Awesome/Funny NS Quotes II (Not Your Own Quotes, Please!)

[Genivaria]

In response to a several page long match of baiting.

What we have here is a kitchen full of puppies standing round a large heap of poo. What I've decided to do, rather than analyse each section of poop to decide which puppy did what, is to open the door to the bathroom. If any puppy decides to poo in the kitchen any time soon, they will be put in a sack and hurled in the nearest lake.

[Soldati Senza Confini]

In response to reports in the French thread. I thought this answer to the situation was definitely, like we say in Spanish, "de mafiosos". It cracked me up.

All you alt-righters are the same. It only takes the intelligence of a peanut to know what your motives are.

*** Warning: All X are Y ***

Jesus christ.

(plus a compendium of one-sentence posts that added nothing)

*** Warning: Repeated Spamming ***

Maybe the alt-lite would claim trump for their own, but the Alt-right p much universally hate the guy. Also you're ascribing motive, which means you either have mass mind reading powers I don't know about, or are full of shit.

*** Warning: Flaming ***

Topic locked. You have 10 minutes to get a grip of yourselves

EDIT:

Now then: France just had the first half of its election. Isn't that an interesting and noteworthy news event? I wonder what the good people of NSG think of that?

Thread re-opened

[Lord Dominator]

Greetings! Thanks for stopping by GI!

1) Your name color is beautiful! I don't rightful know what a P2TM RP Mentor does but your color makes me want to be one.

1) Mainly faff around and correct spelling mistakes

That's pretty much what we do as well

And that's why your name is poop-colored

It's 'Classy Gold'.

'Burnt Earwax'?

Image

Image

Bonus:

That's what I do and I don't even have a fancy color in my name!

[Lord Dominator]

Because each issue bumps a number up or down, and issues are randomly assigned, you can get some interesting results. I'm pretty sure that my citizens are micro-chipped at birth, there are cameras in public, and their telephone and internet use is all monitored... but I have 'Very Good' civil rights because they can smoke pot, walk around naked, and marry their sibling.

In regards to modeling one's own politics, I expect that the problem is people compelled to do so tend to be ideological purists. I built my country along green, collectivist lines, and am very happy with it, but there are times where the ecologically beneficial option simply has too many drawbacks. Sometimes you have to pave paradise and put up a parking lot because humans need places to park. Sometimes you need to say, 'No, we're letting these trees stand and making this a public park because humans need a place to relax that doesn't cost them money.'

The thing about being a government is that you're 'in charge' of a large and complex system that needs to fulfill a broad range of needs, and no one ideology is going to perfectly handle all situations.

(Or, you can just go 'fuck um,' declare yourself Boss Man for life, and toss any complainers to the lions. Also a legitimate choice.)

[Anollasia]

A new Israeli flag.

I humbly propose this:

(Image)

(For those who don't know, it's Benjamin Disraeli, minus D)

And apparently they don't have a concept of time in Fatatatutti:

A- "What is the exact time at this moment, kind sir?"
B - "Now."
A - "Yes, now."
B - "Yes. Now."
A - "I mean, what time is it now?"
B - "Yes. Now."
A - "Do you have a watch?"
B - "No. My sister has a watch. She's in the Army."
A - "Is there a clock around here?"
B - "No. There's whale watching down by the beach."
'A' walks away, exasperated.
C - "What did that guy want?"
B - "He was asking about whale-watching."
C - "Tourist."
B - "Yeah."

[Bralia]

It's not often that I see a perfect out of context post. There's only one place on NS that I know of where a person could get away with saying this:

I accidentally cut off my brothers dong during a duel...he died from infection. Oops.

[Luziyca]

2) For some vile crimes, we have a gut instinct to demand punishment, no matter if they're based on evidence or not. Outlawry recognizes that certain acts are so severe that no other means of punishment can be proportional to the crime, especially if that person was of sound mind at the time he committed the offense.

Gut feelings are better addressed with an antacid than with crimes against humanity.

[United Muscovite Nations]

In what way specifically?

The New Left burned out spectacularly, but somehow managed to leave such a legend about itself that lionized its spirits while ignoring its abject failure.

