NationStates' Transgender Thread II

[The Serbian Empire]

LOL! I guess the principle is that someone who's wondering about the answer to that question more than likely is, and wants confirmation.

Don't you mean "breaking in my new shoes"? If the shoes are breaking you, you might have the wrong shoe size.

No like that's what shoes do y'know? Whenever you wear shoes the first few times they feel weird don't they?

Yeah, and it's worse for heels.

[USS Monitor]

That's really good. There are so many horror stories of people coming out and getting rejected; it's nice to see one where it went well.

I should note that my mother is an avowed feminist, a social worker, and a lesbian (as well, as I said before, as being compassionate and progressive to a fault). So the chances that things would go badly were never exactly high. She has apparently gotten into arguments with restauranteurs in the past over their lack of provision of unisex toilets!

I also got her to pass on the news to my sister, who rang and was very happy for me, and my stepmother, who I haven't spoken to yet but who I expect to be supremely chill. I haven't arranged to talk to my stepsisters yet, but I anticipate they'll be accepting, and I suspect my eldest stepsister - who is a fashionista - will be excited to have someone to talk clothes with.

Then there's my dad, who is ... something more of an enigma, it's always hard to tell his opinion on things. I think he'll be accepting, but it may take him more time to process things. Likewise, I think my stepmother on that side will be happy for me. I've no idea about her daughters - they're very self-absorbed, even for teenagers, and since they live on the far side of the world and I've only met them once they're not exactly a priority!

So I expect things will go well with the rest of my immediate family. My extended family, well, who knows - there's a lot of them and they're all different, and I mostly only see them at Christmastimes.

I've also come out to two of my close friends, who were both very supportive ("If anyone gives you shit about it, let me know and I'll rip their throat out" is a direct quote. I declined, as I'm perfectly capable of ripping out throats on my own. ).

So all told I think it's going to go well. I'm really lucky to be surrounded by such kind and supportive people.

I've also been looking up legal and medical provisions for transgender people locally. Happily, transphobic discrimination is completely illegal, and hormones are subsidised under some conditions. SRS is technically publicly funded ... at a rate of four every two years (three MtF, one FtM). Transgender complaints about the system seem to amount to the usual complaints about any tax-funded healthcare system (waiting lists, prioritisation) plus a lack of specialised medical talent in the country, and a marked lack of support in more rural medical providers (thankfully I do not live in one of those).

So it seems like mine is one of the better countries to be trans in, at least from a medical and legal standpoint (fun fact: we also had the world's first openly transgender politician, though I believe she's retired now). Acceptance from the public, well, the public is as boorish and I'll-mannered as the public always is, but I've not found any record of people being assaulted or killed for being trans here.

Current mood: hopeful!

Sounds like you've got a good family.

[Renewed Imperial Germany]

I should note that my mother is an avowed feminist, a social worker, and a lesbian (as well, as I said before, as being compassionate and progressive to a fault). So the chances that things would go badly were never exactly high. She has apparently gotten into arguments with restauranteurs in the past over their lack of provision of unisex toilets!

I also got her to pass on the news to my sister, who rang and was very happy for me, and my stepmother, who I haven't spoken to yet but who I expect to be supremely chill. I haven't arranged to talk to my stepsisters yet, but I anticipate they'll be accepting, and I suspect my eldest stepsister - who is a fashionista - will be excited to have someone to talk clothes with.

Then there's my dad, who is ... something more of an enigma, it's always hard to tell his opinion on things. I think he'll be accepting, but it may take him more time to process things. Likewise, I think my stepmother on that side will be happy for me. I've no idea about her daughters - they're very self-absorbed, even for teenagers, and since they live on the far side of the world and I've only met them once they're not exactly a priority!

So I expect things will go well with the rest of my immediate family. My extended family, well, who knows - there's a lot of them and they're all different, and I mostly only see them at Christmastimes.

I've also come out to two of my close friends, who were both very supportive ("If anyone gives you shit about it, let me know and I'll rip their throat out" is a direct quote. I declined, as I'm perfectly capable of ripping out throats on my own. ).

So all told I think it's going to go well. I'm really lucky to be surrounded by such kind and supportive people.

I've also been looking up legal and medical provisions for transgender people locally. Happily, transphobic discrimination is completely illegal, and hormones are subsidised under some conditions. SRS is technically publicly funded ... at a rate of four every two years (three MtF, one FtM). Transgender complaints about the system seem to amount to the usual complaints about any tax-funded healthcare system (waiting lists, prioritisation) plus a lack of specialised medical talent in the country, and a marked lack of support in more rural medical providers (thankfully I do not live in one of those).

