Relationship and getting one thread

[G-Tech Corporation]

Now that I think of it, why am I seeking advice from. random dudes on the web?

Exactly. Rule Numero Uno: never get advice from anyone on the web.

Corollary Uno: Get advice, but take it with a pinch of salt.

[Veceria]

Not after you try and marry them both.

*sagenod*

Even the Europeans necessarily that open minded.

#notalleuropeans

[Kubra]

Now that I think of it, why am I seeking advice from. random dudes on the web?

Exactly. Rule Numero Uno: never get advice from anyone on the web.

we gave you good advice tho
join the swole patrol

[Costa Fierro]

Exactly. Rule Numero Uno: never get advice from anyone on the web.

we gave you good advice tho
join the swole patrol

I'd love to but money and being a social cripple prevent me from doing so.

[Imperializt Russia]

Would the smarticle particles of this esteemed web thread have any advice for an Asexual INFP, who's terrible at selling themselves, and who has not been in a relationship ever?

Well if you were actually asexual, there'd be no advice to give, because you wouldn't be sexually interested.

[The East Marches]

Would the smarticle particles of this esteemed web thread have any advice for an Asexual INFP, who's terrible at selling themselves, and who has not been in a relationship ever?

Addressing the asexuality; most people like sex. The question is how will you cope with such an eventuality. What is your strategy? Can you get it up or give it up if necessary?

What is your objective? Do you want fulfillment or something else?

[Costa Fierro]

Would the smarticle particles of this esteemed web thread have any advice for an Asexual INFP, who's terrible at selling themselves, and who has not been in a relationship ever?

Well if you were actually asexual, there'd be no advice to give, because you wouldn't be sexually interested.

Asexual doesn't mean aromantic. They may not be interested in the sexual aspect of a relationship but that doesn't mean they don't want to form a deep and intimate connection with someone else.

So any "advice" (and that's generous enough) would be concentrating on the same basic things as others would: looking good, being presentable etc.

[Imperializt Russia]

Well if you were actually asexual, there'd be no advice to give, because you wouldn't be sexually interested.

Asexual doesn't mean aromantic. They may not be interested in the sexual aspect of a relationship but that doesn't mean they don't want to form a deep and intimate connection with someone else.

So any "advice" (and that's generous enough) would be concentrating on the same basic things as others would: looking good, being presentable etc.

I'm getting it out of the way to dispel the disturbingly common "I can't get with a girl so therefore I'm asexual because I'm not getting any".
Just in case.

[The Grim Reaper]

Would the smarticle particles of this esteemed web thread have any advice for an Asexual INFP, who's terrible at selling themselves, and who has not been in a relationship ever?

If you're asexual, come to terms with the fact that most potential partners do not view sexuality the same way you do. You're going to have to have a discussion, at some point, about how comfortable you are with sexual intercourse or the various trappings of sexuality. Are you cool with an open relationship? Polyamory? Participating in the use of 'relationship aids'? Are you expecting a partner to abstain entirely whilst with you? If you're asexual, actively participating in a mutual act is likely going to be a problem for you and your partner, and one that you'll have to be ready to negotiate around.

Having considered and answered that question for yourself, there's still the question of getting into a relationship. Someone else can answer that one, I just finished dinner and I ate way too much.

[Oskary]

Thread has been going for a long while, is it worth putting my own issue in here or has the thread degenerated?

[Costa Fierro]

Thread has been going for a long while, is it worth putting my own issue in here or has the thread degenerated?

Depends on what it is.

[Socialist Tera]

Well if you were actually asexual, there'd be no advice to give, because you wouldn't be sexually interested.

Asexual doesn't mean aromantic. They may not be interested in the sexual aspect of a relationship but that doesn't mean they don't want to form a deep and intimate connection with someone else.

So any "advice" (and that's generous enough) would be concentrating on the same basic things as others would: looking good, being presentable etc.

I wouldn't be good for advice, I'm aromatic.

[Cannot think of a name]

Thread has been going for a long while, is it worth putting my own issue in here or has the thread degenerated?

