Dating is at a Record Low: Another Dating Thread

[Costa Fierro]

I really pity you parents.

They're a perfect example of my point.

[Kannap]

Do you think this is healthy?

nein. dating and losing virginity young just seems absolutely stupid to me.

I, too, would rather wait until marriage and then have two of us in bed on our wedding night, both age 32 and never had sex before so we dunno what we're doing and we get divorced a year later after just lousy sex for a year and then we can't find anybody to date because everybody else has been porking since they were teens so they know what they're doing and don't want somebody without experience.

[Great Minarchistan]

nein. dating and losing virginity young just seems absolutely stupid to me.

I, too, would rather wait until marriage and then have two of us in bed on our wedding night, both age 32 and never had sex before so we dunno what we're doing and we get divorced a year later after just lousy sex for a year and then we can't find anybody to date because everybody else has been porking since they were teens so they know what they're doing and don't want somebody without experience.

yes because not having sex as a teenager necessarily ends up within your hyperbolic scenario

[Kannap]

I, too, would rather wait until marriage and then have two of us in bed on our wedding night, both age 32 and never had sex before so we dunno what we're doing and we get divorced a year later after just lousy sex for a year and then we can't find anybody to date because everybody else has been porking since they were teens so they know what they're doing and don't want somebody without experience.

yes because not having sex as a teenager necessarily ends up within your hyperbolic scenario

Sometimes it does, sometimes it doesn't. The pushing of purity culture is a dangerous thing though.

Look, as long as both people are the appropriate ages to be with each other and they both consent, who cares if they have sex?

[Ghost Land]

For the record, I would totally not allow my child to date at the age of 14. Coitus would especially be 100% off the table. People at that age are in general too hormone- and drama-addled as it stands, and when you add schoolwork and the middle-high school transition at that age on top of everything, that just sounds like a mess one shouldn't add a girlfriend, let alone a sexual relationship, to. I considered myself "too young to date" the entire time I was having multiple crushes at a time in high school; while I'm all for healthy expressions of normal adolescent sexuality (which naturally include infatuation and lust), I see dating as the predominant American form of courtship, and if you're not ready to find the person to settle down with, you're not ready to date IMO. I'm also a believer in no coitus until marriage.

And how do you intend to enforce that?

"Enforce" can have multiple meanings. "Enforce via legal means"? Not necessary; that's not something the government has the right to make laws about. "Enforce as the parent"? Maybe it would be different if I'd had a substantial social life, but I was raised to be respectful and obedient and not put up too much of a fuss when authority figures told me to do or not to do something, so sneaking out to see a boyfriend/girlfriend wasn't an option. I bring up sneaking out in particular because at the tender age of 14, I basically went where my parents took me. I had some input in where we went, but I wasn't sneaking out, nor was I bossing my parents around demanding they take me to girls' houses. (I'm relatively young and I'd say I grew up pretty sheltered in a few ways, and kids do seem to be getting out less and less with each passing generation, largely due to technology.)

Or are you referring to enforcing the "no coitus until marriage" part? In that respect, again, not necessary; that's not something the government has the right to make laws about.

It's not all about finding a person to spend the rest of your life with. In fact, I think it would be much healthier for teenagers to realize the person they're interested in almost certainly won't be there for the rest of their life or even the rest of the year, so that it doesn't feel like the end of the world when the relationship ends, and so relationships don't become so codependent that kids forget to live their life outside of the relationship.

I'm married now, I found the person I want to stay with the rest of my life, but I definitely don't regret the time with any of my past partners, FWBs, and hook ups. It wasn't a waste of time because it wasn't about finding a life partner. We all seek to make connections, we seek self-discovery, we seek knowledge and emotions are information. There are reasons beside true love to pursue these connections.

Most people have fond memories of their first kiss even if they don't remember that person's last name (mine was something Latino that started with an A). We didn't love each other. We weren't even "going out." But it was a rite of passage fulfilled, and it gave me confidence desperately needed at age 15. Those moments count for a lot

I had my share of heartbreaks in middle and high school even without dating. In 10th-11th grade I had a huge crush on a girl in the grade behind me (she may have been asexual at the time, though I found the fact that she had never dated anyone else cool, as she was one of the only other people I knew who hadn't dated by this point), and she knew about my feelings and played along for a while. It was great, and as she was a genuinely nice person, she became one of my better friends too. The crush started on my birthday in 10th grade, though I had first known her in preschool and our reconnection was rather recent. Eventually one day after almost a year, I had been getting some weird vibes from her, so I asked her if she felt the same way about me that I did about her; she said she didn't and that I should stop having those feelings about her. She still remained one of my closest friends after that for a while, but I was crushed, and things were never the same after the following year when she started dating some other sleazy guy in her own grade.

