Watching People Fail Life

[Rojava Free State]

It's scary to think of what people hide within themselves. All that rage that's hidden away. One day it just explodes out without any warning. This is a major reason why I assume anyone around me could be a potential threat unless I know them well. When I'm walking and someone is behind me, I always keep an eye on them and stay far ahead.

I do the same, to be honest. Also after my parents' divorce I had to get psychological help because of sudden violent anger bursts, so there's that too (for the record, I already had them before the divorce but afterwards it just went totally out of control).

And as for the second thing you quoted, I'm talking about parents who may or may not know something is wrong, but certainly would know it's wrong if they knew it was happening. Let me give you an example from my existence

I once knew this girl named Brittany who was a first generation American with Albanian parents. She was really good looking and she was nice to (which was pretty special or unique in my world) and I really bonded with her. But she ended up falling prey to drug addiction and she became a polyaddict (someone addicted to multiple different drugs). Her parents never even knew because she and her sister both hid the problem from them. One day they went for a drive and that was the last of brittany. They were on xanax which slows down your reaction time like alcohol and Brittany lost control of the car and crashed and was killed in the accident. Her death rattled people's nerves but it wasn't anything unique, because only a year before these five guys from our school took a bunch of PCP and Ecstasy and went from a drive and they too crashed and died, right in the middle of a metropark. The guys killed in that crash were also Albanian. I don't know if their parents knew their kids had an issue or not. The point is, imagine someone does a war to raise their kids in america, hoping for a better life. Instead their kid or kids died here, and their move was in vain. These traditional immigrant families often see their kids and up in situations they never even dealt with back home. When you were born in a village in Albania or Iraq or Yemen, it doesn't prepare you to deal with the hard grit of a place like Detroit and it's issues and your kids stop being your kids. They totally forsake the family and themselves and eventually perish. Those are the parents you should feel for, the ones who don't know until it's too late and can't save their kids

I would not leave out the parents who are trying. Intention is what it counts for the most part, I guess. And sometimes we do not appreciate the value of this people, were aware or not of their son/daughter/friend/relative/whatever's problems, until we just lose them. Sounds cliché, I know, but it is true.

On another note, despite my less than ideal family, you seem to live in a much more difficult environment than I do. There are some people who occasionally do weed or even sell the stuff, but you don't see drug addicts in the streets aside from this one poor neighbourhood to avoid. I guess it's because I'm in the better part of the city, because I know in other poorer areas the situation is much worse. Domestic abuse, however, seems to be overall more common than doing drugs here. Families that do not want their kids, parents that are abusive towards each other, that struggle to bring their kids forward even if they want to. Furthermore there has been a big increase in people that search for anything they can sell in trash cans and the like ever since the economy tanked hard in 2008 and never really fully recovered.

Oh trust me, my family life isn't very ideal either. My parents may be getting divorced very soon themselves. It's just there's that and then there's the issues I had growing up with violence and absolute degeneracy among my peers. My whole life is a conflict. doubt it'll stop being one amytime soon

[Bear Stearns]

Cousin of mine had it all. He had just graduated from Harvard Business School, and was getting ready to start a career at one of the big consulting firms. He was also getting married. The wedding never happened.

Before the wedding, he had bought a Ferrari. During his bachelor party, he ended up picking up a prostitute in it and she gave him heroin.

Next thing people know is that he had driven the Ferrari off of a bridge, killing both of them. He was 26 years old.

[Neko-koku]

I do the same, to be honest. Also after my parents' divorce I had to get psychological help because of sudden violent anger bursts, so there's that too (for the record, I already had them before the divorce but afterwards it just went totally out of control).


I would not leave out the parents who are trying. Intention is what it counts for the most part, I guess. And sometimes we do not appreciate the value of this people, were aware or not of their son/daughter/friend/relative/whatever's problems, until we just lose them. Sounds cliché, I know, but it is true.

On another note, despite my less than ideal family, you seem to live in a much more difficult environment than I do. There are some people who occasionally do weed or even sell the stuff, but you don't see drug addicts in the streets aside from this one poor neighbourhood to avoid. I guess it's because I'm in the better part of the city, because I know in other poorer areas the situation is much worse. Domestic abuse, however, seems to be overall more common than doing drugs here. Families that do not want their kids, parents that are abusive towards each other, that struggle to bring their kids forward even if they want to. Furthermore there has been a big increase in people that search for anything they can sell in trash cans and the like ever since the economy tanked hard in 2008 and never really fully recovered.

