Awesome/Funny NS Quotes (Not Your Own Quotes, Please!)

[Genivaria]

The rich satanic people and their supporters trying to destroy nations and form a one world government and brake down the nations like the evil people running the UN and the EU. The people trying to destroy cultures and nations especially 1st world ones and western ones

This is fucking stupid.

Have some bloody class

Alright:

The rich satanic people and their supporters trying to destroy nations and form a one world government and brake down the nations like the evil people running the UN and the EU. The people trying to destroy cultures and nations especially 1st world ones and western ones

Well i say old bean, this is without a doubt one of the most nonsensical and moronic feffing things ive read in years! By jove!

[Pasong Tirad]

Anyone remember the first wheel? Good times.

The what now?

[United Muscovite Nations]

Now, I'm as much of a Byzantinophile as any Orthodox Christian - my NS name is Constantinopolis, after all (I actually wanted "Byzantium" or "Eastern Rome" or even "Constantinople", but those were already taken even as far back as January 2003 when I joined) - but I think you are romanticizing the Christian Empire far too much.

I don't mean "romanticizing" in the sense of not seeing its flaws. You know its flaws better than anyone here. I mean "romanticizing" in the sense of looking at the Empire as if its golden age reflected its entire existence.

The period when the majority of the world's Christians actually lived within the borders of the Christian [Roman] Empire was only about 300 years: from Constantine to Heraclius. After the 7th century - in other words for most of its existence - the Christian Empire never covered more than Asia Minor, the Balkans, and a patch of Italy. For the last several centuries of its existence it was even smaller than that, amounting to no more than a mid-sized feudal kingdom with dreams of former glory. By the time 1453 came around, the "Emperor of the Inhabited Earth" was de facto the leader of a city-state.

We're talking about ideology and theology here, not necessarily facts on the ground; even the most cursory overview of human systems over time would demonstrate that ideology and theology need not coincide with reality. For over 1000 years the Byzantine state believed itself to be the one universal Christian Empire. Other Christians might regrettably fall into schism, or fail to recognise the authority of the Emperor in Constantinople, and the effective power of the Emperor might be much reduced over time; but any half-decent Byzantinist knows that the one unchanging constant in imperial ideology over time was an unshakeable belief in the Empire's universality, and the emperor's duty as God's vice-gerent on earth. This remained true until the moment Ottoman flags were spotted flying over the Kerkoporta.

More to the point, the Orthodox Church not only accepted that ideology, it actively promoted it for the entire lifetime of the Empire; and indeed beyond. The Western church also broadly accepted that ideology through the 8th century. Even while the Byzantine Empire crumbled, the less formal Orthodox Byzantine Commonwealth thrived until the Empire's end; the growing gap between the influence of the Byzantine state on the one hand and of Byzantine society on the other is one of the core paradoxes of the Empire's final two centuries. The acceptance of the Byzantine court as a reflection - albeit a human and imperfect one - of God's heavenly kingdom - is profoundly rooted in Orthodox theology from the 4th through 15th centuries.

Even after the fall of Constantinople, there was an Orthodox empire with aspirations of universality, though by now reduced to achieving universality within Orthodoxy. The Tsars in Moscow didn't want control of the straits just for secular geopolitical reasons; they wanted Hagia Sophia and the Patriarchate, and all the symbolism and status within the Orthodox Church that would have come with control of both.

Even now, you're probably more likely to find a quixotic serious Orthodox monarchist within the ranks of senior hierarchs than within the laity. Patriarch Ilia of Georgia has spent decades trying to unite a royal family that hasn't ruled in Tbilisi since 1801, explicitly arguing for its restoration. The Bulgarian Orthodox Church started commemorating the deposed Simeon II as 'Tsar' again in its liturgy in 2015. The Karadjordjevics have few more vocal supporters for their return than Patriarch Irinej of Serbia. So a fair few senior Orthodox prelates clearly consider monarchy to be the preferred state of affairs for an Orthodox nation - largely because of the residual influence of Byzantine state ideology on modern Orthodoxy.

J.F.C. Fuller argued in his Decisive Battles of the Western World that much of European history was an increasingly pale reflection of Alexander's dream of a universal empire. I'm not convinced Fuller was right. But I do think that much of Orthodox history is an increasingly pale reflection of Constantine's dream of a universal Christian empire.

Yes, we've managed to get by without an empire or emperor since 1453 / 1917 (depending on one's historical preference). But that we get by doesn't mean the state of affairs is necessarily desirable. We've also done just fine without a united Orthodox and Catholic Church over an even longer period of 964 years and most Orthodox and Catholic Christians at least pay lip service to ending this division, even if we know it's not practical.

Some form of imperial restoration obviously isn't going to happen - I'm not insane - but I still pay lip service to the idea that Orthodoxy is lacking in some measure without an emperor; and an imperial restoration is probably no less likely than an end to the Great Schism.

[Tinhampton]

On the "Czech Presidential Election" thread:

How do voters know which box to czech on the ballot?

How do voters know which box to czech on the ballot?

A man in a suit should soon give you a czech and tell you how to vote.

