Transgender Discussion Thread III: Vote in our poll!

[Storhjaltland]

Hmmm... perhaps Slaanesh?

It's a thing from a tabletop science-fiction wargame...

[Vassenor]

Hmmm... perhaps Slaanesh?

It's a thing from a tabletop science-fiction wargame...

Yes, we know all about the god of Sex, Drugs and Rock'n'Roll.

[Storhjaltland]

Yes, we know all about the god of Sex, Drugs and Rock'n'Roll.

It would fit. S/he wears robes, has a horn and has a single breast.

Not going to post pictures, but you can always look it up.

[Xaseqomehia]

Okay, so y'all. I'm having like an internal meltdown, and I'm not sure if it's in a good or a bad way.

Allow me to elaborate:
My grade has gotten a lot of new students, like we've almost doubled in size, and among them is this one person I've got in my group for a group project who dresses rather androgynously and has an androgynous name put down in the directory, but has a more feminine voice, as well as facial features, and doesn't wear a coat(the thing anyone who the school says is male must wear) on Eucharist days. All my friends were saying stuff like: "Oh, yeah. [name redacted] is pretty cool," and used 'she' to refer to them. So I thought they just didn't like dresses. But then, I was looking through the student directory to get contact info for the group text, and I'm scrolling through each person's little 'profile' in the directory, and then I see under 'gender' 'male' for the person the person my friends and I have been saying is 'she'.

So, on top of the fact that they're in 'Spectrum'(My school's resident LGBTQ club) like I am, they've got that in the directory. To get to the point: I think I've been using the wrong pronoun someone who is FTM, but I don't know them well so I don't know how to ask. I just wanna get the pronoun right, but I don't know how to ask. Do any of y'all have advice on how to make sure I'm using the right pronoun for them without seeming weird/intrusive? They seem rather shy, so I'm hesitant to just straight up ask. I'd just hate to misgender somebody who's more able to express themself when I myself wish I could do the same. Thanks a bunch, y'all!

[Captain Albert Alexander Hamilton]

Okay, so y'all. I'm having like an internal meltdown, and I'm not sure if it's in a good or a bad way.

Allow me to elaborate:
My grade has gotten a lot of new students, like we've almost doubled in size, and among them is this one person I've got in my group for a group project who dresses rather androgynously and has an androgynous name put down in the directory, but has a more feminine voice, as well as facial features, and doesn't wear a coat(the thing anyone who the school says is male must wear) on Eucharist days. All my friends were saying stuff like: "Oh, yeah. [name redacted] is pretty cool," and used 'she' to refer to them. So I thought they just didn't like dresses. But then, I was looking through the student directory to get contact info for the group text, and I'm scrolling through each person's little 'profile' in the directory, and then I see under 'gender' 'male' for the person the person my friends and I have been saying is 'she'.

So, on top of the fact that they're in 'Spectrum'(My school's resident LGBTQ club) like I am, they've got that in the directory. To get to the point: I think I've been using the wrong pronoun someone who is FTM, but I don't know them well so I don't know how to ask. I just wanna get the pronoun right, but I don't know how to ask. Do any of y'all have advice on how to make sure I'm using the right pronoun for them without seeming weird/intrusive? They seem rather shy, so I'm hesitant to just straight up ask. I'd just hate to misgender somebody who's more able to express themself when I myself wish I could do the same. Thanks a bunch, y'all!

Just ask. You could even do so electronically if that would work better for you. Say something along the lines of "What pronouns do you use?" It's kind of awkward, to ask, but it will be appreciated.

[Philjia]

Okay, so y'all. I'm having like an internal meltdown, and I'm not sure if it's in a good or a bad way.

Allow me to elaborate:
My grade has gotten a lot of new students, like we've almost doubled in size, and among them is this one person I've got in my group for a group project who dresses rather androgynously and has an androgynous name put down in the directory, but has a more feminine voice, as well as facial features, and doesn't wear a coat(the thing anyone who the school says is male must wear) on Eucharist days. All my friends were saying stuff like: "Oh, yeah. [name redacted] is pretty cool," and used 'she' to refer to them. So I thought they just didn't like dresses. But then, I was looking through the student directory to get contact info for the group text, and I'm scrolling through each person's little 'profile' in the directory, and then I see under 'gender' 'male' for the person the person my friends and I have been saying is 'she'.

