Transgender Discussion Thread III: Vote in our poll!

[Val Halla]

I don't really worry about the perceptions of random people honestly. But it's the people who "know" you that have the effect

[Grenartia]

I don't really worry about the perceptions of random people honestly. But it's the people who "know" you that have the effect

Yeah. I don't give a shit who knows I'm trans, unless they're my boss or my grandparents.

[Vassenor]

I mean that's the thing. I'm already out to my immediate family and just about everyone who knows me. A lot of my friends have been openly supportive.

And yet I still feel like everyone's going to shut me out once I start taking the permanent steps and it becomes obvious that this isn't a phase that will pass.

[Val Halla]

Apparently a 12 year old trans girl was shot with a BB gun by another child just for being trans

It's almost like those people who say that it's bad for younger people to experiment with gender identity are actively harming people

[Vassenor]

So I kind of hit a wall since I'm still not quite sure what I'm really doing wrong presentation-wise.

I mean it's one thing to look vaguely passable in a single still photo, which I guess I manage according to some people. What I'm less sure about is my mannerisms and everything about how I present myself in general. And I'm worried that once I start trying it's going to give the game away almost instantly

[Grenartia]

Apparently a 12 year old trans girl was shot with a BB gun by another child just for being trans

It's almost like those people who say that it's bad for younger people to experiment with gender identity are actively harming people

What. The. Fuck.

So I kind of hit a wall since I'm still not quite sure what I'm really doing wrong presentation-wise.

I mean it's one thing to look vaguely passable in a single still photo, which I guess I manage according to some people. What I'm less sure about is my mannerisms and everything about how I present myself in general. And I'm worried that once I start trying it's going to give the game away almost instantly

Practice in front of people who you trust?

[Noraika]

Oh howdey y'all. Sorry for disappearing like that. I'm back~!

So I've been estranged from my parents now for over a month. I don't plan on ever speaking to them again except to wish them well on holidays. Its strange...it feels like a huge weight is off of me and I'm doing much better. With that said, if the standard measurement holds, my parents will likely be long dead before they'd even consider talking to me or accepting my identity. I'm finding work, and I'm safe in school. I'm also keeping up with my uncle and aunt who're supportive, and learned another (more distant) member of the family is transgender as well (although that part of the family is accepting).

[Noraika]

So I kind of hit a wall since I'm still not quite sure what I'm really doing wrong presentation-wise.

I mean it's one thing to look vaguely passable in a single still photo, which I guess I manage according to some people. What I'm less sure about is my mannerisms and everything about how I present myself in general. And I'm worried that once I start trying it's going to give the game away almost instantly

So...one thing I've learned very well is that confidence is extremely important. By that it doesn't mean strutting about like you own the place, but simply looking 'comfortable', for lack of better terms. Like you're kind of naturally behaving the way you are.

One thing that's very good for that is to have female friends you're out to, and simply spending time around other girls. Over time you'll start to learn how to girl by osmosis. Don't think you have to be super feminine though. Unless you feel like that's right for you. You can be a tomboy (like I am), and you can still pass fine.

[Grenartia]

Oh howdey y'all. Sorry for disappearing like that. I'm back~!

So I've been estranged from my parents now for over a month. I don't plan on ever speaking to them again except to wish them well on holidays. Its strange...it feels like a huge weight is off of me and I'm doing much better. With that said, if the standard measurement holds, my parents will likely be long dead before they'd even consider talking to me or accepting my identity. I'm finding work, and I'm safe in school. I'm also keeping up with my uncle and aunt who're supportive, and learned another (more distant) member of the family is transgender as well (although that part of the family is accepting).

Yay!

[Nature-Spirits]

Oh howdey y'all. Sorry for disappearing like that. I'm back~!

So I've been estranged from my parents now for over a month. I don't plan on ever speaking to them again except to wish them well on holidays. Its strange...it feels like a huge weight is off of me and I'm doing much better. With that said, if the standard measurement holds, my parents will likely be long dead before they'd even consider talking to me or accepting my identity. I'm finding work, and I'm safe in school. I'm also keeping up with my uncle and aunt who're supportive, and learned another (more distant) member of the family is transgender as well (although that part of the family is accepting).

That's all very good to hear!

I mean, it of course is still awful that your parents are still choosing to not accept you, but I'm glad you've cut them out of your life and you don't have to deal with their shit anymore. I'm a big proponent of cutting off toxic people.

[Aphryss]

Oh howdey y'all. Sorry for disappearing like that. I'm back~!