Specifically, the New Left wasn't just co-opted, it co-opted itself. By focusing its strength on campus and youth activism, it ignored the core principle of Marxism, that communism "is the real movement to abolish the present state of things." Students are a comparatively privileged strata, and so much of this campus oriented activism relies on youthful rebellion that will inevitably run its course.

The pattern set in the 60s is that students might appear radicalized, but it's only skin deep. The campus radicals of the 60s and early 70s graduated, cut their hair, got cushy bourgeois jobs and left behind their activism as a flirtation of youth. And it was trivial for them to do so because they never had any real stake in the movement. It was somewhere between a LARP and a hobby. And their background, usually from comparative privilege, coupled with their eventual careers, gave them absolutely no real contact with actual working people, regardless of how much they professed to socialism.

Mai 68 captured a lot of imaginations. But it was steadily digging both its own grave and the grave of the old left. The old left of the social democratic and communist parties were becoming arthritic and disconnected. They were either destroyed by the contradiction between the aims of ending exploitation and their connection to Moscow's own form of alienating tyranny, as in the case of the communist parties, or they were so caught up in managing the excesses of the bourgeoisie they really no longer had anything to offer to workers beyond maintaining the present course.

Campus activism seemed like it might revitalize an ailing movement, but instead it led everyone down an unsustainable path. The enthusiasm died out, and few that remained even remotely left largely got jobs in academia. There were of course exceptions like the Black Panthers, the Dodge Revolutionary Union Movement, etc., but they were too small, or too connected to ethnic nationalism to be the basis of any broader movement.

The final comedy is that the flash and panache of the 60s and 70s student radicals is remembered fondly, and modern activist groups strive to emulate the SDS or the Yippies in confronting conservative political figures...many of whom were in the SDS or the Yippies in that period. In the case of Mai 68 in France, the disconnect and lack of coherence between the students, the wildcat workers strikes, the mainstream trade unions, and the parties of the left doomed the whole endeavour, and the Gaullists emerged stronger than ever.

To the extent that the whole phenomenon is remembered at all, it still has salience for the breakdown of many traditional cultural mores, whether celebrated or condemned. The lack of any resilience in the memory of challenging capitalism reflects just how shallow that ambition had become.

[Anollasia]

How long before he announces Erdopedia as a replacement?

Excerpt from Erdopedia

Erdogan was born in 1011 and participated in the Seljuk conquests of Modern Day Turkey. Muhammad himself selected him to rule Earth in his stead

[Charlia]

Take half a cup of crossed wires, add a helping of mods as weapons, season with a pinch of trollnaming and a smattering of dried rules-lawyering. Bake in the off-topic oven for twenty minutes and voilà.

[Swith Witherward]

So after sitting down for some movie time, I had to pound out some thoughts out that were running through my head and figured that it might be nice to formally share them as a lesson about the importance and delicacy of symbolism. Why it matters, and what can go wrong when you mess with it.

Why The Gun In E.T. Matters

Few people are not familiar with Steven Spielberg's "E.T." and the epic ending scene of the children thwarting the police by flying over the neighborhood on their bikes. It is largely and rightfully considered one of the most iconic movie scenes in cinematic history. Fewer people might know, however, that this gorgeous scene was partially ruined by modern day censors upon rerelease in the 2000's as part of its anniversary.

In the original 1982 release of the movie, Elliot and the other bikers are riding from pursuers down the street when several cars pull up, blocking their path. We get a shot of Elliot's horrified face before the camera cuts to the logo on the car, "U.S. Government," and pans up alongside a large gun wielded by a darkly dressed and faceless figure. It is at this point that E.T. performs his miracle and sends the kids flying over the car barricade and out of the reach of the firearms. In the rerelease however, this scene was edited so that the shot of the car and gun was missing, and two other officers who were wielding guns were instead given walkie-talkies, as showing guns in children's media was, by in large, no longer considered appropriate. Some people consider this a small and forgivable change.

I, on the other hand, think it completely ruins the whole scene.

Your initial assumption might be to think that it's some anti-PC principle inside of me that dislikes this scene, the often railed against "pussification" of American children. And while there definitely is something to be said about our modern paranoia about what is and isn't appropriate for kids to see, this isn't really my main problem with the change. I myself am actually not that big of a fan of guns, so I don't take offense to the absence of them in itself. Rather, my issue comes from what the gun represents.

