Dating is at a Record Low: Another Dating Thread

[New haven america]

I’m 39, and healthy. If I wanted to have kids, I have time and my odds are still good. I don’t have kids because I don’t want to. There’s a difference. And whether I decide to or not is no one’s business but mine and my husband’s.

You're almost out of time, just saying. Tons of women think they have all the time in the world to get that done but it isn't true. My guess is that it won't be happening unless I'm proven wrong. If you don't want it by this point, I don't see 5 more years being different. I know that effectively speaking, its too late for me. Its okay to quit something if you know its hopeless.

I found solace in my family line continuing through my twin sister but not through me.

I believe you missed the parts where she said she doesn't want kids and that this decision is none of your business, or any of ours, for that matter.

[Socialist Heronia]

Is my definition too loose, or am I confused and there's something I don't know about going on here?

There’s something you don’t know. 1) Saiwania is a white supremacist and, 2) he thinks vitiligo is caused by masturbating too much hence why I dismiss anything he has to say on this and pretty much any subject. 3) I’m not flaming when I stated he doesn’t know better than a doctor. He doesn’t. Simple truth. He’s not an OBGYN.

Well ofc he's not a doctor, but even assholes and alt-right white supremacists don't totally deserve to be flamed on contact. (look at my nation's flag. i'm coming from the opposite direction politically here).
Okay, my opinion has been stated. I'll shut up and leave it here.

[Nanatsu no Tsuki]

There’s something you don’t know. 1) Saiwania is a white supremacist and, 2) he thinks vitiligo is caused by masturbating too much hence why I dismiss anything he has to say on this and pretty much any subject. 3) I’m not flaming when I stated he doesn’t know better than a doctor. He doesn’t. Simple truth. He’s not an OBGYN.

Well ofc he's not a doctor, but even assholes and alt-right white supremacists don't totally deserve to be flamed on contact. (look at my nation's flag. i'm coming from the opposite direction politically here).
Okay, my opinion has been stated. I'll shut up and leave it here.

And you would have a point, if I were flaming him. I’m not so you don’t. *shrug*

[Novus America]

There are alternatives out there. Tinder is good for a specific purpose but the competition can be fierce for guys, but it is not ideal for dating.

Yeah, Tinder is good for a specific purpose, the specific purpose of making its owners money.

True, very true.

[Nanatsu no Tsuki]

Yeah, Tinder is good for a specific purpose, the specific purpose of making its owners money.

True, very true.

Well, those apps and dating sites are businesses. They will seek to profit. I wonder how “real” are the “success” stories they post.

[Luminesa]

I’m 39, and healthy. If I wanted to have kids, I have time and my odds are still good. I don’t have kids because I don’t want to. There’s a difference. And whether I decide to or not is no one’s business but mine and my husband’s.

You're almost out of time, just saying. Tons of women think they have all the time in the world to get that done but it isn't true. My guess is that it won't be happening unless I'm proven wrong. If you don't want it by this point, I don't see 5 more years being different. I know that effectively speaking, its too late for me. Its okay to quit something if you know its hopeless.

I found solace in my family line continuing through my twin sister but not through me.

I popped-out my mom’s belly when she was 37, my dad was 42. Heck, I popped-out with two other troublemaking babies. She’s fine, and Nana will be fine. Worry about actually getting yourself a girlfriend first, instead of worrying about the lady who’s actually married and in a pretty happy relationship with her husband.

[Socialist Heronia]

You're almost out of time, just saying. Tons of women think they have all the time in the world to get that done but it isn't true. My guess is that it won't be happening unless I'm proven wrong. If you don't want it by this point, I don't see 5 more years being different. I know that effectively speaking, its too late for me. Its okay to quit something if you know its hopeless.

I found solace in my family line continuing through my twin sister but not through me.

I popped-out my mom’s belly when she was 37, my dad was 42. Heck, I popped-out with two other troublemaking babies. She’s fine, and Nana will be fine. Worry about actually getting yourself a girlfriend first, instead of worrying about the lady who’s actually married and in a pretty happy relationship with her husband.

hahaha... i was born when my mom was 41, so it's really dependent on personal biology.

[Nanatsu no Tsuki]

You're almost out of time, just saying. Tons of women think they have all the time in the world to get that done but it isn't true. My guess is that it won't be happening unless I'm proven wrong. If you don't want it by this point, I don't see 5 more years being different. I know that effectively speaking, its too late for me. Its okay to quit something if you know its hopeless.

