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A Donkey or a Horse? ... Your Highness?

For discussion and debate about anything. (Not a roleplay related forum; out-of-character commentary only.)

Your answer

It's a Donkey
24
36%
It's a Horse
23
35%
"I... I can't see... I don't know... I can't really tell"
19
29%
 
Total votes : 66

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Infected Mushroom
Post Czar
 
Posts: 39290
Founded: Apr 15, 2014
Corrupt Dictatorship

A Donkey or a Horse? ... Your Highness?

Postby Infected Mushroom » Wed Dec 26, 2018 9:02 am

Please consider the following hypothetical:

King Fritz I was a great conqueror and a master of court politics, everyone feared him and many a times he rode on a white horse to personally lead troops into battle.

At the beginning of this OP, Fritz I has been dead for a few years. Instead, his 16 year old son Fritz II sits on the throne as king. Instead of ruling the kingdom, Fritz II spends his days drinking, hunting, whoring and having parties.

As a result, although Fritz II sits on the throne, his uncle, Vladimir has been effectively running the kingdom. Vladimir has filled the entire bureaucracy with people who support him and he’s been calling the shots on all matters in the palace because the King is too bored to care.



You are a regional governor. Recently you’ve been promoted to a small time position with the royal court in the capital. Excited, you pack your stuff and head to the capital with your family, eager to bring prestige to your house.

On day 1, having just set your things down you are called into the throne room for a meeting with the King and his main officials. There are 20 main officials, counting yourself.

As per the tradition, the King welcomes you to his court; and you once again re-iterate your oath of fealty to the King, swearing to him your unwavering allegiance.

At this point the door bursts open and Vladimir steps into the room, being very clearly late for the royal meeting but not seeming to care.

Vladimir walks up to the King with a donkey by the leash.



Fritz: Well well… Uncle Vladimir!

Vladimir: Your Highness. Please forgive my tardiness to this meeting. I was held up.

Fritz: Ha don’t worry about it. Can someone fetch me more wine? (snaps his fingers at the servants)

Vladimir: Your Highness. What do you think of this horse I intend on gifting your cousin?

Fritz II is a bit confused.

Fritz: Huh? Horse? What horse? You mean donkey?

Vladimir: … Your Highness. There is no donkey. This here, is a fine white horse, one of the rarest breeds in the land. Why would I give your cousin a donkey for her name day? That would be an insult!

Fritz: … Uncle Vlad? I don’t see a horse; I see a donkey. This isn’t really that funny. Stop with the bad jokes.

Suddenly, Vladimir’s face lits up with a cruel smile. It sends shivers down your spine as you and 19 other court officials watch the scene unfold further.

Vladimir: Your Highness. This here is a horse.

Fritz: It’s a donkey.

Vladimir: It’s a horse.

Fritz: … Dude. No.

Vladimir: Then let’s ask the other people in the court.

Fritz: Yeah let’s do that. Someone, PLEASE speak up. It’s a Donkey RIGHT?!

Dead silence. You look left and right and you detect a degree of nervousness from the 19 other officials.

Official 1: Your Highness, I… I mean no disrespect, but it’s a Horse.

Official 2: It’s a HORSE. It just REALLY looks like a Donkey. But it’s a Horse. A special Horse.

Official 3: Horse. It’s a Horse. Yeah I could have mistaken it too.

Fritz: … …

Official 4: Its DEFINITELY A HORSE. Vladimir is right. He’s absolutely right. Vladimir is 100% in the right. I’m sorry your Grace.

No other official says anything but some of them nod silently in agreement. There’s a couple of muttered “Horse” replies. No one is willing to point out the truth.

Vladimir smiles as he turns back to the King.

Vladimir: You see your Highness? It most definitely is a Horse. Now I would like your expert opinion on its quality.

Fritz completely loses it.

Fritz: GOD DAMN IT! IT’S A DONKEY! IT’S A FUCKING DONKEY! WHAT THE FUCK IS THE MATTER WITH YOU PEOPLE?!!! ARE YOU ALL BLIND IDIOTS?!!!

He points his finger straight at you.

Fritz: HEY “NSG POSTER!” Yeah I’m talking STRAIGHT at you. It’s a fucking CRIME to lie to your King and you just swore loyalty. Now tell this whole room, tell it true, and tell it right… is this a Horse or a Donkey?!!! It’s a fucking Donkey RIGHT?!!!