That's just one of many stories I could dredge up from my bank of memories and journal archives. There were plenty of times I thought a girl was into me and we would flirt great together, only for me to see her then engage in PDA with a different guy, who, upon investigation, had been her boyfriend since around the time she and I started or even before. I would also like to nominate the time right at the end of seventh grade when I proposed semi-seriously (well, as serious as an infatuated 12-year-old could be) to my then-current crush, who was in the grade ahead of me, in the school hallway. She said yes at the time, but ultimately poor communication and geography ended that one (the following year, she was at the high school and I was still at the middle school, meaning we never saw each other, and without knowing what exactly the situation of our relationship was, I think we both kind of "cheated"). The good thing is, she ended up becoming a good friend of mine, and coincidentally, my best friend through most of high school was her cousin in my grade, whom I also had a crush on at various points.

My first kiss, though, was in kindergarten. I thought "love" could just mean liking someone a lot, as the only love I'd known was directed toward family and food, and I knew a kiss was a sign of love, so I kissed her on the cheek while we sat next to each other over by where glue and crayons were stored one morning. It meant nothing; I was literally six. For the record, I do remember her first and last name as well as her birthday, though that's just because I remember that kind of stuff about people. (This was the same year I dead serious proposed to my teacher, who was 26 at the time. She is now happily married - to a man her own age - and has been since I was in high school.) In third grade, I kissed my MALE best friend (I'm straight as an arrow) for a similar reason. That's why I like to joke I was like Jimi Hendrix in third grade

TL;DR I became very well acquainted with relationships and heartbreak even without dating, thank you very much.

Edit: just re-read this post again after a year, realised part of it didn't make sense so I moved some stuff around.

[Great Minarchistan]

Sometimes it does, sometimes it doesn't.

Considering that 90% of people have already had sex by age 22, picturing it as 'sometimes' is still reeeally far off

[Kannap]

Sometimes it does, sometimes it doesn't.

Considering that 90% of people have already had sex by age 22, picturing it as 'sometimes' is still reeeally far off

Maybe living in the south and personally knowing a lot of people who have been hurt by the myths and lies of purity culture has influenced my viewpoint.

[Great Minarchistan]

Considering that 90% of people have already had sex by age 22, picturing it as 'sometimes' is still reeeally far off

Maybe living in the south and personally knowing a lot of people who have been hurt by the myths and lies of purity culture has influenced my viewpoint.

Possibly, although you can still know a lot of people who haven't had sex ever in their life even though they compose 5-10% of the population, it's very uncommon but not rare to find them

[Kannap]

Maybe living in the south and personally knowing a lot of people who have been hurt by the myths and lies of purity culture has influenced my viewpoint.

Possibly, although you can still know a lot of people who haven't had sex ever in their life even though they compose 5-10% of the population, it's very uncommon but not rare to find them

I'm aware, I'm one of them. I have a number of friends who are as well. Most of us wouldn't have minded having sex by now but our lives were filled with events that unfortunately left us without that experience thus far.

[Ethel mermania]

And how do you intend to enforce that?

"Enforce" can have multiple meanings. "Enforce via legal means"? Not necessary; that's not something the government has the right to make laws about. "Enforce as the parent"? Maybe it would be different if I'd had a substantial social life, but I was raised to be respectful and obedient and not put up too much of a fuss when authority figures told me to do or not to do something, so sneaking out to see a boyfriend/girlfriend wasn't an option. I bring up sneaking out in particular because at the tender age of 14, I basically went where my parents took me. I had some input in where we went, but I wasn't sneaking out, nor was I bossing my parents around demanding they take me to girls' houses. (I'm relatively young and I'd say I grew up pretty sheltered in a few ways, and kids do seem to be getting out less and less with each passing generation, largely due to technology.)

Or are you referring to enforcing the "no coitus until marriage" part? In that respect, again, not necessary; that's not something the government has the right to make laws about.

It's not all about finding a person to spend the rest of your life with. In fact, I think it would be much healthier for teenagers to realize the person they're interested in almost certainly won't be there for the rest of their life or even the rest of the year, so that it doesn't feel like the end of the world when the relationship ends, and so relationships don't become so codependent that kids forget to live their life outside of the relationship.