Oh trust me, my family life isn't very ideal either. My parents may be getting divorced very soon themselves. It's just there's that and then there's the issues I had growing up with violence and absolute degeneracy among my peers. My whole life is a conflict. doubt it'll stop being one amytime soon

People simply shouldn't be in Detroit. You might be better off picking a different community...like some Chinatown in Boston, New York or Chicago. No matter what happens you won't be killed.

Are you still in school? Can you relocate? You need to completely get rid of your old community. That's FOR SURE.

[Scomagia]

Your hypothetical heroin addiction can definitely hurt others, your loved ones for example.

Moving to the far side of the world might similarly hurt my loved ones, but I doubt anyone would consider that to be failing at life.

---

It's actually simple. By not wanting help or to help yourself, you are undeserving of help and, therefore, your heroin addiction is your own problem.

And if someone doesn't deserve help, they have failed life? Success in life means deserving help?

No, it just means you haven't failed by your own appraisal. I'm humoring your appeal to subjectivity.

[Scomagia]

So this title is probably gonna catch a lot of eyes, and you're probably all wondering what it is I'm talking about. No, this thread isn't about literally watching someone take their last breath, so if that's your thing, you better make your own thread. This thread is more metaphorical but still kinda literal in its own respect. What I'm talking about is watching someone utterly fail at life and make all the wrong decisions, and because they're not gonna take advice, you're powerless to stop their little personal apocalypse.

So as some of you might know, my one ex girlfriend is a drug addict. Despite everything I tried, nothing worked and we ended up separating and for a couple years I didn't interact with her at all. I didn't know if I would ever see her again, and then one day all the years of anxiety, depression and PTSD came flooding back in with an Instagram post by this one girl I know. In the photo, the girl is on a boat somewhere on the great lakes. Guess who was next to her? So I was shocked and I felt this usual sick feeling wash over me. My ex looks even more decimated as a person than she did in highschool. Indeed, 5 years of addiction can turn a Jon Bon Jovi into a Mick Jagger, and fate wasn't kind to her.

Have any of you ever been unfortunate enough to witness a friend or family member totally ruin their life and pass the point of no return? How did you deal with the stress it caused? Is it wrong to still care even when you know that person not only doesn't care about you anymore but doesn't care about themself either?

I'm sure this topic totally isn't gonna give anyone the feels

I hate watching anyone fail at life.

You don't have to watch.

[Neko-koku]

I hate watching anyone fail at life.

You don't have to watch.

I actually hate hearing about it.

[Katganistan]

There is one hard truth that few people believe, and unfortunately learn with a great deal of pain.

You CANNOT save someone from themselves.
Let me say that again for the people in the back:
You absolutely CANNOT save someone from themselves.

Whether it's drug addiction, alcoholism, being involved in criminal activities, being (in your opinion) too promiscuous, I promise you, you CANNOT save someone from themselves.

They can only heal and change when THEY decide that they need to change, and when they seek out support systems to help them change.

It's heart-wrenching to see someone you care about self-destructing, and you can and should make your concerns known -- but until they decide for themselves they have had enough, they will keep on destroying themselves. You are powerless to make that change for them, or want it enough for them.

And sometimes, Rojava, you have to do as you did and protect yourself from more emotional harm by stepping out. Sometimes, that wake-up might be enough to get them to change. Sometimes, not.

Sometimes, it'll be losing everything that matters that inspires them to fight against the disease (because alcoholism and drug addictions are diseases as well as actions) that is destroying their lives.

Sometimes, they'll die of their addictions.

And just as you couldn't save them: it is NOT your fault.

[Katganistan]

I saw the best posters of my generation destroyed by madness, starving hysterical naked,
dragging themselves through the NSG forums at dawn looking for an angry reply,
hotheaded hipsters burning for the ancient heavenly debates to the starry dynamo in the machinery of night,
who poverty and tatters and hollow-eyed and high sat up smoking in the supernatural darkness of cold-water flats floating across the tops of cities contemplating the 2nd Amendment..

Howl..

Thank you for your work T.S. Eliot

Alan Ginsburg, I believe.

[Ethel mermania]

I saw the best posters of my generation destroyed by madness, starving hysterical naked,
dragging themselves through the NSG forums at dawn looking for an angry reply,
hotheaded hipsters burning for the ancient heavenly debates to the starry dynamo in the machinery of night,
who poverty and tatters and hollow-eyed and high sat up smoking in the supernatural darkness of cold-water flats floating across the tops of cities contemplating the 2nd Amendment..

Howl..

Thank you for your work T.S. Eliot

Alan.

Edit: Ninja'd by the mod.

[The New California Republic]

There is one hard truth that few people believe, and unfortunately learn with a great deal of pain.

