Reflections on Expectations

[Anti-Social Darwinism]

I've been thinking about expectations - the things the world at large thinks that you are or will be because of age, gender, whatever.

The world, for example, expects women my age to be all about the grandchildren. We've raised our children. They're out of the house and on their own and, for the first time since we were children, we're free - only now, because we're adults, the freedom has a different, deeper meaning - we have something to which to compare it. Anyway, the world thinks that, because we've had children, we must love children and want to have them around. We're supposed to look sad and be regretful because our children don't have children and have expressed no desire to have children when, on the contrary, we're not unhappy about it at all. Unrelated people think we're eager to babysit their kids because we're retired and "love kids and have nothing better to do."

I don't love kids and almost anything is better than babysitting. But, I look like grandma, so I must want to be grandma - that's the expectation. And, just because I do other grandma things, like knitting, crocheting and counted-cross-stitch, that must mean I want to do all the grandma things - which is the farthest thing from the truth. I would like to resent these expectations, but I can't really, because I do help foster them - I ooh and ah over new babies and crochet blankets for them. I talk to the neighborhood kids and listen to their natterings - all because it's expected and because if I don't, I become the mean, crazy old witch with cats who hates kids - even if I'm only just indifferent to them.

So, to keep this from becoming any bloggier, what expectations do people have of you and why do they have them? Do you meet those expectations or do you buck the trend? Do you resent them or do you accept them gladly?

[Ring of Isengard]

I dunno... I think anyone expects anything from me.

[Kadagai]

Yeah, I can't stand like, when people expect me to get a job and everything, just because I'm an "adult."
pfft. Like that's going to happen. I'm sick of the names too, like so what if I'm a bum living off of society?

But yeah, expectations, love em or hate em, you have to live with em.

[MerryMac]

Well, Im in hi school but im not even 5 ft tall so everyone expects me to be intraverted and insecure, which Im not. God made me the way I was supposed to be made. Also, I am expected to be less mature or maybe oversensitive, but i couldn't care less and Im the top of my class (of 120). Because people assume these about me, they act all cautious or just dont talk to me at all, which then makes me seem intraverted. Its strange.

[Kadagai]

Well, Im in hi school but im not even 5 ft tall so everyone expects me to be intraverted and insecure, which Im not. God made me the way I was supposed to be made. Also, I am expected to be less mature or maybe oversensitive, but i couldn't care less and Im the top of my class (of 120). Because people assume these about me, they act all cautious or just dont talk to me at all, which then makes me seem intraverted. Its strange.

I always kind of thought that people's expectations always end up being a self-fulfilling prophecy. I mean they seem to think that you are a certain way, and because of that they treat you that way.

[Ring of Isengard]

Yeah, I can't stand like, when people expect me to get a job and everything, just because I'm an "adult."
pfft. Like that's going to happen. I'm sick of the names too, like so what if I'm a bum living off of society?

But yeah, expectations, love em or hate em, you have to live with em.

GET A JOB!

[Kadagai]

Yeah, I can't stand like, when people expect me to get a job and everything, just because I'm an "adult."
pfft. Like that's going to happen. I'm sick of the names too, like so what if I'm a bum living off of society?

But yeah, expectations, love em or hate em, you have to live with em.

GET A JOB!

But like, I don't want a job. It ruins my creative flow, man.

I'm an artist.

[Ring of Isengard]

Yeah, I can't stand like, when people expect me to get a job and everything, just because I'm an "adult."
pfft. Like that's going to happen. I'm sick of the names too, like so what if I'm a bum living off of society?

But yeah, expectations, love em or hate em, you have to live with em.

GET A JOB!

But like, I don't want a job. It ruins my creative flow, man.

I'm an artist.

I don't care, do want you want with your life.

[Rejistania]

I hate expectations of people. Just because I am female that does not mean that I like typical female activities, chick flics, rumors, etc...

[Lunatic Goofballs]

I don't think there's anybody more qualified to express the opinion that a person shouldn't breed than that person's parents.

Mine did.

[Smunkeeville]

I think people think that because I'm home all day with "nothing to do" that my house will be spotless and that I'll clean up after everyone. They get all offended when they find out that everyone here does their own laundry but me. My kids do their own laundry, everything they own is wash and wear and they can read the labels, so why not? I don't do my laundry, my husband does my laundry, I hate doing laundry. Now this at times has seemed unfair to the children, but I told them that I do his dishes, so it's fair. The children wash their own dishes and clean their own rooms. If they wanted to swap chores around (you wash the dishes, I'll vacuum the bedrooms) I wouldn't care.