"E.T." as a movie is all about the innocence and empathy of childhood fighting back against the uncompromising and often cold nature of adulthood. The adult world is presented as often without humanity, as the faces of the agents and scientists tracking down E.T. are often obscured by shot framing, shadows, or biohazard suits. They act without regard for the privacy or wellbeing of E.T. or Elliot's family, by spying on them, putting their home under quarantine, and chasing them down in cars like wanted criminals. We as an adult audience can understand the necessity of their behavior: the discovery of advanced alien life isn't something we can just slip by. However, the movie also shows that with the adult understanding of "the bigger picture," we can become blinded to the delicate and equally important parts of "the little picture," namely understanding other's feelings and the importance of one's right to dignity, something that children on the other hand are much better at keeping in mind, mostly because they so often are the ones who have their feelings and dignity violated. Adults see E.T. as something to fear and control, but children recognize him as a person who needs to be taken care of and helped.

Thus from the beginning, the basic lines between the age groups are drawn. Adults chase E.T. down, children take him in. From there, the imposition of adulthood continues, even via adults close to Elliot and the other kids, and it steadily escalates throughout the film. It starts off small: Adulthood expects honesty from children. The children withhold their knowledge of E.T. Adulthood expects children to go to school. The children fake being sick or cause trouble in school. Adulthood expects children to be home on time. The children stay out late to help E.T. build his communication device. For every hurdle the kids jump through, adulthood responds by sending a bigger, more powerful (and more terrifying) manifestation of itself, until the characters are no longer facing off against their parents and teachers, but against the police and the government.

As the manifestations grow stronger, so too does the possibility of danger. It's one thing to get grounded by your parents, it's another to directly disobey the law enforcement and secret services of your land, which are essentially, "your parents' parents." Soon the characters aren't merely being yelled at, they're in active danger of being imprisoned or harmed. Elliot's home is broken into by strange men in white suits and has himself and his friend experimented on. He watches the wishes of his mother be instantly overturned. He doesn't know what could happen if he tries to cross this branch of adult power. Yet like all the other challenges he faced, he trudges on for the sake of doing right by the feelings of E.T. He does the unthinkable and disobeys the government, hops on his bike (an apt childhood symbol), and essentially becomes treated like an adult criminal as he is hunted down in police cruisers.

So that brings us back to our initial question: Why is the gun in E.T. so important?

Because in the eyes of a child, a gun is the final and ultimate symbol of adult authority. Even if a child tacitly understands the unliklihood of an adult using a gun on them, just the fact the possibility is still there is overwhelming. Guns are the first way children learn that the adults around them possess a power that no amount of disobedience or arguing back could ever beat nor could they ever claim for themselves: the power over life and death. There is no stronger form of control over someone than to be able to take their life.

Perhaps without the gun the literal climax is still in effect, the children are hopelessly cornered and the only way to escape is through a miracle. But without the gun, the emotional climax is missing, and thus the scene is robbed of its potency. Even if the viewers, adult or child, are unable to properly analyze the symbolism at play, the emotional reactions that those symbols evoke are still there. Throughout the movie the viceral reaction to the children's struggle against the increasingly powerful adult world is clear, and to top it all off with a gun, with the clear indication that the antagonists are possibly willing to go all the way and actually kill Elliot and his friends, takes the child in all of us to the highest point of fear and helplessness achievable - and then, it fucking smashes it. Not only do E.T., Elliot, and his friends escape, but they escape by defeating the ultimate symbol of adulthood with the ultimate symbol of childhood: the impossible dream of being able to fly, the power of imagination. And your imagination is something no one else can ever control.

This triumph heavily aids the film's spiritual/religous symbolism as well. By overcoming the gun, the characters are defeating death itself. Not long before it was believed that E.T. was dead until he came back to life while sporting some very Christ-like imagery, and in putting their faith in him against the all the odds and persecution, the children are able to use a miracle to also cheat death (flying away to eternal life in Heaven). Even for a non-religious person, it's hard not to be moved by this at least on a culturally instinctive level.

Without the gun... it's just not there.