You CANNOT save someone from themselves.
Let me say that again for the people in the back:
You absolutely CANNOT save someone from themselves.

Whether it's drug addiction, alcoholism, being involved in criminal activities, being (in your opinion) too promiscuous, I promise you, you CANNOT save someone from themselves.

They can only heal and change when THEY decide that they need to change, and when they seek out support systems to help them change.

It's heart-wrenching to see someone you care about self-destructing, and you can and should make your concerns known -- but until they decide for themselves they have had enough, they will keep on destroying themselves. You are powerless to make that change for them, or want it enough for them.

And sometimes, Rojava, you have to do as you did and protect yourself from more emotional harm by stepping out. Sometimes, that wake-up might be enough to get them to change. Sometimes, not.

Sometimes, it'll be losing everything that matters that inspires them to fight against the disease (because alcoholism and drug addictions are diseases as well as actions) that is destroying their lives.

Sometimes, they'll die of their addictions.

And just as you couldn't save them: it is NOT your fault.

Unfortunately, no matter how much someone says that, it still feels like it's partially one's fault that they fell into alcohol dependency, like asking if there is anything that could have been done differently etc.

[Rojava Free State]

Thank you for your work T.S. Eliot

Alan.

Edit: Ninja'd by the mod.

Lmao poetry of our time

[US-SSR]

Generally speaking you can't save people from themselves. Still hard to witness but don't be hard on yourself for trying. iow what Katganistan said.

[Vivolkha]

So do you consider this person not wanting to change their course the "no return" point? Can people change if they are willing to? And if they are trying, can they hit the no return point regardless? What do you define as a no return point?

[Rojava Free State]

So do you consider this person not wanting to change their course the "no return" point? Can people change if they are willing to? And if they are trying, can they hit the no return point regardless? What do you define as a no return point?

Being dead probably. Can't see anything else being the point of no return, but I doubt they'll ever change

[Alorgaze]

I mean, they are your "ex" for a reason, why even bother with what the hell they are doing with their life?

[Rojava Free State]

I mean, they are your "ex" for a reason, why even bother with what the hell they are doing with their life?

Because I care too much. Maybe I have too much of a heart but even someone who I separated from for my own benefit still is important to me for some reason

[Saiwania]

Being dead probably. Can't see anything else being the point of no return, but I doubt they'll ever change

We can probably also include being too old, or being in poor health. Someone who for example, stayed a virgin for 60+ years probably ain't getting any of that sort of action unless they pay up, and it'll likely be someone who isn't as desirable. You don't have options past a certain point in life, you just take what you can get.

[Rojava Free State]

Being dead probably. Can't see anything else being the point of no return, but I doubt they'll ever change

We can probably also include being too old, or being in poor health. Someone who for example, stayed a virgin for 60+ years probably ain't getting any of that sort of action unless they pay up, and it'll likely be someone who isn't as desirable. You don't have options past a certain point in life, you just take what you can get.

Maybe, that could be true

[Aureumterra]

This is the reality of much of the West that we’re always told we’re protected and sheltered from due to Icelandic communality, I haven’t ever seen or heard something like this firsthand, I guess that’s true to some extent

[Rojava Free State]

This is the reality of much of the West that we’re always told we’re protected and sheltered from due to Icelandic communality, I haven’t ever seen or heard something like this firsthand, I guess that’s true to some extent

Based on what I've seen, Icelandic people seem to be a relatively happy bunch of folks. There's an almost child like innocence to them that I haven't seen in this country ever

[Aureumterra]

This is the reality of much of the West that we’re always told we’re protected and sheltered from due to Icelandic communality, I haven’t ever seen or heard something like this firsthand, I guess that’s true to some extent

Based on what I've seen, Icelandic people seem to be a relatively happy bunch of folks. There's an almost child like innocence to them that I haven't seen in this country ever

Well, wether you grow up in a rural village or Reykjavik, you still know pretty much everyone around you and wouldn’t dream of mistrusting people in any way, so these incidents are unheard of within locals and often attributed to college students from abroad

[Aeyariss]

I don't know about others though; but I'm pretty much watching myself not entirely succeeding or failing at life at the moment. Recurring anxiety and depression; I guess that's why I needed a space to escape reality and chill once in a while, and that's why I'm here.