So, on top of the fact that they're in 'Spectrum'(My school's resident LGBTQ club) like I am, they've got that in the directory. To get to the point: I think I've been using the wrong pronoun someone who is FTM, but I don't know them well so I don't know how to ask. I just wanna get the pronoun right, but I don't know how to ask. Do any of y'all have advice on how to make sure I'm using the right pronoun for them without seeming weird/intrusive? They seem rather shy, so I'm hesitant to just straight up ask. I'd just hate to misgender somebody who's more able to express themself when I myself wish I could do the same. Thanks a bunch, y'all!

Just ask why it says they're a boy on their details. Yeah, it'll be a bit awkward, but not as bad as constantly calling someone a girl who isn't one.

[Xaseqomehia]

Okay, so y'all. I'm having like an internal meltdown, and I'm not sure if it's in a good or a bad way.

Allow me to elaborate:
My grade has gotten a lot of new students, like we've almost doubled in size, and among them is this one person I've got in my group for a group project who dresses rather androgynously and has an androgynous name put down in the directory, but has a more feminine voice, as well as facial features, and doesn't wear a coat(the thing anyone who the school says is male must wear) on Eucharist days. All my friends were saying stuff like: "Oh, yeah. [name redacted] is pretty cool," and used 'she' to refer to them. So I thought they just didn't like dresses. But then, I was looking through the student directory to get contact info for the group text, and I'm scrolling through each person's little 'profile' in the directory, and then I see under 'gender' 'male' for the person the person my friends and I have been saying is 'she'.

So, on top of the fact that they're in 'Spectrum'(My school's resident LGBTQ club) like I am, they've got that in the directory. To get to the point: I think I've been using the wrong pronoun someone who is FTM, but I don't know them well so I don't know how to ask. I just wanna get the pronoun right, but I don't know how to ask. Do any of y'all have advice on how to make sure I'm using the right pronoun for them without seeming weird/intrusive? They seem rather shy, so I'm hesitant to just straight up ask. I'd just hate to misgender somebody who's more able to express themself when I myself wish I could do the same. Thanks a bunch, y'all!

Just ask. You could even do so electronically if that would work better for you. Say something along the lines of "What pronouns do you use?" It's kind of awkward, to ask, but it will be appreciated.

That's what I was thinking. Unfortunately, I wasn't able to get any contact info from the directory

[Noraika]

Just ask. You could even do so electronically if that would work better for you. Say something along the lines of "What pronouns do you use?" It's kind of awkward, to ask, but it will be appreciated.

That's what I was thinking. Unfortunately, I wasn't able to get any contact info from the directory

To be honest I'm surprised pronouns weren't gone through in your lgbt+ group. It's usually something they do with introductions. It might be a tad weird at first, but why not just ask next time you talk about it with them. No need to make a big deal about it, just next time you're talking with them ask what they'd like you to call them. It can be a little awkward, but I think it'd definitely be more appreciated than misgendering.

[Xaseqomehia]

That's what I was thinking. Unfortunately, I wasn't able to get any contact info from the directory

To be honest I'm surprised pronouns weren't gone through in your lgbt+ group. It's usually something they do with introductions. It might be a tad weird at first, but why not just ask next time you talk about it with them. No need to make a big deal about it, just next time you're talking with them ask what they'd like you to call them. It can be a little awkward, but I think it'd definitely be more appreciated than misgendering.

I actually somehow managed to figure it out without even asking. The pronoun is 'she'. The directory is either a clerical error or the school mixing up sex and gender for somebody who's mtf. Figures. All I needed to do was sit outside for once, since the new students at my school came from only a few other schools and mostly know one another, so they knew which pronoun to use definitively. Mental crisis averted for me.

I think I may have missed the pronouns bit, since I wasn't at the first meeting.

In other news, I started talking with my counsellor. Though he can't really prescribe anything, hopefully he'll be able to offer me some good advice, since one of his specialties is LGBTQ teens. I'm also going to start going to my stepmother's hair stylist instead of my dad's barber(he watches Fox News and does the number system) and my mom's hair stylist, who's really close friends with my mother, so god forbid I get something longer than half covering my ears.

And I'm working on sneak-buying a gaff or two at my dad's house, which I think he's cool with anyway, so maybe I'll at least have something.

Oh, and today was absolutely wonderful, to the point where even the locker rooms couldn't ruin it. Last night, I had my first first-person dream in years, and, in the dream, I go in the boy's restroom, look in the mirror, and saw myself, but completely female. And I'm getting a smartphone because my lack thereof is beginning to cost me academically in coordination for group projects. Double yay. But my mother refuses to just let me use her old case because it's purple, and 'That's a girl colour. You're a boy'. So I'm going to spite her for it with a gay space rock case, also known as Steven Universe, but she doesn't know that. It'll be an inside joke between everyone who isn't part of my mother's family.

