Awesome/Funny NS Quotes II (Not Your Own Quotes, Please!)

[The Derpy Democratic Republic Of Herp]

Unless backpack has a shovel.

To tunnel her way out of the federal pen, I would not be surprised.

Dora is El chapo, confirmed.

[The Derpy Democratic Republic Of Herp]

It's broken, it makes a lot of angry loud noises, and has no regard for the rules.

We need a new one.

You kids. I am sick and tired of you breaking your toys five minutes after you take them out of the box! You're not getting a new President. Maybe in November of next year ... yes, next year ... I'll get you a new Congress, but only if you're good and do your homework and don't make me nag you about doing the dishes and taking out the trash and plowing the north 40 and all that. Now go to your room.

[The Derpy Democratic Republic Of Herp]

Her friends call her Kellyanne.

She has friends?

[Thermodolia]

I'm going to lose my voice tonight

Be sure to leave it somewhere you'll remember then.

[Wallenburg]

I'd say you are onto the right idea here, but are missing some important details. As inaccurate as stereotypes can be, they are usually based in a sliver of truth. It's not like Richard Spencer or David Duke or Alex Jones don't exist. It's not like Anita Sarkeesian or Jonathan McIntosh or Milo Stewart are exactly quiet. It's just that they represent a special kind of crazy that naturally encourages their opponents to believe that anyone with even remotely similar views is just the same.

From there, you get the strawmen. People enter into a conversation and assume, based upon another person's general political labels (left, right, Republican, Democrat, etc.), many things that may or may not be true. Then, when they start to lose the argument (or perhaps even earlier), they stop actually addressing the facts and use those preconceived notions to build strawmen.

Not only that, but the image people end up with of their political opponents conflates different kinds of opposition. Here's an allegory to try to explain what I feel like I'm seeing a lot.

I believe that the dress is white and gold, and it is currently daytime.

Those filthy violetists, always up to something, disagree with me. They say that the dress is blue and black. (Like all sensible people, they know it's daytime.)

Those filthy nightcrawlers, who somebody probably paid off, also disagree with me. They say that it's currently nighttime. (Like all sensible people, they know that the dress is white and gold.)

But the thing is, I'm not a violetist or a nightcrawler, so I don't actually know that much about either one. I define them both primarily by their disagreement with me: and that's all I know about them. So I don't call them violetists and nightcrawlers- I call them the anti-science lobby. Science, of course, here means right belief.

And since I know that the anti-science lobby doesn't even understand that the dress is white and gold, and can't even tell that it's the middle of the day- I thought of the perfect rebuttal to their bullshit, and I open right up with it whenever I meet one of those regressive anti-science idiots: if it's so dark out, how can you tell that the dress is blue and black?

Of course, they never actually respond to this, instead retreating into some sideways bullshit, which just proves that their ideology is incoherent. One second an anti-science shill is saying it's night, the next some anti-science moron is denying they ever believed that! They can't get it straight, and I can't be bothered to keep up. Isn't it their job to prove their claims?

[Zanera]

I'm glad somebody said it. The amount of people out here who think the revolution was won by colonial farmboys plinking away at Redcoats is absurd. We got a big ol' professional army, with French muskets and a gay German dude training us. I'm sure the militia helped, but they hardly were the reason we won

Von Steuben: "I drill you. You drill him. He will drill his team. They will drill their company. In the end, the whole army will be drilling each other. Understood?"

Continental Soldier: "General? I have a funny feeling in my pants."

IDK, I was just reading the Trump Megathread and it made me laugh.

[Maljaratas]

Yeah, but CWA's gone power mad, that jerk docked my wages!

Also, Lenyo made the incredibly special honor of issues editro.

I'm glad Lenyo's on the team, to be honest. That way we always have somebody to blame all the spelling errors on.

Wait, you get wages? Why don't I get some money for the spoiler thread?!?!

Also, Lenyo made the incredibly special honor of issues editro.

This is the greatest honor of all. All bow to the mighty editro!

Wait, you get wages? Why don't I get some money for the spoiler thread?!?!