Sure the flying away and impossible odds are still there, but without that final deadly escalation of the gun, the moment falls flat and your mind begins to wonder whether or not being cornered by a couple of cars was really worth all that drama. We've been seeing them out manuever the cars this whole scene, it feels hard to believe that they couldn't just do it again unless something else was there that they had to worry about. The escalation has not reach its climax but has actually been dialed back a few pegs, leaving the final triumph underwhelming since we've already seen our characters beat those odds before.

When the gun was removed from the scene, it was probably done with the philosophy that even implying a certain amount of violence in a piece of children's media will somehow encourage violence in children, but it quickly becomes how ridiculous this idea can be once you start taking context into account. "E.T." isn't a movie that encourages violence, quite the opposite. It's a movie about caring for others despite your differences and doing the right thing even when it seems like the world is against you. It glorifies life and healing, and teaches that love is a bond that can't be broken by even lightyears of distance. Symbols of death and violence are present, yes, but they are present so that the heroes can eschew and overcome them. Thus, "E.T." and the attempt at censoring one of its best scenes teaches us as writers and artists that it really isn't whether or not a symbol is present that is important, but how it is used.

So if you're ever inclined to share this timeless masterpiece with the children in your life, I wholly encourage you to make sure they're getting the best version possible. Let them see the gun, and let them see the power of courage, imagination, and love.

[Tinhampton]

Boldsport Magazine, proud purveyor of shoddy sports journalism since about last April, brings you the second edition of what is sure to be the global phenomenon of the Boldsports Sports Writers Awards for the greatest football players in the universe: The Galacticos Index.

Boldsport Editor-in-Chief, Izzy Worthette:

As was the case in the last cycle, the great and glorious, the old and the ancient, were gathered together at the glamourous - well, for Bonesea anyway - Royal Polarian Hotel on Herring Island, to the north of the capital Spittalsea to celebrate the mighty feats of our multiversal greasy churners (that's footballers to you and me) who have brought such entertainment for the last three hundred years or so. And what better place to assemble, in a hotel named after the home islands of the legendary late Sol Kierkegaard, for whom one minutes' solemn applause was given in memory of his recent passing. That, I am ashamed to say, was the highlight of a prematurely cancelled event.

Naturally the Eurans are an overly-sensitive bunch at the moment with all the argy-bargy running amok in their home nation, so it was no surprise in a way that a fight broke out on the dinner table of Globe Cup runners-up Revolutionaries; but it would appear after reviewing the CCTV footage later that in fact it was not the poor war-weary Eurans who started the fight but foreign team-mates who began by throwing tea-cakes at each other in jest and then at some point lost their sense of humour and their tempers. Young Sunrisian keeper Brâm Couch seems to have drawn the ire of latino pair Meysom Salume and Sebestián Núñez, and Spittalbuns were replaced with eclairs as Euran team-mates tried in vain to calm everyone the fibula down. However it all got out of hand with Turoki Tide keeper Ondrej Cech having a go, and the bunfight at the R.P. Hotel spread to the Farf' Avenida Leal team - Mattías Passarelli not endearing himself with his team-mates when he started blowing pecan twists willy-nilly; Ruy Monrazón and Trejo Maes intervening with custard pies and muffins. Chromatik Kéìrâ Andísorí with the Starling detachment launched a pre-emptive trifle strike at the neighbouring Myrmidon FC table, seemingly aimed at Stewie Burns. The poor Nepharans of Starling, Crisibless, AFC Treason, Moths and Brinemouth were entirely covered in gateaux within a minute of the first crumbs being scattered, caught in a patissaerial crossfire. Even the elves had taken damage. While many looked to the sage old legends of the Holy Asylum in the corner for some assistance and a call to order, they seemed entirely pre-occupied. Simeone de Bradini and Juan Tzimichesapeake seemed to have amassed at least double the amount of chocolate truffles than any other guest at the table, and were busy counting them with the baffled Audioslavs and Slanizstas while everyone else covered themselves in an edible sort of infamy.

When it was done, the dinner was ruined, the Royal Polarian rather soiled, and there was no appetite for the presentations to follow. It was agreed the best course of action would be to cancel the event and let the good people of Boldsport deal with the mess, and publish the results online. Next cycle, we all agreed, there would be less sugary food at the event.