So I've been estranged from my parents now for over a month. I don't plan on ever speaking to them again except to wish them well on holidays. Its strange...it feels like a huge weight is off of me and I'm doing much better. With that said, if the standard measurement holds, my parents will likely be long dead before they'd even consider talking to me or accepting my identity. I'm finding work, and I'm safe in school. I'm also keeping up with my uncle and aunt who're supportive, and learned another (more distant) member of the family is transgender as well (although that part of the family is accepting).

Glad to hear you're doing well! It's good to hear that things are working out for you.

I haven't been about much myself either, in my case because I've not much to report - I'm just waiting on the HRT to start producing results now.

[Westeastern Dicantia]

Evening, everyone! I have kind of a strange question. Do I come out and do whatever it takes to get my parents to acknowledge the change, or, since I'm close to graduating, do I keep everything mostly hidden until I'm comfortable and transitioned? I tried coming out a couple times, to no real reaction, so hiding it seems like the easiest thing to do. Thoughts?

[Noraika]

Evening, everyone! I have kind of a strange question. Do I come out and do whatever it takes to get my parents to acknowledge the change, or, since I'm close to graduating, do I keep everything mostly hidden until I'm comfortable and transitioned? I tried coming out a couple times, to no real reaction, so hiding it seems like the easiest thing to do. Thoughts?

That depends on a lot.
Do you feel comfortable waiting to come out to them? Can you access transition-related services if you need to? How do your parents usually react to surprises? Are you comfortable with the risk-level of your parents? Are you safe to come out to them even if stuff goes wrong? Essentially the major question is, what's the most comfortable and effective for you as a person?

[Westeastern Dicantia]

Evening, everyone! I have kind of a strange question. Do I come out and do whatever it takes to get my parents to acknowledge the change, or, since I'm close to graduating, do I keep everything mostly hidden until I'm comfortable and transitioned? I tried coming out a couple times, to no real reaction, so hiding it seems like the easiest thing to do. Thoughts?

That depends on a lot.
Do you feel comfortable waiting to come out to them? Can you access transition-related services if you need to? How do your parents usually react to surprises? Are you comfortable with the risk-level of your parents? Are you safe to come out to them even if stuff goes wrong? Essentially the major question is, what's the most comfortable and effective for you as a person?

In all honesty, I'm not gonna be comfortable weather I wait or not. I got a number for someone who specializes in trans stuff, so I think I'm good there. I can't honestly come up with a good answer as to how they react to surprises. I don't tend to talk about stuff this personal. I don't know if I'll ever be comfortable telling them, cause I have no idea how they'll actually react, but I also don't want to keep them in the dark, cause they at least act like they care. I think I'll keep it to myself, though I really don't want to. I wish it knew what they'd think, or at least what they might think. Here's to their insurance magically eating the cost of hormones, am I right? Or at least to not getting blanked every time I try to come out. Maybe I'm being too subtle?

[Noraika]

That depends on a lot.
Do you feel comfortable waiting to come out to them? Can you access transition-related services if you need to? How do your parents usually react to surprises? Are you comfortable with the risk-level of your parents? Are you safe to come out to them even if stuff goes wrong? Essentially the major question is, what's the most comfortable and effective for you as a person?

In all honesty, I'm not gonna be comfortable weather I wait or not. I got a number for someone who specializes in trans stuff, so I think I'm good there. I can't honestly come up with a good answer as to how they react to surprises. I don't tend to talk about stuff this personal. I don't know if I'll ever be comfortable telling them, cause I have no idea how they'll actually react, but I also don't want to keep them in the dark, cause they at least act like they care. I think I'll keep it to myself, though I really don't want to. I wish it knew what they'd think, or at least what they might think. Here's to their insurance magically eating the cost of hormones, am I right? Or at least to not getting blanked every time I try to come out. Maybe I'm being too subtle?

If you don't mind my asking, how have you tried to come out to them before?

Imagine the worst possible scenario, with coming out to your parents, based on how they've reacted so far. Does this put you in a dangerous situation?

[The Serbian Empire]

I've got some possible news that I may be able to start HRT within the next four months or so. I'm going to be filling out job apps. One of them is an apprenticeship to a company with a well-written anti-discrimination policy despite all of the major plants being in states with no legal protection.

[Westeastern Dicantia]

In all honesty, I'm not gonna be comfortable weather I wait or not. I got a number for someone who specializes in trans stuff, so I think I'm good there. I can't honestly come up with a good answer as to how they react to surprises. I don't tend to talk about stuff this personal. I don't know if I'll ever be comfortable telling them, cause I have no idea how they'll actually react, but I also don't want to keep them in the dark, cause they at least act like they care. I think I'll keep it to myself, though I really don't want to. I wish it knew what they'd think, or at least what they might think. Here's to their insurance magically eating the cost of hormones, am I right? Or at least to not getting blanked every time I try to come out. Maybe I'm being too subtle?

