Awesome/Funny NS Quotes (Not Your Own Quotes, Please!)

[Tinhampton]

Something about this proposal doesn't add up.

My thoughts are congruent. Dear author, I hate to be divisive, but there is a significant fraction of us who like math. I know, I may be a square, but learning math while in the prime of my life has been integral to becoming a better person. Life skills like balancing one's finances are easy as pi, and applying statistics and game theory to complex skills such as playing the stock market or even playing poker, has increased my return on investment exponentially! In all probability, I wouldn't be where I am today without a solid education in mathematics. In sum, I believe that subtracting math homework would be obtuse and a gross miscalculation.

Now... not to go off on a tangent, but can we do something about Social Studies homework instead?

[Pasong Tirad]

In a discussion about capital punishment.

Or, you know, we could not kill people.

I'm sorry I thought this was AMERICA.

[Krasny-Volny]

It was intended to be a very underfunded anti-big-government type of town. Basically where the federal and state governments say one thing, but in practice other things are being done.

Taxes are low, Bible Belt Christianity is strong, government and public services are weak, militia culture is strong etc

Would still have a proper fire hose.

Unless this is intended to be a caricature of America. But in that case Michael Myers was instantly shredded by a M134 as he entered town, for the crime of wearing a mask like one of dem fuckin' libtards.

I spit out my coffee laughing.

[Senkaku]

I ask what your aspirations are for the country, and the extent of your imagination is that you want your party to consolidate dictatorial power to stem the supposed erosion of some intangible individualist spirit?

Pretty much.

[Lady Victory]

Pretty sus of him to play with balls that much.

Boy, I sure do love whacking balls with stiff poles!
It'd be a shame if an athletic male caddy were to carry around these stiff poles I use to whack balls with for me!

[Genivaria]

Alec Baldwin calls for police on film sets to monitor gun safety



A bit odd.

It's like he's trying to make sure the black guy dies in every movie.

[Tinhampton]

Maybe we're galavanting about as genocidal maniacs in order to gain favor with the site staff. Ever consider that possibility?

Actually, that's how you get my attention.

[Window Land]

And since he didn't do that, he can't possibly have been planning to kill anyone.

I must point out the desperate implausibility of this argument.

What is being argued here is that someone who shows up, armed, and everyone reports - even the *prosecution* witnesses - that he was repeatedly offering protestors medical aid and putting out small fires is secretly there with a nefarious agenda to kill the people he's repeatedly offering to help.

Then, when the moment arrives. The moment of truth. Someone attacks him from behind. It's right now. One shot. One opportunity.

He turns and... runs away from his attacker yelling "friendly friendly friendly!" All the while thinking "haha, watch him chase me down and I'll finally get to kill someone!"

Then that person throws an object at him (which he states in the light appeared to be a chain, but was actually a plastic bag), so he briefly points his gun at him. He knows for the cameras, this will look like he's just trying to ward off the attack, but in his mind, he thinks "haha, this will only make him chase me down harder and i'll finally get to kill someone!"

Then he keeps running away until someone else fires a gunshot behind him. Then he thinks "ah, this is my moment".

He turns toward the gunshot and his attacker yells "fuck you!" and tries to seize his weapon. He, while still backing up, is thinking "finally! i got someone try to kill me, so I can kill them! It's what I've been waiting for!"

Then, with his nefarious deed done killing Rosenbaum, he makes a phone call. Whereupon the person he called tells him to run towards the police. In his mind, he knows "hey, if I run *directly towards the police*, I can get more people to try to kill me, and kill again!"

So he runs down the street directly towards the police, and when approached, instead of shooting the person who ran up on him, tells that person he's going to the police. "Haha," he thinks, "No one will buy this, so I'll get to kill again."

He's chased down, attacked, and then decides to fall to the ground after getting beaned in the head twice thinking "now that I'm on the ground and unable to escape, being attacked by multiple attackers with deadly force, haha, I'll get to kill some more!"

And fires judiciously only at people attacking him with deadly force at the time in the moment.



What a fiend.

[Cannot think of a name]

Context: Superheroes who have sung songs in stories, specifically "Life's Been Good" which as the Maserati line.

My Maserati does 1-85...

My Lamborghini does two-hundred-three
Broke my hands, now I can't do surgery
Got a sling ring, step through the gate
Time Stone in case I get there too late

[Farnhamia]

Culturally left wing is when the workers own the memes of production.

[Cannot think of a name]

You shouldn't be encouraging polar bears to think they are special.

Indeed, it might result in white bear supremacy.

