Awesome/Funny NS Quotes II (Not Your Own Quotes, Please!)

[Atheris]

Everyone gangsta till all your friends turn into Fanta.

[Tinhampton]

Viruses do not fuck. I repeat, viruses do not fuck.

Ideologically I like the idea of separating rape from sex. Accusing, proving, convicting for rape without any requirement to prove sex occurred. But then, legally defining rape becomes quite difficult.

Then there is insemination. Viruses do inject a fertile substance which causes something very like pregnancy in the cell.

Given the lack of consent by the cell, and it being effectively pregnant after the assault, I am lead to the conclusion that some fucking did occur during the rape. Fucking is not the charge, but the fucking is proof of the charge.

Therefore, I sentence the virus to two weeks community service, to be served in Blastit Hospital Disinfectant Factory, Willoughby, Ohio.

---

https://www.theguardian.com/business/2018/jul/15/cashless-ban-washington-act-discrimination

Some banks in Australia have eliminated cash from banks? What the eff kind of bank is that? Cash withdrawlas/deposits/etc. Is about 90% of the reason why anyone even goes to the bank in this day and age. A bank that can't bank is a failure of bank

---

Introducing Senator Horatio Sulla, The Palentine's ambassador to the World Assembly:

The good but unwholesome Sen. Sulla looks up and says,

"This drek, again?"

He reaches into his desk and pulls out a pitchpipe, and blows a note before singing in a quite pleasent baratone voice.

I don't know what they have to say
It makes no difference anyway
Whatever it is, I'm against it
No matter what it is or who commenced it
I'm against it

Your proposition may be good
But let's have one thing understood:
Whatever it is, I'm against it
And even when you've changed it or condensed it
I'm against it

I'm opposed to it
On general principles, I'm opposed to it

at this point the rest of the Palentine Delegation, including some Naval Dolphins in a tank start singing
He's opposed to it
In fact, indeed, he's opposed to it

the unwholesome reprobate finishes up the song
For months before my son was born
I used to yell from night till morn
"Whatever it is, I'm against it."
And I've been yelling since I first commenced it
I'm against it!

[Tinhampton]

Haven't had a chance to have a proper read through, but as you have only used the TNP acronym once in the text, you might as well just make it the North Pacific

TY, I added more acronyms.

IMO and AFAIK, this proposal is close to submission. LMK, NS.

---

WOW kid I am 169+1 feet away from you!

Oh? You didn't get the joke? You utter fool! It refers to 69, the funny sex number! Laugh now

This joke was so thoughtfully crafted and took me a total of like 3 minutes, you SHOULD be laughing. What's that? My joke is bad? I think that's just because you failed. I outsmarted you, nitwit.

In conclusion, I am posting this to the community known as "R/sixtynine" to claim my internet points in your embarrassment Dumb dumb. The Germans refer to this action as "Schadenfreude," which means "harm-joy" . WOW! Another reference I had to explain to you. I am going to cease this conversation for I do not converse with simpletons.

---

context 1, context 2

Thanks for giving the sweet little guy a poke, Ballo!

Apparently I should've poked harder. That lazy hamster ran a minor update, which takes less effort, instead of a major update.
As a result, there is no Daily Data Dump for today... I guess that's not as Daily as the name would suggest. Let's call it the Mostly Daily Data Dump from now on.

Ballotonia

[Green October Z]

That:
A) Islam can’t come up with decent, original theology.
B) The actual argument remains crap.

Islam is basically the Muhammads version of Chris-chan's Sonichu. Just a mixture ripped off elements from Christianity and Arabian pagan religions tailored to suit his own evil needs.

[Heloin]

China has more nukes than India.

It's like two people standing waist deep in a pool of gasoline, and one is bragging that he has more matches than the other.

[Farnhamia]

Islam is basically the Muhammads version of Chris-chan's Sonichu. Just a mixture ripped off elements from Christianity and Arabian pagan religions tailored to suit his own evil needs.

That's a pretty trollish statement, you know. Not something we care to memorialize here.

[Tinhampton]

...so are jokes about The Terminator welcome on this thread?

How would people feel about a GA proposal regulating the use of artificial intelligence in combat?

Nice try, Skynet.

[Atheris]

The Office of the Archon of the Sildorian Empire, with the consent of the Senate of the Sildorian Empire, does confirm you as Shroud-Begotten. With the title comes a Medal with a sash, recognizing the rank in the Order of The Shroud.

FREEZE RAY!

Ha ha ha. You have fallen into my trap!

[The New California Republic]

It appears that some ambassadors are obsessed with abortion to the point that their priorities are completely out of order."