I'm married now, I found the person I want to stay with the rest of my life, but I definitely don't regret the time with any of my past partners, FWBs, and hook ups. It wasn't a waste of time because it wasn't about finding a life partner. We all seek to make connections, we seek self-discovery, we seek knowledge and emotions are information. There are reasons beside true love to pursue these connections.

Most people have fond memories of their first kiss even if they don't remember that person's last name (mine was something Latino that started with an A). We didn't love each other. We weren't even "going out." But it was a rite of passage fulfilled, and it gave me confidence desperately needed at age 15. Those moments count for a lot

I had my share of heartbreaks in middle and high school even without dating. In 10th-11th grade I had a huge crush on a girl in the grade behind me (she may have been asexual, though I found the fact that she had never dated anyone else cool, as she was one of the only other people I knew who hadn't dated by this point), and she knew about my feelings and played along for a while. It was great, and as she was a genuinely nice person, she became one of my better friends too. The crush started on my birthday in 10th grade, though I had first known her in preschool and our reconnection was rather recent. Eventually one day after almost a year, I had been getting some weird vibes from her, so I asked her if she felt the same way about me that I did about her; she said she didn't and that I should stop having those feelings about her. She still remained one of my closest friends after that, but I was crushed.

That's just one of many stories I could dredge up from my bank of memories and journal archives. There were plenty of times I thought a girl was into me and we would flirt great together, only for me to see her then engage in PDA with a different guy, who, upon investigation, had been her boyfriend since around the time she and I started or even before. I would also like to nominate the time right at the end of seventh grade when I proposed semi-seriously (well, as serious as an infatuated 12-year-old could be) to my then-current crush, who was in the grade ahead of me, in the school hallway. She said yes at the time, but ultimately poor communication and geography ended that one (the following year, she was at the high school and I was still at the middle school, meaning we never saw each other, and without knowing what exactly the situation of our relationship was, I think we both kind of "cheated"). The good thing is, she ended up becoming a good friend of mine, and coincidentally, my best friend through most of high school was her very gorgeous cousin in my grade, whom I also had a crush on at various points.

My first kiss, though, was in kindergarten. I thought "love" could just mean liking someone a lot, as the only love I'd known was directed toward family and food, and I knew a kiss was a sign of love, so I kissed her on the cheek while we sat next to each other over by where clue and crayons were stored one morning. It meant nothing; I was literally six. For the record, I do remember her first and last name as well as her birthday, though that's just because I remember that kind of stuff about people. (This was the same year I dead serious proposed to my teacher, who was 26 at the time. She is now happily married - to a man her own age - and has been since I was in high school.) In third grade, I kissed my MALE best friend (I'm straight as an arrow) for a similar reason. That's why I like to joke I was like Jimi Hendrix in third grade

TL;DR I became very well acquainted with relationships and heartbreak even without dating, thank you very much.

I meant as a parent.

I grew up in a city so a car and or parent was not necessary for kids to get around and hang out without some sort of parental supervison. Although I drank and did drugs i was a fairly good kid in HS, and had sex the first time in HS, my first true love. (Happy sigh).

I also remember my first "gf" if you could even call it that, first and second grade, we use to sit together in class and sometimes hold hands, a kiss was on the cheek, I think everyone calling us so cute is what drove us apart, or me leaning girls had cooties. one or the other.

[Ghost Land]

-snip-

I meant as a parent.

I grew up in a city so a car and or parent was not necessary for kids to get around and hang out without some sort of parental supervison. Although I drank and did drugs i was a fairly good kid in HS, and had sex the first time in HS, my first true love. (Happy sigh).

I also remember my first "gf" if you could even call it that, first and second grade, we use to sit together in class and sometimes hold hands, a kiss was on the cheek, I think everyone calling us so cute is what drove us apart, or me leaning girls had cooties. one or the other.

I'm not sure where you live, but around here this is self-contradictory, considering alcohol isn't legal until 21, tobacco isn't legal until 18 and hard drugs are banned, period, and the age of consent is 18. I'd say you were wilder than you give yourself credit for.

[Ethel mermania]

I meant as a parent.

I grew up in a city so a car and or parent was not necessary for kids to get around and hang out without some sort of parental supervison. Although I drank and did drugs i was a fairly good kid in HS, and had sex the first time in HS, my first true love. (Happy sigh).

