National Enquirer: Ted Cruz Scandal

[Need a Name]

It's sad that in my very short time on this earth, I've seen the GOP at its most embarrassing low.

Also, I absolutely love that you have the Last Week Tonight Drumpf-to-Drumpf converter. Which, to you, probably looked like Drumpf-to-Drumpf.

That it did.

You don't know how painful it is for me to love & adore John Oliver, Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert and know they probably think i'm an ignorant racist because I identify as Republican.

I am so, so sorry. But hey, as long as you're not calling for Obama's birth certificate and suggesting we kill the families of terrorists I think they'd think you're alright.

Plus, isn't Colbert a republican?

[The Enclave Government]

That it did.

You don't know how painful it is for me to love & adore John Oliver, Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert and know they probably think i'm an ignorant racist because I identify as Republican.

I am so, so sorry. But hey, as long as you're not calling for Obama's birth certificate and suggesting we kill the families of terrorists I think they'd think you're alright.

Plus, isn't Colbert a republican?

I remember when I was a wee little boy, I didn't understand the concept of parody and actually thought Colbert was a real republican. Sweet, blissful ignorance.


But yeah, as an atheist pro gay marriage/pro choice Republican, i'm probably better on the spectrum then most.

[Need a Name]

I am so, so sorry. But hey, as long as you're not calling for Obama's birth certificate and suggesting we kill the families of terrorists I think they'd think you're alright.

Plus, isn't Colbert a republican?

I remember when I was a wee little boy, I didn't understand the concept of parody and actually thought Colbert was a real republican. Sweet, blissful ignorance.


But yeah, as an atheist pro gay marriage/pro choice Republican, i'm probably better on the spectrum then most.

I remember when I first saw the Colbert Report. "What's a sane, God-fearing republican doing in a channel like that. I was quite the stereotypical baptist republican back in the day, you see.

Are you sure you just don't wanna scoot a little more left and join us democrats, we'd love to have you.

[The Enclave Government]

I remember when I was a wee little boy, I didn't understand the concept of parody and actually thought Colbert was a real republican. Sweet, blissful ignorance.


But yeah, as an atheist pro gay marriage/pro choice Republican, i'm probably better on the spectrum then most.

I remember when I first saw the Colbert Report. "What's a sane, God-fearing republican doing in a channel like that. I was quite the stereotypical baptist republican back in the day, you see.

Are you sure you just don't wanna scoot a little more left and join us democrats, we'd love to have you.

See, i'd, but i'm hard neocon on foreign policy, and that just doesn't gel

[The Free Rational City of Rapture]

I remember when I first saw the Colbert Report. "What's a sane, God-fearing republican doing in a channel like that. I was quite the stereotypical baptist republican back in the day, you see.

Are you sure you just don't wanna scoot a little more left and join us democrats, we'd love to have you.

See, i'd, but i'm hard neocon on foreign policy, and that just doesn't gel

Sounds like Hillary is the candidate for you.

[The Enclave Government]

See, i'd, but i'm hard neocon on foreign policy, and that just doesn't gel

Sounds like Hillary is the candidate for you.

You mean the woman who instituted the Russian Reset?

Yea... no.

[The Huskar Social Union]

Would not be surprised if it was true, people who go on about "traditional family values" all the time have a tendency to be hypocrites.

[The Free Rational City of Rapture]

Sounds like Hillary is the candidate for you.

You mean the woman who instituted the Russian Reset?

Yea... no.

She also authorized the pointless war in Libya.

[The Enclave Government]

Would not be surprised if it was true, people who go on about "traditional family values" all the time have a tendency to be hypocrites.

Catholic Church comes painfully to mind.

[Need a Name]

I remember when I first saw the Colbert Report. "What's a sane, God-fearing republican doing in a channel like that. I was quite the stereotypical baptist republican back in the day, you see.

Are you sure you just don't wanna scoot a little more left and join us democrats, we'd love to have you.

See, i'd, but i'm hard neocon on foreign policy, and that just doesn't gel

Well, if you ever change your mind the Democratic Party will probably continue to exist. Unless we get the liberal equivalent of Trump.

So would this scandal, if proven true, hurt your preferred candidate?

[The Free Rational City of Rapture]

See, i'd, but i'm hard neocon on foreign policy, and that just doesn't gel

Well, if you ever change your mind the Democratic Party will probably continue to exist. Unless we get the liberal equivalent of Trump.

So would this scandal, if proven true, hurt your preferred candidate?

You mean Bernie, they are both populists accused of being Hitler/Stalin.

[The Huskar Social Union]

Would not be surprised if it was true, people who go on about "traditional family values" all the time have a tendency to be hypocrites.

Catholic Church comes painfully to mind.

Bingo, one of the prime examples.

[The Enclave Government]

See, i'd, but i'm hard neocon on foreign policy, and that just doesn't gel

Well, if you ever change your mind the Democratic Party will probably continue to exist. Unless we get the liberal equivalent of Drumpf.

So would this scandal, if proven true, hurt your preferred candidate?