Yes, this post does continue on the BOLDSPORT newswires page over in NS Sports, but it's basically a list of candidates, and the winners.

[The Salian Realm]

For the people who support the EU and presumably Macron getting elected, I want to know why you're in favor of:

32 genders (an example being LGBTQQIAAP)
White Privilege (must really hate White people to constantly complain about them)
Open borders (why do you all not care about who's coming in?)
Palestine (why do you stand for a nation which is of no benefit to the region or the world?)
Unelected bureaucrats (this is what you get by being in the EU)
Muslim immigration (why not immigration from literally anywhere else besides the middle east? These are bad people being let in)
Guilt over colonialism (it was either Europe built empires or someone else would've in due time)

The platform that the alt-right offers as an alternative is:

2 genders (man or woman, that's it)
Tradition (our ways are better, we don't need to change for the outside world)
Security (closed borders to keep us safe)
Israel (we support the more advanced and civilized country in the middle east)
Loyalty (no traitors or Judas' in our movement, we only want what is best for us, not the undeveloped world which is the enemy)
Heritage (a people we can be proud of, not immigrants from every poor country out there)
Nationalism (being proud of our history and where we're headed next, a clear direction for our nations to follow)

• Because how person chooses to address themselves, or view themselves is none of your business. Where easily possible we should honor their choice of self identification; to do otherwise is rather silly.
• Dont care; the entire concept is rather odd as it focuses on intermediary issue rather than the underlying one but I guess you could use it as a ballpark guesstimate. Pretty sure this isn't an actual thing used in Europe.
• Because artificially restricting people's ability to move and relocate is shitty practice that has hung over from when 'subjects' was an actual thing.
• Also we do know who's coming in, no one is proposing getting rid of passports. Even Schengen merely consolidates the inefficient passport checks so they can be done once rather than eliminating them.
• I support Palestine? that's news to me.
• EU governance is only unelected if all non-directly presidential systems of governance are unelected - France, UK, Germany. Canada etc.
• Because restricting immigration based on religion is a silly idea; also see the point about artificially restricting people's ability to travel and relocate based on ancient hangup is silly. Also given the ongoing situation in Middle east, and EU's ability to take in refugees it should.
  If you're going to take pride in your nation's achievements from way back when, you better damn well accept guilt for its not so savory actions - to do otherwise would be cherry picking. I personally come down on side of if you weren't around to contribute, you don't get to boast about it therefore there is no guilt to be felt.

Vs:

• Sticking your nose in other people's self identity because of reasons, and/or deliberately using terms other than what they use for themselves is shitty behavior. This should be a concept taught in kindergarten when kids start calling others names.
• Yes the same argument that could be made for basically every point in history when people didn't want to change, by a manager stuck in same position for 30 years in dying company etc etc. 'Tradition' is shitty justification for anything, and especially idea that you don't need to change for outer world is silly and way of stagnation.
• Seize mentality has produced nothing good or conducive in history of ever. We're as safe as we've always been.
• And hows that support brought stability into Israel-Palestine dispute? Given the ideal circumstance involves Israeli and Palestinian population coexisting in same region, supporting and rooting for one seems rather counterproductive by making yourself a non-neutral party who is not able to assist by mediation.
• See seize mentality.
• What 'people you can be proud of'? What have you done personally to help in their successes or are you just proud of the fact that somehow you've created a country full of people you feel comfortable around because they've same 'race' as you?
• See point about how if you're taking pride in your ancestor's actions you better take guilt for their unsavory actions. Also being proud of arbitrary borders that were drawn in that way because someone centuries ago won/lost a dick measuring contest is rather silly.

[Lysset]

Trump is the best president this country has ever had and if you disagree, you're a blue pilled pleb.

Back in my day we put effort into trolling. Raise your game or behave yourself, young scallywag.

*** Warning for Trolling ***.

[Lysset]

It's a double post, sure, but I thought that the little blurb attached to the end of OT's trawl of the Far-Right Plot foiled in Germany thread was hilarious.

Heil dir mit Bannhammer,
Herrscher des Forums,
Heil, Moderator...

