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Cocaine Found in Shrimp in UK, No One Surprised

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Digital Planets
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Cocaine Found in Shrimp in UK, No One Surprised

Postby Digital Planets » Wed May 01, 2019 8:09 am

https://www.bbc.com/news/uk-england-suffolk-48117678

Scientists found cocaine in freshwater shrimps when testing rivers for chemicals, a study said.

Researchers at King's College London, in collaboration with the University of Suffolk, tested 15 different locations across Suffolk.

Their report said cocaine was found in all samples tested. Other illicit drugs, such as ketamine, were also widespread in the shrimp.

The researchers said it was a "surprising" finding.

Professor Nic Bury, from the University of Suffolk, said: "Whether the presence of cocaine in aquatic animals is an issue for Suffolk, or more widespread an occurrence in the UK and abroad, awaits further research.

"Environmental health has attracted much attention from the public due to challenges associated with climate change and microplastic pollution.

"However, the impact of 'invisible' chemical pollution (such as drugs) on wildlife health needs more focus in the UK."


I read some of the paragraphs, but the BBC makes that boring. I just thought the headline was hilarious as fuck. However, it does bring up some interesting theories about this:

1. Shrimp are evolving at a rate we previously didn't know. The fact that they were found to have drugs on them means they may be getting smarter than shit, possibly having already the process to make cocaine and possibly the Anti-Life Equation. We should enslave them and learn more about them.

2. It's Suffolk. While cocaine isn't such a problem, more harder drugs such as ketamine and Irish potatoes make for a possible conclusion that when Doug the Dealer wakes up after coming down from Smarties, he goes to find his bag of cocaine and asks, "Dude, where's my crack?"

3. It's actually a guy named Shrimp, a drug dealer who is literally made out of thousands of shrimp. When the bobbys come walking by he throws himself in a nearby river, breaking apart and being able to put himself back together again. His favorite sauce is actually Worcestershire.

What do you think is going on NSG?
Last edited by Digital Planets on Wed May 01, 2019 12:51 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Heloin
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Postby Heloin » Wed May 01, 2019 8:11 am

Sounds like a fun cocktail party.
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Shanhwa
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Postby Shanhwa » Wed May 01, 2019 8:12 am

DEA would like to know your location

ATF would like to know your location
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Deutschess Kaiserreich
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Postby Deutschess Kaiserreich » Wed May 01, 2019 8:14 am

That's why I saw trump flying in the sky when I went to London last year. Thought it was the litter of meth I thought I pumped into myself.
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The New California Republic
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Postby The New California Republic » Wed May 01, 2019 8:14 am

Shanhwa wrote:DEA would like to know your location

ATF would like to know your location

Irrelevant, they have no jurisdiction here.
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Heloin
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Postby Heloin » Wed May 01, 2019 8:15 am

The New California Republic wrote:
Shanhwa wrote:DEA would like to know your location

ATF would like to know your location

Irrelevant, they have no jurisdiction here.

Plus they're pretty clueless in the states most of the time.
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An Alan Smithee Nation
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Postby An Alan Smithee Nation » Wed May 01, 2019 8:17 am

It's not the easiest method of drug smuggling.
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Postby Ifreann » Wed May 01, 2019 8:25 am

An Alan Smithee Nation wrote:It's not the easiest method of drug smuggling.

Much less noticeable than when a whale shows up in the Thames, though.
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An Alan Smithee Nation
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Postby An Alan Smithee Nation » Wed May 01, 2019 8:26 am

Ifreann wrote:
An Alan Smithee Nation wrote:It's not the easiest method of drug smuggling.

Much less noticeable than when a whale shows up in the Thames, though.


I tell you that beluga was nothing to do with me. No way.
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Shanhwa
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Postby Shanhwa » Wed May 01, 2019 8:29 am

An Alan Smithee Nation wrote:
Ifreann wrote:Much less noticeable than when a whale shows up in the Thames, though.


I tell you that beluga was nothing to do with me. No way.


Darn, my drug smuggling apparatus pet Beluga whale got out of his enclosure and died! No, it can’t be!
Last edited by Shanhwa on Wed May 01, 2019 8:29 am, edited 1 time in total.
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The Dominions of Succ
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Postby The Dominions of Succ » Wed May 01, 2019 8:30 am

I'm not surprised, as the headline predicted. Shrimp slavery when?

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Shanhwa
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Postby Shanhwa » Wed May 01, 2019 8:41 am

The Dominions of Succ wrote:I'm not surprised, as the headline predicted. Shrimp slavery when?


Shrimps rise up
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An Alan Smithee Nation
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Postby An Alan Smithee Nation » Wed May 01, 2019 8:47 am

Shanhwa wrote:
The Dominions of Succ wrote:I'm not surprised, as the headline predicted. Shrimp slavery when?


Shrimps rise up


You've nothing to lose but your Marie Rose sauce.
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Partybus
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Postby Partybus » Wed May 01, 2019 9:37 am

I just knew my buddy Shrimp would get busted eventually...so sad...

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Xmara
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Postby Xmara » Wed May 01, 2019 9:43 am

Are you saying that the drug lords of the future could be shrimp?

Cocktail sauce more like cracktail sauce amirite

I'll be on my way out...
Last edited by Xmara on Wed May 01, 2019 9:45 am, edited 2 times in total.
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Postby Ifreann » Wed May 01, 2019 9:45 am

Xmara wrote:Are you saying that the drug lords of the future could be shrimp?

Police today arrested the drug kingpin known as King Prawn.
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Postby Xmara » Wed May 01, 2019 9:48 am

Ifreann wrote:
Xmara wrote:Are you saying that the drug lords of the future could be shrimp?

Police today arrested the drug kingpin known as King Prawn.

His stash was found at Crust Station
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Postby Heloin » Wed May 01, 2019 10:31 am

Xmara wrote:
Ifreann wrote:Police today arrested the drug kingpin known as King Prawn.

His stash was found at Crust Station

Booo!
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Postby Erythrean Thebes » Wed May 01, 2019 10:32 am

The guy who dropped his bag in the river must be pretty nervous right now
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Postby Dogmeat » Wed May 01, 2019 10:55 am

I mean, there's got to be a reason they like fish and chips so much, right?
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Postby Kowani » Wed May 01, 2019 10:57 am

Dogmeat wrote:I mean, there's got to be a reason they like fish and chips so much, right?

Fried shrimp is better anyway.
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Postby Imperial States America » Wed May 01, 2019 11:01 am

Man the Bubba Gump company is falling on hard times its a shame Bubba & Dan aren't there anymore.

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Postby Page » Wed May 01, 2019 11:48 am

Blegh, seems like it's just trace amounts and that eating coked up shrimp wouldn't have any real effects for a human. Boring.
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Postby The Chuck » Wed May 01, 2019 11:55 am

Run suspiciously with a salmon full of drugs in England. Although the salmon running is illegal, the officers might laugh and not stop you... Do it first without drugs stuffed in it and if it works, load up your salmon.
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Postby Senkaku » Wed May 01, 2019 12:04 pm

business idea: refine cocaine from trace quantities in rivers near sewage outflows???
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