Right-Wing Discussion Thread XVII: The Snark Enlightenment

[Bear Stearns]

I'm moving into a house in about four hours; yah boi is living with three sorority girls this year lmao.

They've made 100 Jell-o shots for tonight and apparently installed a stripper pole; please pray for me and forgive me if I get on here drunk at 4 AM in advance.

You will grow tired of them after the first week.

[Benuty]

Ethnicity is a slippery thing, deeply rooted in culture and identity.


Yeah, and that's dumb. Black folks who say "y'all" and "ain't" despite living in New York or Chicago are the valorous Southern vanguard, storming the ramparts of Yankee-ism on behalf the glorious, unified, post-racial Southern nation.

She says, despite the Great Migration being an effort to get away from the south.

The feeling when one place is just as racist as another.

*Insert Guess I'll just die meme*.

[Totally Not OEP]

They've made 100 Jell-o shots for tonight and apparently installed a stripper pole; please pray for me and forgive me if I get on here drunk at 4 AM in advance.

You will grow tired of them after the first week.

Not doing anything in that regard; I gotta live with them for a year and even friends with benefits is way too risky in that regard. They have been setting me up with their friends though lol.

[Totally Not OEP]

Basically Dixie-1 from GURPs.

Yep, pretty much. Tbh, I'm surprised that you're familiar with GURPS.

I've been in Alternate History circles since 2011.

[Fahran]

You will grow tired of them after the first week.

I'm grumpy so it usually takes me like two days. Also, he's not ready for the synchronization.

[Totally Not OEP]

You will grow tired of them after the first week.

I'm grumpy so it usually takes me like two days. Also, he's not ready for the synchronization.

???

[Bear Stearns]

You will grow tired of them after the first week.

Not doing anything in that regard; I gotta live with them for a year and even friends with benefits is way too risky in that regard. They have been setting me up with their friends though lol.

Yeah if you have to live with them for a year, don't actually sleep with them.

They will obviously talk about it amongst themselves and it could also ruin the dynamic. Last thing you want is a he-said, she-said scenario.

Just as you don't sleep with coworkers, the saying goes, don't shit where you eat.

[Bear Stearns]

I'm grumpy so it usually takes me like two days. Also, he's not ready for the synchronization.

???

Your menstrual cycles.

[Old Tyrannia]

The best timeline is the one where the South wins the American Civil War and is then conquered by the Mexican Empire with Anglo-French support after an attempt to expand southwards goes hilariously awry.

iViva el Emperador!

[Totally Not OEP]

Not doing anything in that regard; I gotta live with them for a year and even friends with benefits is way too risky in that regard. They have been setting me up with their friends though lol.

Yeah if you have to live with them for a year, don't actually sleep with them.

They will obviously talk about it amongst themselves and it could also ruin the dynamic. Last thing you want is a he-said, she-said scenario.

Just as you don't sleep with coworkers, the saying goes, don't shit where you eat.

I was literally going to use that line but decided against it.

[Fahran]

???

I'll just DM you so I don't drag the thread more off-topic.

I'm a touch surprised at how popular alternative histories are here.

[Totally Not OEP]

???

Your menstrual cycles.

Now it makes sense; I was so confused at first.

[Totally Not OEP]

The best timeline is the one where the South wins the American Civil War and is then conquered by the Mexican Empire with Anglo-French support after an attempt to expand southwards goes hilariously awry.

iViva el Emperador!

Maxmillian was infertile, so I'd imagine in the 1870s the Confederates would scoop up Mexico during the succession crisis.

[Fahran]

The best timeline is the one where the South wins the American Civil War and is then conquered by the Mexican Empire with Anglo-French support after an attempt to expand southwards goes hilariously awry.

iViva el Emperador!

Why do y'all want me to envision junkers with thick drawls and grey uniforms? Also, expecting Napoleon III not to screw that up is pretty generous.

[Totally Not OEP]

???

I'll just DM you so I don't drag the thread more off-topic.

I'm a touch surprised at how popular alternative histories are here.

