Dating is at a Record Low: Another Dating Thread

[Xmara]

I’m not dating rn because:

1. It’s a distraction from my studies. I don’t want romance taking away my attention from what really matters, and last time I let my feelings for a guy get in the way, I wound up getting hurt in the end, so I’m not letting that happen again.
2. I’m just not interested atm. Maybe later in life. Idk.
3. Like any guy is gonna be interested in me even if I was looking for love. I’m honestly rather plain and homely in appearance, and quite boring, and I don’t foresee any man really wanting to pursue a relationship with me.

I have friends and family members who seem to think I need to find a guy ASAP. My mom and I went to eat with her best friend from high school and her daughter (who is also one of my friends) and mom’s friend kept trying to tell me that I need to find a man. She also thinks I need to do things like paint my nails and wear makeup to get a guy’s attention. I said I don’t want to get married ever (though that’s not entirely true), but she said that she just knows I’ll change my mind and want to become a wife and mother someday.

A. You're probably much, much prettier than you think you are.
B. Let me tell you a story from high-school. I had a classmate who was what society would say (and who I would say) was gorgeous. Classic features, tall, skinnier than me (and most people can probably pick me up and throw me), all that. We were in Health class waiting in line to take turns with CPR training. She was wearing makeup. She looked good, but she looked good without it. She told her friend, "I'm wearing makeup on the one day my boyfriend's not here." I wanted so badly to tell her, "Your boyfriend should like you even without makeup." I never did (we weren't exactly close friends, or really friends at all), but I'm telling you that anyone you get with should be able to look at you without makeup and to say that you look good. And if they don't like that, then you need to hop. If you're not into those things, then he should understand and love how you look anyway.
C. If you've been hurt by a guy in the past, please talk to someone. Someone who will listen and who will give you the best advice for how to heal. I can't say I would be the best at that, but my TG box is open if you wanna talk.

Please don't beat yourself up, especially not after some jerk guy beat you up and made you feel bad. You are better than you think you are.

Thank you so much.

I've only worn makeup a couple of times in my life (special occasions, and one instance at a sleepover where my friends and I decided to do makeovers on each other; funny story about that one, but that's for another time and another thread). I don't wear it though because I don't want to fool with it, and because I've heard it can cause skin problems.

I've talked to my parents about the guy that hurt me (in case you're wondering, no, I was not hurt physically; just emotionally). I've not seen or spoken to him since high school (2016). But I still feel a little uneasy thinking about dating.

I just need to finish up college first, then maybe I'll start dating.

[Saiwania]

And have you ever actually been homeless before?

It's a potentially future fate I'm not trying hard enough to avoid. If it becomes too late and I run out of time, of course I'll be absolutely screwed. I just can't get past my mental demons though, I'm permanently lost and adrift in terms of inner self and direction. I find no meaning in life in that there is way too much to do, but too little I can will myself to do.

[Costa Fierro]

I'm a dude with age above 25 and absolutely no dating or sexual experience. In fact I have almost no experience dealing with young women at all. This is fairly unusual in the West. However NE Asia tends to produce a ton of guys like that.

It's not that uncommon in the West either. If anything there's a greater stigma attached to men who haven't had sexual congress with women above a certain age.

[Costa Fierro]

Yeah with that attitude , Don’t date to get married, just try and have fun. try joining a group, take dancing lessons. (That was a good idea, more women at those).

You do know how old and out of touch you sound, right?

[Xmara]

$10 an hour is not enough to pay the rent.

You do have a point about this. It has been proven time and again that status (namely salary) is attractive to women. I'm personally a male enrolled in a US university, and where I am at least, women are namely looking for one of 2 things when it comes to even semi-romantic relations:

1) Sex. The rise of Tinder is what I blame for this fact. Casual sex has always been a thing at colleges here, but Tinder has thrown a drum of gasoline onto an already not-indignifucantly sized fire. However, these women are not the majority.

2) The true majority are looking for status. They want someone with a nice job, and a big house. Women looking for older men, is thus actually a pretty common thing where I go to school.

This second fact makes it almost impossible for any man of my age to be with anyone who matches his age. And it's not like we have any other options since dating high-schoolers is out of the question for numerous moral and legal reasons, and using the same trick and going older doesn't work since women mature faster than men, and older women thus don't want to be with someone who they view as a child.

It is a very real phenomenon.

As for my personal story/frustrations:

I am someone who is not bad-looking, but I am also not a 10. I am a fit man who regularly works out, and who was a varsity swimmer in high school. But, I am not completely shredded, and I have what I describe as a British smile, since my family couldn't afford braces for a long time when I was young. And I refuse to get them now because they screw with the way you play your instruments, should you play a wind instrument (of which I play 5). My friend convinced me to get Tinder once, and the fact I'm not a supermodel was an immediate handicap. Women don't want someone, even for a relationship, who is not a 10. I very much blame the culture of Tinder for this attitude. It's objectifying and dehumanizing, and it conditions people to judge each other based on looks above all else.

