Relationship and getting one thread

[Black Mars]

Would the smarticle particles of this esteemed web thread have any advice for an Asexual INFP, who's terrible at selling themselves, and who has not been in a relationship ever?

Asking love advice on the internet is like being blind and asking a random stranger about personality issues.

[Costa Fierro]

I'm getting it out of the way to dispel the disturbingly common "I can't get with a girl so therefore I'm asexual because I'm not getting any".
Just in case.

No that's not it at all. My need for a partner is purely emotional. The not getting with people has made me less of a romantic, but I've never been interested in the intercourse part of the relationship. Tbh the idea of all those bodily fluids actually kinda squicks me out a bit. This was the case when I was at the height of puberty. This was the case even after I tried some form of self inflicted "conversion therapy" to try and make myself normal. This will probably remain the case for the rest of my life. When I lament aloneness, its the emotional disconnection that I be lamenting.

I'm not sure if this helps or not, or is even relevant, but have you perhaps consulted a therapist? Like, I get that you seem to know what you want, but this thread really isn't going to help you in terms of getting into a relationship sans intercourse. So maybe seeing a therapist would probably be better.

In my own uneducated opinion, of course. Unless you've already seen one already.

[Arkinesia]

No that's not it at all. My need for a partner is purely emotional. The not getting with people has made me less of a romantic, but I've never been interested in the intercourse part of the relationship. Tbh the idea of all those bodily fluids actually kinda squicks me out a bit. This was the case when I was at the height of puberty. This was the case even after I tried some form of self inflicted "conversion therapy" to try and make myself normal. This will probably remain the case for the rest of my life. When I lament aloneness, its the emotional disconnection that I be lamenting.

Consider visiting a therapist and talking about your hygiene concerns regarding sex. There could be something else underlying it. Even if you are actually asexual, that doesn't mean you have to be alone, you just have to find your own ways of dealing with it when you find someone you enjoy connecting with.

[Imperializt Russia]

I almost pulled last night. Quite disappointed now.

Was at my favourite bar, on my own, and three women walk up to the bar, one of them tells me to tell one of the other's she's gorgeous because, I dunno, she's having a crisis or something, the three of them are clearly plastered.
They realise I'm on my own, and tell me to go upstairs with them to play beer pong.
I was a bit shell shocked by women actually coming up to me, which was something of a first.

One of them, who's probably the drunkest and sounds really annoying (and told me she had two kids without prompting) demands one of the others (the one who'd spoke to me who I was getting increasingly interested in) takes her home to get her bank card because she was a wazz and forgot it.

They tell me to wait for them, and the cute one kisses me bye. They've left the oldest, the cute one's sister, because she's hanging around with some bloke and his mates and playing beer pong.

I wander off to wait, eventually see the older one leave with an entourage, and the other two never come back.

Muh sads.

[Jochizyd Republic]

If you're 20, how much older than you can you aim for?

[Imperializt Russia]

Well I'm 23 and I set my Tinder preferences to 18-36 but I'm weird.

Go bang a 60 year old if you want, no-one cares.
As long as it's consensual.

[Soldati Senza Confini]

If you're 20, how much older than you can you aim for?

Noone cares after you're 20 who you bang and who you don't.

I've managed to get dates with 40 year olds myself. So being 20 is not much of an issue, unless you're immature.

[Soldati Senza Confini]

I almost pulled last night. Quite disappointed now.

Was at my favourite bar, on my own, and three women walk up to the bar, one of them tells me to tell one of the other's she's gorgeous because, I dunno, she's having a crisis or something, the three of them are clearly plastered.
They realise I'm on my own, and tell me to go upstairs with them to play beer pong.
I was a bit shell shocked by women actually coming up to me, which was something of a first.

One of them, who's probably the drunkest and sounds really annoying (and told me she had two kids without prompting) demands one of the others (the one who'd spoke to me who I was getting increasingly interested in) takes her home to get her bank card because she was a wazz and forgot it.

They tell me to wait for them, and the cute one kisses me bye. They've left the oldest, the cute one's sister, because she's hanging around with some bloke and his mates and playing beer pong.

I wander off to wait, eventually see the older one leave with an entourage, and the other two never come back.

Muh sads.

This will happen often. Don't feel bad about it.

Feel good that someone found you interesting enough to talk to you. They wanted to have fun, nothing wrong with that.