Don't worry, I'm happy to split my salary 50-50 with you. Same offer goes to anyone else.

This is the greatest honor of all. All bow to the mighty editro!

Maybe with years of hard work you'll make it to forum moderatro

Yeah, but CWA's gone power mad, that jerk docked my wages!

Also, Lenyo made the incredibly special honor of issues editro.

Complaining again?

That's it Ransium, I'm withdrawing your dental plan too.

Just some stuff from discussions of the Recent Issue Contest.

[Lady Scylla]

Your days of tyranny are over, testicles.

[Farnhamia]

Your days of tyranny are over, testicles.

Heh, yeah. Iffy does have that gift of gab going for him. You should have heard what he said to Sylvester II when we were in Rome around the year 1000. Can't repeat it here, of course.

[Zanera]

Heh, yeah. Iffy does have that gift of gab going for him. You should have heard what he said to Sylvester II when we were in Rome around the year 1000. Can't repeat it here, of course.

Just muzzle 'em if 'e gets too gabby. It's your job to moderate anyway. I can't imagine trying to put a muzzle on someone, but that's probably because Freedom of Speech prevents muzzles in the first place. Of course, we're on an Internet forum where the owner of the site determines what we're allowed to say or not, but that's all the more reason to not use a muzzle since you usually just ban them. But in some cases where it's not spam, it's gab, and you can't ban gab, so you put a muzzle on the gabbing person. But since you can't really muzzle someone on a forum, you can't do the muzzle thing either, so you're left with a gabby person that'll gab all the time until you make gabbing an offense, but then that'll spark a debate where people gab all day about their right to gab, which would make the new rule ironic since you were trying to ban it. Of course, you can ban the gabbing people so they stop gabbing, but that causes other people to gab, and then you ban them, in then it becomes a continuous cycle where all the people turn gabby, and then they all get banned. And when you have no more people left, there's no reason to have any gabbing rules in the first place. So then you drop the gabbing rule to attract more people all over again, in then pretty soon the original gabber returns, or a different person comes in to gab, and then the Gab Ban cycle starts all over again, unless you incur different regulations for gabbing, in which the cycle may be broken, except in that another cycle might start. Whether that cycle may be objectively superior to the cycle it replaced I wouldn't be able to tell. But if it doesn't result in the number of nations going down to just the administrative staff, then I guess that's good for the site in that you want more people than the people that'll regulate all the rest of the people, because having many different people might be looked at as a good thing. Of course, having many different people means there'll be many gabby people you'll have to deal with, and they'll become another concern entirely you'll have to oversee since gabbing turned out to be an actual concern.

Look, all I'm saying is, is that I'm willing to accept the red text for spam now.

[Farnhamia]

Heh, yeah. Iffy does have that gift of gab going for him. You should have heard what he said to Sylvester II when we were in Rome around the year 1000. Can't repeat it here, of course.

Just muzzle 'em if 'e gets too gabby. It's your job to moderate anyway. I can't imagine trying to put a muzzle on someone, but that's probably because Freedom of Speech prevents muzzles in the first place. Of course, we're on an Internet forum where the owner of the site determines what we're allowed to say or not, but that's all the more reason to not use a muzzle since you usually just ban them. But in some cases where it's not spam, it's gab, and you can't ban gab, so you put a muzzle on the gabbing person. But since you can't really muzzle someone on a forum, you can't do the muzzle thing either, so you're left with a gabby person that'll gab all the time until you make gabbing an offense, but then that'll spark a debate where people gab all day about their right to gab, which would make the new rule ironic since you were trying to ban it. Of course, you can ban the gabbing people so they stop gabbing, but that causes other people to gab, and then you ban them, in then it becomes a continuous cycle where all the people turn gabby, and then they all get banned. And when you have no more people left, there's no reason to have any gabbing rules in the first place. So then you drop the gabbing rule to attract more people all over again, in then pretty soon the original gabber returns, or a different person comes in to gab, and then the Gab Ban cycle starts all over again, unless you incur different regulations for gabbing, in which the cycle may be broken, except in that another cycle might start. Whether that cycle may be objectively superior to the cycle it replaced I wouldn't be able to tell. But if it doesn't result in the number of nations going down to just the administrative staff, then I guess that's good for the site in that you want more people than the people that'll regulate all the rest of the people, because having many different people might be looked at as a good thing. Of course, having many different people means there'll be many gabby people you'll have to deal with, and they'll become another concern entirely you'll have to oversee since gabbing turned out to be an actual concern.