I found solace in my family line continuing through my twin sister but not through me.

I popped-out my mom’s belly when she was 37, my dad was 42. Heck, I popped-out with two other troublemaking babies. She’s fine, and Nana will be fine. Worry about actually getting yourself a girlfriend first, instead of worrying about the lady who’s actually married and in a pretty happy relationship with her husband.

Wait, are you a triplet?

[Novus America]

True, very true.

Well, those apps and dating sites are businesses. They will seek to profit. I wonder how “real” are the “success” stories they post.

Well this is why you have to go to outside sources like Consumer Reports.
Outside sources should be used to corroborate claims of course.

[Nanatsu no Tsuki]

Well, those apps and dating sites are businesses. They will seek to profit. I wonder how “real” are the “success” stories they post.

Well this is why you have to go to outside sources like Consumer Reports.
Outside sources should be used to corroborate claims of course.

True. I never used one but I’ve always been very skeptical about the success accounts.

[Luminesa]

A. You're probably much, much prettier than you think you are.
B. Let me tell you a story from high-school. I had a classmate who was what society would say (and who I would say) was gorgeous. Classic features, tall, skinnier than me (and most people can probably pick me up and throw me), all that. We were in Health class waiting in line to take turns with CPR training. She was wearing makeup. She looked good, but she looked good without it. She told her friend, "I'm wearing makeup on the one day my boyfriend's not here." I wanted so badly to tell her, "Your boyfriend should like you even without makeup." I never did (we weren't exactly close friends, or really friends at all), but I'm telling you that anyone you get with should be able to look at you without makeup and to say that you look good. And if they don't like that, then you need to hop. If you're not into those things, then he should understand and love how you look anyway.
C. If you've been hurt by a guy in the past, please talk to someone. Someone who will listen and who will give you the best advice for how to heal. I can't say I would be the best at that, but my TG box is open if you wanna talk.

Please don't beat yourself up, especially not after some jerk guy beat you up and made you feel bad. You are better than you think you are.

Thank you so much.

I've only worn makeup a couple of times in my life (special occasions, and one instance at a sleepover where my friends and I decided to do makeovers on each other; funny story about that one, but that's for another time and another thread). I don't wear it though because I don't want to fool with it, and because I've heard it can cause skin problems.

I've talked to my parents about the guy that hurt me (in case you're wondering, no, I was not hurt physically; just emotionally). I've not seen or spoken to him since high school (2016). But I still feel a little uneasy thinking about dating.

I just need to finish up college first, then maybe I'll start dating.

That’s not a bad plan. I didn’t date in high school, or really too much in college at all. Education for me always came first, so I totally understand that. Also, I don’t wear makeup much either, mostly because I don’t have much of my hypoallergenic makeup currently and also any makeup causes me to have acne.

[Luminesa]

I popped-out my mom’s belly when she was 37, my dad was 42. Heck, I popped-out with two other troublemaking babies. She’s fine, and Nana will be fine. Worry about actually getting yourself a girlfriend first, instead of worrying about the lady who’s actually married and in a pretty happy relationship with her husband.

Wait, are you a triplet?

Yes I am, the second baby out of three. Needless to say neither of my parents were expecting it, because triplets don’t run in the family. But I’d say they’re fine with having us around.

[Nanatsu no Tsuki]

Wait, are you a triplet?

Yes I am, the second baby out of three. Needless to say neither of my parents were expecting it, because triplets don’t run in the family. But I’d say they’re fine with having us around.

Girl, I didn’t know. I knew you had mentioned having siblings before but I had no idea you were all a trio. Iirc, triplets are also rather rare. :]

[The Supreme Magnificent High Swaglord]

Wait, are you a triplet?

Yes I am, the second baby out of three. Needless to say neither of my parents were expecting it, because triplets don’t run in the family. But I’d say they’re fine with having us around.

Wait, they weren't expecting it? I thought that ultrasound imaging would've cleared things up before birth. Am I misinterpreting you?

[Novus America]

Well this is why you have to go to outside sources like Consumer Reports.
Outside sources should be used to corroborate claims of course.

True. I never used one but I’ve always been very skeptical about the success accounts.

The total success rate across all sites is some 44% (based on outside customer surveys via Consumer Reports). The definitely can work, but are making money so definitely should be researched and viewed with some skepticism.