I'm rambling now. But I'm for once super happy!

[Grenartia]

To be honest I'm surprised pronouns weren't gone through in your lgbt+ group. It's usually something they do with introductions. It might be a tad weird at first, but why not just ask next time you talk about it with them. No need to make a big deal about it, just next time you're talking with them ask what they'd like you to call them. It can be a little awkward, but I think it'd definitely be more appreciated than misgendering.

I actually somehow managed to figure it out without even asking. The pronoun is 'she'. The directory is either a clerical error or the school mixing up sex and gender for somebody who's mtf. Figures. All I needed to do was sit outside for once, since the new students at my school came from only a few other schools and mostly know one another, so they knew which pronoun to use definitively. Mental crisis averted for me.

I think I may have missed the pronouns bit, since I wasn't at the first meeting.

In other news, I started talking with my counsellor. Though he can't really prescribe anything, hopefully he'll be able to offer me some good advice, since one of his specialties is LGBTQ teens. I'm also going to start going to my stepmother's hair stylist instead of my dad's barber(he watches Fox News and does the number system) and my mom's hair stylist, who's really close friends with my mother, so god forbid I get something longer than half covering my ears.

And I'm working on sneak-buying a gaff or two at my dad's house, which I think he's cool with anyway, so maybe I'll at least have something.

Oh, and today was absolutely wonderful, to the point where even the locker rooms couldn't ruin it. Last night, I had my first first-person dream in years, and, in the dream, I go in the boy's restroom, look in the mirror, and saw myself, but completely female. And I'm getting a smartphone because my lack thereof is beginning to cost me academically in coordination for group projects. Double yay. But my mother refuses to just let me use her old case because it's purple, and 'That's a girl colour. You're a boy'. So I'm going to spite her for it with a gay space rock case, also known as Steven Universe, but she doesn't know that. It'll be an inside joke between everyone who isn't part of my mother's family.

I'm rambling now. But I'm for once super happy!

I'm happy for you.

Also, number system?

[Xaseqomehia]

I actually somehow managed to figure it out without even asking. The pronoun is 'she'. The directory is either a clerical error or the school mixing up sex and gender for somebody who's mtf. Figures. All I needed to do was sit outside for once, since the new students at my school came from only a few other schools and mostly know one another, so they knew which pronoun to use definitively. Mental crisis averted for me.

I think I may have missed the pronouns bit, since I wasn't at the first meeting.

In other news, I started talking with my counsellor. Though he can't really prescribe anything, hopefully he'll be able to offer me some good advice, since one of his specialties is LGBTQ teens. I'm also going to start going to my stepmother's hair stylist instead of my dad's barber(he watches Fox News and does the number system) and my mom's hair stylist, who's really close friends with my mother, so god forbid I get something longer than half covering my ears.

And I'm working on sneak-buying a gaff or two at my dad's house, which I think he's cool with anyway, so maybe I'll at least have something.

Oh, and today was absolutely wonderful, to the point where even the locker rooms couldn't ruin it. Last night, I had my first first-person dream in years, and, in the dream, I go in the boy's restroom, look in the mirror, and saw myself, but completely female. And I'm getting a smartphone because my lack thereof is beginning to cost me academically in coordination for group projects. Double yay. But my mother refuses to just let me use her old case because it's purple, and 'That's a girl colour. You're a boy'. So I'm going to spite her for it with a gay space rock case, also known as Steven Universe, but she doesn't know that. It'll be an inside joke between everyone who isn't part of my mother's family.

I'm rambling now. But I'm for once super happy!

I'm happy for you.

Also, number system?

Thanks! The number system I'm referring to is the North Korea/Iran-like thing where you have a list of hairstyles and you can pick one of like 40.

Otherwise, hopefully, with the smartphone, I'll be able to stay home completely alone, and practice more voice training than just attempting to sing in sync with the women in my church.

[Grenartia]

I'm happy for you.

Also, number system?

Thanks! The number system I'm referring to is the North Korea/Iran-like thing where you have a list of hairstyles and you can pick one of like 40.

Otherwise, hopefully, with the smartphone, I'll be able to stay home completely alone, and practice more voice training than just attempting to sing in sync with the women in my church.

Oh, that one.

Nice.

[The Serbian Empire]

I'm happy for you.