You look to your left and to your right, everyone looks nervous and scared. Vladimir looks supremely calm and confident. There’s 30 palace guards in the room and they have no expressions on their face.



The discussion question is this:

What do you say to the King?

(please focus your answer on what you will say to the King, if anything and your pragmatic/idealistic justification for why this is your chosen answer; try to be as realistic and serious as possible taking into account what you’ve just observed and the dynamic of the place; remember this is your first day on this job and you’re a relatively minor official)


Due to the complexity of the situation, I might edit to Clarify

“I believe it’s a Horse your Highness.”

Yeah, this Vladimir person looks like he’s going to coup the King shortly after this nonsense and the King is too ineffective to be able to do anything to prevent it.

Vladimir’s basically demonstrated that he calls the shots here. Its very unfortunate that I’ll have to be an oathbreaker on day 1 but I can’t really stand up to all the other officials all by myself.

I feel sorry for the King but… oh well…

Even a “I don’t know” is a dangerous thing to say (I judge that based on the fact that not a single person is willing to say anything but Horse. Probably all the guards are loyal to Vladimir)
Last edited by Infected Mushroom on Thu Dec 27, 2018 12:19 am, edited 8 times in total.

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Lavia Worianis
Political Columnist
 
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Founded: Dec 26, 2018
Ex-Nation

Postby Lavia Worianis » Wed Dec 26, 2018 9:07 am

Its a fucking horse. Just because you're the fucking king (and monarchy is dumb in the first place), and you're too dumb to see that that's a horse, doesn't mean its a donkey. Stupid.

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Infected Mushroom
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Founded: Apr 15, 2014
Corrupt Dictatorship

Postby Infected Mushroom » Wed Dec 26, 2018 9:08 am

Lavia Worianis wrote:Its a fucking horse. Just because you're the fucking king (and monarchy is dumb in the first place), and you're too dumb to see that that's a horse, doesn't mean its a donkey. Stupid.


:rofl:

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The Great Imperator Jeffrey
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Psychotic Dictatorship

Postby The Great Imperator Jeffrey » Wed Dec 26, 2018 9:09 am

It is neither a horse nor a donkey. It is a mule.
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Earthbound Immortal Squad
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Founded: Jul 12, 2014
Ex-Nation

Postby Earthbound Immortal Squad » Wed Dec 26, 2018 9:10 am

It must be a Donkey. My options are in no way being influenced by the fact the king cold have me killed.
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The Goggles
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Postby The Goggles » Wed Dec 26, 2018 9:13 am

I'm pretty sure that y'all are both right and it's a mule.
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Hefre Vil
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Founded: Dec 13, 2018
Ex-Nation

Postby Hefre Vil » Wed Dec 26, 2018 9:16 am

If asked if it's a horse, I'd have to say "Neigh", and excuse myself as quickly as possible.

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The New California Republic
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Civil Rights Lovefest

Postby The New California Republic » Wed Dec 26, 2018 9:19 am

Infected Mushroom wrote:What do you say to the King?

It's your mother.
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Geneviev
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Ex-Nation

Postby Geneviev » Wed Dec 26, 2018 9:21 am

It's a donkey, so I'd say that it's a donkey. It's not actually that hard.
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Linderman
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Founded: Oct 22, 2008
Ex-Nation

Postby Linderman » Wed Dec 26, 2018 9:21 am

I'm gonna say its a Horse.

I mean, the King is in big trouble. I mean, its really concerning that he can't even tell what Vladimir's intention is at all. He's angry at the WRONG things; he doesn't even see this as a power play, just as a silly argument about it being a donkey or a horse. The dude is probably pampered all his life and told people should obey him cause he's King and he's always right and now he has no idea what's up...Plus Vladimir wouldn't have made the move unless he had the people in place to back him up.

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North Soviet EastAsia
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Founded: Dec 17, 2018
Ex-Nation

Postby North Soviet EastAsia » Wed Dec 26, 2018 9:25 am

HOLD UP. It said that it is a donkey. The King is right! The other 19 doods are trying to usurp Vladimir by following him. To be honest, he's a playboy, so I'll get rid of him.

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Infected Mushroom
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Founded: Apr 15, 2014
Corrupt Dictatorship

Postby Infected Mushroom » Wed Dec 26, 2018 9:27 am

North Soviet EastAsia wrote:HOLD UP. It said that it is a donkey. The King is right! The other 19 doods are trying to usurp Vladimir by following him. To be honest, he's a playboy, so I'll get rid of him.