[Thermodolia]

From the voting system thread:

Context:

69 seats in the upper chamber and 420 seats in the lower chamber the rest doesn’t matter

Hahahah. So what happens on 4-20 in the lower chamber?

Speaker Marin and Majority Leader Chong hold a special session.

[United Muscovite Nations]

Picture this: an American father sitting on the couch after a long day at work. The TV is on, light glaring and audio roaring. He is watching the game we call 'football'. He reaches down to his side... and there are no potato chips. Potato chips do not exist. He is a man without potato chips. The TV's noise becomes even more meaningless than before. His hands lay limply at his sides, with no bag to hold and no hand to remain ready to dive for a delicious chip. His life empties. The world becomes dull and grey. He never knows the taste or feel of potato chips, and does not even understand what he is missing.

Is there anything in the world sadder than this scenario? =^^^(

[Liriena]

Frenchmen of Norse extraction. Almost a thousand years ago. We'll be all right.

Anyway, in the unlikely event that they do succeed, we'll have a reason to make another tapestry, and we'll keep that one.

France annexing the UK seems like it might upset the Germans a tad. And the americans. And russians.

Even if many of the British were secretly overjoyed to be rid of parliament.

"Ohh noooo... french revolutionaries are here to cut off all our rulers heads..."

"What? No we're-"

"Oh noooo, they're getting out the guillotine."

"Non, we-"

[Tinhampton]

"Herbal inhalants" is less of a mouthful to get the point across.

Ordinarily I'm in the "friends don't let friends drunk post" camp, but I'll take a hilariously incomprehensible report over what we usually see when somebody posts on NS while wasted. Usually it ends in redtext and regret the next morning.

I've never been warned drunk, just had nations deleted while sober.

[Tinhampton]

Context: This was the OP of a roleplay thread entitled "It's the Presidents birthday. Yay."

Oooh, good. It's Gabryiil Taslovo's birthday. He is now 28. it's amazing how he is in his twenties. You would think he was in his 30s, maybe 40s or 50s, but no. He is 28. His birthday cake has been poisoned with rabbit turds. ); (Oh, wow, immature humour.) He has food poisoning. Well done General Halgi Uryov, well done. -Mayor of Gasza-Opaina city; Mario Hadlic.

[Liriena]

The only silver lining is that you can imagine the misery McConnell and Ryan are going through, having all of the institutional power without being able to truly do what they always wanted with it. It must be killing them.

Paul Ryan lies in bed at night, staring at the ceiling. Wishing the Democrats would be in charge again. Hating himself for wishing that. He takes out his phone to try and shop online, anything to distract himself.

Amazon recommendations: I'm With Her mug. I'm With Her t-shirt. I'm Still With Her bumper sticker.
They know.

[Tinhampton]

Vinny Drake is a defender. V3N0M is a fledgling raider region. The thread OP:

Region-V3N0M

Please fill out the questionnaire below and send your responses to D3F4ULT, then move to V3NOM, and endorse D3F4ULT

Please fill out the following information about your region.
-How old is your region
-How long have you been playing NS
-Are you in the WA
-What timezone are you in?
-What times are you available?
-What are your skills (pertaining to NS only)
-Have you ever raided before?
-Have you ever defended before?
-If yes to either of the last 2, with what region?
-Have you ever been ejected or banjected?
-Have you ever held power before?
-What is your favorite color?
-Why do you want to be an admin in my region?
-What country are you from?
-List your puppets-
-List the last 10 regions you have been in? (If applicable)
-List your previous NS history-
-How active are you?
-How many puppets do you have?
-Why?
-Explain raiding in your own words-
-explain defending in your own words-
-Why should I trust you-
[hr]
Please be truthful on this application (we will know if you are lying)

-How old is your region
I actually don't know

-How long have you been playing NS
Much longer than most people would think

-Are you in the WA
Up to 80 times a day

-What timezone ar you in?
This one

-What times are you available?
All of them.

-What are your skills (pertaining to NS only)
Pressing keys
Pushing buttons
Pulling updaters
Powering on
Pacing chases
Packing heat
Padding stats
Pairing up
Pestering Lili into updating
Picking apart raiders
Piling into nah I hate piling yo
Pinning down update times
Plastering the activity feed with nation prep
Plotting to coup various GCRs
Plundering fash regions
Poaching updaters
Poking Roavin
Preaching moralist defenderism
Protecting natives from themselves

-Have you ever raided before?
I live and breathe raiding

-Have you ever defended before?
No that's icky

-If yes to either of the last 2, with what region?
All of them, or at least, the ones that last longer than 10 minutes

-Have you ever been ejected or banjected?
I am too awesome to get banjected.

-Have you ever held power before?
I hold the balance of life and death at my fingertips

-What is your favorite color?
Whichever one works. I hate when people keep putting the markers away with the caps off.

-Why do you want to be an admin in my region?
To burn it to the ground

-What country are you from?
I actually can never be 100% completely sure. Records on orphans in the 80s weren't like they are today.