Also, number system?

Thanks! The number system I'm referring to is the North Korea/Iran-like thing where you have a list of hairstyles and you can pick one of like 40.

Otherwise, hopefully, with the smartphone, I'll be able to stay home completely alone, and practice more voice training than just attempting to sing in sync with the women in my church.

Why is North Korea so strange? Just one of those things that I'd almost certainly consider as a transphobic regime.

[Hetalia Dakota 2 II]

What should I do to celebrate a year on HRT when it comes up?

[The Blaatschapen]

What should I do to celebrate a year on HRT when it comes up?

Whatever you deem appropriate to the occasion.

[Serrus]

What should I do to celebrate a year on HRT when it comes up?

Cake. But then again, I always suggest cake.

[Xaseqomehia]

What should I do to celebrate a year on HRT when it comes up?

Put on your favourite outfit, go out to eat [with friends if you like] at your favourite restaurant, and just do what you love!

Now this could probably be applied to birthdays to, but it works.

[Dumb Ideologies]

What should I do to celebrate a year on HRT when it comes up?

I always celebrate significant anniversaries by logging onto old trans community websites I used to visit and smugly contemplating how much better my life's gone and how much better a person I am than all the petty, bitchy, personality disorder "catch-em-all" opinion-policing SJW cliqueists that I had to suffer through when I used to rely on the """community""" for some of my social support and validation.

I think you're probably a nicer, less bitter and less schadenfreude-enjoying sort than me, so your mileage may vary. Probably quietly celebrate with friends (I tried to torrent some of those but I got thrown out for being a leecher)

[Vassenor]

Back to realising I need more female clothes in my wardrobe. Still not sure what sort of look I'm going for.

Another endless cycle that just ends with nothing getting done.

[Soyouso]

Oh great. Now my mom's trying to pressure me into going to a church youth group even though
a) She knows I'm shy as hell and don't like being forced to talk to people because it makes it even more awkward. She keeps trying to force me to get more friends.
b) She knows I hate church because of how horrible people from my religion can be to people like me. Church is something I gave up for the sake of my mental health, it's like reclosetting being in there. It's like she ignored what I said just because the church doesn't know and forced me to attend a service.
c) She knows I'll be too busy with homework once school starts to juggle this.
d) I kept saying no and the lady in charge kept doing that uncomfortably nice "Listen to me dammit" thing and my mom didn't even stick up for me she just let her keep doing it until I was forced to say yes so she'd leave me alone. She really fucking creeps me out I don't want to see her.

[Xaseqomehia]

Oh great. Now my mom's trying to pressure me into going to a church youth group even though
a) She knows I'm shy as hell and don't like being forced to talk to people because it makes it even more awkward. She keeps trying to force me to get more friends.
b) She knows I hate church because of how horrible people from my religion can be to people like me. Church is something I gave up for the sake of my mental health, it's like reclosetting being in there. It's like she ignored what I said just because the church doesn't know and forced me to attend a service.
c) She knows I'll be too busy with homework once school starts to juggle this.
d) I kept saying no and the lady in charge kept doing that uncomfortably nice "Listen to me dammit" thing and my mom didn't even stick up for me she just let her keep doing it until I was forced to say yes so she'd leave me alone. She really fucking creeps me out I don't want to see her.

That's just mean of your mother. Mine does make similar insistences, so maybe I can help, at least a little.
a) I don't even think that's first bit is even completely against your gender identity, since I know some of my cis friends have a similar problem. I think that's your mother trying to force you to be an ambivert when you're not.
b) Perhaps you can beat her at her own game. That's what I did to my mother. She kept trying to get me to become a member of conservative congregations, but I didn't want to. Instead, I joined an episcopal church and did my best to be pious there. There are quite a few Protestant churches that are more accepting of LGBTQ folks, so if you can find one, preferably that a good friend goes to as well, you can be uncloseted in a more accepting environment. #NotAdvertising
c) If you can, be sure to tell her that it may academically affect you. I find nothing whips difficult parent/guardians into place like telling them they're making you do worse in school because of a particular action.
d) I hate when people do that. I don't know what to suggest other than to be polite and undermine their efforts while pretending to be oblivious of the fact that you are. Whenever I've done this, they eventually just get frustrated of trying to explain something to somebody who doesn't seem to get the message.

I find, no matter how obnoxious or passive aggressive somebody is to you, if the act that annoys you becomes more frustrating for them than it is for you, they'll eventually give up and try something else.

