Why cant people just enjoy the holidays?

[The Niceties of Normal Moral Constraints]

Not to mention those kids foolish enough to wait up and try to catch him in the act of dropping off presents. The time dilation devices he utilizes to visit almost every house in a single night are reasonably safe, but there's a not insignificant chance that if you are awake and watching at the time you'll essentially experience the passage of 20000 years in one second.

Are exotic devices really needed, or is Santa simply portly enough to actually alter local spacetime to the necessary extent?

[<hangs ytterbium optical lattice clock with localized gravitational disturbance sensor alarm on mantelpiece>]

[Caracasus]

Not to mention those kids foolish enough to wait up and try to catch him in the act of dropping off presents. The time dilation devices he utilizes to visit almost every house in a single night are reasonably safe, but there's a not insignificant chance that if you are awake and watching at the time you'll essentially experience the passage of 20000 years in one second.

Are exotic devices really needed, or is Santa simply portly enough to actually alter local spacetime to the necessary extent?

[<hangs ytterbium optical lattice clock with localized gravitational disturbance sensor alarm on mantelpiece>]

It's a real subject of dissention among us Christmasologists, as I am sure you are aware. Now some posit that as Santa is largely composed of Chrismasarium (A somewhat stable very heavy element that has a half life of 12 days - See Einstein's paper The Twelve Days of Christmas that he can indeed alter the nature of space time in a very localized area.

However, as posited in the Laura problem (Named as you know after the six year old famous for the question 'How come Father Christmas can be at the shopping centre and the Christmas fete at the same time?') This does not account for instentaneous or near instentaneous appearences. There's simply not enough mince pies in the world.

Obviously there may well be other factors at work here, and I'll be interested in reading your papers upon publication.

[Purpelia]

And they say the people remarking on dated lyrics are taking things too seriously.

Have you missed the last 20 years and how the SJW have screwed over western civilization? Do you want to wake up one morning in a world where holidays are banned because they offend X, Y and Z?

[Cannot think of a name]

And they say the people remarking on dated lyrics are taking things too seriously.

Have you missed the last 20 years and how the SJW have screwed over western civilization? Do you want to wake up one morning in a world where holidays are banned because they offend X, Y and Z?

I'm honestly way more interested in the physics of Santa discussion that's taking place. It at least has convincing sounding made up stuff in it.

[Caracasus]

Have you missed the last 20 years and how the SJW have screwed over western civilization? Do you want to wake up one morning in a world where holidays are banned because they offend X, Y and Z?

I'm honestly way more interested in the physics of Santa discussion that's taking place. It at least has convincing sounding made up stuff in it.

Christmassology is a small but rapidly growing field and soon you'll be able to get involved! We're working on an app that'll allow people to enter if they were given coal or a present.

Obviously we urge any budding Christmassologist to take great care and avoid attempting to observe the Santa phenonama directly.

[Mystic Warriors]

I can't say I know anyone who is offended by the Holidays, whether or not it's Rudolph, Santa, religious imagery, whatever the fuck. Never in my life have I met one truly offended by the holidays.

In other words, you're essentially standing on a soapbox and talking about an issue that is about as real as Santa Claus.

Santa Claus is a very real issue. Someone could be hurt if he dropped a package and it landed on their head.

Bigger issue is him getting it on with your mom. Santa is a playa.

[Mystic Warriors]

I'm honestly way more interested in the physics of Santa discussion that's taking place. It at least has convincing sounding made up stuff in it.

Christmassology is a small but rapidly growing field and soon you'll be able to get involved! We're working on an app that'll allow people to enter if they were given coal or a present.

Obviously we urge any budding Christmassologist to take great care and avoid attempting to observe the Santa phenonama directly.

Sorry, I cant get over the fact ass is in the middle if that word.

[The Niceties of Normal Moral Constraints]

It's a real subject of dissention among us Christmasologists...

I would have said "distension," but please continue.

