Awesome/Funny NS Quotes II (Not Your Own Quotes, Please!)

[Greater Miami Shores]

This is not a funny quote, this is a cool quote. Many years ago I posted drunk on NS, a fellow nationstater posted back, Dude Friends don't let Friends Post drunk. I wish I could remember the nation name of that cool nationstater. Crazy Cuban Alberto.

[The Atlae Isles]

Bear in mind that the version I just presented you doesn't reflect my political views. I'm personally culturally Chinese, and my take on that is that we were meant to eat animals, and that people worry too much about animal welfare. I'm ashamed to say that I once chased a vegan friend round the garden with a pork chipolata on a fork, yelling "try it! try my sausage! TRYYYY IT!"

And yes, I am left wing.

[Tinhampton]

Preserving some of the jokes from the "Your best jokes" thread over in F7, which will soon be autopurged (but not any time soon, it seems):

We asked one-hundred women what their favorite brand of shampoo was when they were in the shower.

The top response we got was "How the hell did you get in here?"

So a guy walks into a bar, gets himself a drink and sits down. He hears a voice.

"Hey, you look nice today!"

He looks about. There's no-one there at all. The bar man has just gone down to change the barrels in the celler and he's the only person in the pub. He begins to think he must have imagined it when the little voice pipes up again.

"Is that a new shirt? It really brings out the colour in your eyes."

He's starting to doubt his sanity now, but he's pretty certain that the voice came from somewhere nearby. Looking down he sees a little bowl of peanuts. He picks one up and it speaks.

"Wow! Have you been working out?"

Shocked, he drops it, backs away from his stall and bangs into the cigarette machine.

"Oi! Arsehole! What are you, blind? Watch where you're going!"

Shocked, he turns round. The cigarette machine is speaking! It's speaking to him!

"Get that gormless expression off your face you wanker! What, do you want some? I'll fucking have you mate!"

He backs away from the aggressive cigarette vending machine just as the barman comes up from the cellar. Stammering and wide eyed, he tells the barman what just happened. The barman nods and says:

"Yep. The nuts are complimentary, and the cigarette machine is out of order."

Okay

A communist ,capitalist, and fascist walk into this bar right and....

*gets shot before he can tell the rest of the joke

So a bear, a gazelle, a doctor, Nikita Kruschev, someone named Bob, an emoji, a dentist, a carpenter, a chicken, a violin, a CD with Darude - Sandstorm on it, a bowl, an old line, a new line, another bear, a tiger, a liger, a lion, a zebra, a horse, a fried chicken, a deep fried chicken wing, a McDonalds happy meal, this emoji , Richard Nixon, and a bird walk into a bar.

The bartender says "What is this, a joke?"

---

FRIDAY EDIT TO ADD THE FOLLOWING:

I had a good boomerang joke... it'll come back to me.

So a little girl goes to the pet shop and asks the salesperson for a little bunny. The salesperson goes to their knees and asks, what kind of bunny do you want? A sweet brown one, a fluffy black one, or a white one with those cute red eyes?

The little girl answers "I don't think my python really cares"

A man walks up to a car with a gun. He points at the man driving and shouts HIJACK!

The man in the car says to the Hijacker, "No, I'm Leon."

[The Batavia]

We're close to the climax

Jesus, Brit, there might be children reading this

I think everyone can figure out what the joke is lol

[States of Glory]

As with all plagues really except in China where they lock down entire cities over a cough.

And Madagascar, which locks down the entire country if someone coughs anywhere in the world.

[Vespalia]

i've found myself drifting back up the scale

turns out authoritarianism is actually really fucking shit, who knew?!

Mmm.

Serious mode!

A lot of people do take a left/right shift or an authoritarian/libertarian shift. It's pretty common. If I ever become important people will dig out my posts from TSR where I advocate privatising the NHS and making heroin legal. But for me the major left/right shift (for most people this probably occurs when they are politicised, but I was politicised when I was very young and I was a commie without understanding any of it) happened when I started being exposed to life experiences. I guess being "unsheltered."

And my shift to authoritarianism was also a result of that. Being interested in philosophy and political theory as a teenager taught me that freedom is important. But actually being alive and interacting with a wealth of people in a wealth of contexts and circumstances taught me that for a place to be good, it's order that has to take priority, not freedom.

Nobody takes my serious posts seriously here (that's fine, btw) so I mostly post things which are tongue in cheek: contrary to what I might display in those posts, I'm actually not a nutty totalitarian and I'm a mostly empathetic person who doesn't want to have you (in particular) caned or people who watch funny porn locked up and whatever. And also contrary to whatever prejudices I was socialised with and might personally hold, I make an effort to try to step back and view things from other peoples perspectives. I really would like everyone to a live a dignified and meaningful life. I'm probably less authoritarian than Blair. But I don't hide from the label and I don't hide from saying that order is more important than freedom. That's why it seems like I am more authoritarian - people who are more authoritarian than me will rarely say so. They're phonies!

[Tinhampton]

Plane tickets to heaven must be pretty expensive these days.

You could always take the stairs.

[Liriena]

Those don't look like bongs and dildos...

From now on the PC terms for AK-47 is bong and Rocket launchers is dildo.

Our wars are now being fought by a bunch of fruit cakes toting bongs and dildos.

Those don't look like bongs and dildos...

[Phydios]

Fris finally reaches the end of his patience with Keshiland. (For those that don't read the GA forum, just read Keshiland's threads in it.) It's glorious.

Go ahead and submit this. I'll revive the "Bloody Stupid" rule just for this proposal, and will finally feel completely justified in ejecting Keshiland from the WA. Please. Do it!