[Rojava Free State]

Based on what I've seen, Icelandic people seem to be a relatively happy bunch of folks. There's an almost child like innocence to them that I haven't seen in this country ever

Well, wether you grow up in a rural village or Reykjavik, you still know pretty much everyone around you and wouldn’t dream of mistrusting people in any way, so these incidents are unheard of within locals and often attributed to college students from abroad

I always considered Iceland to be a good escape route in case America really caves in

[Greed and Death]

So this title is probably gonna catch a lot of eyes, and you're probably all wondering what it is I'm talking about. No, this thread isn't about literally watching someone take their last breath, so if that's your thing, you better make your own thread. This thread is more metaphorical but still kinda literal in its own respect. What I'm talking about is watching someone utterly fail at life and make all the wrong decisions, and because they're not gonna take advice, you're powerless to stop their little personal apocalypse.

So as some of you might know, my one ex girlfriend is a drug addict. Despite everything I tried, nothing worked and we ended up separating and for a couple years I didn't interact with her at all. I didn't know if I would ever see her again, and then one day all the years of anxiety, depression and PTSD came flooding back in with an Instagram post by this one girl I know. In the photo, the girl is on a boat somewhere on the great lakes. Guess who was next to her? So I was shocked and I felt this usual sick feeling wash over me. My ex looks even more decimated as a person than she did in highschool. Indeed, 5 years of addiction can turn a Jon Bon Jovi into a Mick Jagger, and fate wasn't kind to her.

Have any of you ever been unfortunate enough to witness a friend or family member totally ruin their life and pass the point of no return? How did you deal with the stress it caused? Is it wrong to still care even when you know that person not only doesn't care about you anymore but doesn't care about themself either?

I'm sure this topic totally isn't gonna give anyone the feels

Hey friend I have been there it sucks. I am giving you some advice protect yourself cut her off if need be and steal yourself for her very likely early death. You can't save people in that position, it is something only the individual in question can get themselves out of. Also remember that

My Gf in undergraduate developed a drug addiction. Started with X and went to crack. In our college town she got in with the townies that sell drugs and guess who lived next door? She drug out the breakup for a year. Luckily she was unable to pay rent so was evicted 3 months after the break up. Though it was a long three months with a few stand offs with drugies and drug dealers I survived. I almost murdered a few of them when they loosened the lug nuts on my car the weekend my son was visiting me.

She did contact me a few years ago I thought she was contacting me to make amends as part of her getting clean process. No she just had heard I was doing well and was seeing if she could get me to be the one paying for addictions.

I can tell you this as long as you cut them off and move along it does get better. I know you don't believe it because I have been there.

Also if you need someone to talk to feel free to send me a TG.

[Rojava Free State]

So this title is probably gonna catch a lot of eyes, and you're probably all wondering what it is I'm talking about. No, this thread isn't about literally watching someone take their last breath, so if that's your thing, you better make your own thread. This thread is more metaphorical but still kinda literal in its own respect. What I'm talking about is watching someone utterly fail at life and make all the wrong decisions, and because they're not gonna take advice, you're powerless to stop their little personal apocalypse.

So as some of you might know, my one ex girlfriend is a drug addict. Despite everything I tried, nothing worked and we ended up separating and for a couple years I didn't interact with her at all. I didn't know if I would ever see her again, and then one day all the years of anxiety, depression and PTSD came flooding back in with an Instagram post by this one girl I know. In the photo, the girl is on a boat somewhere on the great lakes. Guess who was next to her? So I was shocked and I felt this usual sick feeling wash over me. My ex looks even more decimated as a person than she did in highschool. Indeed, 5 years of addiction can turn a Jon Bon Jovi into a Mick Jagger, and fate wasn't kind to her.

Have any of you ever been unfortunate enough to witness a friend or family member totally ruin their life and pass the point of no return? How did you deal with the stress it caused? Is it wrong to still care even when you know that person not only doesn't care about you anymore but doesn't care about themself either?

I'm sure this topic totally isn't gonna give anyone the feels

Hey friend I have been there it sucks. I am giving you some advice protect yourself cut her off if need be and steal yourself for her very likely early death. You can't save people in that position, it is something only the individual in question can get themselves out of. Also remember that

My Gf in undergraduate developed a drug addiction. Started with X and went to crack. In our college town she got in with the townies that sell drugs and guess who lived next door? She drug out the breakup for a year. Luckily she was unable to pay rent so was evicted 3 months after the break up. Though it was a long three months with a few stand offs with drugies and drug dealers I survived. I almost murdered a few of them when they loosened the lug nuts on my car the weekend my son was visiting me.

She did contact me a few years ago I thought she was contacting me to make amends as part of her getting clean process. No she just had heard I was doing well and was seeing if she could get me to be the one paying for addictions.

I can tell you this as long as you cut them off and move along it does get better. I know you don't believe it because I have been there.

Also if you need someone to talk to feel free to send me a TG.

Thanks for the advice greed and death. You are right