Relationship and getting one thread

[Vubaria]

Walk up to a woman and say "I have no money but would you go out with me anyway?" and see how far you get with that. Your providing for another person because there is no way in hell any self-respecting woman is going to pay for dates or for anything else in the relationship. You're the man, you provide.



I'm not saying it's the end of the world but you can pretty much kiss goodbye any chance of dating.

Some of my best dates have been cheap wine and fast food in a public park. I'm as poor as fuck.

This isn't really related to dating; and this might not apply worldwide, but Harvard did a study and an unemployed man was 33% more likely to get divorced all other things equal.

It's not a hard and fast rule, but having gainful employment absolutely does impact your dating success. It is common for a man to date a poor woman; significantly less so a woman a poor man.

[Socialist Tera]

Some of my best dates have been cheap wine and fast food in a public park. I'm as poor as fuck.

This isn't really related to dating; and this might not apply worldwide, but Harvard did a study and an unemployed man was 33% more likely to get divorced all other things equal.

It's not a hard and fast rule, but having gainful employment absolutely does impact your dating success. It is common for a man to date a poor woman; significantly less so a woman a poor man.

It is also age dependent.

[Vubaria]

This isn't really related to dating; and this might not apply worldwide, but Harvard did a study and an unemployed man was 33% more likely to get divorced all other things equal.

It's not a hard and fast rule, but having gainful employment absolutely does impact your dating success. It is common for a man to date a poor woman; significantly less so a woman a poor man.

It is also age dependent.

Perhaps so, but if you are looking for a long-term relationship, women absolutely do value career success, as a general rule. They might not care about you having a lot of money right now, but they often expect you to at least be able to provide a middle-class income if at all possible.

[Irona]

It is also age dependent.

Perhaps so, but if you are looking for a long-term relationship, women absolutely do value career success, as a general rule. They might not care about you having a lot of money right now, but they often expect you to at least be able to provide a middle-class income if at all possible.

Of course they do, I'm sure you would prefer to marry somebody who has career prospects rather than somebody who does not.

[Socialist Tera]

Perhaps so, but if you are looking for a long-term relationship, women absolutely do value career success, as a general rule. They might not care about you having a lot of money right now, but they often expect you to at least be able to provide a middle-class income if at all possible.

Of course they do, I'm sure you would prefer to marry somebody who has career prospects rather than somebody who does not.

Well, then. I am screwed. I am just a poor unemployed writer.

[Vubaria]

Perhaps so, but if you are looking for a long-term relationship, women absolutely do value career success, as a general rule. They might not care about you having a lot of money right now, but they often expect you to at least be able to provide a middle-class income if at all possible.

Of course they do, I'm sure you would prefer to marry somebody who has career prospects rather than somebody who does not.

Of course I would, but most men are also willing to marry women with 0 career prospects and willing be a stay-at-home mom. Very, very few women wish to marry a man that wants to be a stay-at-home dad.

There always exceptions to generalizations, but societal factors make this generally true

[Vubaria]

Of course they do, I'm sure you would prefer to marry somebody who has career prospects rather than somebody who does not.

Well, then. I am screwed. I am just a poor unemployed writer.

You won't have to worry if you make it big someday. Your probably won't, but if you do you'll have whoever you want.

[Salus Maior]

Of course they do, I'm sure you would prefer to marry somebody who has career prospects rather than somebody who does not.

Well, then. I am screwed. I am just a poor unemployed writer.

Eh, I know plenty of girls like creative types. And besides, if she has a career it wouldn't matter if you don't.

[Cannot think of a name]

It is also age dependent.

Perhaps so, but if you are looking for a long-term relationship, women absolutely do value career success, as a general rule. They might not care about you having a lot of money right now, but they often expect you to at least be able to provide a middle-class income if at all possible.

You just made a leap from 'unemployed' to 'provide middle class income.'

My girlfriend doesn't give a shit that I don't make that much money but she doesn't want to have to support me (nor is she interested in me supporting her).

[Costa Fierro]

No.