[G-Tech Corporation]

If you're 20, how much older than you can you aim for?

Nobody really gives a damn, but a good rule of thumb is to take one quarter to one half your age and slap a margin of uncertainty on that, within reason, increasing as you age with a bias towards those older than yourself. So if you're 20, you can probably get away with 30, but dating younger is pretty dicey.

I mean, theoretically. I've never dated anyone who was more than a year away from my own age, personally.

[Soldati Senza Confini]

If you're 20, how much older than you can you aim for?

Nobody really gives a damn, but a good rule of thumb is to take one quarter to one half your age and slap a margin of uncertainty on that, within reason, increasing as you age with a bias towards those older than yourself. So if you're 20, you can probably get away with 30, but dating younger is pretty dicey.

I mean, theoretically. I've never dated anyone who was more than a year away from my own age, personally.

If you're 20, you can probably get away with up to 35 year olds.

I'm 27 now, and I'm dating women in their 40s.

So it's not a fast rule, really. It's more about who they feel comfortable dating, given there's a bias towards dating older people, so dating younger people than they, while not unheard of, they also are a bit iffy about it, although in the end, if you can manage to show you're mature enough to handle them, they'll generally be more receptive towards the idea of dating.

Women who are much older don't want to feel they're dating their son.

[Imperializt Russia]

I almost pulled last night. Quite disappointed now.

Was at my favourite bar, on my own, and three women walk up to the bar, one of them tells me to tell one of the other's she's gorgeous because, I dunno, she's having a crisis or something, the three of them are clearly plastered.
They realise I'm on my own, and tell me to go upstairs with them to play beer pong.
I was a bit shell shocked by women actually coming up to me, which was something of a first.

One of them, who's probably the drunkest and sounds really annoying (and told me she had two kids without prompting) demands one of the others (the one who'd spoke to me who I was getting increasingly interested in) takes her home to get her bank card because she was a wazz and forgot it.

They tell me to wait for them, and the cute one kisses me bye. They've left the oldest, the cute one's sister, because she's hanging around with some bloke and his mates and playing beer pong.

I wander off to wait, eventually see the older one leave with an entourage, and the other two never come back.

Muh sads.

This will happen often. Don't feel bad about it.

Feel good that someone found you interesting enough to talk to you. They wanted to have fun, nothing wrong with that.

It was doubly a first because it was the first time I'd particularly noticed a woman being into me, and she seemed pretty into the idea.

Clearly not into it enough to come and find me again, but oh well.
I feel like I should have gotten her number before they left, but the annoying one moaned at her about "how will we find [the other one] if you haven't got your phone?" while she seemed to be holding a phone, so no idea what was going on there.

[Valaran]

If you're 20, how much older than you can you aim for?

Social acceptability can be a finicky thing, and often quite arbitrary. I'd be a little, uh, nervous (I feel like this isn't the right word) at dating anyone more than 7 years older at 20, but that's just me.

[Ashmoria]

Nobody really gives a damn, but a good rule of thumb is to take one quarter to one half your age and slap a margin of uncertainty on that, within reason, increasing as you age with a bias towards those older than yourself. So if you're 20, you can probably get away with 30, but dating younger is pretty dicey.

I mean, theoretically. I've never dated anyone who was more than a year away from my own age, personally.

If you're 20, you can probably get away with up to 35 year olds.

I'm 27 now, and I'm dating women in their 40s.

So it's not a fast rule, really. It's more about who they feel comfortable dating, given there's a bias towards dating older people, so dating younger people than they, while not unheard of, they also are a bit iffy about it, although in the end, if you can manage to show you're mature enough to handle them, they'll generally be more receptive towards the idea of dating.

Women who are much older don't want to feel they're dating their son.

but some do so.....

[Jochizyd Republic]

Well I'm 23 and I set my Tinder preferences to 18-36 but I'm weird.

Go bang a 60 year old if you want, no-one cares.
As long as it's consensual.

Lol. No, I meant is it realistic for me to try and get a date with 30 year old women as someone like 10 years younger that.

But it got answered nicely, so yeah.

[Imperializt Russia]

Are you cool with that? Great.
Is she? Great.

There are now no problems here.

It's all down to what you feel. And what she feels, obviously.
As long as she can legally consent (and you do as well, for completeness' sake) no-one else's opinion matters.