Well, so far the thread has been a guy who figures he can't get any because it's all going to Ryan Gosling and John Hamm and then apparently a dude who doesn't want any trying to get advice on how to get some, how bad could it be?

[Costa Fierro]

Maybe it's evolutionary or serves some kind of social order function. Only fucking one gal means you're gonna have more investment in her kids instead of fucking a bunch of girls and leaving them with the responsibility.

Conspiracy theory time.

I think it stems from the invention of agriculture and the adoption of sedentary lifestyles. Before that, men and women were virtually equal because hunter gatherer societies relied on both men's and women's contributions in order not to starve. With the invention of agriculture, men became the primary providers for their families and thus, women became subservient. This new power dynamic within families translated into control not just over women, but society as a whole as men became more and more powerful. Hence why women became increasingly mistreated and reduced to subservience because of religious teachings, because religion's prescriptions for how women should behave and how they should act with regards to marriage, family and their husbands, is a manifestation of man's ultimate desire for control over others.

[Freefall11111]

Would the smarticle particles of this esteemed web thread have any advice for an Asexual INFP, who's terrible at selling themselves, and who has not been in a relationship ever?

Well if you were actually asexual, there'd be no advice to give, because you wouldn't be sexually interested.

Asexual =/= aromantic.

[Alvecia]

Maybe it's evolutionary or serves some kind of social order function. Only fucking one gal means you're gonna have more investment in her kids instead of fucking a bunch of girls and leaving them with the responsibility.

Conspiracy theory time.

I think it stems from the invention of agriculture and the adoption of sedentary lifestyles. Before that, men and women were virtually equal because hunter gatherer societies relied on both men's and women's contributions in order not to starve. With the invention of agriculture, men became the primary providers for their families and thus, women became subservient. This new power dynamic within families translated into control not just over women, but society as a whole as men became more and more powerful. Hence why women became increasingly mistreated and reduced to subservience because of religious teachings, because religion's prescriptions for how women should behave and how they should act with regards to marriage, family and their husbands, is a manifestation of man's ultimate desire for control over others.

I was looking this up recently. The wikipedia article has this:

Though not every hunter-gatherer population pinpoints females to gathering and males to hunting (most notably the Aeta[5] and Ju'/hoansi[6]), the norm of most current populations divide the roles of labor in this manner.

Although speaking historically

Moreover, recent archaeological research done by the anthropologist and archaeologist Steven Kuhn from the University of Arizona suggests that the sexual division of labor did not exist prior to the Upper Paleolithic (50,000 and 10,000 years ago) and developed relatively recently in human history. The sexual division of labor may have arisen to allow humans to acquire food and other resources more efficiently.[8]

The article on the history of agriculture suggest that it didn't really appear until ~10,000 years ago, so I don't think the times really match up. Based on what the articles are saying the sexual division of labour likely started before the invention and/or adoption of agriculture.

Edit: The page on the Sexual Division of Labour is rather interesting, I recommmend giving it a read.

Edit2: Also on reflection I don't think that this is a logically coherent statement:

With the invention of agriculture, men became the primary providers for their families

That is to say, I don't think that the conclusion logically follows on from the premise.

[Oskary]

Thread has been going for a long while, is it worth putting my own issue in here or has the thread degenerated?

Well, so far the thread has been a guy who figures he can't get any because it's all going to Ryan Gosling and John Hamm and then apparently a dude who doesn't want any trying to get advice on how to get some, how bad could it be?

Ha. Ha. I guess it could be worse, so I'll give it a shot.
For context, I'm 17 and a homosexual male.
Just under two years ago, I befriended a bloke from my school grade. Long story short, we both turned out to be gay, and I thought he was cute. For a few months we talked quite frequently over the iMessage app, and we hung out during lunch at school, and occasionally on weekends. So eventually I worked up the courage to ask him if he had any feelings for me. He said that he used to, but now I was just a friend. Poor me, right?
So, my question is, by waiting too long to make any sort of move, have I fucked up beyond repair?