I also remember my first "gf" if you could even call it that, first and second grade, we use to sit together in class and sometimes hold hands, a kiss was on the cheek, I think everyone calling us so cute is what drove us apart, or me leaning girls had cooties. one or the other.

I'm not sure where you live, but around here this is self-contradictory, considering alcohol isn't legal until 21, tobacco isn't legal until 18 and hard drugs are banned, period, and the age of consent is 18. I'd say you were wilder than you give yourself credit for.

Thanks. I got A's in HS, and always took multiple guess tests very well.

[Page]

I meant as a parent.

I grew up in a city so a car and or parent was not necessary for kids to get around and hang out without some sort of parental supervison. Although I drank and did drugs i was a fairly good kid in HS, and had sex the first time in HS, my first true love. (Happy sigh).

I also remember my first "gf" if you could even call it that, first and second grade, we use to sit together in class and sometimes hold hands, a kiss was on the cheek, I think everyone calling us so cute is what drove us apart, or me leaning girls had cooties. one or the other.

I'm not sure where you live, but around here this is self-contradictory, considering alcohol isn't legal until 21, tobacco isn't legal until 18 and hard drugs are banned, period, and the age of consent is 18. I'd say you were wilder than you give yourself credit for.

I think one's "wild" level is somewhat dependent on the frequency of illicit acts as well as the severity. Someone who only has 2 or 3 "got shitfaced at a party during high school" incidents can still be a "good kid."

I myself was wild. Not of the drug dealing, joyriding kind but wild for a teen from a middle class neighborhood. I guess I'd call myself "medium wild" since I did a lot of things I could have gotten arrested for but didn't do things I would have gotten a juvie sentence for. I was probation and community service wild, though I was never arrested, which I honestly attribute more to luck than my own merits because I was a dumbshit teenager.

[Major-Tom]

At my university, dating culture is varied yet consistent. Dating apps are common, and if you end up on a first date as a result of one of those apps, one of the first questions will almost inevitably be "so are we just hooking up, are we looking to date in the future, or just test the waters for now?"

It's fairly easy to date in college, though a fair number of people are less interested in anything overly committal, generally for a variety of reasons, most of which I completely understand. I've been on both sides in college, between committed, long-term relationships and series of random hookups that don't accomplish much. And I believe most of my peers have a similar experience.

[Scomagia]

yes because not having sex as a teenager necessarily ends up within your hyperbolic scenario

Sometimes it does, sometimes it doesn't. The pushing of purity culture is a dangerous thing though.

Look, as long as both people are the appropriate ages to be with each other and they both consent, who cares if they have sex?

People who recognize the high potential for shitty decision making, for one.

[Saiwania]

I'm aware, I'm one of them. I have a number of friends who are as well. Most of us wouldn't have minded having sex by now but our lives were filled with events that unfortunately left us without that experience thus far.

The root cause of that is usually if a specific individual has more difficulty establishing and handling themselves in social situations. Their natural inclination is to be forever alone or heavily introverted, to bask in solitary activities. Too much so perhaps, for their own good.

One stereotypical example is Tomoko Kuroki from WataMote. Yeah, it's not necessarily true that loners are Incel to enough of an extent to be very thirsty behavorially speaking, but at minimum they probably do have much more difficulty making friends or meeting new people and going outside their comfort zone. If a person is harder to approach, doesn't have charisma and so on, sex is almost certain to never happen for them- unless they go to a prostitute.

I am the sort to have always done things on my own, something about my mind just doesn't allow for me to trust or open up to other people, much less to "play well with others" in a team context. It can be a bit of a heavy burden to carry, but one gets used to such circumstances if that is how they are.

[Thepeopl]

I'm aware, I'm one of them. I have a number of friends who are as well. Most of us wouldn't have minded having sex by now but our lives were filled with events that unfortunately left us without that experience thus far.

The root cause of that is usually if a specific individual has more difficulty establishing and handling themselves in social situations. Their natural inclination is to be forever alone or heavily introverted, to bask in solitary activities. Too much so perhaps, for their own good.

One stereotypical example is Tomoko Kuroki from WataMote. Yeah, it's not necessarily true that loners are Incel to enough of an extent to be very thirsty behavorially speaking, but at minimum they probably do have much more difficulty making friends or meeting new people and going outside their comfort zone. If a person is harder to approach, doesn't have charisma and so on, sex is almost certain to never happen for them- unless they go to a prostitute.

I am the sort to have always done things on my own.

Wouldn't have minded to have had sex by now? Really?

