Awesome/Funny NS Quotes (Not Your Own Quotes, Please!)

[The Huskar Social Union]

WE SENT £350 MILLION A WEEK TO THE EU
LETS BUY CHIPS AND KILL SEAGULLS INSTEAD

I could provide context, but I feel like it's funnier without it.

Oh killing a fucking seagull over chips.

Aww it cracks me up im gona die.

[Woods Is Back]

[quote=brocklandia;34728232]No worries. Like 99% of the crap that leaves my keyboard, it wasn't that amusing anyway. I blame congratulate the typo gremlins, for their danged interference hard work in removing the humor from my posts.[/quote]

[Tinhampton]

((There's around a 21 million year uncertainty for the exact age of the universe so unfortunately we have no real way of knowing on which day the big bang happened. My money's on a Tuesday personally. Which would make Monday the 7th day of the week. Clearly we need to increase international science funding to find out exactly which day of the week the universe started, and then we'll know for sure what the seventh day is))

[Diarcesia]

The blAAtschApen is at it again...

I know this might sound random, but what's your favourite passage? This goes to any Christian here, I'm really curious. Giving a background about the passage would help too, thanks.

My favourite passage is the passage of time.

[Tinhampton]

Context: PAS roleplays as a Communist nation and is also rather left-wing in reality.

Interesting, how communist state is Democratic and Liberal!

That's it. I'm fed up with your illiterate, low-tier assumptions. I'm just gonna say it.

ALL COMMUNIST STATES ARE AN EXTENSION OF DEMOCRACY AND THE U.S IS LITERALLY LESS DEMOCRATIC THAN EVERY KIND OF SOVIET SYSTEM IMPLEMENTED THROUGHOUT WORLD HISTORY.

kek I've said my piece

Also, liberalism is the sworn enemy of Socialism; what aspect of PAS could possibly be liberal?

/skip

[Heloin]

Presenting, the Tale of the Teapot, staring Ethel mermania.

But ... what's my motivation?

Your short, your stout.... you have gentle warm water gently heating inside of you, it's nice its calming, it's going to be tea, but slowly at first, it's getting agitated, its starts to churn bubble and boil you try and ignore it, but that internal pressure is building, heating you up, straining to get out.... you fight it, you fight it but it's no good it builds and builds.... till it bursts out in a Large screaming WHISTLE!

now go out and do that kindergarten play!

I bet the kindergarten teachers appreciated your help before the play.

I give them strasberg, I give them Adler........ and they want smiles and rhyme.....

they know nothing of the teapot. The long lonely struggles in the dark cupboard, the finally being brought out into the sight, waterboarded, capped and cooked all that heat and rage bottled up and then... you have been used, dirty and tossed in the sink, only to be washed and stuck back into the cupboard for endless dark time...

[United Muscovite Nations]

It's admiring the political sentiment and not the attack against New Zealand. There is a difference in my mind. For example, I'm a huge fan of Anders Behring Brievik's 2083: A European Declaration of Independence. I still haven't finished reading that, but the message has appealed to me thus far. It is first and foremost a political work that I just happen to agree with more. Not so much more controversial than Mein Kampf as one example.

These works are apart of politics whether people like it or not. It presents a lot of ideas people can rally behind.

"It's not really more controversial than the manifesto by the guy whose very name is a byword for genocide because of the sheer enormity of his evil"

10/10, this is above and beyond even what I expected, would put on a terror watchlist again.

[Farnhamia]

Shame, there's great potential for lulz in imagining Trump giving up social media for Lent or something like that.

Technically speaking, he's considered Presbyterian, but only in the sense that a jelly doughnut is Presbyterian. It might have seen the inside of a church on Sunday, but it doesn't gain any spiritual awakening, and its only purpose is to provide comfort to the long-standing parishioners.

[Crysuko]

Come to think of it, I'm not sure Mrs. May could stop full Northumbrian sovereignty if 20 Northumbrians with pitchforks declared full independence.

60% of her cabinet would support her.
65% of her cabinet would deny her support unless she vows to remove the Hebridean backstop.
70% of her parliamentary majority would support her if she did the Riverdance on stilts while singing "Anarchy in the U.K." backwards.
75% of her parliamentary majority would ask for her to resign.
80% of the UK parliament would vote against whatever she proposes.
85% of the UK parliament would give her confidence as PM anyway.
Thus the Northumbrexit happened with a no-deal.

He also successfully dunked on Stalin and got away with it

Like a fucking boss.

I doubt May could even dunk a doughnut in her coffee without her cabinet trying to stop her. In the meanwhile Juncker is on the phone asking "will you EVER tell me if you prefer cream-filled or jelly-filled doughnuts ferchrissake?"

[Andsed]

Vaccinate your fucking children

Surely it would be better to vaccinate them before they start fucking?

