Awesome/Funny NS Quotes II (Not Your Own Quotes, Please!)

[Nuroblav]

Your ability to extrapolate a complete insulting tirade from "As if any right-winger here would have known she existed if not for the photo" can build a Wicker Man in time for the annual Summerisle sacrifice.

[-Astoria]

Citizen A: *Takes a step on the sidewalk*

Citizen B: Thank you, friend, for using our SideWalk^TM, a competitive, cost-effective product, which, unlike its competitors, uses RealConcrete*! As a consumer-oriented organization, we strive to offer only the highest quality walking experience, and to this end employ top multidisciplinary professionals to oversee all operations and to ensure world-class customer satisfaction statistics. In the event of your even remotely unsatisfying WalkingExperience^TM, you are not only encouraged, but legally obligated (by the InvisibleContract^TM, made legal by our subsidiary police and justice vigilante corps JusticeNow Incorporated) to simultaneously contact 46.5 customer support hotlines, and to have EmergencyHelp^TM dispatched to your location within 5 minutes* to further instruct you in the delicate and natural process of the WalkingExperience. That'll be 12 ounces of gold, thanks.

[Tinhampton]

Filed under "Awesomeness (inadvertent)":

NSG is basically oil and water, so how do you get oil and water to unify when the two substances repel one another at every moment?

For mayonnaise, which is oil and vinegar (with the latter mostly water), one adds a small amount of some third ingredient with suitable properties to bind them together: Mustard powder, for example...
Detergent can also do it, if you're not concerned about edibility.

[Neanderthaland]

In the Chinese virus thread:

Can we call it Kung Flu?

Better not. Everybody would soon be fighting it, and the spread would be as fast as lightning.

[Area 6-Z]

In average conversation thread:

Citizen A: I am very, VERY sure that I am getting infected! Look at me, Doc! I am oozing out disgusting pus, and I feel like there's a fever coming in! You gotta cure me!

Citizen B: It's just flu, you will get over it.

Citizen A: Oh, thank goodness for that, man. I thought I was a goner-

Citizen B: ZOMBIE Flu.

[Tinhampton]

The exact thread title is "EU tourist authorization to begin Jan. 01, 2021". Filed under "Funniness (inadvertent)":

Eh, I don't care. Iceland and Norway are the only two European countries that interest me and neither are in the EU.

Bad news for you. Both are in the Schengen Area.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Schengen_Area
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Visa_poli ... Area#ETIAS

[Heloin]

Context: Poll asking where you're from only contains the Anglosphere and the option other.

Ah, yes. The six nations of the world: the English, the English, the English, the English, the English, and everyone else.

[Tinhampton]

No context required... but if you want it, seen on a General Assembly drafting thread to repeal a resolution about road safety standards:

OOC: I want flying trucks now...

EDIT: I swear I came to this thread with some point to make, but reading the last few posts and imagining flying trucks erased it.

[Tinhampton]

What were they thinking when they called a browser Opera. Most people don't like the opera. Quite a few people fucking hate the opera.

Safari isn't that much smarter. Invoking an open-top jeep that you perch on for a bumpy ride among dangerous animals. Is that fun?

[Window Land]

You will be pleased to hear that the copious notes I write in the margins of my students papers explaining the difference between there and they're, explaining subject-verb agreement, how to form a thesis statement, reminding them to remain focused on the topic they've chosen and not ramble,correcting punctuation and the like go straight into the bin without a glace at anything but the number or letter written at the top of the page.

they're wil bee consekwenses 4 there indifference

[Tinhampton]