Just going to ignore that part, aren't you, Keshiland?

Wrapper, surely you understand that advice from mods and GenSec and experienced players counts for nothing, right? Just because we've got decades of experience and success at getting proposals passed doesn't mean we know anything about it.

[Tinhampton]

You were born to a Pacific region, no? The only users who would not have a "true home" in a Pacific would be those of school regions, who founded directly into those.

School, the ultimate userite menace.

[Pasong Tirad]

Hail Satan!

I love around December when all the kids sit on Satan's lap and tell him how good they've been and give him a list of everything they hope he will bring them.

[Major-Tom]

D.C also smells like piss. Like actually.

I guess that's why Trump wanted to move there. One question answered at least.

[Tinhampton]

http://s15.zetaboards.com/NS_Grey_Wardens/topic/10261563/

TGW is holding an MS Paint art contest on our forums over the next week! Submit your modern Michelangelos and earn the adoration of your peers.

I prefer the adoration of my pears.

[Major-Tom]

>Evangelical Church

Is anyone really surprised by this...?

The worst thing to happen to protestantism was America

Not as funny as it is sorta witty and almost sad when you think about it.

[Cannot think of a name]

I'd provide long analyses, but I am wiped from going to work with my dad on a lawn sprinkler installation under 100+ F heat, and we still got 2 days to go (oh joy...), someone please keep track of the Dallas Morning News cause I might appear in a story the next two days ;~;

"Sparking fears of a terrorist attack, a man sprayed bystanders with an improved water pump arrangement, in Rowlet mid-morning today. After loudly proclaiming he would "chill the whole ... world ... out", the thirty year old sprinkler technician activated a system of pipes and tanks roughly attached to his Dodge truck, dousing up to a hundred members of the public with an unknown fluid and causing widespread panic. Bystanders reported a "horrible noise like a helicopter crashing" and shots fired: police later determined these to be mechanical noises from the rude apparatus on the man's truck.

After a brief standoff with police, the man's truck ceased to pump liquid and police approached to arrest the man. He was then conveyed to Saint Lala's Rest Home, a private hospital on the East side, where he remained pending a psychological examination. Police lieutenant Lucy "Soggy" McStorm later announced the liquid involved appeared to be plain water and the man may have been suffereing from sunstroke, however charges of public nuisance and malicious damage are being considered. The truck and pumping equipment were impounded by police."

[Tinhampton]

To make sense of this, please consider that Unibot is (or, rather, was) famous for his lengthy essays on gameplay.

No, only defenders are offering to pay people for their support.

For real? Do they pay by the word? I could have made a bloody fortune off that.

[Soldati Senza Confini]

Which Catholic priest indoctrinated absolute celibacy into you?

Better than other things a Catholic priest might put into you.

[Liriena]

Some people say years of experiencing and interacting with society in a gender role are irrelevant and that everything comes down to a snippet of genetic code that no one can even see. That kind of fanatical focus on a small element of the image and complete denial of the picture as a whole is very indicative, and I always expect their next move to be to screech "REEEE" and try to lick the glue in my carpet.

This is why my transition was accompanied by a move to snap-together laminate flooring.

[Empire of Cats]

I've always thought it's a bit odd that the Treasury comes before SecDef in the chain of succession.

The economy is more important than blowing shit up?

Now that's just un-American.

[Tinhampton]

You see any strange programs in Go -> Applications ?

What is this newfangled Applicreationisty thingie? Back in my day, applications were for school, not for this new cyborg-technology nonsense!

[Tinhampton]

On an unrelated note: is it wrong that I look at your flag and think 'man, what a creeper'?

Because I play Minecraft?

[Eastfield Lodge]

Saw some muppet on facebook rant about how UK society is being destroyed by the "Liberal Neo-Nazi's" in government who are destroying our values and promoting promiscuity over tradition.


I call the Conservative party many things. Pretty sure "Liberal Neo-Nazi's" would not fit the bill. Oh some people just boggle my mind.

They're actually liberal nazbol's.

I actually read this as 'liberal nazguls'. Which is a weird thing to imagine.

If truly liberal then the witch king of angmar would have seen through the tricky words in that prophecy and Eowyn would have been a smear on the battle field....

[Tinhampton]

From the Copa Rushmori signups. Best experienced upside-down:

˙uᴉ dn-uƃᴉs ʎɯ ʇǝפ
op oʇ ɹǝʇʇǝq ƃuᴉɥʇou sɐH
ʇuǝpnʇs pǝɹoq ∀
ʇɐoq ɹnoʎ ʍoɹ 'ʍoɹ 'ʍoɹ

˙ɯɐǝɹp ɐ ʇnq sᴉ ǝɟᴉ˥
ʎlᴉɹɹǝɯ 'ʎlᴉɹɹǝɯ 'ʎlᴉɹɹǝW
ɯɐǝɹʇs ǝɥʇ uʍop ʎlʇuǝפ
ʇɐoq ɹnoʎ ʍoɹ 'ʍoɹ 'ʍoɹ

[Tinhampton]

Meanwhile, in the SC...

As I have posted before, the incident was dealt with. I'm trying to repair my reputation. I'm trying to actually make a good draft.

Do or do not. There is no try (unless you're playing rugby). In this case, do not.

[Dread Lady Nathicana]

<AirHippo> I have ham in my keyboard
<AirHippo> What is this life
<AirHippo> One moment, dislodging ham
<AirHippo> Mmm keyboard ham

Context? You people want context?