[Wallenburg]

This little chain. My post for context.

They should both become agnostic atheists, and raise their children as such. Also, I have no idea what RCC is.

They should both become agnostic atheists, and raise their children as such. Also, I have no idea what RCC is.

Roman Catholic Church.

They should both become agnostic atheists, and raise their children as such. Also, I have no idea what RCC is.

Roman Catholic Church, perhaps?

Wallenberg: Roman Catholic Church

They should both become agnostic atheists, and raise their children as such. Also, I have no idea what RCC is.

Roman Catholic Church, I think.

Edit: dayum... that's a lot of repeats...

[Dylar]

Based off of this video

I did a thing

"Fuck you, USA!"
"If you're dumb enough to vote for a candidate in 2020, you're a big enough schmutz to come to Big USA's Elections."
"Bad Candidates! Promises that break down!! /pol/!!!"
"If you think that you're gonna find a good candidate in the USA elections, you can kiss my ass!"
"It's our belief that you're such a stupid motherfucker, you'll fall for this bullshit! Guaranteed!"
"If you find a better country with better politics, SHOVE IT UP YOUR UGLY ASS!!"
"You heard us right, SHOVE IT UP YOUR UGLY ASS!!!"
"Bring your trade, bring your title, bring your wife! We'll fuck her!"
"That's Right! We'll fuck your wife!"
"Because at Big USA's Elections, you're fucked six ways to Sunday!"
"Take a hike to Big USA's Elections!"
"Home of challenge voting! That's right, challenge voting!"
"How does it work? If you can vote for a third party candidate 6 years in a row, you get no major changes in government"
"Don't wait, don't delay."
"Don't fuck with us, or we'll rip your nuts off!"
"Only at Big USA's Elections: The only country that tells you to fuck off!"
"Hurry up, asshole!"
"This election ends the minute after you vote, and it better not be voter fraud or you're a dead motherfucker!"
"Go to hell!"
"Big USA's Elections America's filthiest and exclusive home of the meanest sons of bitches of the Union of the States. Guaranteed!"

[The One True Benxboro Empire]

You're not gonna have a fun time on NSG, then. People tend to criticise most every opinion.

Says who? Source for that, huh?

[The Holy Empire of the Spaghetti Monster]

There is this rather horrible movie coming out soon called, Everything, Everything scheduled for May 19 that I really have to object to. The focal point is the relationship between this White boy and Black girl in the trailer when a story like this isn't needed and would never happen realistically speaking. Hollywood is going for an interracial story for the sake of spreading liberal propaganda.

I would like to thank you for the movie recommendation good sir.

[Thermodolia]

From TET:

I had no idea you were Swedish.

that would be bork, bjork bork.

that would be bork, bjork bork.

I recall hearing nyuk too.

Nyuk is Norwegian

Listen you, friggin' wannabe linguist... Imma clubber you and the Norwegian speakers too! (I'm joking)

[Karamiko]

What we don't know, is where the Other American Pole is. Not Antarctica obviously, nor the Kerguellen Islands (they're French, dozens of fake scientists there are teaching penguins to speak French). But finding the Other American Pole to be right near the American Pole (say, in Oklahoma) causes all sorts of problems which would require extensive unfaking of basic physics. Like magnetism. Angular momentum. Gravity.

I think it will be found to be Guam. The Other American Pole, Guam, and just a year or two later Guam will become the 51st state.

[Luziyca]

Internet users bickering about how their forum is moderated? Say it ain't so! I thought that only happened on websites where animals and obsolete warships are trusted with mod powers.

Biting the hand that feeds you much?

[Reploid Productions]

From the condiments thread:

So nobody appears to have trademarked the name Jesauce.

It will rise up from your stomach three days afterwards.

[Genivaria]

If that's the case, I wanna see Bernie filibuster the crap out of the turtle man.

"HE'S ON HIS BACK! HE'S ON HIS BACK! MCCONNELL IS SCREWED! MY GOD, BERNIE'S GOING ON THE TOP ROPE! HERE COMES THE UNIVERSAL HEALTHCARE!"

[Lady Scylla]

The flat earth theory is an edgy belief. Those who believe in a sphere are well rounded individuals.