The above financial predicament is also something I've experienced.

Another fact is that for whatever reason, women seem to like quiet, soft-spoken, emotional men, of which I am not. I am never mean, and am very friendly in person, but I am also loud and opinionated. I have been told my personal mannerisms are very strident, and can border on aggressiveness sometimes. If someone pisses me off, I very loudly tell them off. And no woman, in my experience, wants someone like that. They want softer guys.

Whenever I go into romantic mode, I am relentlessly gunned down.

I once was told that I come on too strong, and that I need to take things slow, so I asked a girl I liked if she wanted to hang out one night. Apparently, she could tell where I was going, and responded with, "no, I don't want to hang out. I can't see us as friends, or as being compatible".

Dating is a nightmare.

NOTE: these are only my experiences as seen from my perspective, and nothing here is meant to be a general or universal rule on how women behave, for any women who read this.

Dating sites and apps are garbage IMO. You're better off trying to meet someone in person.

When it comes to Tinder and people looking like supermodels, they could have just photoshopped themselves, or are using a pic they found online. Unless you meet them IRL, you really can't be 100% sure that they look that good, which brings me back to the earlier point I made about dating apps being garbage.

As for your teeth, have you tried looking into Invisalign or similar plastic aligners? They're clear, they're removable, and from what I've heard, affordable.

[Costa Fierro]

Meeting someone in person is slightly better because they're forced to interact with your for a few seconds while they come up with some bullshit excuse to send you on your way again. At least on Tinder you are spared the embarrassment of being rejected.

[Saiwania]

Meeting someone in person is slightly better because they're forced to interact with your for a few seconds while they come up with some bullshit excuse to send you on your way again. At least on Tinder you are spared the embarrassment of being rejected.

Radio silence is being rejected on Tinder so far as I've heard. I never tried Tinder because it required a Facebook.

[Nakena]

Meeting someone in person is slightly better because they're forced to interact with your for a few seconds while they come up with some bullshit excuse to send you on your way again. At least on Tinder you are spared the embarrassment of being rejected.

Radio silence is being rejected on Tinder so far as I've heard. I never tried Tinder because it required a Facebook.

Thats the worst part of it.

[Novus America]

A. You're probably much, much prettier than you think you are.
B. Let me tell you a story from high-school. I had a classmate who was what society would say (and who I would say) was gorgeous. Classic features, tall, skinnier than me (and most people can probably pick me up and throw me), all that. We were in Health class waiting in line to take turns with CPR training. She was wearing makeup. She looked good, but she looked good without it. She told her friend, "I'm wearing makeup on the one day my boyfriend's not here." I wanted so badly to tell her, "Your boyfriend should like you even without makeup." I never did (we weren't exactly close friends, or really friends at all), but I'm telling you that anyone you get with should be able to look at you without makeup and to say that you look good. And if they don't like that, then you need to hop. If you're not into those things, then he should understand and love how you look anyway.
C. If you've been hurt by a guy in the past, please talk to someone. Someone who will listen and who will give you the best advice for how to heal. I can't say I would be the best at that, but my TG box is open if you wanna talk.

Please don't beat yourself up, especially not after some jerk guy beat you up and made you feel bad. You are better than you think you are.

Thank you so much.

I've only worn makeup a couple of times in my life (special occasions, and one instance at a sleepover where my friends and I decided to do makeovers on each other; funny story about that one, but that's for another time and another thread). I don't wear it though because I don't want to fool with it, and because I've heard it can cause skin problems.

I've talked to my parents about the guy that hurt me (in case you're wondering, no, I was not hurt physically; just emotionally). I've not seen or spoken to him since high school (2016). But I still feel a little uneasy thinking about dating.

I just need to finish up college first, then maybe I'll start dating.

The thing with dating is rejection is part of it.
You learn from past things but cannot let them hold you back.

Waiting until the end of school is a legitimate concern, but do not let hurt in the past hold you back.
Being a women helps to, if you ask a guy out you have good chance of him saying yes.
As we see on this thread there are a lot of guys out there looking for a good person, but maybe just afraid to make the first move.

[Novus America]

You do have a point about this. It has been proven time and again that status (namely salary) is attractive to women. I'm personally a male enrolled in a US university, and where I am at least, women are namely looking for one of 2 things when it comes to even semi-romantic relations:

1) Sex. The rise of Tinder is what I blame for this fact. Casual sex has always been a thing at colleges here, but Tinder has thrown a drum of gasoline onto an already not-indignifucantly sized fire. However, these women are not the majority.

2) The true majority are looking for status. They want someone with a nice job, and a big house. Women looking for older men, is thus actually a pretty common thing where I go to school.