Look, all I'm saying is, is that I'm willing to accept the red text for spam now.

How much coffee have you had?

[Zanera]

Just muzzle 'em if 'e gets too gabby. It's your job to moderate anyway. I can't imagine trying to put a muzzle on someone, but that's probably because Freedom of Speech prevents muzzles in the first place. Of course, we're on an Internet forum where the owner of the site determines what we're allowed to say or not, but that's all the more reason to not use a muzzle since you usually just ban them. But in some cases where it's not spam, it's gab, and you can't ban gab, so you put a muzzle on the gabbing person. But since you can't really muzzle someone on a forum, you can't do the muzzle thing either, so you're left with a gabby person that'll gab all the time until you make gabbing an offense, but then that'll spark a debate where people gab all day about their right to gab, which would make the new rule ironic since you were trying to ban it. Of course, you can ban the gabbing people so they stop gabbing, but that causes other people to gab, and then you ban them, in then it becomes a continuous cycle where all the people turn gabby, and then they all get banned. And when you have no more people left, there's no reason to have any gabbing rules in the first place. So then you drop the gabbing rule to attract more people all over again, in then pretty soon the original gabber returns, or a different person comes in to gab, and then the Gab Ban cycle starts all over again, unless you incur different regulations for gabbing, in which the cycle may be broken, except in that another cycle might start. Whether that cycle may be objectively superior to the cycle it replaced I wouldn't be able to tell. But if it doesn't result in the number of nations going down to just the administrative staff, then I guess that's good for the site in that you want more people than the people that'll regulate all the rest of the people, because having many different people might be looked at as a good thing. Of course, having many different people means there'll be many gabby people you'll have to deal with, and they'll become another concern entirely you'll have to oversee since gabbing turned out to be an actual concern.

Look, all I'm saying is, is that I'm willing to accept the red text for spam now.

How much coffee have you had?

This is the energy I use for writing RP posts. It's easier to write an easy flow of ideas like that with my RP Energy™ without having to come up with a good story. No quick and sudden bursts, just one long-ass stream of energy. Coulda been longer mang. Coulda been longer.

And I don't drink coffee. Maybe I'm addicted to feeling tired as shit.

[Eastfield Lodge]

Just give increasingly ridiculous reasons. "Her Majesty is away inspecting the new rubber dinghy of the naval forces of Montserrat".

"Should I break a bottle of champagne on it?"
"Wouldn't want to puncture it, ma'am, best not"

[Maljaratas]

When questioning the name of the banner Exodus, the questioner received this response about their stats (previous post was a possibly joking question of who all the remaining people are):

They're all nomads moving around searching in your country for a better place to live. With the low education and high ignorance, coupled with high obesity, poor health, and high deathrate not many can find the borders to leave your nation, and instead just travel place to place within your nation. The birthrate still is outstripping the death rate and mass emigration combined.

[Fartsniffage]

Looks like the DPRK is in need of a new buyer. Someone more aligned to their political philosophy.


Now if only there were someone out there who needed massive amounts of coal. Someone with a cult of personality and a keen interest in surveillance. Someone who sees you when your sleeping. Who knows when you're awake.

[The Huskar Social Union]

Gerry Adams and Sinn Fein literally killed God too.

Arlene told me so.

"God is dead" - Arlene Nietzsche

[The Empire of Pretantia]

>Those two Europeans with looks of disdain
>That one African with a trollish look

It's probably because you put people and history in the same-no wait, it's not.

I'm not sure which tab is worse, /tg/ (4Chan) or the suicide hotline.