Now some posit that as Santa is largely composed of Chrismasarium (A somewhat stable very heavy element that has a half life of 12 days - See Einstein's paper The Twelve Days of Christmas that he can indeed alter the nature of space time in a very localized area.

Alan Einstein was a hack. That other guy has already shown that time flows relative to the observer's frame of reference. As Santa dilates, local time passes more slowly as a simple function of his increased gravitational effect. Thus, Santa can arrange lots of toys and presents perfectly under the Christmas tree, while only a few seconds pass in total, cause they're passing real slow.

It's nothing really to do with "Chrismasarium," which I'm pretty sure you just made up.

However, as posited in the Laura problem (Named as you know after the six year old famous for the question 'How come Father Christmas can be at the shopping centre and the Christmas fete at the same time?') This does not account for instentaneous or near instentaneous appearences.

Red-nosed reindeer are capable of achieving speeds manifesting relativistic effects. In fact, as Santa's sleigh approaches c (without quite getting there, seeing as how Santa is obviously not massless), the passage of time for the sleigh slows to such an extent that Santa is able to effectively deliver all presents to all homes, past, present, and future almost instantaneously. But, said presents' momentary appearance to us on Christmas Day is merely the effect of our local non-relativistic frame of reference.

It all makes sense if you try not to think about it too hard.

[The Sherpa Empire]

Santa Claus is a very real issue. Someone could be hurt if he dropped a package and it landed on their head.

Bigger issue is him getting it on with your mom. Santa is a playa.

I don't think he's into Sherpas. He always rushes through Nepal in a big hurry so he can get to those Western countries with all the blond chicks.

[The Free Joy State]

Bigger issue is him getting it on with your mom. Santa is a playa.

I don't think he's into Sherpas. He always rushes through Nepal in a big hurry so he can get to those Western countries with all the blond chicks.

I can't believe you're implying Santa -- that good-natured gift-giving elf-man, of all people -- is somewhat racist...

I am horrified.

Don't listen, children!

[The Sherpa Empire]

I don't think he's into Sherpas. He always rushes through Nepal in a big hurry so he can get to those Western countries with all the blond chicks.

I can't believe you're implying Santa -- that good-natured gift-giving elf-man, of all people -- is somewhat racist...

I am horrified.

Don't listen, children!

He's antisemitic too. Why do you think Jews don't celebrate Christmas?

[The Niceties of Normal Moral Constraints]

I'm honestly way more interested in the physics of Santa discussion that's taking place. It at least has convincing sounding made up stuff in it.

Christmassology is a small but rapidly growing field and soon you'll be able to get involved! We're working on an app that'll allow people to enter if they were given coal or a present.

Obviously we urge any budding Christmassologist to take great care and avoid attempting to observe the Santa phenonama directly.

We had originally gone with "Santatology," but come Hubbard guy threatened to sue.

[Murab]

Just to wander back to the original post...

These kind of daft stories crop up every year as filler in some of the newspapers. It's as much a Christmas tradition now as hanging up the mistletoe, so just ignore them.

[Caracasus]

It's a real subject of dissention among us Christmasologists...

I would have said "distension," but please continue.

Now some posit that as Santa is largely composed of Chrismasarium (A somewhat stable very heavy element that has a half life of 12 days - See Einstein's paper The Twelve Days of Christmas that he can indeed alter the nature of space time in a very localized area.

Alan Einstein was a hack. That other guy has already shown that time flows relative to the observer's frame of reference. As Santa dilates, local time passes more slowly as a simple function of his increased gravitational effect. Thus, Santa can arrange lots of toys and presents perfectly under the Christmas tree, while only a few seconds pass in total, cause they're passing real slow.

It's nothing really to do with "Chrismasarium," which I'm pretty sure you just made up.

However, as posited in the Laura problem (Named as you know after the six year old famous for the question 'How come Father Christmas can be at the shopping centre and the Christmas fete at the same time?') This does not account for instentaneous or near instentaneous appearences.

