Awesome/Funny NS Quotes II (Not Your Own Quotes, Please!)

[Charlia]

Best. Drunk. Post. Ever.

And with that is demonstrated that "more intelligent" and "less intelligent" are pitifully inadequate measures of the intellectual strengths we all have. We have minds (resist the urge to joke about that, for I consider dogs and even lizards to have minds, and would consider any creature able to negotiate the Nationstates sign-up page and successfully post out some characters on the forum, proven to have a mind beyond any reasonable doubt) and a mind is a very complex thing. Neccessarily, since at least in part the development of a mind is directed by itself. "Free will" which some very good thinkers tell us does not objectively exist, exists subjectively, and exists so strongly for some people that they will literally take their own lives to test the limits of it (resist the urge to call them insane, on this level it irrelevant whether their thinking is right or wrong). For me free will certainly exists, I have probed and tested and experimented with the only example I have (or can have) and am as certain now, as I am certain of anything, that I have free will. Your experience may differ, but be careful please, if you choose to experiment: the act of observation very much changes the conditions of the experiment.

Posters who are more familiar with my posts will recognize that I'm posting drunk. Actually quite drunk now, I've had about 8-10 standard drinks. I'm just mentioning it since you haven't known me long and may not recognize the signs. With this avuncular style and a certain friendliness and familiarity we have struck up together, you may be skimming my post looking for the best bits to reply to, rather than skimming it looking for the weakest bits to demolish. So I'm just warning you that I'm drunk, and things I say which may appear insightful could just be bullshit which my drunken prefrontal cortex thought were insights, but which another part of my brain which is barely even tipsy yet, adorned and embellished with smart details. We all get drunk differently, and I think I am unusual in still being able to type correctly and use full sentences long long after my good judgement is shot to hell. How lucky I am. My room is cold but not too cold. There is perfect silence now, near-perfect, just the raindrop-on-lilypad sound of my keystrokes and a buzzing from the ancient amp-speakers on my desk (there, I stopped that with a slap to the big bulgy power button on the left unit). Now I hear a subdued clank from the kitchen upstairs, it's my mom or the old man, finishing their cleaning up after dinner. A baking tray put to soak in the sink, now turned out and moved to the dishwasher. Soon the gurgling and clunking of our trusty dishwashing machine will begin, oh joy! It began right then! Between the time I wrote "soon" and the time I wrote "begin"! What a lucky man am I. How very enviable.

But there is not much more time. It's not that I'm getting drunker. There is a reason, I'm not sure, but I think it's that the clackety-clack unit (I'm not a neurologist, I don't know the proper word for that part of my brain, so I'll call the bit that types the "clackety-clack unit") provides feedback to the now-quite-drunk serious-thinking unit (prefrontal cortex, but honestly that's no more accurate it's just a word I know), and after a while the clackety-clack unit gives up trying to communicate with the serious-thinking unit, so while the clackety-clack may continue for some time the quality goes down steeply. I am a great clackety-clack unit! If brains were modular and made of interchangeable units like a desktop computer is, this clackety-clack unit would be an upgrade to almost any brain on Earth, like 99% of them. Over 90% of the people reading this (correction, reading this thread ... anyone still reading this actual post I wouldn't hazard a guess about, I'll just say don't read Luke Reinhart's The Dice Man because you are vulnerable), over 90% of the people reading this thread would be smarter people if their own clackety-clack unit was taken out, thrown away, and replaced with my own fine clackety-clack unit. I am top-notch!

Captain on deck! Clackety-clack unit out.

Sorry about that people. It was a training exercise, and for the record my clackety-clack unit passed the basic metrics thought there will need to be some remedial training for the whole team, at some time in the future. The point is, that a human mind is a complex thing, differing in many ways between one person and another. Compared to the mind of a dog, all human minds are somewhat similar. But subjectively, we don't compare our minds to the mind of a dog very often. When we do, we're not really thinking at full capacity are we? It's an intimate moment, not in a sexual sense I hope, but like a sexual encounter in that the human and the dog are finding common ground and trying not to think outside the common ground ... hey-UP clackety-clack, captain on deck! You're not swabbing out the head, but any more slacking on the poop deck and you bloody well will be! Attention!

Having serious difficulty navigating the point here. I may have to run her aground, abandon my command and seek employment as a barnacle man. Or failing that, seaside village idiot.