[Luminesa]

Yes I am, the second baby out of three. Needless to say neither of my parents were expecting it, because triplets don’t run in the family. But I’d say they’re fine with having us around.

Wait, they weren't expecting it? I thought that ultrasound imaging would've cleared things up before birth. Am I misinterpreting you?

Oh they saw on the ultrasound. But they didn’t think they’d naturally have triplets, and not when my mom was 37. Surprise surprise!

[The Supreme Magnificent High Swaglord]

Wait, they weren't expecting it? I thought that ultrasound imaging would've cleared things up before birth. Am I misinterpreting you?

Oh they saw on the ultrasound. But they didn’t think they’d naturally have triplets, and not when my mom was 37. Surprise surprise!

Ah. That makes sense. I was under the impression that (somehow) your parents weren't aware of the whole "triplets" thing until the birth of you and your siblings.

[First American Empire]

Child support should just be paid for by taxes on the whole population, not by individual parents. The current child support laws put too much financial burden on those who pay it, and often don't actually give money to those who need it because of people evading payment. The current laws screw over all parties involved in the name of "individual responsibility".

Screw that, I am not responsible for your bloodly little mutants. You commit the crime you do the time

We already have taxes for children's education. I don't see how this is any different. And relying on individual parents for child support is failing our children. Child support laws should be in the best interest of the children. A mother not getting any child support at all because of one deadbeat dad is not in the best interest of the children. Taxpayers are a much more stable source of income for child support.

[Vivolkha]

Simply put, I've never dated any girl because no one has ever shown interest, and I honestly don't know why would they. Not that I'm emotionally capable of maintaining a functioning relationship anyway.

Well it is unlikely you will be asked out if you do not try asking. Also despite hook up apps being a disaster, real dating sites actually can work wonders. The two are very different, and produce different results.

For the record, I have tried asking out in the past, and it never ended well. Many around me think I've just been unlucky. I just... don't really care.

[Ghost Land]

This study does go against my own anecdotal observations; I'm quite young myself (at least I'd like to think so, although my opinions about music and technology are probably way more out of date than even I realise) and when I was in middle and high school, dating was rampant, and so was coitus after a certain point. I believe we had five girls get pregnant or give birth in my grade (total size 220) just between ninth and eleventh grades, and another guy who was a dad by eighth grade; his 'baby mommy' was 17 and didn't go to our school.

Personally, I've always thought dating culture was a stupid, artificial set of over-complicated rules. Regimenting everything kills the spontaneity of a relationship, and it's hard to force two people to have romantic or sexual feelings for each other; those arise naturally, often within other relationships. (At the same time, I'm not advocating for 'hook-up culture' either; that goes against my personal values, but to each his own.)

I was one of probably less than 10% of the kids in my grade who didn't date in middle or high school; I have no regrets in that respect, but I was totally girl-crazy, flirted too much, and got sad and lonely when I was, by my own definition, single (no main crush*).

*Girl I was crazy about and who seemed to like me back.

Yeah it seemed like a shit ton of people in my school were having sex but then again most of them were that main in crowd group. I don't think anyone else was actually doing it that much

At my school, the "popular", "in crowd" was probably the group that had sex the least, actually; one of them in the grade behind me was insanely attractive but I'm pretty sure she was asexual. (Her older brother, in my grade, was almost the complete opposite. The girl and I, however, had quite a bit of fun together; when I had a big crush on her, she kind of played into it, and she was a genuinely nice person too.)

[Rojava Free State]

Yeah it seemed like a shit ton of people in my school were having sex but then again most of them were that main in crowd group. I don't think anyone else was actually doing it that much

At my school, the "popular", "in crowd" was probably the group that had sex the least, actually; one of them in the grade behind me was insanely attractive but I'm pretty sure she was asexual. (Her older brother, in my grade, was almost the complete opposite. The girl and I, however, had quite a bit of fun together; when I had a big crush on her, she kind of played into it, and she was a genuinely nice person too.)

Did you go to a public school ?

[Ghost Land]

At my school, the "popular", "in crowd" was probably the group that had sex the least, actually; one of them in the grade behind me was insanely attractive but I'm pretty sure she was asexual. (Her older brother, in my grade, was almost the complete opposite. The girl and I, however, had quite a bit of fun together; when I had a big crush on her, she kind of played into it, and she was a genuinely nice person too.)

Did you go to a public school ?