But people who would, would probably agree.
Hence the parallels I didn't want to draw.

So you're implying that I would beat or abuse women in some way?

Already managed that myself a couple of times when I was younger, thanks.

Sure. I bet you've also met the President. And the Queen.

The type of things you're saying are very, very commonly said by those who end up abusing women.

And do you have any proof of this?

[Freefall11111]

Of course they do, I'm sure you would prefer to marry somebody who has career prospects rather than somebody who does not.

Of course I would, but most men are also willing to marry women with 0 career prospects and willing be a stay-at-home mom. Very, very few women wish to marry a man that wants to be a stay-at-home dad.

There always exceptions to generalizations, but societal factors make this generally true

I'd say given how quickly women have entered the labour force in the 2nd half of the 20th century, this is increasingly less true.

[Costa Fierro]

When I was in school

Oh here we fucking go. Another "adult" who thinks they're teaching a "child" their life experiences, even though you're probably younger than I am.

[Soldati Senza Confini]

When I was in school

Oh here we fucking go. Another "adult" who thinks they're teaching a "child" their life experiences, even though you're probably younger than I am.

There's several people who are older than you, and more successful at you, at getting dates.

What do you want, for us to pat you in the back and throw you a pity party and go "oh yea, of course you're right! All women are a bunch of fucking leeching golddiggers! The whores!"?

[Bakery Hill]

Oh here we fucking go. Another "adult" who thinks they're teaching a "child" their life experiences, even though you're probably younger than I am.

There's several people who are older than you, and more successful at you, at getting dates.

What do you want, for us to pat you in the back and throw you a pity party?

Isn't that the point of the thread? I mean god forbid we try and learn something on this forum.

[Freefall11111]

When I was in school

Oh here we fucking go. Another "adult" who thinks they're teaching a "child" their life experiences, even though you're probably younger than I am.

I struggle to understand why anyone is even trying to help you anymore, given that you're obviously not interested in any advice.

[Morvalistan]

Talkin to a romantic interest and longtime friend who has a boyfriend.

[Costa Fierro]

First of all "getting in shape" has many distinct categories.

Not really. Getting in shape basically means "don't be fat" and "be muscular". But not too muscular.

I am "in shape" for my height and weight.

Eh, I don't want to sound insulting or look like I'm flaming but I disagree. I'm not saying your fat but I wouldn't be surprised if you posted pictures of yourself to things like /r/amisexy or /r/rateme, you'd get a lot of people saying "lose weight and hit the gym".

Now, if I date someone, would they want me to be less fat around the waist and have a six pack? Maybe, maybe not.

They would. Most woman would want someone that has a flat stomach, so very little if any belly fat. Six-packs aren't the clincher but they're bonus points if you have them.

Do I want to please that kind of people? No, absolutely not.

So you're saying you don't want to please a majority of women? Well, that's your call.

In regards of the male physique article, you will see a vast difference between what women like and what men like based on the article.

Which I found really surprising. They also had one for women and it showed that women too were completely out of touch with what men preferred also.

While the majority of men polled wanted to look like Mr. Olympia, many women liked less muscular, and more toned guys. If it was as you claim, then men's percentages would strongly correlate to the ones women had.

It was as I claim, because there still is defined muscularity but it's not as over-the-top as the body-building types. When I say muscular, I mean someone who has defined muscles, not someone with flabby arms and a pot belly. Someone who looks like they can lift two sacks of cement without any strain or someone who looks athletic.

And even then, your own data shows there's at least 25% of women who don't care (if we think of the other two categories as "Other body type"), so there is at least 1 out of 4 women who don't care what you look like, as long as you look like something.

I read the article again and it shows 20.6% who "didn't care", which isn't really a "not caring what someone looks like" as it referred to someone who is naturally "chubby" anyway. They just want someone who is at the very least, confident with their body. Which is ridiculous because few men actually are.

As for the "older members" bit. I'm 27 and still going out with women and dating.