This second fact makes it almost impossible for any man of my age to be with anyone who matches his age. And it's not like we have any other options since dating high-schoolers is out of the question for numerous moral and legal reasons, and using the same trick and going older doesn't work since women mature faster than men, and older women thus don't want to be with someone who they view as a child.

It is a very real phenomenon.

As for my personal story/frustrations:

I am someone who is not bad-looking, but I am also not a 10. I am a fit man who regularly works out, and who was a varsity swimmer in high school. But, I am not completely shredded, and I have what I describe as a British smile, since my family couldn't afford braces for a long time when I was young. And I refuse to get them now because they screw with the way you play your instruments, should you play a wind instrument (of which I play 5). My friend convinced me to get Tinder once, and the fact I'm not a supermodel was an immediate handicap. Women don't want someone, even for a relationship, who is not a 10. I very much blame the culture of Tinder for this attitude. It's objectifying and dehumanizing, and it conditions people to judge each other based on looks above all else.

The above financial predicament is also something I've experienced.

Another fact is that for whatever reason, women seem to like quiet, soft-spoken, emotional men, of which I am not. I am never mean, and am very friendly in person, but I am also loud and opinionated. I have been told my personal mannerisms are very strident, and can border on aggressiveness sometimes. If someone pisses me off, I very loudly tell them off. And no woman, in my experience, wants someone like that. They want softer guys.

Whenever I go into romantic mode, I am relentlessly gunned down.

I once was told that I come on too strong, and that I need to take things slow, so I asked a girl I liked if she wanted to hang out one night. Apparently, she could tell where I was going, and responded with, "no, I don't want to hang out. I can't see us as friends, or as being compatible".

Dating is a nightmare.

NOTE: these are only my experiences as seen from my perspective, and nothing here is meant to be a general or universal rule on how women behave, for any women who read this.

Dating sites and apps are garbage IMO. You're better off trying to meet someone in person.

When it comes to Tinder and people looking like supermodels, they could have just photoshopped themselves, or are using a pic they found online. Unless you meet them IRL, you really can't be 100% sure that they look that good, which brings me back to the earlier point I made about dating apps being garbage.

As for your teeth, have you tried looking into Invisalign or similar plastic aligners? They're clear, they're removable, and from what I've heard, affordable.

Tinder is not a dating site. It is a hookup app.

[New haven america]

Dating sites and apps are garbage IMO. You're better off trying to meet someone in person.

When it comes to Tinder and people looking like supermodels, they could have just photoshopped themselves, or are using a pic they found online. Unless you meet them IRL, you really can't be 100% sure that they look that good, which brings me back to the earlier point I made about dating apps being garbage.

As for your teeth, have you tried looking into Invisalign or similar plastic aligners? They're clear, they're removable, and from what I've heard, affordable.

Tinder is not a dating site. It is a hookup app.

It started out as a dating site.

[Socialist Heronia]

I come from a cultural background where dating young is frowned upon, and... well... nobody likes me. The culture issue is really the main reason our school doesn't have more couples.

[The Supreme Magnificent High Swaglord]

I come from a cultural background where dating young is frowned upon, and... well... nobody likes me. The culture issue is really the main reason our school doesn't have more couples.

If I may, which cultural background do you hail from?

[Novus America]

Well yes, you probably need to finish college first.
Presumably your college has women though.

Yes, that's where the other issues come in. There was a girl my second year that things were going really well with, but she moved away for reasons I'd rather not go into, and I haven't really had any friends or acquaintances since then.

Sorry to hear that, but it shows you can do it.
It is not easy but you have to get passed that one and keep looking.
Start by just trying to make some more acquisitions, guys and girls, not for the purpose of dating necessarily but to expand your social circle.

[Novus America]

Tinder is not a dating site. It is a hookup app.

It started out as a dating site.

And?
Japan started WWII as mighty empire.
A turd started out as good food
What matters is not what it was, but what it is now.

Hook up apps are not good for dating.

They can work for hooking up, but the competition is tough for guys.

[Great Minarchistan]

The point brought up by Tinder is a fairly interesting one, and stats brought by dating sites altogether seem to show that your chances are multiplicative-ish: you can be average/good at many things, but if you are bad at a few of them then you just get a huge F

[Socialist Heronia]

I come from a cultural background where dating young is frowned upon, and... well... nobody likes me. The culture issue is really the main reason our school doesn't have more couples.

If I may, which cultural background do you hail from?

Chinese.

[Nova Cyberia]

Tinder is not a dating site. It is a hookup app.

It started out as a dating site.

And it fucking sucks.

[Rojava Free State]

It started out as a dating site.

And?
Japan started WWII as mighty empire.
A turd started out as good food
What matters is not what it was, but what it is now.

Hook up apps are not good for dating.