-List your puppets-
You really don't want me to do this

-List the last 10 regions you have been in? (If applicable)
https://www.nationstates.net/region=spear_danes
https://www.nationstates.net/region=the ... nt_nations
https://www.nationstates.net/region=spear_danes
https://www.nationstates.net/region=persian_empire
https://www.nationstates.net/region=spear_danes
https://www.nationstates.net/region=merde
https://www.nationstates.net/region=spear_danes
https://www.nationstates.net/region=ind ... federation
https://www.nationstates.net/region=spear_danes
https://www.nationstates.net/region=the ... ign_states

-List your previous NS history-
In a former life, I was a roman emperor

-How active are you?
I barely login and rarely come to updates

-How many puppets do you have?
Again, you don't want to know this, and I don't want to count this

-Why?
Text walls

-Explain raiding in your own words-
"Bad People Doing Mean Things"

-explain defending in your own words-
,vibny
.cibby
,.vnny
.cunbny
,vinby

-Why should I trust you-
You shouldn't, which is the point of this satirical piece of gibberish. You shouldn't solicit random members of the public for vital regional positions, particularly one as important as an admin. You also really shouldn't ask for particular personal information in a totally public place.

In addition, people won't just sign up for a 1 nation region unless you explain what yours brings to the table that they can't get in their existing regions. Power in a 1 nation region is hardly a compelling offer. Raiding isn't, either, considering how everyone and their mother offer that now. What unique things do you have to offer?

[Tinhampton]

Dispatches from TBH:

This is basically just a thread of full of trolls.

Hawks don't live under bridges, and they don't usually eat passersby, silly

[Genivaria]

What do you mean by litmus test?

You dip suspected liberals in a boiling pit of recently melted guns. Drag them out when the noise stops - if they've turned blue they're a Democrat.

[Tinhampton]

Perhaps if you looked a little harder you would notice that presently Rach is at an all time high in endorsements. The region votes her in twice a day to serve as leader. More people are voting yes every day.

Well with the second lowest endo cap (TP wins at 10 to balder's 15) they don't have much choice really Anyone they voted above her would find themselves in TRR.

[Nioya]

Well I don’t know who said it, but it is true, and though it is a very partisan quote i still like it

Zionism is the jewish equivalent of nazism

[Tinhampton]

The people of Great Leicester have the right to bear arms - they exercise their right to bear arms by bearing bear arms.

[Tinhampton]

I got the "Birds Vs Broadband" issue, and I answered three with the thought that it meant that slower speeds would be supplied by bird instead of network.

And then I got the policy "banned internet"? How the hell am I banning internet by allowing birds as a form of a network?

Cause doing so left the door open for a Pigeon Oligopoly to form and they paid off all the politicians to suppress future competition.

[Pax Nerdvana]

This is almost literally TET.

4TH POST NERDSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

You have now reached peak performance. Enjoy it immensely, for it's all downhill from now on.

[States of Glory]

Which Prime Minister from the UK do you consider to be the worst?

blair is 1st for assfuckery
cameron is 2nd for intended incompetence

And pigfuckery.

[Luziyca]

Tide pods are an integral part of the long and storied culinary tradition of Ainin. Our famous dish, sautéed tide pod au vin, regularly wins rave reviews from the world's greatest chefs and connoisseurs.

[Tinhampton]

OOC: Quote from a "Vote for a GA proposal" campaign telegram from The North Pacific (the region im in):

Westphalia is a major and very old defender region who, among other things, founded FORGE - one of the biggest defender alliances in NationStates. However, they have broken our recruitment policy in the past by trying to recruit nations from The North Pacific. Furthermore, the Ministry would note that a password has not been imposed on the region, and appears unlikely to be imposed in the future as the influence levels of the natives in the region have considerable regional influence making a refound extremely difficult. Thus, making this liberation unnecessary.
For these reasons, the Ministry of World Assembly Affairs recommends voting against the resolution.

I will post this to every resolution from now on that is tagged "[AT VOTE]" so that people can have a clearer decision on whether to vote "For" or "Against".

What a service! It isn't like you could find that information ANYWHERE else! Oh wait. https://www.nationstates.net/page=dispatch/id=966310

[Xmara]

From this thread

Incorrect. Most terrorist attacks in the US have been white males, nominally Christian.

You are being such a Marxist right now Kat.

The moderators on NSG are Maxist.

Well, I have an uncle who looks a bit like Groucho....

[Farnhamia]

From this thread

You are being such a Marxist right now Kat.

Well, I have an uncle who looks a bit like Groucho....

That's the silliest thing I ever hoid.

[Siberai]

From this thread

That's the silliest thing I ever hoid.

What in the name of Maxtopian Pancakes, Fries and Burgers, all served at Derp's Diner and Grill on West Eluvitar Highway, Exit 263 is this going to mean, my moderational and motivational pal?

[Farnhamia]

Pancakes are good, don't be a hater.

Is it bad I originally read that as batter?

You got a problem wit' dat? *takes hold of your lapels ... to admire them* Nice material. Who's yer tailor?

"When Mods make polls, they're not making their best. They're not adding relevant answers. They're not adding on topic choices. They're sending breakfast items that have lots of carbs, and they're bringing those carbs to us. They're bringing fats. They're bringing high calories. They're not essentials. And some, I assume, are bringing Bacon."