Yes but you're dating in the modern era. I'm talking about the men in their 40's and 50's who were in their 20's around 25-30 years ago. Ironically I should be paying more attention to your supposed experiences than someone who was dating 30 years ago. Although I cannot and won't, principally because you live in a different, less affluent country and so where the proverbial "bar" in terms of what women consider "average" in your country is likely different to mine. That goes for things like affluence, job security, physical attractiveness etc.

The married people who have spoken in this thread are right though, and let me tell you why: there's always been this perception that women are highly selective.

It's not "perception", it's fact. I'd even go so far as to say most women would agree that online dating sites and apps like Tinder have greatly enabled them to be much more selective than they would have been before.

Times have not changed from when they were dating to how I date.

Now you're just being ignorant. They have. Why else would there be a rise in men who cannot find dates or who cannot get a girlfriend? Why have things like "Men Going Their Own Way" exist but are also becoming increasingly well known and popular among men?

You might think that with the times things change, and that it has some logical basis, but it's not grounded in fact.

I don't think. A lot of young people would agree with me that things have changed and that being more selective has had a considerable influence on how the modern dating scene works.

What they were doing 20-50 years ago to get a woman is the same thing I'm doing to get a woman. Times have not changed.

They have changed. Standards may not have changed where you live, but they have where I live and I can guarantee they have in most First World Anglophone nations also.

I don't even use dating websites to have a date.

You live in a much poorer part of the world than I do, so it would make sense that most people wouldn't have access to computers or mobile phones.

Also, while a majority of women care about finances, physique, and a job doesn't mean ALL do.

It does. Those that claim it don't are only saying so because they don't want to seem shallow. It's pretty much a certainty that if you don't meet their financial, physical or employment criteria that you're not going to get much more from them other than small talk.

Your very own data, which concludes as a majority of women, destroys your notion that ALL women want someone who is financially stable and with good looks, and it also destroys the notion that you can't get a date without money or good looks, because apparently there's a minority of women who don't give a shit about either one of those things.

The minority doesn't really matter, for the reason I have outlined above. It hasn't destroyed it at all, but rather simply reaffirmed what I already know.

Simply by the fact that a majority does not equal all makes your notion that all women seek to be with someone with good physique and financial stability bunk.

A simple majority is all I really need. The fact remains that a woman may say that she doesn't care about physical looks or status or job security or affluence but she does. She just doesn't want to admit it.

[Costa Fierro]

There's several people who are older than you, and more successful at you, at getting dates.

You mean the five or six unsubstantiated claims from people who also claim to have done a bunch of other things? You do realize this is the internet?

What do you want, for us to pat you in the back and throw you a pity party and go "oh yea, of course you're right! All women are a bunch of fucking leeching golddiggers! The whores!"?

Certainly not fucking pity. No, I want people simply to be more cautious about who they date and to avoid being exploited or manipulated or abused. I don't want people going into a relationship thinking everything is candlelight dinners, flowers and all that other crap. Is it wrong for me to say "be careful because there is a lot of shitty people out there"?

I struggle to understand why anyone is even trying to help you anymore, given that you're obviously not interested in any advice.

Because I don't want advice or help, so stop fucking giving it to me. If I want help, I'll fucking ask for it.

[USS Monitor]

Of course they do, I'm sure you would prefer to marry somebody who has career prospects rather than somebody who does not.

Of course I would, but most men are also willing to marry women with 0 career prospects and willing be a stay-at-home mom. Very, very few women wish to marry a man that wants to be a stay-at-home dad.

There always exceptions to generalizations, but societal factors make this generally true

I'd be OK with a guy who wants to be a stay at home dad, but I would still expect him to contribute financially until the first kid is born.

[USS Monitor]

I struggle to understand why anyone is even trying to help you anymore, given that you're obviously not interested in any advice.

Because I don't want advice or help, so stop fucking giving it to me. If I want help, I'll fucking ask for it.

So why do you keep posting in this thread? It's pretty fucking obvious that nobody else wants advice from you.

[The Blaatschapen]

I think this thread has run its course, mostly.

I lock.

The Blaatschapen - Nationstates Moderator