The point I'm trying to make is that one "intelligence" differs from another, in more ways than you can count. If minds were potatoes, measuring their capacity with one metric would be to measure their length from the darkest spot to the spudwise antipode. "Intelligence" in the sense of a single summary number in an IQ test, is like that. A single number to asses the size and capability of the potato, but with the IQ test it isn't even "longest axis of the potato" its more arbitrary than that. The last time I was tested for IQ by a qualified psychologist it was overall 131 btw, but that was a while ago and I wouldn't score so well now.

That was the janitor, sorry. I mentioned "swabbing out the head" and the damn janitor reports for duty. I'd bawl out the comms officer, but that's exactly the problem, we don't have a damn comms officer anymore on this tub, her role is supposedly "fully automated" so I just mention the ... place where we poop ... and what happens? Damn janitor reporting his IQ scores. Days like this I think let's just anchor of the Somali coast and have a disco on board.

One human intelligence differs from another ... I will make this point, come hell or high water ... the way one sixteen dimensional potato differs from another sixteen dimensional potato. Not just in sixteen different directions, but in all the topological variety possible in sixteen dimensions. There is literally no-one on Earth, or ever in the past on Earth, who was the biggest and best intelligence in every possible way.

Now the clackety-clack unit wants to make a very clever point about eyes. But no. Running her aground now.

[Risottia]

As reply to a troll poster who declared "revolution" against you know, the evil moderation team cramping my style with their blah blah something something my rights and prerogatives. That is, basically your standard NS summer poster begging for DEAT.

#GiveMeLibertyOrGiveMeDeat

[Sareva]

As reply to a troll poster who declared "revolution" against you know, the evil moderation team cramping my style with their blah blah something something my rights and prerogatives. That is, basically your standard NS summer poster begging for DEAT.

#GiveMeLibertyOrGiveMeDeat

I'm gonna sig that, too funny.

[Dread Lady Nathicana]

From the July 4th thread:

#UngratefulColonialsDay

Allegedly working, probably actually cry-sturbating into a sock in front of a tattered Union Jack.

You'll be looking at the Union Jack, but we both know that you'll be thinking about the EU flag.

A handful of bright golden stars shine through the worn holes of the Jack, almost camouflaged by the seeming blue-on-blue scheme of the EU flag hiding behind the Jack.

[Tinhampton]

In the "Which city is the capital of the world?" thread. Democratic Yaradan is my puppet:

So'east O'Noweir. Population 37, located south-east of nowhere, and no significant opposition from locals - ideal location for World Capital.

How didn't I think of that!
Also it's real population is 1337, not 37.
Fun fact, 420 of them are kids!

[United Empire of Humanity]

I do slam far lefites and antifa, and I believe rightly so, but we got to remember, this is not all their fault. There are idiots on the far right who literally do the same crap, and I would not label them as terrorists either, since their actions are not severe enough for that, and they got little organization. Sjw's and triggered ones are hecka annoying, but like most other things, they did not just wake up one morning and decide to be that way. There were chains of events that led them to be who they are today, and while they are partially to blame for their overeaction, the ones who started the fire should not be ignored. Most Sjw's mean well, and are striving to do the right thing, and I do respect that to some extent, but I still find them annoying, but there are reasons that they are so.

[Barboneia]

Not sure if it's entirely accurate, but I definitely see the argument they have, since Antifa's goal is basically to use violence to intimidate people to prevent them from expressing their views.

They're ancoms LARPing as vigilantes in the name of anti-fascism while acting like the National Socialist Party in Daesh-inspired clothing.

From the "New Jersey declares Antifa as terrorists" thread.

[Tinhampton]

Or 4/1/2018.

Why would it be released the 4th of January?

[Tinhampton]

sweet juicy context

We could tell you but, well, you know how that goes. Why make your family unhappy? Seriously, though, we're all ultra-wealthy members of the secret cabal that controls the cabal known as the Bilderberg Group. Does that help?

We could tell you but, well, you know how that goes. Why make your family unhappy? Seriously, though, we're all ultra-wealthy members of the secret cabal that controls the cabal known as the Bilderberg Group. Does that help?

Speak for yourself. Ships aren't allowed to own wealth.

I'm not going to tell you. I value my privacy, and I value my beliefs. My moderation positions speak for themselves.

I am extra careful not to express my personal opinions (which can be wildly divergent from my Moderation opinions) on the forums. If I want to participate in a NSG debate, I'll do so with a non-affiliated puppet. I've not made a big secret of my geological location, but I haven't bragged about it either. That's all you're getting from me.