Right to Life and associates:

How about we repeal On Abortion? (2 Mar 2014)
How about we repeal RF? (02 Mar 2014)
How about we repeal RF? (26 Mar 2014)
How about we repeal RF? (18 Apr 2014)
How about we repeal RF? (27 Apr 2014)
How about we repeal RF? (03 Jul 2014)
How about we repeal RF? (09 Sep 2014)
How about we repeal RF? (29 Sep 2014)
How about we repeal RF? (13 Jan 2015)
How about we repeal RF? (29 Jan 2015)
How about we repeal RF? (28 Apr 2015)
How about we repeal RF? (12 Jun 2015 and by Stellonia of all people, who at the time was running in Right to Life for president and also featured the repeal heavily in campaign material during run for president)
How about we repeal RF? (30 Jul 2015 and by Stellonia again)
How about we repeal RF? (19 Aug 2015)
How about we repeal RF? (14 Oct 2015 and by Stellonia a third time)
How about we repeal On Abortion? (14 Nov 2015 by Stellonia a fourth time)
How about we repeal On Abortion? (18 Nov 2015 by Stellonia a fifth time)
How about we repeal RF? (28 Apr 2016)
How about we repeal RF? (26 May 2016 by United Massachusetts)
How about we repeal RF? (21 Oct 2016)
How about we repeal RF? (18 Apr 2017 by United Massachusetts a second time)
How about we repeal RF? (06 Aug 2017)
How about we repeal RF? (07 Aug 2017)
How about we repeal RF? (22 Sep 2017)
How about we repeal RF? (18 Nov 2017)
How about we repeal RF? (28 Nov 2017)
How about we repeal RF? (29 Nov 2017)
How about we repeal RF? (22 Jan 2018)
How about we repeal RF? (09 Mar 2018, same author as preceding)
How about we repeal RF? (30 Jul 2018 by United Massachusetts a third time)
How about we repeal RF? (07 Sep 2018)
How about we repeal RF? (11 Sep 2018)
How about we repeal RF? (01 Oct 2018, same author as preceding)
How about we repeal RF? (11 Feb 2019)
How about we repeal RF? (29 Mar 2019, by Marxist Germany)
How about we repeal RF? (12 Apr 2019)
How about we repeal RF? (29 Apr 2019)
How about we repeal RF? (06 May 2019)
How about we repeal RF? (06 May 2019, different author from preceding)
How about we repeal RF? (05 Jun 2019, mentioned in United Massachusetts' summer agenda)
How about we repeal RF? (01 Aug 2019, by Marxist Germany again)
How about we repeal RF? (02 Oct 2019)
How about we repeal RF? (11 Mar 2020)

It's not me. It's you.

[Tinhampton]

ooooooooof(d). Also:

Tell me NSers, what do you think being a good Christian means? What does a good Christian look like to you? I'm not excluding replies of different faiths or lack thereof.

I was raised as a Christian, but I went to several different churches growing up. Some of the churches were traditional, others liberal, and some moderate. Since my teen years I found myself becoming pretty disenfranchised with Christianity as a religion and no longer practice it in the traditional sense. Because of this, I am not really sure of I qualify as a Christian or not, even though I still believe in God and that Jesus was the son of God. I believe that being a good Christian is simply prioritizing your relationship with God and doing good rather than adhering to any religious regulations and dogmas. I guess in my definition that I am a Christian, but I am not sure if I would consider myself one.

Friend, being a Christian got nothing to do with where you go Sunday morning, or what it says under the steeple.

It’s got nothing to do with what your parents are, or what your religious heritage is.

It’s got nothing to do with how many times you pray or see a priest.

It’s got nothing to do with what you call yourself on the census, or whether you wear a cross around your neck, or have a bumper sticker in the shape of a fish.

It’s got nothing to do with how you vote.

It’s this:

“Jesus declared, ‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself. All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments’.”

- Matthew 22: 37-40

Love the Lord.
Love your neighbor - that includes all mankind, even your enemies.

I never went to church but a couple times growing up. It was boring. I don’t remember a single sermon. That wasn’t real. It wasn’t soul.

One day I got down on my knees, admitted I was a sinner and couldn’t do this on my own. I asked forgiveness for my sins and asked that the Lord Jesus become the Lord of my life, since I couldn’t walk this road myself.

That was the real deal. That was soul.

Now I try to live my life according to the simple commandment of love. Love made me tolerant. Love showed me we are all created equal in the eyes of God, no matter who we are or what we look like. It made me open minded, but also rock solid sure of where I stand. It erased hatred, soothed jealousy and envy, and made walking in love the new priority in my life.

I ain’t a perfect person, and never will be. But I’m a better one because of my faith.

[Gormwood]

(Image)

Can anyone read lips? What is the bear saying to him?

Can anyone read lips? What is the bear saying to him?

"Send more pic-a-nic baskets."

[Tinhampton]

Access to Abortion - two contrasting viewpoints:

Especially when your side has to target low information delegates."

I mean by the end of this approval period I wouldn't be surprised if the anti-choice crowd ended up telegramming delegates with lies such as:

• it pushes couples into puddles!
• it takes candies from babies!
• it kills all bills!
• it stops cops!
• it accosts those who use pot!
• it forces Diogenes to do pilates!
• it throw Bond in the pond!
• it rhymes with the times!
• it makes Rome groan!