So it seems like mine is one of the better countries to be trans in, at least from a medical and legal standpoint (fun fact: we also had the world's first openly transgender politician, though I believe she's retired now). Acceptance from the public, well, the public is as boorish and I'll-mannered as the public always is, but I've not found any record of people being assaulted or killed for being trans here.

Current mood: hopeful!

Sounds like you've got a good family.

Yeah, it does sound that way. A wonderful luxury many aren't afforded

[Yootxtlalkaan]

SRS is technically publicly funded ... at a rate of four every two years

so where's the problem? i can't imagine anyone wanting to have it that many times

[Ularn]

.Really we should be growing body parts from stem cells by now, that'd solve all sorts of problems.

This got me thinking about a scenario in a sci-fi series I read:

Anyone ever read Iain M Banks' Cultureverse novels? I'm holding out for genetic science to basically turn us all into those sex changing goldfish. Feel like being a woman? No problem; just think about it and three-to-six months later your penis has painlessly inverted itself into a fully-functioning uterus, and if you decide later that it might be pleasant to pee standing up then you can just think about it and six months later everything's reversed itself.

The social implications of it are kind of interesting. Being male or female or trans isn't really a thing in the Culture's culture, since pretty much everyone transitions at some point in their lives just to see what the other side's like. Heck, sexual orientation's pretty much ceased to be a thing as well, since if you stay with one partner long enough you'll probably end up nailing them as both a man and a woman at some point. Gender-based pronouns have disappeared from the language because everyone's finally figured out they're completely irrelevant, and if you tried to explain feeling anxious about your gender to someone the'd probably be all like "Oh yeah, I was born a dude as well. Reckon I'll go back to it as well some time, just as soon as I get this baby out of me and all."

Now to me as a straight cis dude, this scenario where you can try on different sexual identities even more easily than you could, say, change careers and because of that no-one even has words for being trans, straight, female or whatever, sounds pretty awesome. I don't know how anyone else here would feel about it though, given for most of you I imagine being trans might be a pretty major part of your identities after probably having to struggle for the recognition. Because I've not had to fight for anything I don't place particular value in the thing being fought for but obviously for you lot in the LGBT community who often have had to fight for your identities it might be different. Thoughts?

[Vassenor]

So reading through the journal article cited in the NC bill thread has kicked my self-doubt into high gear again. >.<

[Philjia]

So reading through the journal article cited in the NC bill thread has kicked my self-doubt into high gear again. >.<

You're a girl. Nothing and nobody can change that.

[Linux and the X]

So reading through the journal article cited in the NC bill thread has kicked my self-doubt into high gear again. >.<

I don't see any papers cited in any version of HB2. I assume you're referring to the Karolinsa Institutet paper, though? That one's a favourite of bigots, but only because they're terrible at understanding it.

[Vassenor]

So reading through the journal article cited in the NC bill thread has kicked my self-doubt into high gear again. >.<

I don't see any papers cited in any version of HB2. I assume you're referring to the Karolinsa Institutet paper, though? That one's a favourite of bigots, but only because they're terrible at understanding it.

I mean the one you cited here.

Mostly because of the bits where it goes into ASD symptoms that can lead to misdiagnosis of GID.

[Philjia]

I don't see any papers cited in any version of HB2. I assume you're referring to the Karolinsa Institutet paper, though? That one's a favourite of bigots, but only because they're terrible at understanding it.

I mean the one you cited here.

Mostly because of the bits where it goes into ASD symptoms that can lead to misdiagnosis of GID.

Have a think about it. Think of what you'd ideally want to be. Regardless of what you decide, we're here to help. Personally, I think you're a girl, and it's just your anxiety getting the better of you again, but that's up to you to determine.

[Nature-Spirits]

Shaving is the worst. It feels like my facial hair just refuses to leave my face.

Same. Sometimes, I want to just peel my face off where my facial hair is. Hopefully get a graft without hair on it. But then I realize that there's nowhere, at least on my body, I could get a graft to replace it, because I'm hairy as a fucking yeti. >.>

I feel.

"But what if I'm not really trans?"

Fortunately, there's an easy way to find out! http://www.amitransgender.com

This is wonderful. Bookmarking.

LOL! I guess the principle is that someone who's wondering about the answer to that question more than likely is, and wants confirmation.

Don't you mean "breaking in my new shoes"? If the shoes are breaking you, you might have the wrong shoe size.

No like that's what shoes do y'know? Whenever you wear shoes the first few times they feel weird don't they?

Yeah, but it's the shoes being broken in, not you.

Just know that there's no one true path to transition. You're probably going to want hormones, and that's ok (and the effects are generally reversible if you realize later on that you're not trans, though that would be unlikely). They're not really that expensive compared to surgeries. If you want surgeries, that's cool too, but don't feel obligated to get any you don't actually want. Regret is pretty fucking rare, but don't let that lull you into a false sense of security.