If your children are old enough to fuck, they're old enough to take charge of their own vaccinations.

And as for vaccinating them while they're fucking... boundaries, people, please.

[Auze]

[quote=brocklandia;34728232]No worries. Like 99% of the crap that leaves my keyboard, it wasn't that amusing anyway. I blame congratulate the typo gremlins, for their danged interference hard work in removing the humor from my posts.

You can't quote between forum & rmb, here's a link to the quote.

[Lord Dominator]

On the wonder that is Confederation of Corrupt Dictators;

You need to learn to work with others better and stop seeing everything as a conflict that must be won at any cost if you actually want to make any headway in this part of the game.

There are different goals for different players in this game. If their objective is to be obnoxious internet trolls, they're doing an fine job.

[Luziyca]

Nah, if the sock looks good and the sandal looks good, it's fine.

It's good to have opinions. It's fine. Ignore the angry mob baying for your blood. It's fine.

[Valrifell]

You really shouldn't. Damn standardised measurements.

Somewhere in an alternate universe without standardized measurements, Subway is advertising their "Roughly The Length of Your Forearm" sandwiches for $5.

[Tinhampton]

What are some good fascist regions where I won't be ridiculed every two seconds?

Hi, Nuevo Cielo.

I'm going to try a different approach than many others here.

Where, exactly are you coming from on this matter?

If you're approaching things with a genuine interest in history or merely roleplaying some stereotypical authoritarian bad guys, I'd advise you focus more on finding a legitimately history-focused region or one known for whatever sort of roleplay (whether it's past-tech or warhammer future tech) you prefer, respectively. "Fascist regions" on NS, despite what they claim, are often not merely places for players of this game who design nations with authoritarian policies to hang out. They are, usually, places for people with actual fascist sympathies to hang out, and part of the great web of breeding grounds for hate and violence we've seen grow across the internet. If this paragraph is accurate, these are not the sort of regions you want to be in. You'll be far better off writing in International Incidents about your evil marching ranks (within site content rules, of course, and preferably in a manner that stays far away from just being nazi fanfic) while located in less toxic regions. Though, for that matter, stereotypical "German Reich" empires are way too easy, cliche, and overdone. You should be a bit more creative with your stiff-booted bad guys, and write more compelling narratives than "they want to gas people so they're bad." And you can do all of this while staying far, far from away from regions where actual fascists gather, like grimy, toxic water at the lowest point of an abandoned factory.

Now, the alternative: you actually, as a player, hold fascist views. In that case, I want to say that I'm sorry. I'm sorry that your environment and those you've met on the internet have been pushing you down a gradual path to hate and violence and exclusion, rather than one of working together with equal humans to make the world a better place. I'm sorry you've been shoveled bad "science" and bullshit "philosophy" from the most compelling fear-mongers the alt-right can gather, and found yourself in insular communities that take these things as fact. I've sorry you've been taught by people in your life, perhaps casting themselves as "fellow outcasts" or "brothers similarly oppressed by <insert boogieman here> in their quest to give away everything important to us to <insert other boogieman here>," to hate and hate and hate instead of to learn and love. Instead of diving deeper into this world, please, for the love of whatever you value, consider broadening your horizons instead of submerging yourself further into the echo chamber. You obviously still have some shame, if you're worried about being ridiculed. Here's the tough beans: the only ones who won't ridicule fascist, racist brutes in 2019 are exactly those people. Deservingly so. But it's not to late to turn back towards the good in the world. Consider exploring something new. I hear the region "India" is doing pretty well these days - and there's certainly many others. Meet some new kinds of people. Learn about how they live, and what they value. You might find that at the end of the day, you're not so different after all. Let me share with you a comic I have saved for times like this:

I hope that, if the latter paragraph applies, some compassion might break the cycle of hate and contempt you've found yourself in. And if it's the former paragraph that applies to you, I hope it might catch you before you run the risk of being exposed and inducted into the cycle of hate.

Peace. ✌️

[Xmara]

It's also,,, like... not... the topic???

[Skylus]

From the Star Wars thread....

Kylo racked up loads of XP fighting the Praetorians, who are elite mooks. Palpatine, meanwhile, only ever:

a) beat the three Jedi in his office, who were thrown in to support main boss Mace Windu; they're basically Zubats.
b) lost to Mace, and when he did kill him he had to split the XP with Anakin, who got the assist
c) Yoda ran away, so Palpatine gets zilch for that
d) even if he'd killed Luke in RotJ, he wouldn't have got much for it, because Luke had the "being a Light Side pussy" modifier, giving him -90% to XP yield

He's picked up quite a bit of XP as Quest Rewards and Achievements, but he put most of his perks into Persuasion and Skincare. Plus, having died means he has an XP debt to work off, so he won't have levelled much in the intervening time.

