Awesome/Funny NS Quotes II (Not Your Own Quotes, Please!)

[Shofercia]

Ok, I gotta admit, this was pretty funny:

It's possible but the republicans are at the disadvantage as they have to fight to keep all of those governorships during an unpopular republican administration with many of those governorships in blue states.

While the democrats will probably lose the senate they will gain the governorships

My point was supposed to be that anything could happen.

After the 1996 election, what if I told you that 20 years into the future

• A Republican will win West Virginia by 42 points
• Nevada would vote for a Democrat that loses the Electoral College
• Minnesota will vote more Republican than the national average
• Texas will have about the same margin as Ohio

George Allen was invincible going into 2006. What happened?

Macaca Happened.

[Empire of Cats]

OK, this is pretty funny.

I've set up this poll in order to figure out when most people will be on NationStates (i.e. the best time to do anything forum-related). If I know which countries most people are from, I can then set up another poll asking people from those countries what timezone they live in, and then I can use that and the time most people are on the internet (the afternoon) to figure out the best time to post something on the forum so it gets seen by the most people. If you answer other on the poll, it would be really helpful to me if you could comment down below what country you are from that's not on the poll. Thank you!

And this was the response....

Major-Tom wrote:

Uh Narnia

[Yatzatz]

I wish for math to be more popular than video games.

Granted, math becomes so popular that the only video games they make are based around the quadratic equation. But now that it's a video game it's not popular anymore.

I know, it includes my post, but it's not my post that I'm really showing here, it's just to provide context.

[Skylus]

From the one and only "Americans Support Bombing Fictional Homeland of Aladdin" thread.

Oh trust me you have to be born in Middle Earth just to be let in.
Since our citizenships are "so precious".

Do you guys really have problems with Hobbitses trying to steal your citizenshipses?

[Wisconsin9]

trump is the proofs

About 180 proof if his ability to impair people's judgement is any indication...

[Tinhampton]

Meanwhile, in Forum 7...

A million pounds but you MUST dress up as Batman and fight crime every night.

I am not dressing up like a Turkish city. I mean, how do you even do that!?

[Lady Scylla]

D'awwww. <3.

Yes. We like you. A lot. Don't tell anyone I said something nice about someone else, though. I'd hate to ruin my reputation

Oops.

[Charlia]

I'm always scared out of my wits that said mod's resignation will be the tipping point leading to there not being enough mods to handle the crazies

We've taken steps to prevent this from happening. Sedgistan has been crazy-glued to Crazy Girl. Reploid Productions is pinned to her office chair by the Sword of DEAT. The Archregimancy has been pounded into sand up to his neck by an errant cricket bat, and he's so interested in slowly dusting himself out and examining every grain of sand that he'll be in that location for years to come. USS Monitor is stuck in a mudflat somewhere off the coast of North Carolina, and will continue to connect via the Cape Hatteras Lighthouse wifi, with tidal generators to recharge her Civil War era laptop.

So you can see, we're covered.

This is the best thing I've read all day...

[Thermodolia]

From the hometown thread

Do you also want my mother's maiden name, my first pet's name, and where I went to high school?

Identity thieves, I swear.

Virginia Beach, Virginia, which, as I'm sure you can tell from the name, is located deep in the Appalachians.

[Luziyca]

We've taken steps to prevent this from happening. Sedgistan has been crazy-glued to Crazy Girl. Reploid Productions is pinned to her office chair by the Sword of DEAT. The Archregimancy has been pounded into sand up to his neck by an errant cricket bat, and he's so interested in slowly dusting himself out and examining every grain of sand that he'll be in that location for years to come. USS Monitor is stuck in a mudflat somewhere off the coast of North Carolina, and will continue to connect via the Cape Hatteras Lighthouse wifi, with tidal generators to recharge her Civil War era laptop.

So you can see, we're covered.

This is the best thing I've read all day...

And piggybacking off of this:

The Archregimancy has been pounded into sand up to his neck by an errant cricket bat, and he's so interested in slowly dusting himself out and examining every grain of sand that he'll be in that location for years to come.

14,456,789
14,456,790
14,456,791
14,456,792
14,456,793
14,456,794....