Ah I see.

the way I formatted is a bit confusing

I realise the OP is a bit long so it might be buried in there. I've Edited and enlarged the part where it says Vladimir walks up with a donkey (since its a key point). I can see how it might be a bit confusing since the dialogue starts in a section after the "..."
Last edited by Infected Mushroom on Wed Dec 26, 2018 9:28 am, edited 2 times in total.

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Aellex
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Ex-Nation

Postby Aellex » Wed Dec 26, 2018 9:28 am

"Looks to me a little bit on the smaller side for an horse but then again I have very little equine knowledge as I'm but an humble bureaucrat your Grace. If I had to give my opinion then a poney maybe, but since your Majesty's chancellors seem so certain of their judgment, I will defer to them in that area I lack expertise of."
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UniversalCommons
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Ex-Nation

Postby UniversalCommons » Wed Dec 26, 2018 9:30 am

Can't you see the stripes on it. It came from far away. It is a zebra. Takes out a can of black paint and bows.
Last edited by UniversalCommons on Wed Dec 26, 2018 9:38 am, edited 1 time in total.

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Ifreann
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Iron Fist Socialists

Postby Ifreann » Wed Dec 26, 2018 9:31 am

Why did you tell us that Vladimir is the one really in charge of the kingdom if we aren't supposed to know that?
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Infected Mushroom
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Corrupt Dictatorship

Postby Infected Mushroom » Wed Dec 26, 2018 9:34 am

Ifreann wrote:Why did you tell us that Vladimir is the one really in charge of the kingdom if we aren't supposed to know that?


Good point. Let me clarify.

I think it makes more sense if I just delete that paragraph.

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Infected Mushroom
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Founded: Apr 15, 2014
Corrupt Dictatorship

Postby Infected Mushroom » Wed Dec 26, 2018 9:35 am

Fixed.

Yeah, it makes no sense that you would be told information you are required to ignore. Okay, yeah, you know the information in the OP. Otherwise, wouldn't make sense.

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Alaskam
Civil Servant
 
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Founded: Nov 04, 2018
Ex-Nation

Postby Alaskam » Wed Dec 26, 2018 9:36 am

Earthbound immortal squad wrote:It must be a Donkey. My options are in no way being influenced by the fact the king cold have me killed.

You shouldn’t be worrying about the king killing you, my friend.
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Infected Mushroom
Post Czar
 
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Founded: Apr 15, 2014
Corrupt Dictatorship

Postby Infected Mushroom » Wed Dec 26, 2018 9:37 am

Interesting. Is there a rise in royalism on this server?

I'm surprised at all the pro Fritz votes! =)

Its so touching to me that so many would risk their lives for the truth and the king; didn't expect this sense of honour

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Kannap
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Postby Kannap » Wed Dec 26, 2018 9:44 am

It's clearly a zebra.
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Ifreann
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Postby Ifreann » Wed Dec 26, 2018 9:54 am

Kannap wrote:It's clearly a zebra.

Could be a zonkey.
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Kannap
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Democratic Socialists

Postby Kannap » Wed Dec 26, 2018 10:11 am

Ifreann wrote:
Kannap wrote:It's clearly a zebra.

Could be a zonkey.


It could be anything we want it to be. We're free from the rules.
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Ifreann
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Iron Fist Socialists

Postby Ifreann » Wed Dec 26, 2018 10:45 am

Kannap wrote:
Ifreann wrote:Could be a zonkey.


It could be anything we want it to be. We're free from the rules.

Where we're going we don't need horseshoes.
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Unstoppable Empire of Doom
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Ex-Nation

Postby Unstoppable Empire of Doom » Wed Dec 26, 2018 11:13 am

"I know not, your grace, for I am not in the business of husbandry. Now I believe you were discussing a fresh cup of wine yes?"
Whoever said "you can lead a horse to water but you can't make them drink" has clearly never drown a horse.

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Toaslandia
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Ex-Nation

Postby Toaslandia » Wed Dec 26, 2018 11:19 am

"Your Grace, I am an expert on horses, and that is a one of a kind, almost extinct horse from the Horsieus Fancius family. It is known to look almost exactly like a donkey, but I assure you that it is a horse."

If I simply say that it looks like a donkey but is actually a horse, I think Vladimir would let me live after he murders the King.
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