Edit: plus, Kylo got mega-XP for that sweet stealth OHKO on Snoke, and receives a bonus, quest-related perk "Killed a wrinkly old dude", giving him 200% damage against wrinkly old dudes in future.

[Infected Mushroom]

its central to the premise of the thread that she's managed to say those specific words in the OP though

I get that you want to go back in time and make it so that she never gets to speak but its entirely central to the scenario that she DOES surrender

the dilemma is about whether or not you'd execute her after that fact

A play, Staring Jennifer (Heloin).

Annie - "I want to surrender now!"
Me - "What? No go fuck yourself."
*I walk forward*
Annie - "WAIT! I… I don’t want to die!"
Me - "Cool."
*I keep walking forward*
Annie - "Don’t… don’t kill me PLEASE! I… I REPENT!"
Me - "No you don't."
Annie - "I SEE THE ERROR OF MY WAYS!"
Me - "Isn't that just lovely."
*I raise, uh, my wand I guess*
Annie - "Please don’t kill me!"
*annie gets stabbed*
*Jennifer levels up*
Me - "Hell yeah, I can now use that Dragonic Armour I picked up in the previous dungeon."

[Lord Dominator]

Describing GP debates the Sylven way, specific context is rather long so can't really be posted (by which I mean longer than this post)

I would like to advocate for a TL;DR of the entirety of this situation.

Praetor makes a quiz thing in TNP with like Cormac quotes and stuff and I think like the comments section got kinda ugly? (correct me if I'm wrong people, it was taken down.. or maybe im too incompetent to find that part)

then that altino lady b like "RAWR, u guys makin fun o' that dude cormac like what up brothahs?? uncool" in TNP's discord

and people were sayin stuff back like "it's fine cuz he's cormac and that dude lame bro and i think ur hairdo looks bad tbh lady"

and then I guess like people started apologizing to corm+altino and then osi be like "woahowah tnp get ur act together like these problems, man, problems"

and gp people be like "erm u got problems, no u!" but other people say "eeeyyyy, let the past go folks we be like entering this new sparklin age or smthn shiny mebbe"

then tnp delegate dude, i forget his name show up and say "like, it's a thing but not this like a big evil tnp thing and was like dealt with so chill plz"

but then you showed up so idk what's gonna happen now i hope you're doing well

[Farnhamia]

Contradictions by their nature as revealed in Euclid can be reduced infinitely, Proc.

Politics are non-Euclidean.

[Xmara]

The firefighter is how old ... no, wait ... *runs away*

French employment laws make forced retirement impossible even when the firefighter needs to be brought there by two morticians plus 1 to carry the bucket.

[Tinhampton]

https://www.bbc.com/news/entertainment-arts-47945397
113 people in arrested in London as climate change protesters Extinction Rebellion enter day 2 of their planned 14 day shut down of the city. Not that they'll make it that long if that attrition rate keeps up.

Shoot them with non-biodegradable plastic bullets.

Shoot them with non-biodegradable plastic bullets.

Due to budget cuts the Met are only able to afford to load their guns with frozen peas. Really sting in the morning, but just make a mess in the evening.

[Tinhampton]

These are IC responses to an RP thread on "Macron II's" war against Christianity, not any OOC/NSG discussion about Notre-Dame or religion.

"It is absolutely necessary, for the spread of our causes, that some of earth’s brightest, lively institutions be burned in hellfire; lest our sleeping abnormalities not be allowed to wake to resurgent life, and so that our blasphemously surviving nightmares squirm and splash out of their black lairs to

newer and wider conquests."

Macron II "Baphomet"

Ritual Music

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Cathédrale Notre-Dame de Paris - France
Macron II "Baphomet" - The Portal from Hell
April 16th, 2019 AD

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The most merciful thing in the world, I think, is the inability of the human mind to correlate all its contents. We live on a placid island of ignorance in the midst of black seas of infinity, and it was not meant that we should voyage far. The sciences, each straining in its own direction, have hitherto harmed us little; but some day the piecing together of dissociated knowledge will open up such terrifying vistas of reality, and of our frightful position therein, that we shall either go mad from the revelation or flee from the light into the peace and safety of a new dark age.

---

Macron II "Baphomet" exited from the portal from hell that lead towards the Notre Dame Cathredal and summoned his evil things-- mountains of madness whose farther slopes looked out over some accursed ultimate abyss. That seething , half-luminous cloud-background held ineffable suggestions of a vague, ethereal beyondness far more than terrestrially spatial; and gave appalling reminders of the utter remoteness, separateness, desolation, and aeon-long death of this untrodden and unfathomed austral world. "For too long, France has stood with God," He announced. "Now, it stands with Satan." He said as his minions proceed to regurgitate flames from their infernal homeworld to the Cathedral's 200-year-old wood.