^^^ This exactly. When I first started out, I made assumptions about what I could and could not do -- indeed, what I should and should not do -- that I now know to be false. I remember having huge panic attacks about thinking that I couldn't get HRT, because I'm non-binary and I thought that hormonally, only a binary transition was possible. In reality, it is possible to get low-dose and/or on-and-off hormones if you have an affirming doctor; although this practice isn't well-documented in mainstream trans discourse or in medicine. I thought that I'd never get to a place where I'd ever be happy with my body. And I'm not, but I have hope that in the future I could be.

I think that when it comes to transition, it's imperative that each person contemplate deeply what they want, and do their own research to find out what is possible -- for instance, it's not often talked about, but it's completely possible to get an orchiectomy to remove one's testicles while keeping the penis (which I've seriously considered), or to have one's genitals removed completely, or to have a hysterectomy while keeping one's ovaries for future use in conception.

There's no one-size-fits-all with transition. There are so many options to choose from, in terms of hormones, surgeries, therapies, legal options, social transition, etc.

So I guess I need to work on how easy I am to reduce to an insecure mess. Because apparently just looking at photos is enough to do it.

Well, that might be related to dysphoria. I feel like if you started transitioning, a lot of your mental health issues might recede -- ironically enough, considering that many of these issues are the very things keeping you from transition.

Current mood: hopeful!

1. So I learned an interesting thing - apparently HRT alters the shape of the lens of the eye! I have no idea why it would do that but it's in the medical documentation. I also found a bunch of people sting they hadn't noticed any problems with their lens prescriptions, though, so apparently it's not a big deal.

2. Also, transmen seem much more visible in the transgender community than they are when the media covers the transgender community. From mainstream coverage you'd think transmen are rare as hen's teeth, but they're all over the place in videos and articles and things actually produced by trans people.

3. Apparently transmen are much rarer among people who transition in adulthood, but the ratio is roughly equal among those who transition/come out before puberty. At a guess, I'd say that it's due to the fact that a) it's much more socially acceptable to be a butch woman than it is to be a feminine man, and b) phalloplasty is both much more complicated and risky, and offers more limited results, than vaginoplasty.

4. Really we should be growing body parts from stem cells by now, that'd solve all sorts of problems.

1. Huh. I never knew that; that's really interesting.

2. Ha, definitely. The media doesn't focus much on them; not as much fodder as with trans women, I suppose.

3. It's important to realise, of course, that a lot of the statistics about trans people come from the number of people seeking SRS, rather than from anything more reliable. I think that most estimates grossly underestimate the number of trans people who actually exist, precisely for that reason (among others).

4. Definitely. Although doctors have successfully done penis transplants on cis men, and womb transplants on cis women. Apparently breast tissue can also be grown from stem cells in women who've gotten mastectomies. So we're getting there! It's only a matter of time before these sorts of operations will be available to trans people.

Yeah, it does sound that way. A wonderful luxury many aren't afforded

You'll be able to leave your family soon. And then you can choose a new family for yourself.

.Really we should be growing body parts from stem cells by now, that'd solve all sorts of problems.

This got me thinking about a scenario in a sci-fi series I read:

Anyone ever read Iain M Banks' Cultureverse novels? I'm holding out for genetic science to basically turn us all into those sex changing goldfish. Feel like being a woman? No problem; just think about it and three-to-six months later your penis has painlessly inverted itself into a fully-functioning uterus, and if you decide later that it might be pleasant to pee standing up then you can just think about it and six months later everything's reversed itself.

The social implications of it are kind of interesting. Being male or female or trans isn't really a thing in the Culture's culture, since pretty much everyone transitions at some point in their lives just to see what the other side's like. Heck, sexual orientation's pretty much ceased to be a thing as well, since if you stay with one partner long enough you'll probably end up nailing them as both a man and a woman at some point. Gender-based pronouns have disappeared from the language because everyone's finally figured out they're completely irrelevant, and if you tried to explain feeling anxious about your gender to someone the'd probably be all like "Oh yeah, I was born a dude as well. Reckon I'll go back to it as well some time, just as soon as I get this baby out of me and all."

Now to me as a straight cis dude, this scenario where you can try on different sexual identities even more easily than you could, say, change careers and because of that no-one even has words for being trans, straight, female or whatever, sounds pretty awesome. I don't know how anyone else here would feel about it though, given for most of you I imagine being trans might be a pretty major part of your identities after probably having to struggle for the recognition. Because I've not had to fight for anything I don't place particular value in the thing being fought for but obviously for you lot in the LGBT community who often have had to fight for your identities it might be different. Thoughts?