If you don't mind my asking, how have you tried to come out to them before?

Imagine the worst possible scenario, with coming out to your parents, based on how they've reacted so far. Does this put you in a dangerous situation?

The first time, I sent my mom a brief text with the gender dysphoria wiki page linked and was like, this has been on for a while and it's gotten kinda bad. That was about a year ago. More recently, something with my "new" name came for me in the mail and I didn't get it before they did. Texted mom again to the effect of, you know the t in lgbt? That's me. And there hasn't been anything from her other than ok and no follow up, questions, or anything. Best worst case, I keep getting blanked, they don't ever try to help and I just leave because I want to. Not sure if there's a worst worst case that'll actually be dangerous. Like I said, I'm not super close, so I'm not 100% on an actual reaction from them, dad'll definitely take it worse tho. That's for sure. Mom'll act like she has a positive reaction to other people, but probably won't do anything.

[Nature-Spirits]

If you don't mind my asking, how have you tried to come out to them before?

Imagine the worst possible scenario, with coming out to your parents, based on how they've reacted so far. Does this put you in a dangerous situation?

The first time, I sent my mom a brief text with the gender dysphoria wiki page linked and was like, this has been on for a while and it's gotten kinda bad. That was about a year ago. More recently, something with my "new" name came for me in the mail and I didn't get it before they did. Texted mom again to the effect of, you know the t in lgbt? That's me. And there hasn't been anything from her other than ok and no follow up, questions, or anything. Best worst case, I keep getting blanked, they don't ever try to help and I just leave because I want to. Not sure if there's a worst worst case that'll actually be dangerous. Like I said, I'm not super close, so I'm not 100% on an actual reaction from them, dad'll definitely take it worse tho. That's for sure. Mom'll act like she has a positive reaction to other people, but probably won't do anything.

Honestly, it sounds like they're probably trying to figure things out on their own and are probably scared to bring it up. If they were going to act violently or kick you out, they probably would've done it already.

Still, you know your situation better than I do, so that's just my two cents.

[The Serbian Empire]

The first time, I sent my mom a brief text with the gender dysphoria wiki page linked and was like, this has been on for a while and it's gotten kinda bad. That was about a year ago. More recently, something with my "new" name came for me in the mail and I didn't get it before they did. Texted mom again to the effect of, you know the t in lgbt? That's me. And there hasn't been anything from her other than ok and no follow up, questions, or anything. Best worst case, I keep getting blanked, they don't ever try to help and I just leave because I want to. Not sure if there's a worst worst case that'll actually be dangerous. Like I said, I'm not super close, so I'm not 100% on an actual reaction from them, dad'll definitely take it worse tho. That's for sure. Mom'll act like she has a positive reaction to other people, but probably won't do anything.

Honestly, it sounds like they're probably trying to figure things out on their own and are probably scared to bring it up. If they were going to act violently or kick you out, they probably would've done it already.

Still, you know your situation better than I do, so that's just my two cents.

The best news is that given the given hints... the worst they'll be is ambivalent more or less.

[Socialist Tera]

I don't really worry about the perceptions of random people honestly. But it's the people who "know" you that have the effect

It depends. 33% of trans people in Australia gets attacked with a weapon. I assume it is from strangers.

[Khalisako]

Oh howdey y'all. Sorry for disappearing like that. I'm back~!

So I've been estranged from my parents now for over a month. I don't plan on ever speaking to them again except to wish them well on holidays. Its strange...it feels like a huge weight is off of me and I'm doing much better. With that said, if the standard measurement holds, my parents will likely be long dead before they'd even consider talking to me or accepting my identity. I'm finding work, and I'm safe in school. I'm also keeping up with my uncle and aunt who're supportive, and learned another (more distant) member of the family is transgender as well (although that part of the family is accepting).

Sounds like you're doing well for yourself.

Trans need ot stay together, makes rough times a bit easier having likeminded folks around.

[Liberonscien]

I was discussing transgender stuff on another forum and the following question occurred to me: Is this thread an appropriate place to discuss the theory underlying transgender stuff?

[Noraika]

I was discussing transgender stuff on another forum and the following question occurred to me: Is this thread an appropriate place to discuss the theory underlying transgender stuff?

The response that comes to mind is...why wouldn't it be?

[Vassenor]

Isn't the current state of the literature basically "it's a thing, but we're not sure why it happens"?

[Nature-Spirits]

Isn't the current state of the literature basically "it's a thing, but we're not sure why it happens"?

Yeah. There are a bunch of theories that have evidence to back them up, but that doesn't really prove much. The only thing people who study this can really agree on is that trans people aren't cis.