And some applause for the telegram from Trillmore, who fails to connect the fines and sanctions he mentions in Admin Compliance Act to... compliance. Why ban slavery when the slave states won't comply? We will never know the minds of the ancients.

"The delegation of Imperium Anglorum is greatly misguided in seeking to make abortions free rather than seeking to make life-saving procedures free. The latter is a far nobler goal, even from the perspective of the staunchest and most enthusiastic supporter of abortion. It appears that some ambassadors are obsessed with abortion to the point that their priorities are completely out of order."

Indeed. Abortion's proponents say that abortion is a regular medical procedure, just like any other. At the same time, it's the only procedure they single out for special attention, special protection, and special funding. If anyone were to choose one procedure on which to focus, you'd think it would be something that prolongs or improves human life rather than destroys it.

[Hersheys]

A good christian is someone who isn't a bitch about it and doesn't try to convert me or deny proved and solid science

[Pax Nerdvana]

On aliens:

I'm not a huge fan but you're saying they'e coming for us because of Lucy and Ricky, Fred and Ethel?

Not sure they'll judge us on our television, god help us I hope they don't judge us on our television.

[Tinhampton]

If someone paid me money to advocate abstinence, I'd go into a school and yell "don't have sex" before heading to my next stop...

...a brothel.

I wonder how much a pillar of salt is worth anyway.

Right now? $0.83 a kilogram.

A good Christian ? What’s that ? The only good Christian is Martin Luther King Jr. .

What about Bale, Christian Bale.. he was quite good in Batman.

[Tinhampton]

3. It does't work when someone is trans. Online i meet trans people who have different viewpoint: catholic, witchcraft, antytheism, anarchism, communist, antifacist, vegetarian, conservationist, centrist, transphobic, not interested in that views, job orientated. Probably no one was racist, fascist. Problem with being trans vs "world" is, being trans have nothing to do in political, religion, national issues. Being trans doesn't mean that someone have automatically viewpoint or alligment etc. that other person think, that they have or MUST have BECAUSE it's TRANS. Probably only thing that was common: tips about look, about medical and law problems, talking about depressing personal issues from own life, problem with acceptance in family, psychological support, because for some transpeople that kind of life is hell.

Well if you dig around enough in online trans circles you'll find a variety of views. You'd have to dig a bit because there's a lot of fake agreement and doublespeak as any discussion that's more than generic "trans rights" statements is liable to explode along the usual faultlines of people being accused of invalidating someone, in which case they need to slowly fade out of all the photographs. But sure, you can find a wide range of people if you go looking.

Your ordinary cis person doesn't go looking. The trans people they are likely to "see" are disproportionally those who are very political and very left, because they're the sorts of people whose goal isn't to "blend in" and live a normal life but to destroy everything they see as systemic injustice - cissexism, patriarchy, racism and so on. They don't realise that the average trans person is much more like them than they think, and that trans people are walking among them daily without causing or wanting to cause any social disturbances. It's a catch-22, if people saw trans people who didn't match the stereotypes then these stereotypes would be less popular, but people who aren't radical activists aren't going to out themselves and risk the rejection and ostracisation that comes from the stereotypes.

---

YA RLY

Somehow this was moved to the Security Council subforum - someone may want to move it back, lol.

(Image)

[Heloin]

Is the Mirror left wing? I always assumed it was right wing.

It's because you are looking into it. Everything is reversed.

[Constaniana]

Context:

What is stable may not be what you approve--women have already revealed their preference to be the second mate of top men rather than the first mate of a male of equal rank.

Revealed preferences are a slippery slope to democracy.

It was a mistake to use big words here

There was no word longer than three syllables in that post.

[Tinhampton]

I've read a lot of articles by pro-Black Lives Matter groups about why they don't like the phrase All Lives Matter, but I've never seen anyone defend the All Lives Matter phrase instead. I am curious to see what supporters have to say on the matter. On the one hand, I understand that racial profiling and police brutality may be an issue but on the other, I see that law enforcement is necessary for any non-Utopian society and most police officers risk life and limb to save lives, not end them.

Any supporters of All Lives Matter are welcome here.

you don’t get to decide who is and isn’t welcome in a thread

Which year is this? Have I suddenly travelled back in time four years to 2016 when this was actually still relevant and in the news?

[Andsed]

Hot take: no lives matter

You see, some people are pro-choice, others pro-life, but I'm pro-death.

[Munkcestrian RepubIic]

you don’t get to decide who is and isn’t welcome in a thread

Which year is this? Have I suddenly travelled back in time four years to 2016 when this was actually still relevant and in the news?

my post was not funny, it was genuinely intended as a question as to why the hell this mattered now

[Antibuda]

This one was hilarious when I first saw it.

Oh my, I was not even aware there was a plural of "language". I just thought it was a funny way of saying english!

[Tinhampton]

I'm as old as my tongue, and a little older than my teeth.

[Katganistan]

I'm as old as my tongue, and a little older than my teeth.

Miracle on 34th Street, 1947.

[North German Realm]

Prager University is a university in the sense that I, also, am a university.