Let's make the Cuil a unit of measurement.​
​
One Cuil = One level of abstraction away from the reality of a situation.​
​
Example: You asked me for a Hamburger.​
​
1 Cuil:​
If you asked me for a hamburger, and I gave you a raccoon.​
​
2 Cuils:​
If you asked me for a hamburger, but it turns out I don't really exist. Where I was originally standing, a picture of a hamburger rests on the ground.​
​
3 Cuils:​
You awake as a hamburger. You start screaming only to have special sauce fly from your lips. The world is in sepia.​
​
4 Cuils:​
Why are we speaking German? A mime cries softly as he cradles a young cow. your grandfather stares at you as the cow falls apart into patties. You look down only to see me with pickles for eyes, I am singing the song that gives birth to the universe.​
​
5 Cuils:​
You ask for a hamburger, I give you a hamburger. You raise it to your lips and take a bite. Your eye twitches involuntarily. Across the street a father of three falls down the stairs. You swallow and look down at the hamburger in your hands. I give you a hamburger. You swallow and look down at the hamburger in your hands. You cannot swallow. There are children at the top of the stairs. A pickle shifts uneasily under the bun. I give you a hamburger. You look at my face, and I am pleading with you. The children are crying now. You raise the hamburger to your lips, tears stream down your face as you take a bite. I give you a hamburger. You are on your knees. You plead with me to go across the street. I hear only children's laughter. I give you a hamburger. You are screaming as you fall down the stairs. I am your child. You cannot see anything. You take a bite of the hamburger. The concrete rushes up to meet you. You awake with a start in your own bed. Your eye twitches involuntarily. I give you a hamburger. As you kill me, I do not make a sound. I give you a hamburger.​
​
6 Cuils:​
You ask me for a hamburger. My attempt to reciprocate is cut brutally short as my body experiences a sudden lack of electrons. Across a variety of hidden dimensions you are dismayed. John Lennon hands me an apple, but it slips through my fingers. I am reborn as an ocelot. You disapprove. A crack echoes through the universe in defiance of conventional physics as cosmological background noise shifts from randomness to a perfect A Flat. Children everywhere stop what they are doing and hum along in perfect pitch with the background radiation. Birds fall from the sky as the sun engulfs the earth. You hesitate momentarily before allowing yourself to assume the locus of all knowledge. Entropy crumbles as you peruse the information contained within the universe. A small library in Phoenix ceases to exist. You stumble under the weight of everythingness. Your mouth opens up to cry out, and collapses around your body before blinking you out of the spatial plane. You exist only within the fourth dimension. The fountainhead of all knowledge rolls along the ground and collides with a small dog. My head tastes sideways as space-time is reestablished, you blink back into the corporeal world disoriented, only for me to hand you a hamburger as my body collapses under the strain of reconstitution. The universe has reasserted itself. A particular small dog is fed steak for the rest of its natural life. You die in a freak accident moments later, and your soul works at the returns desk for the Phoenix library. You disapprove. Your disapproval sends ripples through the inter-dimensional void between life and death. A small child begins to cry as he walks toward the stairway where his father stands.​

7 Cuils: I give you a hamburger. The universe is engulfed within itself. A bus advertising hotdogs drives by a papillon. It disapproves. An unnatural force reverses Earth's gravity. You ask for a hamburger. I reciprocate with a mildly convulsing potato. You disapprove. Your disapproval releases a cosmic shift in the void between birth and life. You ask for a hamburger. A certain small dog feasts on hamburger patties for the rest of its unnatural, eternal endurance. Your constant disapproval sends silence through everything. A contrived beast becomes omnipotent. You ask for a hamburger. I give you a hamburger your body becomes an unsettled blob of nothingness, then divides by three. The papillon barks. The universe realigns itself. You, the papillon, and the hamburger disapprove. This condemnation stops the realignment. Hades freezes over. A pig is launched into the unoccupied existence between space and time with a specific hamburger. You ask for a hamburger. I give you a hamburger. It screams as you lift it to your face. You laugh maniacally as I plead with you. You devour the hamburger as it pleads for mercy. I disapprove and condemn you to an eternity in a certain void where a certain pig and its specific hamburger are located. The Universal Space-time Continuum Committee disapproves of my irrational decision. You are locked away and are fed hamburgers for the rest of your natural existence. A pickle refuses to break down during the process of digestion. You die in a freak accident. A certain pickle lives the rest of its life in a comatose state. Your soul disapproves. Down the street a child cries as a hamburger gets stuck in, and climbs back up, her esophagus. You ask again for a hamburger. I refuse to reciprocate. You demand a lawyer. I remind you harshly that this is the new world order. Lawyers no longer exist. Only papillons. Your name is written on a list of sins. Blasphemy. You ask for a hamburger. The comatose pickle vanquishes your soul from this universe. Realignment occurs. You beg for a hamburger. A certain papillon's name is written on an obelisk in Egypt. Mumble. Peasants worship the obelisk. Your soulless corpse partakes in the festivity. Hamburgers are banned universally. The sun implodes. All planets cease to have ever existed. Mercury. Venus. Earth. Mars. Jupiter. Saturn. Uranus. Neptune. Pluto is the only mass in existence. Conveniently, you are on vacation here. Your need for hamburgers re-establishes space-time. Earth is recreated under your intergalactic rule. Hamburgers are your army. You wake up. Clowns. Clowns everywhere. Your dream rushes to meet you. You are kidnapped. You ask for a hamburger. They hand you a hotdog.