Nope. I'd actually far rather Trump then Cruz. Cruz is far more insane then Trump, just hides it (somewhat) better.

The best hope for the GOP is a brokered convention.

[The Free Rational City of Rapture]

Well, if you ever change your mind the Democratic Party will probably continue to exist. Unless we get the liberal equivalent of Drumpf.

So would this scandal, if proven true, hurt your preferred candidate?

Nope. I'd actually far rather Trump then Cruz. Cruz is far more insane then Trump, just hides it (somewhat) better.

The best hope for the GOP is a brokered convention.

Yeah, because fuck democracy and fuck the will of the people!

[The Enclave Government]

Nope. I'd actually far rather Drumpf then Cruz. Cruz is far more insane then Drumpf, just hides it (somewhat) better.

The best hope for the GOP is a brokered convention.

Yeah, because fuck democracy and fuck the will of the people!

If the will of the people is Donald Trump, yes, fuck the will of the people.

Democracy is overrated and at times has elected dictators - one must only look to El Sisi, Hitler, Mussolini, and co.

[Viking Confederacy]

I can also confirm Cruz and Trump have been having an affair for the past 30 years, and that Trump is the real father of Chealsea Clinton! Tell the National Enquirer and it'll be printed by tomorrow morning.

Really? My sources say Janet Reno is Chelsea Clinton's real father...

[Need a Name]

Nope. I'd actually far rather Trump then Cruz. Cruz is far more insane then Trump, just hides it (somewhat) better.

The best hope for the GOP is a brokered convention.

Yeah, because fuck democracy and fuck the will of the people!

Well, honestly, the will of the people kind of sucks right now. But to be fair, their candidates weren't great this year.

[The Free Rational City of Rapture]

Yeah, because fuck democracy and fuck the will of the people!

If the will of the people is Donald Trump, yes, fuck the will of the people.

Democracy is overrated and at times has elected dictators - one must only look to El Sisi, Hitler, Mussolini, and co.

Why don't you move to North Korea. They also believe democracy to be overrated.

[The Free Rational City of Rapture]

Yeah, because fuck democracy and fuck the will of the people!

If the will of the people is Donald Trump, yes, fuck the will of the people.

Democracy is overrated and at times has elected dictators - one must only look to El Sisi, Hitler, Mussolini, and co.

If democracy is overrated, why do you want to export it to the Middle East?

[Need a Name]

If the will of the people is Donald Trump, yes, fuck the will of the people.

Democracy is overrated and at times has elected dictators - one must only look to El Sisi, Hitler, Mussolini, and co.

Why don't you move to North Korea. They also believe democracy to be overrated.

Thinking democracy is overrated =/= believing that North Korea has a good government.

[The Free Rational City of Rapture]

Why don't you move to North Korea. They also believe democracy to be overrated.

Thinking democracy is overrated =/= believing that North Korea has a good government.

I forgot North Korea isn't a Zionist slave, my bad.

[The Enclave Government]

I can also confirm Cruz and Drumpf have been having an affair for the past 30 years, and that Drumpf is the real father of Chealsea Clinton! Tell the National Enquirer and it'll be printed by tomorrow morning.

Really? My sources say Janet Reno is Chelsea Clinton's real father...

Mine say it's Jimmy Carter.

Imagine it.

Jimmy x Hillary.

Someone needs to make that a fanfiction.

If the will of the people is Donald Drumpf, yes, fuck the will of the people.

Democracy is overrated and at times has elected dictators - one must only look to El Sisi, Hitler, Mussolini, and co.

Why don't you move to North Korea. They also believe democracy to be overrated.

Typical Trump supporter.
"You don't agree with me? Out with you!"

Thinking democracy is overrated =/= believing that North Korea has a good government.

I forgot North Korea isn't a Zionist slave, my bad.

You went from blind ignorance to anti-semitism.... what the actual hell.

[The Enclave Government]

If the will of the people is Donald Drumpf, yes, fuck the will of the people.

Democracy is overrated and at times has elected dictators - one must only look to El Sisi, Hitler, Mussolini, and co.

If democracy is overrated, why do you want to export it to the Middle East?

Because it's far more practical to work with elected leaders rather then Emirs and Supreme Leaders.

[The Free Rational City of Rapture]

If democracy is overrated, why do you want to export it to the Middle East?

Because it's far more practical to work with elected leaders rather then Emirs and Supreme Leaders.

So you support Democracy only when it's convenient for your paymasters?

[The Free Rational City of Rapture]

Really? My sources say Janet Reno is Chelsea Clinton's real father...

Mine say it's Jimmy Carter.

Imagine it.

Jimmy x Hillary.

Someone needs to make that a fanfiction.

Why don't you move to North Korea. They also believe democracy to be overrated.

Typical Trump supporter.
"You don't agree with me? Out with you!"

I forgot North Korea isn't a Zionist slave, my bad.

You went from blind ignorance to anti-semitism.... what the actual hell.

Anti-Zionism does not mean Anti-Semitism.