Yes. I don't think my parents were anywhere near rich enough to send me to a private school (not sure how it is elsewhere, but in Wisconsin private school tuition was usually in the four-digit range per year).

[Rojava Free State]

Did you go to a public school ?

Yes. I don't think my parents were anywhere near rich enough to send me to a private school (not sure how it is elsewhere, but in Wisconsin private school tuition was usually in the four-digit range per year).

Well you must have been at a good school

When it comes to my high school experience, I was in the mouth of madness

[Ghost Land]

Yes. I don't think my parents were anywhere near rich enough to send me to a private school (not sure how it is elsewhere, but in Wisconsin private school tuition was usually in the four-digit range per year).

Well you must have been at a good school

When it comes to my high school experience, I was in the mouth of madness

It actually sucked. My high school was ranked toward the bottom of the state rankings in terms of academic achievement, had a very high percentage of students on free and reduced lunch, and suffered from what seemed to me a high percentage of incompetent teachers (though that was one of the constants the whole way up from K-12)...but everyone always had enough money for name-brand clothes and the newest technology of the time, and there was very little in the way of social excitement at that place. If there were problems with violence or drug use, I never knew about them; that said, I never felt entirely safe there, largely because I felt administration had a personal vendetta against me. My social life was in general lacking as I wasn't interested in sports, the latest technology and music fads, or sex, and it didn't help that I had the stigma of an IEP (Individualized Education Plan; they thought I had autism from second grade up even though no doctor has, at any point in my life, even mentioned the word) or that my shallow classmates generally knew me for one thing: "Ghost Land iz sooo smuurt" and refused to get to know me better than those stereotypes (my grades were good, but not excellent, and whenever anybody said school came so easy for me, I wanted to punch their face in). Most of the stuff other kids found interesting and fun (school sport events, school dances) I did not, and few people were interested in the stuff I was (weather, music, roads, Mexico, and coins being among my biggest interests); the fact that I was a political polar opposite to 95% of the kids in my grade didn't help either.

Bringing that big rambly paragraph on topic, I never dated in middle or high school, though as mentioned, I was probably one of less than ten percent of my grade who didn't. Dating/relationship/sexual drama was for the most part what the rumour mill at our school consisted of, and I'm sure I myself contributed a bit to it; while I didn't date, I was very much girl-crazy, beginning in late seventh grade, which meant I had lots of crushes, and because of just how girl-crazy and desperate I was, often multiple at a time. I was most attracted to the de facto popular girls, who were the ones who played sports and were generally quite pretty; I hung around them a lot and they ended up comprising most of my closest friends, even though I probably was never "hot enough" in their eyes (short, borderline overweight, and baby-faced, to the point people routinely guessed my age as 12 even when I was 15-16, where they were in general into the male football and basketball players). Even though I didn't date, I did get jealous and desperate when everyone else was in firmly established cliques and had various significant others, and I had a lacking social life and no girlfriend; while I never wanted to date in the traditional sense, I still craved companionship and something resembling assurance I wouldn't die alone with no one my age who loved me.

I currently am not in a relationship, for the record, and I'm fine with that; as I said in my original post in this thread, "dating culture" just seems like a lame, overly complicated set of rules anyway.

[Great Minarchistan]

This study does go against my own anecdotal observations; I'm quite young myself (at least I'd like to think so, although my opinions about music and technology are probably way more out of date than even I realise) and when I was in middle and high school, dating was rampant, and so was coitus after a certain point. I believe we had five girls get pregnant or give birth in my grade (total size 220) just between ninth and eleventh grades, and another guy who was a dad by eighth grade; his 'baby mommy' was 17 and didn't go to our school.

Personally, I've always thought dating culture was a stupid, artificial set of over-complicated rules. Regimenting everything kills the spontaneity of a relationship, and it's hard to force two people to have romantic or sexual feelings for each other; those arise naturally, often within other relationships. (At the same time, I'm not advocating for 'hook-up culture' either; that goes against my personal values, but to each his own.)

I was one of probably less than 10% of the kids in my grade who didn't date in middle or high school; I have no regrets in that respect, but I was totally girl-crazy, flirted too much, and got sad and lonely when I was, by my own definition, single (no main crush*).

*Girl I was crazy about and who seemed to like me back.

Yeah it seemed like a shit ton of people in my school were having sex but then again most of them were that main in crowd group. I don't think anyone else was actually doing it that much

Maybe, though by age 17 half of the men (and moreso for women) have lost their virginity already