French Attacks Megathread

[Nanatsu no Tsuki]

5 Night's at Freddy's... I wouldn't be surprised.

To all Jewish people, I am so sorry but the anthro rabbit saying he'll eat all Jews just made me laugh.

They also had Nassur the Teddy Bear, who just stuck to wanting to be a martyr. The rabbit wanted to eat Jews, Farfour got himself martyred by the Israelis, and Nafoul spent his time trolling PETA (who wrote Hamas a letter in retaliation; you can read it on their website) by picking up (real) cats by their tails and stoning lions (who were shown trying to claw at him) at the Gaza Zoo.

I think it was a separate show that had Dubya (Jr) stabbed and the White House turned into a mosque, though.

If you don't look too hard at it all, you'd think it was all some big parody, like something from a satirical show on TV poking fun at how crazy everything is.

Seriously, Ganos, I can't stop laughing. And I feel bad, but I just can't stop laughing.

[The Alma Mater]

"Murder on the Jihad Express"
ACT 5, Scene 1- Dim Room in Raqqah
<SFX: Slow machine gun fire in background in dance beat>

<DAESH is dancing slowly to the beat, wearing a skin suit made out of bits of Iraq and Syria, etc... Approaches mirror.>

DAESH: <looking at reflection> "Would YOU 'Jihad' me? I'D 'Jihad' me..."

<DAESH keeps dancing>

I wonder who would direct this.

Spielberg, ofc.

[Soldati Senza Confini]

They also had Nassur the Teddy Bear, who just stuck to wanting to be a martyr. The rabbit wanted to eat Jews, Farfour got himself martyred by the Israelis, and Nafoul spent his time trolling PETA (who wrote Hamas a letter in retaliation; you can read it on their website) by picking up (real) cats by their tails and stoning lions (who were shown trying to claw at him) at the Gaza Zoo.

I think it was a separate show that had Dubya (Jr) stabbed and the White House turned into a mosque, though.

If you don't look too hard at it all, you'd think it was all some big parody, like something from a satirical show on TV poking fun at how crazy everything is.

Seriously, Ganos, I can't stop laughing. And I feel bad, but I just can't stop laughing.

I am laughing too hard right now as well. God damn you guys! You're making me look like a REAL fucking prick here!

[Ganos Lao]

They also had Nassur the Teddy Bear, who just stuck to wanting to be a martyr. The rabbit wanted to eat Jews, Farfour got himself martyred by the Israelis, and Nafoul spent his time trolling PETA (who wrote Hamas a letter in retaliation; you can read it on their website) by picking up (real) cats by their tails and stoning lions (who were shown trying to claw at him) at the Gaza Zoo.

I think it was a separate show that had Dubya (Jr) stabbed and the White House turned into a mosque, though.

If you don't look too hard at it all, you'd think it was all some big parody, like something from a satirical show on TV poking fun at how crazy everything is.

Seriously, Ganos, I can't stop laughing. And I feel bad, but I just can't stop laughing.

Admittedly it's pretty amusing stuff. I assume you're looking up all the footage on Youtube?

Oh, man. It looks like the Swiss better watch their backs.

[Ganos Lao]

Seriously, Ganos, I can't stop laughing. And I feel bad, but I just can't stop laughing.

I am laughing too hard right now as well. God damn you guys! You're making me look like a REAL fucking prick here!

Someone get Cawthon to make another video game. We can call it Five Nights in Raqqa, where we trap an ISIS militant in a dungeon with Farfour, Nafoul, Nassur and Assoud and he has to keep out of their sight.

This Christmas season, help us place the cornerstone for our ruling of the Steam charts with our introductory 20 percent off sale!

[Ganos Lao]

I wonder who would direct this.

Spielberg, ofc.

Spielberg? Not Michael Bay? There has to be some way for him to shoehorn in some gratuitous shots of Megan Fox, even if she's in full Islamic garb.

[The Tungsten Horde (Ancient)]

I am laughing too hard right now as well. God damn you guys! You're making me look like a REAL fucking prick here!

Someone get Cawthon to make another video game. We can call it Five Nights in Raqqa, where we trap an ISIS militant in a dungeon with Farfour, Nafoul, Nassur and Assoud and he has to keep out of their sight.

This Christmas season, help us place the cornerstone for our ruling of the Steam charts with our introductory 20 percent off sale!

This is literally the best thing that could ever happen.

[Ganos Lao]

Someone get Cawthon to make another video game. We can call it Five Nights in Raqqa, where we trap an ISIS militant in a dungeon with Farfour, Nafoul, Nassur and Assoud and he has to keep out of their sight.

This Christmas season, help us place the cornerstone for our ruling of the Steam charts with our introductory 20 percent off sale!

This is literally the best thing that could ever happen.

All it'd need to top it all off would be a Jim Sterling Squirty Play and we're set.

[Costa Fierro]

"Murder on the Jihad Express"
ACT 5, Scene 1- Dim Room in Raqqah
<SFX: Slow machine gun fire in background in dance beat>

<DAESH is dancing slowly to the beat, wearing a skin suit made out of bits of Iraq and Syria, etc... Approaches mirror.>

DAESH: <looking at reflection> "Would YOU 'Jihad' me? I'D 'Jihad' me..."

<DAESH keeps dancing>

I wonder who would direct this.

Michael Bay. He loves explosions.

[The Alma Mater]

Spielberg, ofc.

Spielberg? Not Michael Bay? There has to be some way for him to shoehorn in some gratuitous shots of Megan Fox, even if she's in full Islamic garb.

And he is Jewish.. hmmm. Fair point.

[Ganos Lao]

I wonder who would direct this.

Michael Bay. He loves explosions.