[Walrusvylon]

So you support the suppression of people you don't agree with? You know who else supported the suppression of political opponents?
This guy.
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Adolf_Hitler
Just saying.

If, to avoid people dying or suffering, it'll be required of me to become the worst monster that has ever walked the planet, that's what I will do. I will make even Hitler look like a playful puppy.

Luckily, suppressing hate speech is enshrined in practically every single legislation, like libel and slander laws. And the only real opposition comes from people who think free speech gives them a free pass to say whatever they want whilst being exempt from criticism or the consequences of the speech itself.

To this day I still don't understand why Mechanisburg said that he would make Hitler look like a playful puppy. It was funny, though.

[Eastfield Lodge]

Why is it steep? Ban all the immigrants, deport all those currently without British citizenship. There, benefits and unemployment problems solved, innit?

Fire safety announcement for all thread visitors: at present, the very rules of physics are currently being reconfigured here so as to to exponentially increase capacity for the cramming-in of humanoids crafted of straw. Do not, for the love of St George, drop a match.

[Skardonia]

"TWENTY *hic* FIFTH!" He looked at the android, "DONT TEMPT ME ROBO LESBIAN!"

[The Empire of Pretantia]

and Welsh is actually a really cool language.

Look, fam, I don't know why you're lying, but I'm not stupid. Any language which thinks "Gwawr" sounds like something to name your child and not your dog isn't "cool."

[Spaceman Spliff]

Dude you are getting straw everywhere. I can't see the thread, there's too much straw.

There's no straw, you just need to take off your niqab.

[Lysset]

*risking newspaper slap* Fair enough, Kekistan. I retract my accusation that you and he are the same. Thanks for helping to clear that up, Farn.

RP Mentor advice: I know it's fun to hashtag, Kekistan, but you have so much more to contribute to NS than that. Although I don't agree with the content, your factbooks are cleverly punnish. You've invested a lot of good effort into worldbuilding a meme-based nation. You have a sense of humor, and that would be a good addition to some RP groups on this site if you just ratchet down the forum "kek" a bit. Poke around P2TM and see if there's something that catches your eye as a role player. I'll gladly answer any questions you might have about that community. Drop me a TG if any come up (the Mod forum is for Mod business )

I just thought this was nice to see.

[UCE Watchdog of the Puppets]

Do you guys think that Right-Wing ideologies are generally more in touch with the nature of humanity than the Left?

Or in other words, would the Right have a more pragmatic outlook on things? I know this is a right-wing thread, but i don't see everyone subscribing to the mainstream right-wing ideals.

They don't have a pragmatic outlook.

In so far as pragmatism goes, pragmatists tend to look at politics as a practical manner. Leaving ideology aside for what is practical and prefer to play the power game to get what they want -- which is usually also practical, not ideological in nature.

Right-wing ideologies have the same type of bias the left-wing ideologies do in that they don't really care how practical something is, they want it that way. Now, are adherents to right-wing ideologies pragmatic? That varies from follower to follower. But all right-wing ideologies have an inherent impracticality to them. That is not to say left-wing ideologies don't, on the contrary, they also have the same type of impracticality to them, but in the opposite direction.

In so far are they being in touch with human nature I would say not necessarily. The moment you try to conceptualize what humans are like you lose touch of the nature of humanity.

[Cresenthia]

I feel like I need to be smoking something for this to make sense.

In the CAIN thread.

[Lysset]

In policy terms, we need to bring back collective participation in activities and ignore the people who go on about government interference. Church seems to have performed a vital function. Demanding an hour a week from citizens could put a stop to the rise.

DEMANDING an hour? Like forcing people to go? Fuck that noise.

If churches want to do some outreach and encourage people to come, offer counseling, charity, etc. -- Cool. Forcing people to go? Fuck no. There's no particular reason to think it would help, or that church would be more effective than some secular activity. Back before this problem started, people were going to church voluntarily.

It's not my responsibility to waste an hour of my time going somewhere I'm not interested in going and doing stuff I'm not interested in doing just because some asshats can't put down the pills, get a fucking life, and grow the fuck up. If they need church to help them get their shit together, they should get off their ass and go on their own. It's not my job to keep people company just because they're too nasty to enjoy their own company -- and that's basically what this is: nasty people that are miserable because their own unpleasant company is making them miserable.

