Are YOUR eye contact habits racist?

[Minzerland II]

Saying you didn't expect someone to be gay? C'mon, this shits just overboard

It's annoying and stereotypical, especially when repeated over multiple instances. And as you saw in the summary, the harmful effects are real.

The effects they suffer from something so insignificant makes it even more difficult to be sympathetic to their 'plight'.

[Costa Fierro]

All Aspies are racist now.

You know who you are.

Hey, I hate everyone equally thank you.

Bit of a side note here, but why do people obsess over eye contact? The fact that I'm not staring at your eyeballs doesn't mean I'm not listening to you.

I guess it's something that Western society teaches people.

[36 Camera Perspective]

It's annoying and stereotypical, especially when repeated over multiple instances. And as you saw in the summary, the harmful effects are real.

The effects they suffer from something so insignificant makes it even more difficult to be sympathetic to their 'plight'.

Or people can stop asking Asians whether they're good at math because they're Asian. The Asian person benefits psychologically, and the asker benefits by not looking like an ignorant idiot anymore. Win-win.

[Olerand]

This is great. It's a real adventure watching the discoveries being made in these fields today.

[Forsher]

Let's put it this way...

Say you're an actor and you want to portray that you're uncomfortable being in the presence of the other character (or characters) in the scene with you? What do you do? (We'll imagine it's a company of anarchists who don't believe in hierarchies, i.e. there is no direct to tell you how to block or interpret the scene.)

If you said anything other than avoid eye contact, maximise distance and, probably, put up some kind of physical barrier (perhaps folded arms) you're either lying or are evidence of why anarchy doesn't work (i.e. you should not have been hired, but there was no director to turn you away).

Let's put it this way...

Say you're an actor still in the year 2018 AD and you're having a conversation about the mad man theory of international relationships in a American production of a Nixon biopic (or play, I suppose). What does your dialogue sound like? You're following up a scene where the actor playing Nixon has had an eloquent argument with with Spiro Agnew because, you know, I don't know anyone else from the era.

If you said anything other than fluid and equally eloquent you either don't know much about how dialogue tends to work in the movies, i.e. missing all the placeholders and, erm, interjections that, um, characterise real speech, or evidence for why anarchy does work (although, perhaps, intense realism is utterly unwatchable and suffers from a surfeit of pretension).

The point, as it is always useful to beat people over the head with what you mean to say, is that acting is a kind of contrived realism. It is true that, as in the first example, you're definitely conveying a certain set of meanings (to your audience) with those behaviours/choices. It is also true that there are other potential meanings... that is there is no definite meaning that you can always read into those behaviours. Which is, hopefully, made perfectly clear by the presence of the Nixon biopic... I'll give you a clue: it's not really about Nixon (or, even, our friend Spiro). Or, more violently, in real life, tell, don't show.

tl;dr -- in contract law, you cannot make silence a condition indicating acceptance (you naughty uncle you)

[Minzerland II]

The effects they suffer from something so insignificant makes it even more difficult to be sympathetic to their 'plight'.

Or people can stop asking Asians whether they're good at math because they're Asian. The Asian person benefits psychologically, and the asker benefits by not looking like an ignorant idiot anymore. Win-win.

I think the Asian person can benefit even more by growing a thicker skin, particularly by not making a mockery of themselves by looking like a fool who takes every insignificant 'micro-aggression' as a slight against their person, and allowing the offender to look like the ignorant idiot they are.

[Liriena]

A university newsletter? That's not even a storm in a teacup, y'all.

But for the sake of the argument... Even with the best intentions, the way it's phrased is kind of clumsy and overzealous. Who even wrote it?

[USS Monitor]

Bit of a side note here, but why do people obsess over eye contact? The fact that I'm not staring at your eyeballs doesn't mean I'm not listening to you.

I guess it's something that Western society teaches people.

The norms do vary between cultures. For example, in Germany, eye-contact is a big thing and people will look you in the eye much more than in the US. It sometimes comes across as nosy or pushy if you're not used to it and you don't realize it's a cultural thing.

[USS Monitor]

But here's the thing, when you're in a situation where picking up on cues like that can be pretty essential to determining how much of a threat to your physical safety someone may be to you, it's a hell of a thing to consider ignoring that information just to stand in solidarity with another oppressed group.

Avoiding eye-contact is usually a sign of fear or standoffishness, not aggression. Even when it is for racial reasons, it is not a sign that someone is a threat to your safety. It's a sign that they are scared of you or want to be left alone.

[Costa Fierro]

The norms do vary between cultures. For example, in Germany, eye-contact is a big thing and people will look you in the eye much more than in the US. It sometimes comes across as nosy or pushy if you're not used to it and you don't realize it's a cultural thing.

Yeah I had my high school social studies teacher tell me about when she had some Samoan students and one of them was getting a dressing down from another teacher. The student kept looking away but the teacher yelled at her to look him in the eye. Turns out in Samoa, looking away from someone when they are angry with you is a sign of being ashamed or something.

Also I've noticed that when I maintain eye contact with people (which I constantly remind myself to do because yay Asperger's), a lot of people seem to do it only briefly.