The cinematic equivalent (i.e. how it's promoted) to Daikatana and Virus the Game, coming soon to theatres this summer. The box office bomb of the year or what, guys?

Spielberg? Not Michael Bay? There has to be some way for him to shoehorn in some gratuitous shots of Megan Fox, even if she's in full Islamic garb.

And he is Jewish.. hmmm. Fair point.

A story about guys who blow stuff up needs to have a director whose films are just an excuse to have stuff blow up, I'd reckon.

[Kassaran]

Anyone else here of the opinion that we've wasted too much actual ordnance against ISIS? Perhaps we need to just start using aerial dispersion canisters deployed from high up aircraft and designed to rain down pig's blood on ISIS strongholds. That'd be a sure-fire way to smoke 'em out and counter their religious zeal. It'd also be interesting to see how they justify any further attacks when we stop killing them outright and instead force them to face unclean rain.

Given how little you'd actually need to do in order to make this work, just fill a bunch of like giant water balloons or whatnot with water and a drop of pig's blood. Because then the water is unclean, launching said giant water balloons would demoralize (or seriously hamper) terrorist action. In fact, perhaps it'd get us further than any other action. We'd be fighting them using their obvious weaknesses. Sure we might offend Muslims elsewhere, but if what would they rather us do, kill their radicalized kinsmen or simply force them to retreat and humiliate them?

[Scanzian Freehold]

Anyone else here of the opinion that we've wasted too much actual ordnance against ISIS? Perhaps we need to just start using aerial dispersion canisters deployed from high up aircraft and designed to rain down pig's blood on ISIS strongholds. That'd be a sure-fire way to smoke 'em out and counter their religious zeal. It'd also be interesting to see how they justify any further attacks when we stop killing them outright and instead force them to face unclean rain.

Given how little you'd actually need to do in order to make this work, just fill a bunch of like giant water balloons or whatnot with water and a drop of pig's blood. Because then the water is unclean, launching said giant water balloons would demoralize (or seriously hamper) terrorist action. In fact, perhaps it'd get us further than any other action. We'd be fighting them using their obvious weaknesses. Sure we might offend Muslims elsewhere, but if what would they rather us do, kill their radicalized kinsmen or simply force them to retreat and humiliate them?

So we should just "Keep Calm, and CARRIE On" them, is that what you suggest?

[West Aurelia]

Reports quoting French police are saying that the Syrian passport found on one of the attackers is a fake.

[Adab]

Reports quoting French police are saying that the Syrian passport found on one of the attackers is a fake.

Enter conspiracy theorists ranting about certain bankers and the New World Order being behind all this.

[Camicon]

Reports quoting French police are saying that the Syrian passport found on one of the attackers is a fake.

Doesn't mean much. It's not like the Syrian government is issuing passports to people affiliated with Daesh anyways. If they actually came from Syria, it would be more surprising if their passport was legitimate than if it was fake.

[Jochistan]

Reports quoting French police are saying that the Syrian passport found on one of the attackers is a fake.

So? How else would those pieces of shit get past international security?

[AiliailiA]

Reports quoting French police are saying that the Syrian passport found on one of the attackers is a fake.

That would be good. While obviously I feel sympathy for the victims (and their friends and families) it's particularly worrying that Daesch terrorists may have entered recently pretending to be refugees. The backlash against refugees would extend beyond France.

Though frankly that is still possibly what happened, and we won't know until all the terrorists responsible have been identified.

[Yumyumsuppertime]

"Murder on the Jihad Express"
ACT 5, Scene 1- Dim Room in Raqqah
<SFX: Slow machine gun fire in background in dance beat>

<DAESH is dancing slowly to the beat, wearing a skin suit made out of bits of Iraq and Syria, etc... Approaches mirror.>

DAESH: <looking at reflection> "Would YOU 'Jihad' me? I'D 'Jihad' me..."

<DAESH keeps dancing>

I wonder who would direct this.

Tommy Wiseau. Who else?

[Adab]

I wonder who would direct this.

Tommy Wiseau. Who else?

I prefer Adam Sandler.

[Scanzian Freehold]

I wonder who would direct this.

Tommy Wiseau. Who else?

He'd be the second choice, but I'm holding out for Richard O'Brien

[Kraylandia]

Reports quoting French police are saying that the Syrian passport found on one of the attackers is a fake.

And? They could actually be Syrian, but using a fake Syrian passport to disguise their real identity.

[Imperializt Russia]

...just constant tyrannical control of citizens, to always know what they wrote and to know where they are, 'for the their own good and protection'. thats toooootally better than openly declared Martial Law.

if this was Babylon 5 universe, I totally expect illegal telepath scans to also know what people think.

There is no "constant tyrannical control of citizens". The UK has more doemestc surveillance, what are they, North Korea?

Seriously dude.

Yeah, and that level of domestic (communications) surveillance that is active and what is proposed, is catastrophically damaging to civil liberties.

[Minoa]

In respect of satire earlier on this page, I wish to point out that the practice of parodying enemies, and even our own politicians, has been a staple of British commentary for a long time. However, it becomes a huge challenge when you are faced with a tragedy like this, and questions like "how would you respond to this without causing widespread offence" come into mind.

It would be interesting to see how Peter Brookes or Morten Morland interprets the tragic events in tomorrow’s Times newspaper (Gary Barker also does Times cartoons, but only very occasionally).

[Teemant]

Reports quoting French police are saying that the Syrian passport found on one of the attackers is a fake.

Fake Syrian passports are used by those arriving to Europe. This was reported by German media at least 2 months ago.
It time to stop this unreasonable flow of migrants in to Europe. Who knows how many radicals have come to Europe by now?