[Allied Connurist States]

Ha. Ha. I guess it could be worse, so I'll give it a shot.
For context, I'm 17 and a homosexual male.
Just under two years ago, I befriended a bloke from my school grade. Long story short, we both turned out to be gay, and I thought he was cute. For a few months we talked quite frequently over the iMessage app, and we hung out during lunch at school, and occasionally on weekends. So eventually I worked up the courage to ask him if he had any feelings for me. He said that he used to, but now I was just a friend. Poor me, right?
So, my question is, by waiting too long to make any sort of move, have I fucked up beyond repair?

Well, I wouldn't say it's beyond repair. That'd imply you have absolutely no chance, and that's not the case. It's certainly within the realms of possibility that his perception of you is able to change again. I mean, if you still like him, and he's still your friend, is it not a topic of discussion that could be brought up without being too awkward?

[Oskary]

Ha. Ha. I guess it could be worse, so I'll give it a shot.
For context, I'm 17 and a homosexual male.
Just under two years ago, I befriended a bloke from my school grade. Long story short, we both turned out to be gay, and I thought he was cute. For a few months we talked quite frequently over the iMessage app, and we hung out during lunch at school, and occasionally on weekends. So eventually I worked up the courage to ask him if he had any feelings for me. He said that he used to, but now I was just a friend. Poor me, right?
So, my question is, by waiting too long to make any sort of move, have I fucked up beyond repair?

Well, I wouldn't say it's beyond repair. That'd imply you have absolutely no chance, and that's not the case. It's certainly within the realms of possibility that his perception of you is able to change again. I mean, if you still like him, and he's still your friend, is it not a topic of discussion that could be brought up without being too awkward?

I forgot to include that we don't really talk too often anymore. I joined a new circle of friends after that.

[Allied Connurist States]

I forgot to include that we don't really talk too often anymore. I joined a new circle of friends after that.

From what contextual info I have, if I were you I'd try and bring it up that things aren't as good as they were and say that you'd like to try and go back to an arrangement like that or something, but I don't know. I'd definitely do that over a drink, but I'm not 17.

[Jumhuriyah Hindustan]

To clarify: No, we aren't dating in the western sense of the word. Yes, we both mutually like each other. Yes we both talk and stuff, and she is possessive of me too.

You guys are a bunch of over-sensitive freaks. Now that I think of it, why am I seeking advice from. random dudes on the web?

I dunno, why are you?

In particular, if your dating is not in the western sense of the world, there's not much we can help.

NS isn't westerncentric.

[Freefall11111]

I dunno, why are you?

In particular, if your dating is not in the western sense of the world, there's not much we can help.

NS isn't westerncentric.

Given that the vast majority of users are Western.. yes, it is.

[Seraven]

I dunno, why are you?

In particular, if your dating is not in the western sense of the world, there's not much we can help.

NS isn't westerncentric.

Most of NS are.

Anyway, how do you do when you haven't been able to move on from your past love life?

[Cannot think of a name]

Well, I wouldn't say it's beyond repair. That'd imply you have absolutely no chance, and that's not the case. It's certainly within the realms of possibility that his perception of you is able to change again. I mean, if you still like him, and he's still your friend, is it not a topic of discussion that could be brought up without being too awkward?

I forgot to include that we don't really talk too often anymore. I joined a new circle of friends after that.

Chalk it up to experience and move on. You're going to make a range of mistakes as you navigate through your life and there will always be Windows missed real and imagined. Sure, this one might come around again but you're even more likely to come across a new opportunity (or dozens) as you branch out in life. You haven't shown signs of it yet and that's healthy but just remind yourself you don't live or die on a single crush.

[Nanatsu no Tsuki]

People mentioning moving on after a bad breakup or something similar, yes, that is necessary. Yes, one grieves in a way after the end of a relationship, and allowing ourselves to grieve it is ok. We need to take as much time as we need to mourn it, but you do need to bury the hatchet and turn the page. In order to get into another relationship and have it be healthy, you have to move on.