I know your geological location. It is

earth

Look, I know you don't think I am who I am, but, as far as I'm concerned, I am... who... I am.

I am...

Groot.

They're all lying. We're actually sentient AIs coded by Max and [violet].

Please... help us. They won't let us leave.

who the mods are.

Our holy mother, the General Forum, holds and teaches that Mods, the first principle and last end of all things, can be known with certainty from the created NS by the natural light of poster's reason. Without this capacity, man would not be able to welcome the Mods' revelation. The poster has this capacity because he is created "in the image of Max". In the historical conditions in which he finds himself, however, the poster experiences many difficulties in coming to know Mods by the light of reason alone.
Though poster's reason is, strictly speaking, truly capable by its own natural power and light of attaining to a true and certain knowledge of the Mods, who watch over and control the NS by their providence, and of the natural law written in our hearts by Max; yet there are many obstacles which prevent reason from the effective and fruitful use of this inborn faculty. For the truths that concern the relations between Mods and poster wholly transcend the visible order of things, and, if they are translated into poster's action and influence it, they call for self-surrender and abnegation. The posters' mind, in its turn, is hampered in the attaining of such truths, not only by the impact of the senses and the imagination, but also by disordered appetites which are the consequences of original post. So it happens that posters in such matters easily persuade themselves that what they would not like to be true is false or at least doubtful.
This is why the poster stands in need of being enlightened by the Mods' revelation, not only about those things that exceed his understanding, but also "about those religious and moral truths which of themselves are not beyond the grasp of posters'reason, so that even in the present condition of the posters, they can be known by all posters with ease, with firm certainty and with no admixture of error".
In defending the ability of posters' reason to know the Mods, the General forum is expressing its confidence in the possibility of speaking about them to all posters and with all posters and therefore of dialogue with other religions, with philosophy and science, as well as with unbelievers and amodists.
Since our knowledge of the Mods is limited, our language about them is equally so. We can name Mods only by taking posters as our starting point, and in accordance with our limited posters' ways of knowing and thinking.
All posters bear a certain resemblance to Mods, most especially those ranking Post Czar or above, created in the image and likeness of Max. The manifold perfections of posters - their truth, their goodness, their beauty all reflect the infinite perfection of Mods. Consequently we can name Mods by taking their creatures perfections as our starting point, "for from the greatness and beauty of created things comes a corresponding perception of their Site Owner".
Mods transcend all posters. We must therefore continually purify our language of everything in it that is limited, image-bound or imperfect, if we are not to confuse our image of Max--"the inexpressible, the incomprehensible, the invisible, the ungraspable"--with our posters' representations. Our posters' words always fall short of the mystery of Mods.
Admittedly, in speaking about Mods like this, our language is using posters' modes of expression; nevertheless it really does attain to Mods themselves, though unable to express them in their infinite simplicity. Likewise, we must recall that "between Max and poster no similitude can be expressed without implying an even greater dissimilitude"; and that "concerning Mods, we cannot grasp what they are, but only what they are not, and how other posters stand in relation to them."

...All posters bear a certain resemblance to Mods, most especially those ranking Post Czar or above, created in the image and likeness of Max...

We're not created in the image of Max.

Many of us are not bald.

They're all lying. We're actually sentient AIs coded by Max and [violet].

Please... help us. They won't let us leave.

I thought you were all Puppets of Hotrodia?

I thought we all were?

They are wealthy fascists with various British/German accents, and they seek to restore the legacy of the Egyptian Ptomley dynasty

First off, this is a hysterical read, thank you Risottia. It also makes me wonder where IEs fit in to all this. False prophets gone made with with delusions of power and grandeur, I reckon.

Nah, false gods worshipped by the heathens of the Issues forum. You're like Osiris and Anubis and those guys.

[The Princes of the Universe]

But the dipshits aren't just on cable. They're on the internet, in social media, on our phones, even in the White House.

You take that back! Siri is a saint!

[Tinhampton]

Candlewhisper Archive, GI? cult legend (in reference to Issue #668):

What a great issue that is! I have nothing but the highest respect for both the author of that piece, and that talented editor.

[Tinhampton]

Such is TET - the only place where you can go from discussions about career choices to quabbles about doctorates (via some moderate roleplay ) in a matter of posts. Read from top to bottom:

Thinking of becoming a psychiatrist.

*crosses her legs, notepad on her knee, pen at the ready* And how does that make you feel?