[Tinhampton]

social media is not a source.

Ummmm, it's a primary source when you're using it to prove what someone has said on social media.

[Elejamie]

This wouldn't be a problem if there was a max on tickets a single person could bye.

I mean...you could at least finish your sentence before leaving...

I got a good chuckle out of this.

[Tinhampton]

The Declaration On Hippopotamuses is too important a piece of legislation to be repealed. By far the most significant is clause 4:

"with known maximum lengths in excess of 16 ½ feet and maximum weights [in the wild] in excess of 4'400 pounds, Hippos are really very large."

This gives us clear guidance on what is meant by the word "large". So when a Commendation or Condemnation says that a nation had a large impact on the world, we know that the nation's impact was approximately equivalent to an impact of 4'400 pounds.

[Western Fardelshufflestein]

Me: I wonder if I made the leaders for this nation and Gandoor too young. They're only in their 40s, after all.

Some other users on this hellsite: This is our nation's leader, President John McSelfinsert. He's 19 years old and was elected with 69% of the vote at the age of 17. Before he became President, he served in our country's army where he became the Top General from age 13 to 17 while also being a Congressman starting at age 15.

Me: OK never mind, my nation's leaders aren't too young.

[Tinhampton]

"Self-Defence Education Compact" was defeated 10,216 votes to 4,878. (32.32% support)

If only it had received some self-defense training!

[Punished UMN]

Sen describing a terminal problem with American political discourse:

To be honest, while I agree there hasn't been enough meaningful things done, I do not care at all about aggressive language against anti-vaxxers. If you're unvaccinated at this point, you're a complete idiot and you're just bringing this on yourself. Its just unfortunate they're taking others with them.

It’s not about a lack of aggressive language against anti-vaxxers, it’s about the White House not doing a goddamn thing to contain an outbreak of a variant that I can tell you from very unpleasant recent personal experience is quite good at infecting even the vaccinated— while Jen is dropping #PsakiBombs and laughing about the idea of providing Americans with free testing, Omicron is going to scythe through the population. Even if it’s “milder,” whatever that means, these transmission numbers are so insane that they’re going to cause deaths; and god knows what kind of variants we’ll have to deal with on the other side as it continues to mutate and spread, thanks to the American government’s total lack of interest in containing a disease that’s killed nearly a million people in a little under two years. Your glee at seeing anti-vaxxers being rhetorically punished is exactly what this out of touch clique of insulated, callous liberals wants to create with statements like this— a population interested in the type of language used to describe crisis, rather than policies to actually address solvable problems.

[Ethel mermania]

From the monkey v dogs thread


In honor of Mike Nesmith

they're not just monkeying around

But they're to busy genociding to put anybody down.

[Fiorina-Fury 161]

I got a dream last night that I got into a heated argument in NSG and the other guy insulted me and my family, so I reached into the screen and bit their arm so hard he had to nearly rush to the ER.

[Neanderthaland]

From the monkey v dogs thread


In honor of Mike Nesmith

But they're to busy genociding to put anybody down.

You have forever immortalized my use of the wrong "too."

[Lady Victory]

Is that your default response to someone presenting a different opinion on a forum?

Let's make a deal Munk: you get an opinion worth presenting and I'll engage with it. Hasn't happened yet, but stranger things have gone down.

[Nationalist Northumbria]

Let's make a deal Munk: you get an opinion worth presenting and I'll engage with it. Hasn't happened yet, but stranger things have gone down.

I don't think that even remotely belongs in this thread.

[Neuer California]

*coughs* We should probably maybe get back to the whole "OMG THEY MADE SANTA GAAAAAAAAAAAY IN NORWAAAAAAAAAY NO WAAAAAAAAAY" thing that the thread is actually about, guys. >_>

[Great Algerstonia]

I don't think that even remotely belongs in this thread.

[The Two Jerseys]

I had a sensible chuckle:

Try to imagine if Donald Trump had lost the election, refused to concede, declared himself the rightfully elected president, attempted a palace coup, failed, launched a civil war, failed the civil war, and then retreated to Hawaii with most of the US Navy, which remained loyal to him. Then, imagine that, while sitting in Hawaii, with the mainland US government being unable to realistically get out there and invade him, he declared that Hawaii belonged to America, as did all of its other territories, and that his was the rightful government of all of America.

Dude that sounds turbo-based. Hanging out with the bois on a cruiser in Pearl Harbor, beach volleyball à la Top Gun every day for PT, all the pineapple and seafood you can eat, very epic.