It's a popular field that plays into a lot of the politics of all sides as well as an interesting field in of itself. I've talked about it extensively here and on the Discord.

[Bear Stearns]

The best timeline is the one where the South wins the American Civil War and is then conquered by the Mexican Empire with Anglo-French support after an attempt to expand southwards goes hilariously awry.

iViva el Emperador!

I wrote an alternate history (well draft, really) where Abraham Lincoln becomes convinced of nativism in the 1830s, over the next two decades, works to get nativism as a stance pegged to abolitionism, meaning that the budding Republican Party is both nativist and abolitionists.

The result is an absolute bloodbath when Southern secessionists play up the anti-Catholicism of Republicans to get Irish immigrants in the North to commit sabotage against the Union, which leads to mass anti-Catholic hysteria and pogroms across the North. The intervention of France, Spain, and Mexico on the side of the South convinces most Americans that the Civil War, slavery, and immigration were all part of a larger Catholic conspiracy to bring down America. The intervention of France and Spain quickly causes the conflict to turn into a global war, as Prussia moves against France and Britain intervenes on behalf of the Union in order to kick the French out of Mexico and gobble up the Spanish Caribbean. Thus, the war has now truly become a Germanic Protestant vs. Latin Catholic (with the exception of the US South). Austria joins the war on France's side and Russia sides with the Prussians.

When the dust settles in the 1870s, no one has really won. The South was defeated, but America is now ruled by dictator-for-life Abraham Lincoln who is pursuing stringent anti-Catholic policies and extracting bloody revenge on the South. Mexico's monarchy survives and becomes increasingly absolutist as republican guerrillas are suppressed. Spain's loss of the Caribbean to Britain and France's asswhooping by Prussia cause both of their monarchies to collapse into bloody revolution.

[Greater Loegria]

Tiny risk?

You mean them being able to bounce back and start WW2? Right.

A bit off topic, but do you think Germany will start another major conflict in this century?

They can’t even put a combat brigade together. Their army is a fucking joke. Couldn’t organise a nun shoot in a church.

[Greater Loegria]

To prevent it from ever posing a threat again. A united Germany is as for Britain. Militarily and economically.

So we should dismantle China and Russia?

Yes?

[Old Tyrannia]

The best timeline is the one where the South wins the American Civil War and is then conquered by the Mexican Empire with Anglo-French support after an attempt to expand southwards goes hilariously awry.

iViva el Emperador!

Maxmillian was infertile, so I'd imagine in the 1870s the Confederates would scoop up Mexico during the succession crisis.

He adopted the grandsons of Agustín de Iturbide as his sons and heirs, so I doubt there would be a succession crisis.

[Totally Not OEP]

Maxmillian was infertile, so I'd imagine in the 1870s the Confederates would scoop up Mexico during the succession crisis.

He adopted the grandsons of Agustín de Iturbide as his sons and heirs, so I doubt there would be a succession crisis.

Adopted, but did not declare them his successors; a definite difference.

[Bear Stearns]

No Mexican leader will be as great Porfirio Diaz.

[Old Tyrannia]

No Mexican leader will be as great Porfirio Diaz.

*Grumbles about republican scum*

[Diopolis]

They've made 100 Jell-o shots for tonight and apparently installed a stripper pole; please pray for me and forgive me if I get on here drunk at 4 AM in advance.

Legitimately degenerate.

As if the mixed sex cohabitation didn’t tip you off?

[Greater Loegria]

I'm moving into a house in about four hours; yah boi is living with three sorority girls this year lmao.

They've made 100 Jell-o shots for tonight and apparently installed a stripper pole; please pray for me and forgive me if I get on here drunk at 4 AM in advance.

Medium effort. It’s not a proper night if at least one branch of the emergency services don’t get involved.

[Hanafuridake]

So we should dismantle China and Russia?

Assist the descendants of the Ming dynasty in regaining their former throne and in return secure a promise from them to return to their historic policy of isolationism once they have been restored. About as achievable as partitioning China and much fairer to the Chinese.

> Ming.

That's a funny way to spell Qing.