[Imperializt Russia]

If you're 20, you can probably get away with up to 35 year olds.

I'm 27 now, and I'm dating women in their 40s.

So it's not a fast rule, really. It's more about who they feel comfortable dating, given there's a bias towards dating older people, so dating younger people than they, while not unheard of, they also are a bit iffy about it, although in the end, if you can manage to show you're mature enough to handle them, they'll generally be more receptive towards the idea of dating.

Women who are much older don't want to feel they're dating their son.

but some do so.....

I'm down for giving 40-somethings a Freudian Slip, if you catch my drift.

[Mushet]

I almost pulled last night. Quite disappointed now.

Was at my favourite bar, on my own, and three women walk up to the bar, one of them tells me to tell one of the other's she's gorgeous because, I dunno, she's having a crisis or something, the three of them are clearly plastered.
They realise I'm on my own, and tell me to go upstairs with them to play beer pong.
I was a bit shell shocked by women actually coming up to me, which was something of a first.

One of them, who's probably the drunkest and sounds really annoying (and told me she had two kids without prompting) demands one of the others (the one who'd spoke to me who I was getting increasingly interested in) takes her home to get her bank card because she was a wazz and forgot it.

They tell me to wait for them, and the cute one kisses me bye. They've left the oldest, the cute one's sister, because she's hanging around with some bloke and his mates and playing beer pong.

I wander off to wait, eventually see the older one leave with an entourage, and the other two never come back.

Muh sads.

When I read pulled I thought of something else, something more....manual.

[Imperializt Russia]

I almost pulled last night. Quite disappointed now.

Was at my favourite bar, on my own, and three women walk up to the bar, one of them tells me to tell one of the other's she's gorgeous because, I dunno, she's having a crisis or something, the three of them are clearly plastered.
They realise I'm on my own, and tell me to go upstairs with them to play beer pong.
I was a bit shell shocked by women actually coming up to me, which was something of a first.

One of them, who's probably the drunkest and sounds really annoying (and told me she had two kids without prompting) demands one of the others (the one who'd spoke to me who I was getting increasingly interested in) takes her home to get her bank card because she was a wazz and forgot it.

They tell me to wait for them, and the cute one kisses me bye. They've left the oldest, the cute one's sister, because she's hanging around with some bloke and his mates and playing beer pong.

I wander off to wait, eventually see the older one leave with an entourage, and the other two never come back.

Muh sads.

When I read pulled I thought of something else, something more....manual.

Well, I did try something of the sort before I went out, but bottled it.
I wasn't originally going to go out last night. Kind of glad I did, but there's a lot I'd do differently already.

[Mushet]

When I read pulled I thought of something else, something more....manual.

Well, I did try something of the sort before I went out, but bottled it.
I wasn't originally going to go out last night. Kind of glad I did, but there's a lot I'd do differently already.

...bottled the product of it?

[Soldati Senza Confini]

This will happen often. Don't feel bad about it.

Feel good that someone found you interesting enough to talk to you. They wanted to have fun, nothing wrong with that.

It was doubly a first because it was the first time I'd particularly noticed a woman being into me, and she seemed pretty into the idea.

Clearly not into it enough to come and find me again, but oh well.
I feel like I should have gotten her number before they left, but the annoying one moaned at her about "how will we find [the other one] if you haven't got your phone?" while she seemed to be holding a phone, so no idea what was going on there.

Just try to see the silver lining on it.

Although which particular silver lining you decide to see is up to you.

[Saiwania]

I almost pulled last night. Quite disappointed now...

I suspect that what really happened is that they wanted to pickpocket you. They realized that you didn't have anything worth stealing that they could manage, and moved onto another mark. No way that you'd get approached by a party of 3 out of the blue, unless something is amiss.

[Imperializt Russia]

I almost pulled last night. Quite disappointed now...

I suspect that what really happened is that they wanted to pickpocket you. They realized that you didn't have anything worth stealing that they could manage, and moved onto another mark. No way that you'd get approached by a party of 3 out of the blue, unless something is amiss.

Yeah no.

The only thing amiss is how ruinously drunk they were.

[Napkiraly]

Tindr my dudes.

[Minzerland]

Tindr my dudes.

[Imperializt Russia]

If you can't spot Tinder bots, and then not try and match them, you somehow have less game than I do.