Red-nosed reindeer are capable of achieving speeds manifesting relativistic effects. In fact, as Santa's sleigh approaches c (without quite getting there, seeing as how Santa is obviously not massless), the passage of time for the sleigh slows to such an extent that Santa is able to effectively deliver all presents to all homes, past, present, and future almost instantaneously. But, said presents' momentary appearance to us on Christmas Day is merely the effect of our local non-relativistic frame of reference.

It all makes sense if you try not to think about it too hard.

Not quite. Admittedly the falsified data on his Jingle Bells - acuoustic resonance and multidimensional travel did nothing good for Alan's reputation, however we have identified trace amounts of Christmasarium. All it took was sneaking into the LHC at Cern and a distressingly large number of reindeer...

[Mystic Warriors]

I can't believe you're implying Santa -- that good-natured gift-giving elf-man, of all people -- is somewhat racist...

I am horrified.

Don't listen, children!

He's antisemitic too. Why do you think Jews don't celebrate Christmas?

Because the elves dont know how to make a good dreidel.

[The Sherpa Empire]

He's antisemitic too. Why do you think Jews don't celebrate Christmas?

Because the elves dont know how to make a good dreidel.

Yeah, and reindeer can't handle the altitude in the high Himalayas, BUT THAT'S NO EXCUSE!!!

[The Niceties of Normal Moral Constraints]

Not quite. Admittedly the falsified data on his Jingle Bells - acuoustic resonance and multidimensional travel did nothing good for Alan's reputation, however we have identified trace amounts of Christmasarium. All it took was sneaking into the LHC at Cern and a distressingly large number of reindeer...

High energy reindeer collisions are extremely dangerous. Not even re-gifted fruitcake is dense enough to absorb the resulting energetic particles.

[Purpelia]

Have you missed the last 20 years and how the SJW have screwed over western civilization? Do you want to wake up one morning in a world where holidays are banned because they offend X, Y and Z?

I'm honestly way more interested in the physics of Santa discussion that's taking place. It at least has convincing sounding made up stuff in it.

Made up? You seem to have forgotten that time when the English banned Christmas because it offended god.

[Mystic Warriors]

Because the elves dont know how to make a good dreidel.

Yeah, and reindeer can't handle the altitude in the high Himalayas, BUT THAT'S NO EXCUSE!!!

Do you want reindeer barf on your roof?

[Caracasus]

Not quite. Admittedly the falsified data on his Jingle Bells - acuoustic resonance and multidimensional travel did nothing good for Alan's reputation, however we have identified trace amounts of Christmasarium. All it took was sneaking into the LHC at Cern and a distressingly large number of reindeer...

High energy reindeer collisions are extremely dangerous. Not even re-gifted fruitcake is dense enough to absorb the resulting energetic particles.

True, but sometimes you have to take risks. Besides, we were willing to flood the collider with rapidly expanding plum pudding in the instance of a containment breech.

[The Free Joy State]

Because the elves dont know how to make a good dreidel.

Yeah, and reindeer can't handle the altitude in the high Himalayas, BUT THAT'S NO EXCUSE!!!

Now Santa's blaming the elves and reindeer?

Real classy, Santa! I can't believe I didn't see through you. Classic villain-with-good-publicity

If Santa's flying reindeer can climb the mountains of Switzerland, they can fly up the Himalayas. And, as for the dreidels... well, that's what happens when you use indentured elf-slave-labour...

Santa is only blaming others for his prejudices and bad labour practises!

I hope no under-age children are on the forum and reading this...

[Caracasus]

I'm honestly way more interested in the physics of Santa discussion that's taking place. It at least has convincing sounding made up stuff in it.

Made up? You seem to have forgotten that time when the English banned Christmas because it offended god.

Alright, well when the Roundheads lock the queen up in the tower we'll start to worry. Until then, it'd be great if the usual journalist suspects could stop banging on about a war on christmas, untwist their knicker elastic and just chill.

[The Free Joy State]

Made up? You seem to have forgotten that time when the English banned Christmas because it offended god.

Alright, well when the Roundheads lock the queen up in the tower we'll start to worry. Until then, it'd be great if the usual journalist suspects could stop banging on about a war on christmas, untwist their knicker elastic and just chill.