They can work for hooking up, but the competition is tough for guys.

Isn't even like you're competing for a great prize. A lot of the girls on tinder either straight up look like things from Lovecraft's garbage can, or are hot but have major league issues in the head.

[Rojava Free State]

You do have a point about this. It has been proven time and again that status (namely salary) is attractive to women. I'm personally a male enrolled in a US university, and where I am at least, women are namely looking for one of 2 things when it comes to even semi-romantic relations:

1) Sex. The rise of Tinder is what I blame for this fact. Casual sex has always been a thing at colleges here, but Tinder has thrown a drum of gasoline onto an already not-indignifucantly sized fire. However, these women are not the majority.

2) The true majority are looking for status. They want someone with a nice job, and a big house. Women looking for older men, is thus actually a pretty common thing where I go to school.

This second fact makes it almost impossible for any man of my age to be with anyone who matches his age. And it's not like we have any other options since dating high-schoolers is out of the question for numerous moral and legal reasons, and using the same trick and going older doesn't work since women mature faster than men, and older women thus don't want to be with someone who they view as a child.

It is a very real phenomenon.

As for my personal story/frustrations:

I am someone who is not bad-looking, but I am also not a 10. I am a fit man who regularly works out, and who was a varsity swimmer in high school. But, I am not completely shredded, and I have what I describe as a British smile, since my family couldn't afford braces for a long time when I was young. And I refuse to get them now because they screw with the way you play your instruments, should you play a wind instrument (of which I play 5). My friend convinced me to get Tinder once, and the fact I'm not a supermodel was an immediate handicap. Women don't want someone, even for a relationship, who is not a 10. I very much blame the culture of Tinder for this attitude. It's objectifying and dehumanizing, and it conditions people to judge each other based on looks above all else.

The above financial predicament is also something I've experienced.

Another fact is that for whatever reason, women seem to like quiet, soft-spoken, emotional men, of which I am not. I am never mean, and am very friendly in person, but I am also loud and opinionated. I have been told my personal mannerisms are very strident, and can border on aggressiveness sometimes. If someone pisses me off, I very loudly tell them off. And no woman, in my experience, wants someone like that. They want softer guys.

Whenever I go into romantic mode, I am relentlessly gunned down.

I once was told that I come on too strong, and that I need to take things slow, so I asked a girl I liked if she wanted to hang out one night. Apparently, she could tell where I was going, and responded with, "no, I don't want to hang out. I can't see us as friends, or as being compatible".

Dating is a nightmare.

NOTE: these are only my experiences as seen from my perspective, and nothing here is meant to be a general or universal rule on how women behave, for any women who read this.

Dating sites and apps are garbage IMO. You're better off trying to meet someone in person.

When it comes to Tinder and people looking like supermodels, they could have just photoshopped themselves, or are using a pic they found online. Unless you meet them IRL, you really can't be 100% sure that they look that good, which brings me back to the earlier point I made about dating apps being garbage.

As for your teeth, have you tried looking into Invisalign or similar plastic aligners? They're clear, they're removable, and from what I've heard, affordable.

I myself have ghetto teeth too, which is why I don't smile too wide. Mine aren't too bad but my bottom right canine is crooked as hell, which doesn't get most people's attention but bothers the hell out of me, so most of my photos either are of me kinda smiling with my mouth closed or straight up mean mugging.

[Novus America]

It started out as a dating site.

And it fucking sucks.

There are alternatives out there. Tinder is good for a specific purpose but the competition can be fierce for guys, but it is not ideal for dating.

[Rojava Free State]

And it fucking sucks.

There are alternatives out there. Tinder is good for a specific purpose but the competition can be fierce for guys, but it is not ideal for dating.

What would you suggest as a dating site?

[Nova Cyberia]

And it fucking sucks.

There are alternatives out there. Tinder is good for a specific purpose but the competition can be fierce for guys, but it is not ideal for dating.

I dislike Tinder mostly because it deliberately lies to you and you can't even see who's liked you unless you pay for premium.

[Rojava Free State]

There are alternatives out there. Tinder is good for a specific purpose but the competition can be fierce for guys, but it is not ideal for dating.

I dislike Tinder mostly because it deliberately lies to you and you can't even see who's liked you unless you pay for premium.

Tinder robbed me blind with that premium bullshit. They said it was only 6 months but it renews after 6 months unless you cancel it, so I ended up losing a lot of cash to tinder that I didn't think they would even take

[Nova Cyberia]

I dislike Tinder mostly because it deliberately lies to you and you can't even see who's liked you unless you pay for premium.

Tinder robbed me blind with that premium bullshit. They said it was only 6 months but it renews after 6 months unless you cancel it, so I ended up losing a lot of cash to tinder that I didn't think they would even take

That's how all subscription based shit works. You have to cancel it yourself or else they'll just keep taking your money.