The Cathedral slowly began to resemble Macron II "Baphomet's" homeworld - a flaming inferno. The old structure was slowly engulfed with hellish fire, consistently turning history into nothing but mere carbon to be pumped into the atmoshphere that will hopefully increase the temperature of this cold planet. As the bells rang as it fell down from where it was attached, Macron II "Baphomet" assumed the podium with six hundred sixty-six of minions as his audience. He paused briefly before beginning his speech.

"When, long ago, the gods created Earth
In Jove's fair image Man was shaped at birth.
The beasts for lesser parts were next designed;
Yet were they too remote from humankind.
To fill the gap, and join the rest to Man,
Th'Olympian host conceiv'd a clever plan.
A beast they wrought, in semi-human figure,
Filled it with vice, and called the thing a Christian."

His minions whose nervous system was so complex and highly developed began clapping. Though excessively primitive and archaic in some respects, the thing had a set of ganglial centres and connectives arguing the very extremes of specialised development. Its five-lobed brain was surprisingly advanced; and there were signs of a sensory equipment, served in part through the wiry cilia of the head, involving factors alien to any other terrestrial organism. Probably it had more than five senses, so that its habits could not be predicted from any existing analogy. It is a creature of keen sensitiveness and delicately differentiated functions in its infernal world; much like the ants and bees of today. It reproduced like the vegetable cryptogams, especially the pteridophytes; having spore-cases at the tips of the wings and evidently developing from a thallus or prothallus. They were the weakest among Macron II "Baphomet's" invasion force.

---

(Image)

As the cathedral finally succumbed to the flames of hell, Macron II "Baphomet" slowly walked out of the rubble with a menacing look. He soon began levitating above the city of Paris and shouted: "I declare war against Christianity." His minions soon follow and began enslaving civilians en masse for the establishment of a great National Socialist nation with Infernal characteristics.

Macron II "Baphomet" issues orders for a huge funeral pyre to be built for religious leaders to be assembled by the river. Lighting the pyre with his glare, he arranged a meeting for the priests to meet their God. Macron II "Baphomet" then mounts his horse and began assembling his troops conduct the 1st Satanic Crusade against Christianity.

Yahweh looks at this.
'ok now this is epic' he declares.
He then destroys Macron II "Baphomet" and yeets on his minions. Then he destroys the world and starts over.

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From the Desk of His Most Noble and August Majesty, Henryk Sebastian I of the House of Pendragon, Lord Protector of the Realm, Duke of Kungsvik and High Warden of the Duchies of Södervik and Östervik and Grindvik, Governor-General of the Colonies of Saint Kristoff and Saint Ingrid and Saint Ansgar, Prince of Karalia, Governor-General of Skäggland, and High Warden of the Kragholmer Territories of Timor and Namkij and the Gold Coast and the Antilles, Grand Marshal of the Rikshaer and Grand Admiral of the Riksmarinen and of the Riksluftmarinen, Archbishop of the Lutheran Church of Kragholm, and Grandmaster of the Royal Order of the Round Table

---

O Macron, French devil and damned devil's kith and kin, secretary to Lucifer himself. What the devil kind of knight are thou, that canst not slay a hedgehog with your naked arse? The devil shits, and your army eats. Thou shalt not, thou son of a whore, make subjects of Christian sons; we have no fear of your army, by land and by sea we will battle with thee, fuck thy mother.

Thou Babylonian scullion, Macedonian wheelwright, brewer of Jerusalem, goat-fucker of Alexandria, swineherd of Greater and Lesser Egypt, pig of Armenia, Podolian thief, catamite of Tartary, hangman of Kamyanets, and fool of all the world and underworld, an idiot before God, grandson of the Serpent, and the crick in our dick. Pig's snout, mare's arse, slaughterhouse cur, unchristened brow, screw thine own mother!

So the Kragholmers declare, you lowlife. You won't even be herding pigs for the Christians. Now we'll conclude; the moon's in the sky, the year with the Lord, the day's the same over here as it is over there; for this kiss our arse!

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BY THE GRACE OF GOD AND THE WILL OF THE PEOPLE, SIGNED BY HIS MAJESTY THE LORD PROTECTOR

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AND WITNESSED AND SIGNED BY THE OVERSEERS OF THE CHAMBERS NOBLE AND COMMON OF HIS MAJESTY’S PARLIAMENT
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[Galloism]

In a discussion about robots and AI:

It hurts my feelings that they can do it. Every major AI proponent is such a braggadocios dickhole about how much smarter and capable their AI computer is than human beings. As if you would still think so if you weren't the poindexter superbrain behind such a catastrophic blow to all human pride and meaning. I say be very careful with it

Humans and their silly emotions...

**beeps judgementally**

Italics in the original.

[Heloin]

No over-30s and no Dutch. New rule.

So basically turn NSGeneral into Logan's Run, with added racism against the Dutch?