I just thought I'd leave these here: a little article about how the "war on Christmas" story started in America supplemented with a list of times the ACLU (generally, one of some on the right's favourite political punching bags for their stance against prayer in public schools) have defended people's rights to celebrate Christmas.

Basically, there is no "war on Christmas". There never has been.

The most there has been is a couple of times where people have been reminded about the US separation of Church and State (which has been blown way out of proportion by a certain section of the media and twisted for political gain) and greater visibility of other faiths alongside Christmas in the UK (again blown out of proportion by a certain section of the media and twisted for political gain).

Anyway, if a zombiefied Oliver Cromwell came back to abolish Christmas, we'd have more to worry about. Like how we wandered into a universe where necromancy is possible.

[Elwher]

for those who think the easily offended are a product of the imiganition, I present:

https://www.usatoday.com/story/life/music/2018/12/05/baby-its-cold-outside-banned-more-radio-stations-causing-uproar/2213458002/

"What's in this drink" is offensive, yet "Enthusiast of the roofie Goal is to get a floozy inside the Jacuzzi" from Chloraseptic
(Eminem, Phresher) is fine?

Personally, I think this demonstrates the unconscious racism of much of the SJW movement. White folk are held to a higher standard because those people don't know any better.

[Ghost Land]

for those who think the easily offended are a product of the imiganition, I present:

https://www.usatoday.com/story/life/music/2018/12/05/baby-its-cold-outside-banned-more-radio-stations-causing-uproar/2213458002/

"What's in this drink" is offensive, yet "Enthusiast of the roofie Goal is to get a floozy inside the Jacuzzi" from Chloraseptic
(Eminem, Phresher) is fine?

Personally, I think this demonstrates the unconscious racism of much of the SJW movement. White folk are held to a higher standard because those people don't know any better.

Exactly. Many people on the left are just as guilty of the very things that they accuse the right of; just look at the music that's on the charts these days. From the #1 song on the current Billboard Hot 100: "All of these hoes I made off records I produced / I might take all my exes and put 'em all in a group." I'd say that's easily more misogynistic than 95% of the stuff people get offended over, and yet nobody even cares about rap lyrics.

The first I heard of "White Christmas" being white-supremacist was from a local 14-year-old I know who's said very little of intelligence the entire time I've known him, so I thought he was just talking nonsense as always. Are people seriously getting their panties in a twist about a song from 1941 mentioning the colour of snow? Should we start seeding the clouds with blue food dye so that snow is blue now instead of white? I don't get it.

For an answer to the question serving as the OP of this thread, I feel a post I made on page 2 sums it up:

The holiday is already ruined by endless consumerism.

Yes. YES. YES!

I'd like to see Christmas return to being a quaint religious festival celebrating the birth of Jesus with a family dinner, as opposed to a manufactured ordeal involving stressing out about gifts for at least a month each year. As a teenager getting badgered by my parents with the question "What do you want for Christmas? What do you want from these people? What do you want from these people?" was the bane of my existence in November and December, especially considering how often it seemed that even close family members would forget about my birthday, which lies right in the middle of "Silly Season" (that term borrowed from my middle-school tech ed teacher, and my birthday being on 21 December). Granted, my parents weren't cruel enough to give me combined presents; my birthday was always celebrated on 21 Dec, give or take a couple of days if it was an awkward day of the week or there was a conflict, as a completely separate celebration, but still. I always felt like a 21 June birthday would have been better; I'd never have school on my birthday, it would usually be acceptably warm (no guarantee, though, considering I've lived in Wisconsin all my life), and the presents would be spread out more evenly through the year as opposed to being concentrated in late December.

I refuse to listen to Christmas music before 22 December so I can enjoy my birthday first; it doesn't help that most radio stations start with it in your face sometime between mid-November and mid-December, nor does it help that most Christmas music is boring anyway. (That is, with the exception of Bob Rivers, whose 1988 debut album Twisted Christmas I have on CD.)