I don't even really cook dinner every night, I do most nights, but when I don't feel like it, they figure it out. i don't cook at all on the weekends, he does. This annoys the husbands of my friends because they expect their wives to do this stuff, after all he's "at work all day" and she's "sitting around eating bon-bons" right? No. My husband is some sort of traitor to his gender according to them. You know he'll watch his own kids if I have something to do? Weird right?

[Treznor]

I used to conform to expectations. Then I learned a perverse joy in violating peoples' expectations of me. So long as I maintain a moral code of conduct that I have chosen, I have no qualms about surprising people with non-conformity.

As Bill Watterson once aptly put it, "It's that moment of dawning comprehension that I live for."

[Pope Joan]

I am a white male over 50, an American, so I am expected to be a narrowminded overweight evangelical bigot who automatically votes GOP and says "support our troops" without caring whether the GOP cuts their benefits.

Well I am not like that.

My sect refuses to evangelize, because we value freedom of conscience too much to try to persuade anybody to our viewpoint.

I don't automatically vote for anybody, but I do register GOP in order to screw with the primaries.

I do admit to being overweight, but i wasn't until i started taking inhaled steroids for asthma.

Oh, and you kids better git off my lawn!

[Muravyets]

Other people's expectations are nothing but noise to me. Everybody expects me to be this or that, do this or that, accomplish this or that by X time in my life, etc, etc. Their expectations are not applicable to my life.

Any time I have tried to follow popular expectations and rules for how to do things, I have failed. Spectacularly. My projects have fallen apart. My goals have been missed. I have lost money.

Every time I have ignored expectations and just followed my gut, I have succeeded. I have made money. I have accomplished my goals. My projects have been successes that advanced my personal interests. I learned a long time ago that I am on a different track from many other people.

[Kryozerkia]

Let's see... there's expectations from my mother and her family that I do will go work for the government. After all, my cousin works for the government, so does my mother, my cousin's mother, my stepfather; my dad is a retired civil servant. I have other family who also worked for the government. I'm just finishing up my post-grad and still have field placement. The expectation is that I will go work for the government as well.

Do I want to? Well... the benefits are quite enticing I must admit...

[Heinleinites]

I don't, as a general rule, have expectations. I find this frees me up to deal with my life as it is, or as it's transpiring, rather than how I thought it was going to be, or how I hoped it was going to be. (for the excessively literal-minded, this applies generally to people and events. Yes, I admit, I do have the expectation that the light go on when I flip the switch, or that gravity will remain constant, but I think things like that are outside the scope of this particular thread)

As for other people's expectations of me, outside of a small group of people, or someone who has a contract for services, they can have all the expectations they like. Put them together with a dollar bill and it might get you a cup of coffee, but that'll be about it.

[Pax Ordo]

Expectations. I honestly try to have as few of them as possible. Expectations will only lead to disapointments. one must understand the world is always changing, and as such an expectation of something today may be unrealistic tommorow. Yeah i've been leveled with a few of them, and yes i have sorely disapointed those who had them of me. I do so not out of spite, but simply demonstration of my point. To accpet all things and all persons as they come. To understand them for who and what they are. I may not accept something because it does not bode well with my own code of ethical or moral behavior, but i do not by any means tell someone they are unethical or immoral for it. its thier life, thier choices, thier peceptions. so as far as i'm concerned with expectations one just should not have them. as far as an idea of what you would like. thats fair enough, but to expect that you should have it is asking a bit much. especially when everyone is in the dark about what you are expecting of them.

[Scarsaw]

As much as I agree with you Pax Ordo that expectations will only lead to disappointments, I have to point out that expectations can also lead to progression and accomplishments. Expectations for yourself is sometimes a driving factor to keep going or pushing, giving a sense of great accomplishment then they are achieved. Some expectations, especially those put upon you, are not as healthy and can lead to disappointment or poor results.

On the topic of expectations, I do know an expectation that is often put on me is that I must be in top physical shape at all times. Although I'm not in bad shape, the university I'm currently attend is well known for it's athletic component and expects all students to reach a high physical standard that right now I'm struggling to meet. This struggle, though I do work out often, always seem to cause many of the other students to not want to associate with me as I may break the university's generation reputation with my inability to run as fast, or do as many push ups, as them.

Another expectation trusted upon me, more because of my age group and sex, is that someone of my age should be settling with a man and thinking about marriage. Grandchildren are the number one thing my mother wants, and she has been constantly pressuring me to give her some despite the fact that I am currently trying to get myself a carrier first before a family. I'm not very old, but the traditional idea that women are suppose to be married by the twenties is the cause of the expectation.