[Minzerland II]

Avoiding eye-contact is usually a sign of fear or standoffishness, not aggression. Even when it is for racial reasons, it is not a sign that someone is a threat to your safety. It's a sign that they are scared of you or want to be left alone.

Yeah, white people who are scared are some of the most dangerous people. Every white cop who shoots a black kid says "I was in fear of my life." And I'm saying that as a white person.

'Most dangerous people'.

[Philjia]

I don't usually look people in the eye. If I do, it's because I like them and am trying to be intimate, or because I really don't like them and am trying to intimidate them.

[Costa Fierro]

I don't usually look people in the eye. If I do, it's because I like them and am trying to be intimate, or because I really don't like them and am trying to intimidate them.

Intimidating intimacy?

[FelrikTheDeleted]

I don't usually look people in the eye. If I do, it's because I like them and am trying to be intimate, or because I really don't like them and am trying to intimidate them.

Intimidating intimacy?

Philjia: *Looks friend in the eye*

Friend: "Is that the intimate-stare or the intimidation-stare?"

Philjia: *Contiunes to stare*

Friend: "Cmon, give me a break, you're sending me mixed signals!"

[USS Monitor]

Avoiding eye-contact is usually a sign of fear or standoffishness, not aggression. Even when it is for racial reasons, it is not a sign that someone is a threat to your safety. It's a sign that they are scared of you or want to be left alone.

Yeah, white people who are scared are some of the most dangerous people. Every white cop who shoots a black kid says "I was in fear of my life." And I'm saying that as a white person.

Not that kind of scared. Seriously, there is a difference in body language between people that are just shy and people that are aggressive.

There are people that are shy around blacks, but not around whites. This has absolutely nothing to do with being violently racist. In fact, it's sometimes people that are trying really hard not be racist, but they're afraid they will slip up, and that's what makes them uncomfortable around blacks. The fact that they aren't a physical threat doesn't mean they aren't annoying, and sometimes black people do get tired of it and snap at them (or at socially awkward people whose behavior looks similar).

Aggressive people are more likely to give you dirty looks instead of looking away, or if they do look away, they'll carry themselves differently from someone who's doing it out of shyness.

Maybe there are a few black people out there who are absolutely terrible at reading body language, but in most cases, if they're getting mad at you for being shy around them, it's just a question of feeling excluded, not feeling physically threatened. Feeling excluded can still make people really upset, though.

[Minoa]

The newsletter is far too oddly specific and also failed to consider people who genuinely struggle to socialise (Autism, social anxiety, etc.).

[Austrasien]

NSG...are YOUR eye contact habits racist?

Not really but I practice every day.

[Austrasien]

Yeah, white people who are scared are some of the most dangerous people. Every white cop who shoots a black kid says "I was in fear of my life." And I'm saying that as a white person.

Much like the risk of dying of Islamic terrorism, the risk of a black man being killed by a cop is quite trivial compared to pretty much any other cause of death.

[Calladan]

Yeah, white people who are scared are some of the most dangerous people. Every white cop who shoots a black kid says "I was in fear of my life." And I'm saying that as a white person.

Much like the risk of dying of Islamic terrorism, the risk of a black man being killed by a cop is quite trivial compared to pretty much any other cause of death.

I think in the UK you are more likely to get hit by a car falling out of an aeroplane that is carrying the dead corpse of a shark than being killed by a terrorist. And the shark would have to be wearing an "Ed Clark 1980" t-shirt if you want to calculate the odds of being shot by a police officer.

[Katganistan]

It's absolutely ignorant bullshit. This is idiotic because there are cultures in which looking someone directly in the eyes is considered incredibly rude.

[Lady Scylla]

...Not looking people in the eye causes harm now?
Can you elaborate on what you mean?

Of course I'm not referring to any kind of physical harm, but I believe, consistent with psychological research, that micro-aggressions are psychologically harmful.

And I'd say said research is full of shit.

[Katganistan]

Looking somebody in the eye on the streets of New York can be considered an act of aggression, or a threat, no matter what ethnicity is involved.

So maybe do not try this outside of Oxford?

True. Subway rides are made up of the majority of people trying to find somewhere to rest their eyes that won't be considered a provocation. (A book, an ad, not looking people in the face.)

[Esternial]

Looking somebody in the eye on the streets of New York can be considered an act of aggression, or a threat, no matter what ethnicity is involved.

So maybe do not try this outside of Oxford?

True. Subway rides are made up of the majority of people trying to find somewhere to rest their eyes that won't be considered a provocation. (A book, an ad, not looking people in the face.)

Not sure it's immediately associated with aggression, but eye contact typically signals you're looking for some kind of interaction.

[The Holy Empire of Dietmaria]

my eyes are racists. it's annoying for my left-wing nose who is stuck in the middle between the two.

[Lady Scylla]

Looking somebody in the eye on the streets of New York can be considered an act of aggression, or a threat, no matter what ethnicity is involved.

So maybe do not try this outside of Oxford?

I was taught to only look at someone in the eyes if being intimate, to intimidate, or to show you were being serious. In all other cases, it's polite to avoid eye-contact.