry reply,
hotheaded hipsters burning for the ancient heavenly debates to the starry dynamo in the machinery of night,
who poverty and tatters and hollow-eyed and high sat up smoking in the supernatural darkness of cold-water flats floating across the tops of cities contemplating the 2nd Amendment..

Howl..

Thank you for your work T.S. Eliot

Saiwania wrote:I ruined my life by never getting a job. And now I'm too old to be a good hire, unless I can make up some spectacular story that'd excuse my lack of a resume.

Deep down, I don't want to work if I don't have to. And I find life meaningless for the most part. I perhaps don't have anything I want to be. The only reason for a career or job, is to get enough of an income to survive off of. If I managed to strike it rich, of course I'd quit and try to live off of the proceeds and never contribute to society.

You could simply buy a woman (not in a literal sense) amongst other things, if you're rich enough.

So you're a... I dunno, hikikomori, perhaps?

Saiwania wrote:I ruined my life by never getting a job. And now I'm too old to be a good hire, unless I can make up some spectacular story that'd excuse my lack of a resume.

Deep down, I don't want to work if I don't have to. And I find life meaningless for the most part. I perhaps don't have anything I want to be. The only reason for a career or job, is to get enough of an income to survive off of. If I managed to strike it rich, of course I'd quit and try to live off of the proceeds and never contribute to society.

You could simply buy a woman (not in a literal sense) amongst other things, if you're rich enough.

How did you avoid work for so long?

Ifreann wrote:I dunno, how useful are the determinations of third parties in saying a person's life has been failed?

Usually the people who have really failed will say as much under the right conditions. But I think it's fair for a third party to observe someone they know and say, "X is really not living up to their potential and they're destroying themself".

Rojava Free State wrote:How did you avoid work for so long?

Family that loves me too much but has failed in all attempts to help me or steer me towards a right path. I'm able and willing to try whatever they suggest for me, but I just keep failing at it. I don't interview or resume well. People pretty much hate me, and in turn I resent them. And there will come a day when I'll truly be on my own, and the only path left is starvation perhaps.

I don't want to go out from such a painful death, but I want to go down fighting in some way metaphorically. It is like a warrior's death in that sense. Where I held on for as long as I could but didn't make it. I'm willing to accept help but I refuse to do any panhandling or begging. I have some basic honor to hold myself to. I have to work for money and can't expect to just be given it realistically speaking. I want to be able to offer value if motivated enough.

But on the other hand, I just really hate how most work is, especially if its team centric. I can't adapt well to how the world is.

The way I see it, I can either become a late bloomer or be a never bloomer. One is that I somehow become appealing enough or entrepreneurial enough to make it, and the other path is remaining lost in life until its too late, never get anywhere fast enough, and of course- die soon after.


Either of those, are acceptable to me because whatever happens will happen. It is meant to be. It must've been my destiny or fate if I naturally gravitate towards a path of failure or if I find some form of success in whatever form this might take. I will only ever go as far as I was meant to go.

Rojava Free State wrote:

Ifreann wrote:I dunno, how useful are the determinations of third parties in saying a person's life has been failed?

When they're clearly destroying their health and relationships with others and the grim reaper is just around the corner, that's how you know they failed their whole existence.

Is that, in fact, clear to us on the outside? And who are we to determine that as a fail state? If I decided that the best use of my life was to maximise my pleasure without directly harming others, who would you be to criticise my ensuing heroin addiction?

Ifreann wrote:

Rojava Free State wrote:
When they're clearly destroying their health and relationships with others and the grim reaper is just around the corner, that's how you know they failed their whole existence.

Is that, in fact, clear to us on the outside? And who are we to determine that as a fail state? If I decided that the best use of my life was to maximise my pleasure without directly harming others, who would you be to criticise my ensuing heroin addiction?

Your hypothetical heroin addiction can definitely hurt others, your loved ones for example.

Ifreann wrote:

Rojava Free State wrote:
When they're clearly destroying their health and relationships with others and the grim reaper is just around the corner, that's how you know they failed their whole existence.

Is that, in fact, clear to us on the outside? And who are we to determine that as a fail state? If I decided that the best use of my life was to maximise my pleasure without directly harming others, who would you be to criticise my ensuing heroin addiction?

It's actually simple. By not wanting help or to help yourself, you are undeserving of help and, therefore, your heroin addiction is your own problem.

Hello! Failure of life checking in, where are my homies?

New haven america wrote:Hello! Failure of life checking in, where are my homies?

Here here!

I’ve had friends go down the drug path. One of them became a trafficker. I think he’s in Córdoba now. Or maybe Morocco. It wasn’t pleasant.

It's terrible watching people "fail at life". Usually it's drugs, sometimes a bad act that got caught. You try to help but there's only so much you can do. Breaks my heart every time.

New haven america wrote:Hello! Failure of life checking in, where are my homies?

Sorry mate, but my life is (overall) the best it's ever been, and my prospects remain bright!

The Supreme Magnificent High Swaglord wrote:

New haven america wrote:Hello! Failure of life checking in, where are my homies?

Sorry mate, but my life is (overall) the best it's ever been, and my prospects remain bright!

Ooooh, look at you. Everyone gather around Mr Success Story here and let's listen to the fireside chat.