As Pax Ordo mentioned, the world is always changing, and I do wish that more people recognize that being single at 22 does not mean I am destined to be single and alone all my life. Nor does it mean I'm a grandchild-making machine.

[Bottle]

The expectation I keep having to deal with right now is the expectation that I want to get married and have children. It's assumed that I must want these things, and if I think I don't want them then I will regret it in about ten years. If I managed to get across that I don't particularly want those things, it is then assumed that I must be anti-marriage and anti-children. I guess no female is allowed to be indifferent on these subjects.

[Nanatsu no Tsuki]

I've been thinking about expectations - the things the world at large thinks that you are or will be because of age, gender, whatever.

Thank you, from the bottom of my heart, and for your experience, for the wisdom in your years, for posting this, Darwy.

The world, for example, expects women my age to be all about the grandchildren. We've raised our children. They're out of the house and on their own and, for the first time since we were children, we're free - only now, because we're adults, the freedom has a different, deeper meaning - we have something to which to compare it. Anyway, the world thinks that, because we've had children, we must love children and want to have them around. We're supposed to look sad and be regretful because our children don't have children and have expressed no desire to have children when, on the contrary, we're not unhappy about it at all. Unrelated people think we're eager to babysit their kids because we're retired and "love kids and have nothing better to do."

The world expects of a woman of my age, and this is perhaps to do with my cultural entourage, to be married, successful and with 1 or 2 kids. I feel successful in my career, but I do not fit into this societal mold. I am neither married nor have kids. And this alienates me from others I know, and yet, in the solitude that this causes, I find that I don't need to fit this mold. It's not necessary. Of course, this is something I am slowly coming to terms with. Some days are good, some days are crap. I guess that all I need to be is me, Nanatsu, 29, with the mind my mentors have helped shape and I shouldn't worry about fitting.

So, to keep this from becoming any bloggier, what expectations do people have of you and why do they have them? Do you meet those expectations or do you buck the trend? Do you resent them or do you accept them gladly?

I buck the expectations, I am not a reflection of the photo my family or my society, or societal element which is not to say it IS like that for all, want me to be. I tend not to want to make others meet expectations because, well, always if anything, they disappoint. And I do resent some of the things others expect of me. I think the only expectations one needs to meet are our own.

[The Imperial Navy]

Heh... i've not lived up to a single expectation. I'm in a dead-end job, single and quite odd, at least according to everyone else.

[Maurepas]

Meh, I look like a Geek, and do Geeky things, Im already meeting the expectations, and I didnt even try,

[Holy Cheese and Shoes]

Good old expectations.....

At 32, I'm the odd one out from my peer-group - not married, not in a relationship, no kids, don't want kids, don't care about being single.

But I am frigging loving it. It's liberating! The thought of doing those things holds no appeal, and the thought of doing them "because they're the done thing" is beyond ridiculous.

I'm not sure anyone I know well explicitly expects me to be doing them, but for some reason some think I can't be happy unless I do. Weird shit.

[Hoyteca]

Let's see what society thinks of me:
-I'm a male, so obviously I must be trying to get intot eh pants of every woman I meet, no matter how ugly or related to me she is.
-I'm male, so obviously I must be a pedophile who can't be trusted around kids. Don't ask me how this stereotype got started.
-I'm white, so I must obviously be a nazi klansman trying to keep the black man and mexicans down. No one ever mentions the non-Mexican Hispanics.
-I believe in smaller government, so I must obviously want a bigger government that tells the people how to live.
-I'm Christian, so I must obviously want to burn teh evol mooslems at teh stake.
-My dad's Protestant, so I must hate Catholics.
-My mom's Catholic, so I must hate Protestants.
-I support Isreal more than the less democratic, less liberal countries that surround it, so I must obviously be a zionist Jew. Not sure that would work since Jews don't believe in the whole Jesus thing.
-I play video games, so obviously I'm a braindead serial killer because if it's one thing playing Super Mario Bros. 3 does, it makes people violent somehow. Go ask Jack Thompson how that works. It's his theory.
-I'm into furryism, so I must obviously be the horniest, most sexually active person who visits this site.
-I'm a virgin, so I must obviously be a fat, obese nerd who lives in his parents' basement, surviving on a steady diet of cheetohs and anime porn.
-I'm "underweight", so I must be an anerexic bulemic.

That's what's expected of me.

[Maurepas]

Let's see what society thinks of me:
-I'm a male, so obviously I must be trying to get intot eh pants of every woman I meet, no matter how ugly or related to me she is.

Youre from the South too?