If you want a partner, you have to be committed. If you just want sex, you have to be comfortable in your own skin, the situation at hand and in the presence of the intended person.

Also you need to communicate clearly what your intentions are.

I can state a number of reasons not to have sex, its messy, sweaty and really in your face( personal comfort zone) it can mess up a friendship, the comeface isn't really pretty. The scratch marks in your back can really hurt.

But the advantages of having sex/ a lasting relationship are physical contact with a person skin to skin contact lowers your stress levels and blood pressure. You can release your pent up emotions in sex.
It can be a sensual exploration of both bodies and desires.

So, if you see someone you like, tell them. Just say: I like you, I would like to get to know you better. Would you like to hang out?
Pay attention to what they say, wear, like etc. Be open about your shyness/ tendency to close yourself of/ your virginity. Tell them you find them alluring enough to go against your natural behaviour. ( not in these words, obviously) tell them you need open communication too, since you are not telepathic nor well versed in reading body language. Just open up.

[Saiwania]

So, if you see someone you like, tell them. Just say: I like you, I would like to get to know you better. Would you like to hang out?
Pay attention to what they say, wear, like etc. Be open about your shyness/ tendency to close yourself of/ your virginity. Tell them you find them alluring enough to go against your natural behaviour. ( not in these words, obviously) tell them you need open communication too, since you are not telepathic nor well versed in reading body language. Just open up.

That's my point, it's effectively impossible for some people to "open up" if their personality doesn't allow for this or makes doing so very difficult. It is like expecting such a person to purposefully behave differently and not be themselves- which while they're comfortable leading a lonely life- isn't all that good for them and their future prospects. I don't have a sex life and won't generally speaking, instead what I do have is masturbation for any stress relief.

I'm too old at this point at 30 years of age and having wasted my life. Admitting to being a virgin would only be a bad move for me. If someone wants to know, they can figure this out for themselves or come to that conclusion. I'm never going to take a risk I don't have to, which I admit- has its downsides.

[Kernen]

What on earth is unhealthy about that?

STDs, pregnancies/ abortions (either by map or surgical means), low self esteem, sex addiction. Just to name some possible unhealthy consequences.

My son is 14 at the moment, he has his first gf, and we have talked about safe sex, how no means no and both parties are allowed to say no, how open communication is key to a good relationship.
Would I mind him having sex? No. Would I advise/ enable it? Hell no

STDs can be mitigated with safe sex. So can pregnancies. No idea what is bad about abortions.

Getting laid as a teenager isn't going to cause sexual addiction, and not getting laid is more likely to cause low self esteem than getting laid.

If I had a 14 year old kid, I'd encourage them to have sex when they're comfortable with it.

[Thepeopl]

So, if you see someone you like, tell them. Just say: I like you, I would like to get to know you better. Would you like to hang out?
Pay attention to what they say, wear, like etc. Be open about your shyness/ tendency to close yourself of/ your virginity. Tell them you find them alluring enough to go against your natural behaviour. ( not in these words, obviously) tell them you need open communication too, since you are not telepathic nor well versed in reading body language. Just open up.

That's my point, it's effectively impossible for some people to "open up" if their personality doesn't allow for this or makes doing so very difficult. It is like expecting such a person to purposefully behave differently and not be themselves- which while they're comfortable leading a lonely life- isn't all that good for them and their future prospects. I don't have a sex life and won't generally speaking, instead what I do have is masturbation for any stress relief.

I'm too old at this point at 30 years of age and having wasted my life. Admitting to being a virgin would only be a bad move for me. If someone wants to know, they can figure this out for themselves or come to that conclusion. I'm never going to take a risk I don't have to, which I admit- has its downsides.

It is never a bad move to tell the truth about yourself. 30 isn't too old. A friend of mine was 40 before he lost his virginity. He finally had the nerve to confess he liked her and would like a relationship.
If you aren't able to tell it face to face, write a letter. Make a film, paint it . Just make sure the other knows

[Saiwania]

It is never a bad move to tell the truth about yourself.

There are all sorts of situations where its a disadvantage to be too truthful. A resume for example, you only want to include what is relevant and the best possible facts/narrative about you, without it being completely made up or subjective instead of objective. Similarly, I'm not going to reveal what will turn off or displease other people if I can help it.

I don't tell people my intentions but because I have no expectations, this isn't a big deal like it might normally be. I'm open ended to different outcomes such that, if something doesn't happen in my favor- I don't feel too hurt by it. Instead of being purposeful from the start with actions, I'm more like a Taoist which is more the "go with the flow" Chinese philosophy. I go where the wind takes me.