[Lord Dominator]

This won't be fixed because it's about eight layers deep in the unholy bugstorm I unleashed today.

o/~ Ninety-nine bugs in the code for the site
Ninety-nine bugs in the code
Take one down, patch it on out
Two hundred bugs in the code for the site ~/o

Context? Who needs Context?

[Lord Dominator]

Stalin for being an evil commie, obviously.

Don't you know, though, friend, that Stalin was just an innocent capitalist trying to expand his business? What right did NATO have to regulate the international market to prevent asset seizures?

It was Switzerland and Sweden.

Those filthy neutrals. With enemies you know where they stand but with Neutrals, who knows? It sickens me. What makes a man turn neutral? Lust for gold? Power? Or were they just born with a heart full of neutralilty?

[Great Minarchistan]

From the men's bathroom, not "from the other two".
Men have shorter queues, due they have urinals and by so it requires less time to do their things, that's practically a privilege and it should be considered.

L. M. A. O.

[Lord Dominator]

9984 sat untouched on a table for twenty years after its owner, a recluse with no contacts in the outside world, died of a stroke. After the house finally collapsed and began to rot, the phone remained undamaged except for a web of cracks on its screen that had been caused by a falling rafter. The conical metal lampshade that had fallen over it during the second phase of the house's collapse shielded it from the elements, and the marble tiles it had fallen onto protected it from burrowing animals and roots. As the wood around it rotted and became soil, the lampshade protecting it rusted into a paper-thin, crumpled piece of iron oxide, and the marble slab it rested on became a cracked, rounded stone, it remained where it was, hardly moving an inch. It stayed in this state for all of five thousand years, up until a glacier crept up on its location and trapped it in a pocket of air deep underneath the ice. While it stayed there, entire civilizations rose and fell, and two new subspecies of humanity evolved. Eventually, the ice age subsided, and what remained of iPhone 9984 was left in a frigid patch of tundra in what had been called 'upstate New York' more than five thousand years earlier. One day, a tribe of Homo heredem wandered past the phone's location while following a massive herd of caribou-like creatures, and one of the males left the main group to relieve himself behind a rock. That rock happened to be the ancient slab of marble that 9984 had been resting on for centuries, and the H. heredem man's keen eyes quickly spotted the warped, discolored husk that the iPhone's parts had become. Its metal casing had lost its form, and its electrical parts had decayed into more basic elements, but some of its mass still existed, and as such the migratory descendant of humanity quickly became interested in it. He placed it in a pouch on his deerskin belt, rejoined his tribesmen, and showed it to the rest of the H. Heredem men later that night. Having never touched pure metal before, they immediately granted it religious significance, and the man that had found it killed the chief and became the new priest-king of the band of hunter-gatherers. Over the course of ten years, the tribe conquered several other familial groups, impregnating their women and forcing their huntsmen to pay tribute to them in the form of meat. This dominance would last until the priest-king was on his deathbed, at which point a rival empire, one which possessed a Samsung Galaxy S6 that had survived through a similar chain of miraculous coincidences, decided to strike. The ensuing battle forced both tribal empires to call on all of their men, and many hundreds of warriors perished in just one night. The iPhone tribe managed to fend off the invaders, and would go on to exert its dominance over the weakened rivals to the east, but the iPhone itself was knocked into a bonfire during the chaos, where it melted and finally met its end. Although this was the end of 9984's story, the empire that worshiped it would eventually become the first civilization capable of agriculture and metalworking, after which it would gradually grow in power until it conquered the entire eastern coastline of North America, as well as the Great Lakes and some of the Mississippi River Delta. This expansive civilization, which had become the rightful heirs to the throne of humanity, would carry the story of iPhone 9984 with it for hundreds of generations.

Steve Jobs couldn't have asked for a more fitting tribute.

Just plain amazing.

[Trodarian Benxboro Republic]

Not without altering the history prior to the collapse a bit.