[Soyouso]

Oh great. Now my mom's trying to pressure me into going to a church youth group even though
a) She knows I'm shy as hell and don't like being forced to talk to people because it makes it even more awkward. She keeps trying to force me to get more friends.
b) She knows I hate church because of how horrible people from my religion can be to people like me. Church is something I gave up for the sake of my mental health, it's like reclosetting being in there. It's like she ignored what I said just because the church doesn't know and forced me to attend a service.
c) She knows I'll be too busy with homework once school starts to juggle this.
d) I kept saying no and the lady in charge kept doing that uncomfortably nice "Listen to me dammit" thing and my mom didn't even stick up for me she just let her keep doing it until I was forced to say yes so she'd leave me alone. She really fucking creeps me out I don't want to see her.

That's just mean of your mother. Mine does make similar insistences, so maybe I can help, at least a little.
a) I don't even think that's first bit is even completely against your gender identity, since I know some of my cis friends have a similar problem. I think that's your mother trying to force you to be an ambivert when you're not.
b) Perhaps you can beat her at her own game. That's what I did to my mother. She kept trying to get me to become a member of conservative congregations, but I didn't want to. Instead, I joined an episcopal church and did my best to be pious there. There are quite a few Protestant churches that are more accepting of LGBTQ folks, so if you can find one, preferably that a good friend goes to as well, you can be uncloseted in a more accepting environment. #NotAdvertising
c) If you can, be sure to tell her that it may academically affect you. I find nothing whips difficult parent/guardians into place like telling them they're making you do worse in school because of a particular action.
d) I hate when people do that. I don't know what to suggest other than to be polite and undermine their efforts while pretending to be oblivious of the fact that you are. Whenever I've done this, they eventually just get frustrated of trying to explain something to somebody who doesn't seem to get the message.

I find, no matter how obnoxious or passive aggressive somebody is to you, if the act that annoys you becomes more frustrating for them than it is for you, they'll eventually give up and try something else.

That is diabolical and I love it. I'll try my best to get her to give up.

[Serrus]

That's just mean of your mother. Mine does make similar insistences, so maybe I can help, at least a little.
a) I don't even think that's first bit is even completely against your gender identity, since I know some of my cis friends have a similar problem. I think that's your mother trying to force you to be an ambivert when you're not.
b) Perhaps you can beat her at her own game. That's what I did to my mother. She kept trying to get me to become a member of conservative congregations, but I didn't want to. Instead, I joined an episcopal church and did my best to be pious there. There are quite a few Protestant churches that are more accepting of LGBTQ folks, so if you can find one, preferably that a good friend goes to as well, you can be uncloseted in a more accepting environment. #NotAdvertising
c) If you can, be sure to tell her that it may academically affect you. I find nothing whips difficult parent/guardians into place like telling them they're making you do worse in school because of a particular action.
d) I hate when people do that. I don't know what to suggest other than to be polite and undermine their efforts while pretending to be oblivious of the fact that you are. Whenever I've done this, they eventually just get frustrated of trying to explain something to somebody who doesn't seem to get the message.

I find, no matter how obnoxious or passive aggressive somebody is to you, if the act that annoys you becomes more frustrating for them than it is for you, they'll eventually give up and try something else.

That is diabolical and I love it. I'll try my best to get her to give up.

I would say "let's form a Sith Triumvirate," given that I am a Sith, Audrey is 90% of the way there, and Soyouso is barreling down the path as we speak, but since that ended with betrayal, revenge, subservience, and lots and lots of murder, I'll pass. However, if you need more Sithy tactics...*does "TG me" gesture*

[Soyouso]

That is diabolical and I love it. I'll try my best to get her to give up.

I would say "let's form a Sith Triumvirate," given that I am a Sith, Audrey is 90% of the way there, and Soyouso is barreling down the path as we speak, but since that ended with betrayal, revenge, subservience, and lots and lots of murder, I'll pass. However, if you need more Sithy tactics...*does "TG me" gesture*

Goody, I finally found a signature quote, if it fits.

[Xaseqomehia]

That is diabolical and I love it. I'll try my best to get her to give up.

I would say "let's form a Sith Triumvirate," given that I am a Sith, Audrey is 90% of the way there, and Soyouso is barreling down the path as we speak, but since that ended with betrayal, revenge, subservience, and lots and lots of murder, I'll pass. However, if you need more Sithy tactics...*does "TG me" gesture*

I am a fabulous Tokugawa. I'll just wait until my problems drop dead.