These people are not all that poor by global standards. They're just unhappy with what they have because they think they're entitled to more. Well, what exactly makes them so entitled? Nothing as far as I can see. People need to grow the fuck up and a get a clue that being born white and American doesn't magically make them more deserving than someone else. If you have food and shelter and so forth, you shouldn't be whining because it's a mobile home instead of your dream house or because you had to buy something that's not your favorite brand or because you didn't have money left over to go out and party. I am so sick and tired of Americans that would rather bury themselves in debt and then cry their fucking eyes out about how hard their life is than just live the type of less extravagant lifestyle that millions of people are living happily in Old World countries and Latin America. And I am not even talking about 3rd world countries here... Even Europeans make do with smaller living spaces and using substantially less energy than we do in the US. It's hard to sympathize with people that are, at least to some extent, being killed off by their own nasty attitude.

Pardon the shitflipping Masshole Mode rantpost, but I am really sick of all the whining and moping and people acting like it's the end of the fucking world because they, personally, aren't living the American Dream. I'm sure there's a button around here somewhere that will switch me back to Mod Mode... I just haven't fucking found it yet. They hid it! I wonder if it's under this stack of buttons for clearing bad custom fields...

*digs*

Nope.

I can't find it...

Pretty sure progressive politics doesn't help either tbh.

If progressive politics was causing the problem, it would be worst in places that have progressive politics.

Preach, Monitor.

(Context: Should we be making church attendance mandatory for folks who are down on their luck?)

[Lord Dominator]

The great irony here is Sears was Amazon before there was Amazon.
Sears was before the mall boom heavily catalog based, selling all sorts of things (even houses) by mail order. Things obviously that could not entirely be stocked in stores.

What Amazon did was take Sears old catalog model and apply it to the internet.
Amazon's model is not that new or innovative in fact, it is really just a modernized version of the old Sears catalog. Interesting that Sears is dying by their own sword.

But I think ordinary retail does have a place. For example shoes I do not order online as the sizes are hard to predict. In theory they are standard but in fact a size 9 in one brand and type might be a size 11 in another. The ability to try things out and put them on is useful.

I do think we will see less of the big box model and more a return to smaller details that are more customer focused, not just selling huge amounts of fungible, ordinary goods.

"Did you ever hear the Tragedy of Sears the Wise? It's a Retail legend. Sears was a Dark Lord of the Retail so powerful and so wise, he could use Catalogs to influence the consumers to choose...him as their producer. He had such a knowledge of the Dark Side, he could even keep the catalogs he cared about...from going unsold. He became so powerful, the only thing he was afraid of was losing his market share...which, eventually of course, he did. Unfortunately, he taught his apprentice everything he knew. Then his apprentice put his catalogs on the Internet in his sleep. Ironic. He could save others from obsoletion...but not himself."

From a thread about retail stores going obsolete. Novus America provides other context.

[Drawkland]

In the thread about people voting to name a new soccer team "Footy McFootyFace":

How can any player live up to such an auspicious name. It's a curse.

You say that, but I hear that Goalie McGoalface is looking to transfer to San Diego.

[Alvecia]

This gets on here for pure style points.

There are exceptions to every rule, but it still remains, I wouldn't partake in it with those I don't prefer

That, in and of itself, isn't a problem. A person can't necessarily help what they're personally attracted to. However!

According to the statement you made earlier...

I agree

It's implied that you hold opinions about other peoples' choices to create mixed-race families!
Are you trying to hide an unpopular opinion?

[UCE Watchdog of the Puppets]

I don't know why anyone would want to live in this multi racial world. I sure as hell don't.

Because I like my women how I like my coffee - nice and black.

BOOYAH!

[Anywhere Else But Here]

On the topic of banning the Confederate flag:

How would one really go about banning a plain white flag? One would have to ban table cloths, handkerchiefs, white towels. The list would be endless and silly.

[Genivaria]

You should know that it is also possible to ejaculate too much. People will tell me different but I swear by it, that is the reason for why I have developed vitiligo, I worked my thyroid and endocrine system in general, too hard over too long of a length of time. I'd have a much better balance of hormones if I had limited it to only once a week at most or less.

Do you REALLY need to tell this to the entire internet? *Facepalm.*