Had the imperials rocked on up to a country and did as usual, but then also pushed public education and improved and formalized the rights of the natives who previously lived under monarchies somewhat, and promised "eventually" giving them a vote, (Say, once the majority of them have passed through said education system, allow local representation. A while later, do regional. Then national. This builds up experienced statesmen and a culture of democracy, instead of immediately electing an all powerful asshole.) then run on a kind of Federal system with devolved countries and such, all duty bound to give a certain amount of the taxes they raise to the central state army, and to uphold certain rights, I think not only could they have survived, but been better off.
The education process would have muted their original local cultures somewhat, but that was done anyway under the actual system they used, so there it becomes a question of "Should we be doing this at all?" instead of "Is there a better way to do this?"

Without those changes, I think that suddenly trying to switch to a democratic system of representation would have been very unlikely to succeed. And representation was necessary to ensure the survival of the empires in the face of nationalistic sentiment.

The common public education would allow the imperials to enforce a common language (In addition to teaching local languages.)
Provided they avoid teaching religion, it wouldn't be necessarily opposed by the majority.

With a certain level of foresight and encouragement, they could have rocked on up to India, enforced public education (Including the western scientific method and such), then encouraged Indians who like biology and such to go around their country and examine the nature and shit.
That would provide tangible benefits to the imperial system to the locals, as they'd see the results of the empires occupation helping Indians and expanding their culture rather than suppressing it, frame it as the empire allowing them to fully comprehend the nature of their homeland and all that shit (Especially if this causes with the kind of scientific-naturalistic-painting that occured in the west). When large positive parts of Indian culture become thanks to the Empire, that'd ensure loyalty among some of the populace.

As it is, we rocked on up, treated them like shit, and got a bunch of our guys to analyze their homeland using the scientific method, then started treating them like they were stupid for not knowing about their own land better than we did. Same with their own history too. And their diseases. (Though here, I think that it'd be better to solve immediately rather than training up Indians to do it themselves.). And their resources and their uses.

The empires could have survived, were it not for the endemic short sightedness, racism, and general mismanagement. But hindsight is 20/20.
They should have presented themselves as the deliverers of the UNIVERSAL civilization of science, the enlightenment, industry, democracy, and rights, and given those things to conquered peoples to empower themselves. Instead of going up and saying "These are OUR things, and they make us better than you are."

You'd need to make it feel like participating in the empire helped or helps the locals to be themselves, or to better themselves.
Rather than how it actually made them feel.

Alternately inferior, or oppressed.

Make them feel like they are a part of something bigger and better than themselves, rather than telling them they are being ruled over by something bigger and better which they are not a part of.


The gap between theory and practice is why I think they would have needed to change their approach entirely, or have started to lay the foundations for change long before it became inevitable.
Switching from an imperial to a federal-democratic-imperial model would have taken foresight, and preparation for the eventuality.


As for how to get the homeland to benefit from all this, good old fashioned marketing and hype.
Tell the conquered peoples the homeland is the centre of this vast empire of a thousand cultures, with all their art and literature and treasures flowing through it and all the best people go to, with the first and finest universities, and an abundance of wealth with which to buy their products should they be so inclined... that, and fucking looting the previous aristocracies treasuries for all it's worth, and general access to foreign resources, goods, and brainpower.

[UCE Watchdog of the Puppets]

Or, crazy thought, we could not spam up the thread with smilies. The OP can add an actual poll to the thread if they want.

YOU WANT A POLL, OH BOI YOU"LL HAVE A POLL, A BIG FAT POLE RIGHT UP YO-...Sorry heres your poll

[East Catalina]

Frisbeeterians like to lock threads and frustrate OPs who seek sublimation for their inner devils by posting questionable topics on Internet forums.

[Luziyca]

Then explain to me why one liter of coke costs $3.41 at a convenience store on campus?

It's being cut with cola.

Don't be mislead! Only buy cocaine and cocaine accessories from reputable cocaine salesmen.

Gold is actually relatively cheap. A gram of gold is, according to what I read, 56 dollars a gram. A gram of meth is worth 100.
Good coke can go for up to 70 a gram in my region.

Then explain to me why one liter of coke costs $3.41 at a convenience store on campus?