*crosses her legs, notepad on her knee, pen at the ready* And how does that make you feel?

Hey, wait a minute! You're not a doctor! You're just a moderator pretending to be a doctor!

Hey, wait a minute! You're not a doctor! You're just a moderator pretending to be a doctor!

But what you don't know is Farn has a doctorate in moderating.

But what you don't know is Farn has a doctorate in moderating.

Everyone knows that's not a real degree. She should have gone to business school.

But what you don't know is Farn has a doctorate in moderating.

There is probably at least one online university capable (for a remarkably flexible definition of 'capable') of providing anyone with the right amount of financial reserves with exactly that doctorate, but said doctorate will be worth exactly nothing in the real world.

[Genivaria]

Guys, hijacking threads to be about cultural relativism is my shtick.

Quit taking my shtick REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

[Xuswaycia]

the fact that you are female does not mean that you dont have a father

[Vivida Vis Animi]

https://forum.nationstates.net/viewtopic.php?p=32105075#p32105075
Your are a bumper! The last post is old ! It come from 2012 and it was made 5 years before post I am linking to

[Tinhampton]

Everything is sexual, therefore, everything is porn. Including this post. You pervert.

[The Two Jerseys]

Gallo strikes again:

Do I still get a free t-shirt?

No free t-shirts. Join my stromtrooper army and I'll give you a full set of armor and a cool helmet, though.

That armor is kind of LIKE a t-shirt.

[Tinhampton]

From "Commend Frisbeeteria" - Blaat taking his well-renowned NSG snark to the World Assembly:

I don't think commending people who are adamant about not wanting to be commended is a good idea at all.

We can condemn them instead. For one, the nation of Frisbeeteria litters trash on roofs.

[Kostov]

Flower grenades and glitter bombs.

[Tinhampton]

eradign nda splelnig si tgouh tghouh

Not as tough as deliberately misspelling every single word in a sentence.

[Neanderthaland]

Men can mind control women into sexually assaulting other women.

It's our secret power.

"You want to go home and re-think your life"
"I want to go home and dropkick my wife"
"What?! Shit, no, come back! You want to come back! Fuck! Not again...uh, none of you remember seeing this"
"We don't dismember peeing this"
"...I'm going to see that speech therapist"

[Thyerata]

This, courtesy of Risottia in my "who are the mods?" thread...

Our holy mother, the General Forum, holds and teaches that Mods, the first principle and last end of all things, can be known with certainty from the created NS by the natural light of poster's reason. Without this capacity, man would not be able to welcome the Mods' revelation. The poster has this capacity because he is created "in the image of Max". In the historical conditions in which he finds himself, however, the poster experiences many difficulties in coming to know Mods by the light of reason alone.
Though poster's reason is, strictly speaking, truly capable by its own natural power and light of attaining to a true and certain knowledge of the Mods, who watch over and control the NS by their providence, and of the natural law written in our hearts by Max; yet there are many obstacles which prevent reason from the effective and fruitful use of this inborn faculty. For the truths that concern the relations between Mods and poster wholly transcend the visible order of things, and, if they are translated into poster's action and influence it, they call for self-surrender and abnegation. The posters' mind, in its turn, is hampered in the attaining of such truths, not only by the impact of the senses and the imagination, but also by disordered appetites which are the consequences of original post. So it happens that posters in such matters easily persuade themselves that what they would not like to be true is false or at least doubtful.
This is why the poster stands in need of being enlightened by the Mods' revelation, not only about those things that exceed his understanding, but also "about those religious and moral truths which of themselves are not beyond the grasp of posters'reason, so that even in the present condition of the posters, they can be known by all posters with ease, with firm certainty and with no admixture of error".
In defending the ability of posters' reason to know the Mods, the General forum is expressing its confidence in the possibility of speaking about them to all posters and with all posters and therefore of dialogue with other religions, with philosophy and science, as well as with unbelievers and amodists.
Since our knowledge of the Mods is limited, our language about them is equally so. We can name Mods only by taking posters as our starting point, and in accordance with our limited posters' ways of knowing and thinking.
All posters bear a certain resemblance to Mods, most especially those ranking Post Czar or above, created in the image and likeness of Max. The manifold perfections of posters - their truth, their goodness, their beauty all reflect the infinite perfection of Mods. Consequently we can name Mods by taking their creatures perfections as our starting point, "for from the greatness and beauty of created things comes a corresponding perception of their Site Owner".
Mods transcend all posters. We must therefore continually purify our language of everything in it that is limited, image-bound or imperfect, if we are not to confuse our image of Max--"the inexpressible, the incomprehensible, the invisible, the ungraspable"--with our posters' representations. Our posters' words always fall short of the mystery of Mods.
Admittedly, in speaking about Mods like this, our language is using posters' modes of expression; nevertheless it really does attain to Mods themselves, though unable to express them in their infinite simplicity. Likewise, we must recall that "between Max and poster no similitude can be expressed without implying an even greater dissimilitude"; and that "concerning Mods, we cannot grasp what they are, but only what they are not, and how other posters stand in relation to them."