[Lord Dominator]

When talking about the nature of fascists, in this case ones who've claimed for awhile to just be roleplaying:

I hope this doesn't need to be said, because I assume that most of us are mentally well-equipped against this sort of bullshit at this point, but I feel like the WFE needs at least one person to respond to it just in case anyone is still convinced of the leadership's supposed innocence up to this point.

If Jocospor, Shrew, and the rest of them were really, truly not fascists this whole time, they would be doing everything they possibly could to clear their names, even if it was hard, even if it took years, because that's what people do when people have their core principles put to the test. This stunt by Jocospor is the exact opposite of what you'd expect if he was never inclined towards fascism. People don't double down on an identity that doesn't represent them. People don't abandon their principles because people on the internet were mean to them. Non-fascists never throw their arms up in the air and say "fuck it, I I guess I'm a Nazi now!"

NationStates did not make CCD into a hate group. We just refused to buy the facade. To anyone in the region looking at these moves and thinking that this is all still just roleplay, just...look at the tags, man. If you don't get out now, you never will and it's because you never wanted to in the first place, just like Jocospor.

[-Astoria]

You're a youngun, then. If you were an older fascist, you'd definitely know what I meant.

Okay boomer

---

People. Nazis were socialists. You're comparing leftism to leftism.

We did it people, the Nazis were socialists argument is here.

Shut down the thread, we've done it folks.

---

They’re all good
Except Arkansas

Why not? Aren't there mountains and hot springs there?

[Tinhampton]

In the course of time, the wise temper past perspectives with the unfolding layers of life experiences.

When I arrived in NationStates Region in November of 2003 the region was rising from the ashes of Raider-Defender devastation. The chill nations of the region inspired me to recruit like-minded Nations resulting in incredible growth and community. Soon after, these Nations elected me as their Regional Delegate.

The primary responsibility of the Regional Delegate is the security of the Region. In those days of constant invasions, the challenge I faced was made even more difficult given our lack of a Founder. Whereas other regions had this final level of security, NationStates Region was created prior to Founders getting credit for their creation, meaning my final line of defense was the ability to Password-Protect the region.

Meanwhile, the Region felt stuck in the middle of the Raider-Defender dynamic: side with the Defenders and the Raiders were sure to retaliate; pick the Raiders and risk the vengeance of the self-righteous TITO. I chose the neutral path: Friends with all, allied with none.

As the game reacted and adjusted to the Raider menace the Liberation function was added to the game. At this point, I became vocally and staunchly opposed to this function of the game as it potentially removed my region’s last line of defense against any raid ~ the ability to password protect the region. Over the years my disdain for this mechanic has proven correct as both sides have manipulated its use for selfish reasons.

With the advent of the Security Council came the Condemn and Commend functions which I have characterized as a beauty contest. Moreover, I had personal experience of how easily these votes could be manipulated having been Commended and then having said Commendation repealed out of spite. And so I added Condemn-Commend Resolutions to my Anti-Liberation stance and asked the Moderators to create the Anti-Security Council Tag.

This past year the Cards application of the game brought me renewed interest in gameplay and into contact with numerous players across the JenniferGovernment landscape. Numerous Regions have created highly sophisticated Forums and Governments with monthly features and admirable web designs. Noteworthy of these Regions is The North Pacific.

Now comes the current Commendation. Typically I would arbitrarily vote Against as is our Region’s policy but in careful reading of the Commendation it is apparent that Crushing Our Enemies has a legitimate body of work to warrant notice. I find myself in admiration of those individual Nations who dedicated their talents to the game. In this case the nominee has two chapters to consider: one of Raiding, the second of Region development.

Whereas I still believe that the Security Council is dominated by the old prejudices and biases of the self-absorbed righteous, the opportunity to recognize meaningful contributions to the game can take place within this body. And thus I hereby rescind NationStates blanket Against Vote on all Condemnations and Commendations By Voting FOR the current Resolutions as said Nation is worthy of the recognition.

Mikeswill
WA Delegate
NationStates Region

[Tinhampton]

Just to add to this, as I noted before many natives in the current occupation of Asean Region are enjoying the raid and endorsing the raiders. This kind of raid is super fun and I'm not seeing any natives suffering as a desire or effect.