[Thepeopl]

STDs can be mitigated with safe sex. So can pregnancies. No idea what is bad about abortions.

Getting laid as a teenager isn't going to cause sexual addiction, and not getting laid is more likely to cause low self esteem than getting laid.

If I had a 14 year old kid, I'd encourage them to have sex when they're comfortable with it.

The Epstein Barr virus is sexually transmitted. No safe sex (condom, pill, diaphragm) will protect you there.
Syphilis and gonorrhea are also known to be transmitted whilst wearing a condom.

Pregnancy can concur with just touching your penis and afterwards touching the vagina, branded it is rare but it happens.

Abortion can cause guilt, and in the case of a medical procedure the girl can feel invaded, cause PTSD. True this is more a factor for the girl than the boy. But if you like someone, you wouldn't want to be responsible for causing them PTSD, right?

Just as with all addictions, the exposure to the drug and its effects can cause addiction.

Low self esteem for having had sex is more common in girls than in boys, true. But it isn't uncommon. Especially when you haven't performed/ enjoyed it as you thought you would.

Let's be honest here. Having sex is great, but not that earth shattering as media/ books are making you believe.
Achieving orgasm together won't make you "whole" or soulmates.

At 14 you are still discovering yourself, your Body hasn't yet fully changed. Most teens aren't comfortable in their own body. If you are not comfortable with yourself, don't really know what you like sexually, how can you have satisfactory sex then?
So I do encourage him to talk about everything with his girl ( she is bi sexual btw), have told him to respect himself and her. And told him where he can find the condoms when the one in his wallet is used.

[Thepeopl]

It is never a bad move to tell the truth about yourself.

There are all sorts of situations where its a disadvantage to be too truthful. A resume for example, you only want to include what is relevant and the best possible facts/narrative about you, without it being completely made up or subjective instead of objective. Similarly, I'm not going to reveal what will turn off or displease other people if I can help it.

I don't tell people my intentions but because I have no expectations, this isn't a big deal like it might normally be. I'm open ended to different outcomes such that, if something doesn't happen in my favor- I don't feel too hurt by it. Instead of being purposeful from the start with actions, I'm more like a Taoist which is more the "go with the flow" Chinese philosophy. I go where the wind takes me.

If you want sex, virginity is relevant. It explains why you are not whooing them as they are used to or it can relieve them because they too are very inexperienced.

Go with the flow isn't the same as shutting yourself off.
Go try it. Go tell a potential sex partner that you like what you see and would like to get to know them better. Than go with the flow.
But expecting to be swept off your feet by your potential sex partner is quite unrealistic.
Most people want to know first that the other is also interested in them. And if a girl says no, you can always ask them to help you attract a girl. Most girls love to help

[Caliphate of Harlem]

Social media, TV, movies, they all give people unrealistically high expectations and all they find as the world as it is, awkward and filled with dull and mundane moments and when that happens they get the creeps, the vibes aren’t good, something feels wrong and they bail, move on to the next sucker or just stop dating altogether. Another reason is that in the old days to make whoopie with a girl you had to date, to pass first base and get to the gold at the end of the rainbow. With dating app, hook up with a broad and never see her again. So what’s the point in dating when you can skip the starter and head right to the main course?

[Saiwania]

If you want sex, virginity is relevant. It explains why you are not whooing them as they are used to or it can relieve them because they too are very inexperienced.

Go with the flow isn't the same as shutting yourself off.
Go try it. Go tell a potential sex partner that you like what you see and would like to get to know them better. Than go with the flow.
But expecting to be swept off your feet by your potential sex partner is quite unrealistic.
Most people want to know first that the other is also interested in them. And if a girl says no, you can always ask them to help you attract a girl. Most girls love to help

There are few to no potential sex partners in my life. There are pen pals and people I can associate with however. Like I said, I have no expectations so I feel I'm being realistic enough, even though my methods or approach might not be ideal for getting what I want. If something happens it happens, if it doesn't it don't.

Virginity is not relevant in my view if you don't make it relevant. Either you've had sex before or you haven't. It isn't as if this matters very much if someone for example, had sex the one time many years ago- but effectively isn't skilled in bed like would be the case with a virgin, but is technically still not a virgin.

Maybe you could wind up disappointing someone with your lack of experience, but that is their fault for not avoiding that if they failed to figure this out beforehand, if they want someone experienced. People are able to figure these things out to a large extent.