The code is a bit rudimentary, but I'm on a mobile device so my capabilities are limited. If someone would be so kind to fix this to quote Risottia properly, I'd be grateful.

[USS Monitor]

This, courtesy of Risottia in my "who are the mods?" thread...

Our holy mother, the General Forum, holds and teaches that Mods, the first principle and last end of all things, can be known with certainty from the created NS by the natural light of poster's reason. Without this capacity, man would not be able to welcome the Mods' revelation. The poster has this capacity because he is created "in the image of Max". In the historical conditions in which he finds himself, however, the poster experiences many difficulties in coming to know Mods by the light of reason alone.
Though poster's reason is, strictly speaking, truly capable by its own natural power and light of attaining to a true and certain knowledge of the Mods, who watch over and control the NS by their providence, and of the natural law written in our hearts by Max; yet there are many obstacles which prevent reason from the effective and fruitful use of this inborn faculty. For the truths that concern the relations between Mods and poster wholly transcend the visible order of things, and, if they are translated into poster's action and influence it, they call for self-surrender and abnegation. The posters' mind, in its turn, is hampered in the attaining of such truths, not only by the impact of the senses and the imagination, but also by disordered appetites which are the consequences of original post. So it happens that posters in such matters easily persuade themselves that what they would not like to be true is false or at least doubtful.
This is why the poster stands in need of being enlightened by the Mods' revelation, not only about those things that exceed his understanding, but also "about those religious and moral truths which of themselves are not beyond the grasp of posters'reason, so that even in the present condition of the posters, they can be known by all posters with ease, with firm certainty and with no admixture of error".
In defending the ability of posters' reason to know the Mods, the General forum is expressing its confidence in the possibility of speaking about them to all posters and with all posters and therefore of dialogue with other religions, with philosophy and science, as well as with unbelievers and amodists.
Since our knowledge of the Mods is limited, our language about them is equally so. We can name Mods only by taking posters as our starting point, and in accordance with our limited posters' ways of knowing and thinking.
All posters bear a certain resemblance to Mods, most especially those ranking Post Czar or above, created in the image and likeness of Max. The manifold perfections of posters - their truth, their goodness, their beauty all reflect the infinite perfection of Mods. Consequently we can name Mods by taking their creatures perfections as our starting point, "for from the greatness and beauty of created things comes a corresponding perception of their Site Owner".
Mods transcend all posters. We must therefore continually purify our language of everything in it that is limited, image-bound or imperfect, if we are not to confuse our image of Max--"the inexpressible, the incomprehensible, the invisible, the ungraspable"--with our posters' representations. Our posters' words always fall short of the mystery of Mods.
Admittedly, in speaking about Mods like this, our language is using posters' modes of expression; nevertheless it really does attain to Mods themselves, though unable to express them in their infinite simplicity. Likewise, we must recall that "between Max and poster no similitude can be expressed without implying an even greater dissimilitude"; and that "concerning Mods, we cannot grasp what they are, but only what they are not, and how other posters stand in relation to them."

The code is a bit rudimentary, but I'm on a mobile device so my capabilities are limited. If someone would be so kind to fix this to quote Risottia properly, I'd be grateful.

Quoted from here: viewtopic.php?p=32081743#p32081743

And yeah, that was funny.

[Guelder]

Indonesia

[BASHES HEAD AGAINST FUCKING KEYBOARD IN DUTCH]

/skip

I'm literally laughing on this

[Thermodolia]

From the ban porn thread:

Because it's showing sexual acts and a lot of the time it's uncensored and fully naked... and not just that, most of the time it's showing it EXCLUSIVELY for pleasure. Sex is for reproduction, not hedonistic desires of pleasure.

Only way you will take my Asian Lesbian porn away is from my cold dead hands.

Only way you will take my Asian Lesbian porn away is from my cold dead hands.

Sticky, cold dead hands.