Not a good example at all, they locked down that region two months ago and moved to a new one so of course they don’t care as much

[Nuroblav]

It doesn't change much even if we acknowledge your point, it simply changes it to;

"Yes, I may have said africans have no cultural accomplishments, but it's alright, because I also said white people can't jump and Asians are good at math, so i'm not being racist.". It's peddling the dominant form of anti-British racism which progressives and liberals routinely espouse. The question is whether the mockery of the French, Italians, and germans was also leaning into the dominant forms of racism against those groups. If it wasn't, your observation is irrelevant, if it was, your observation is; "It's not JUST racist against British people though".

If it were a video that portrayed Italians as stupid, lazy, superstitious, over-emotional and so on, then the second would apply. If it simply mocked them along similar lines it mocked the british, it would be irrelevant, because there isn't a persistant narrative pushed in our society about Italians having no culture worth acknowledging, and so it wouldn't be an element of anti-Italian racism.

I think you're taking an 11 year old childrens TV song that ends with a footman pouring sugar over Queen Victorias head a little bit too seriously....

[Cannot think of a name]

Theocraterical physics is an actual science. Gender studies is not.

What?

It's to measure the size of the holes God can put in the earth.

[Tinhampton]

Meanwhile, in the General Assembly, circa Christmas 2018... How on Earth did I miss this one?

GA#78 "Universal Library Coalition". Why should scientific research be housed differently from everything else, and mirrored with the ULC? Why should the World Wide Library be located in your nation, and not on international territory (or, as GA#78, on the internet)?

This is not a resolution to obtain funds.
Scientific Empire is paying all the cost of the WW Library, that of course has a digital version.
But Internet is not an not-spatial place, is a spatial place because the computers have a volume.
The resolution it's about that the location of the data center of the WW Library must be Scientific Capital, in Scientific Empire

Now maybe do you believe that Maxtopia should storage that knowledge, right?
where thousands of hundreds of books has been destroyed in their civil war.
trying to destroy the moral of the enemy with the destruction of their cultural patrimony.

What makes a difference from us and that irrational beasts of Maxtopia
Is that we have the ability to reason.

And the Scientific Empire is going to protect the knowledge at any cost.
We are ready to wage a war against the monstrous tyranny of ignorance.
We are ready to offer our blood, toil, tears and sweat.
That is our policy.
Because Our Nation was created with the idea that the greatest value is Scientific Knowledge
Scientific Knowledge at all cost.

We shall go on to the end,
We shall fight in Maxtopia,
We shall fight with the universities and companies,
We shall study with growing confidence and growing intelligence in the house,
We shall defend the knowledge,
Whatever the cost may be
If necessary for years, If necessary Alone.

Teen Builds Working Deep Space Exploration Rocket
That is our policy
New Museum Open
That is our policy
Get cultured
That is our policy

Our greatest Scientitc empirean Government Expenditure is education,
Not Industry like you.

You ask, Why should the World Wide Library be located in my nation?
Because you don't build one.
But I do.

[United Muscovite Nations]

So apparently hijacking the fruits of people's labour is okay as long as it doesn't literally kill them?

You should know the answer to that, you are a 1%er after all.

Not anywhere close to the scale of multi-millionaire and billionaire families and households, who are engines of capital investment at a vast quantitative scale far greater than their numbers or percentage of the overall population. Lots of banks and wealth management firms cater to HNWI, VHNWI and UHNWI clients precisely because they understand the outsized role such families and households have in generating more productive wealth in the economy and financing the creation of new capital goods.

So, should I be applauding you for having billions of dollars while I've worked hard and sacrificed a great deal just to get myself through school? While my mom works two to three jobs just to keep the bills paid at home?

You're so detached from reality, it's fucking idiotic. I don't give a damn about what banks you jerk off, or what people you've screwed over to hoard cash. This kind of denial of reality is going to catch up with you in time, because the people are getting more and more fed up with your entitlement and "fuck you I've got mine" attitude. And I don't mind saying it's going to be cathartic for me when it finally does.

[Valentine Z]

From "How lonely are you in your country?"

According to Rammstein, the oceans are salty because of sharks crying.

I trust this fact. Rammstein is well known for their scientific accuracy.

[Nakena]

Honestly I take bigger issue with the fact that climate change denialism as part of their platform.

There is a name for this position, and it is called White Privilege.

[North German Realm]

There is a name for this position, and it is called White Privilege.

I mean, GCCS is right.

[Andsed]

Can the pair of you go do it in one of the myriad American politics threads?

(Image)

So help me I will throw your tea into the harbor again

No context needed. This is just an amazing post in all aspects.

[Tinhampton]

Everyone here is a robot except for you.

[Tinhampton]

Isn't JoJo Rabbit basically just a sequel to 1917