It's a really interesting scenario, to be sure. Myself, being genderfluid, I'd probably switch it up all the time if I could, although I'd probably prefer to be intersex most of the time. And in the sense of it being incredibly easy to transition and there being societal acceptance, it would be great for trans people. At the same time, I feel like the whole thing kind of conflates sex with gender identity, which I find to be very cissexist. Changing your body doesn't change your gender identity. I mean, yeah, I imagine most people would try it out, but most cis people, I imagine, would probably go back to their original body -- gender dysphoria would be rampant, I'm sure.

It still makes for a very interesting situation, though. If the way gender works in such a world were fundamentally different from the way it does in our reality, I think it'd be pretty neat.

I mean the one you cited here.

Mostly because of the bits where it goes into ASD symptoms that can lead to misdiagnosis of GID.

Have a think about it. Think of what you'd ideally want to be. Regardless of what you decide, we're here to help. Personally, I think you're a girl, and it's just your anxiety getting the better of you again, but that's up to you to determine.

Precisely this.

[Linux and the X]

I don't see any papers cited in any version of HB2. I assume you're referring to the Karolinsa Institutet paper, though? That one's a favourite of bigots, but only because they're terrible at understanding it.

I mean the one you cited here.

Mostly because of the bits where it goes into ASD symptoms that can lead to misdiagnosis of GID.

Ah, sorry, missed the word "thread" there! I'd say their evidence there is so thin it was almost negligent to mention it at all, TBH.

[Aphryss]

SRS is technically publicly funded ... at a rate of four every two years

so where's the problem? i can't imagine anyone wanting to have it that many times

Oh, and apparently none have been performed for three years now because the surgeon they had retired ... which is apparently a good thing, as his surgical techniques were considered overly invasive and out of date compared to current best practice? But the government hasn't exactly been prioritising finding a replacement. So it's not surprising that a lot of people choose to go private and book a holiday in Thailand.

W/R/T the number of trans men (I can't be bothered quoting, it's a PITA to edit quotes for the relevant bits on my iPad), my theory is that a woman who assumes masculine roles is seen by society as reaching upwards. So masculine women or butch lesbians stand out less than effeminate men, who are seen as reaching downwards. If that makes sense. Pronouns and things in that paragraph are a mess, but you get what I mean.

W/R/T the Culture, one of the explicitly stated assumptions underlying the Culture universe is that the Sapir-Whorf Hypothesis is not only true but strongly true; language shapes psyche. The Culture's language, Marain, is a constructed language explicitly designed to promote egalitarian thinking. In The Player of Games, the protagonist travels to the explicitly hierarchical and sexist Azad Empire, immerses himself in their culture, starts to think in their language, and his thinking actually changes to be more like theirs.

W/R/T fiction in general, I guess I always found I had trouble getting into books with a cisgender male protagonist. Heck, if you'd asked me (and I'd been honest to you) I'd have said it was because I identified more with female protagonists ... because I secretly wanted to be one (and at the same time I'd have still said I wasn't trans!). This was explicit knowledge I had, and still. And still! Aargh.

Now, though, I find myself craving media with trans or genderqueer protagonists. The one that springs to mind, that I absolutely must reread now, is Delia S. Dawson's Wake of Vultures, in which Nat, a half-black, half-native american genderqueer cowboy, stumbles into a quest to hunt down a cannibal were-owl monster in an alternate frontier Texas. It was pretty good.

Does anyone have any recommendations for good books with trans or genderqueer protagonists? Preferably fantasy or science fiction?

Off the top of my head, Mary Gentle's The Black Opera has a whole host of non-traditional characters, mostly in supporting roles. Actually, a lot of the examples I can think of are as supporting roles. Which is fine, but I really want stuff which puts people like me front and centre.

[Wallenburg]

"But what if I'm not really trans?"

Fortunately, there's an easy way to find out! http://www.amitransgender.com

But...but...I feel so cis...

[Aphryss]

Fortunately, there's an easy way to find out! http://www.amitransgender.com

But...but...I feel so cis...

It's okay, you can transition to being cisgender.

[Philjia]

so where's the problem? i can't imagine anyone wanting to have it that many times

Oh, and apparently none have been performed for three years now because the surgeon they had retired ... which is apparently a good thing, as his surgical techniques were considered overly invasive and out of date compared to current best practice? But the government hasn't exactly been prioritising finding a replacement. So it's not surprising that a lot of people choose to go private and book a holiday in Thailand.

W/R/T the number of trans men (I can't be bothered quoting, it's a PITA to edit quotes for the relevant bits on my iPad), my theory is that a woman who assumes masculine roles is seen by society as reaching upwards. So masculine women or butch lesbians stand out less than effeminate men, who are seen as reaching downwards. If that makes sense. Pronouns and things in that paragraph are a mess, but you get what I mean.

W/R/T the Culture, one of the explicitly stated assumptions underlying the Culture universe is that the Sapir-Whorf Hypothesis is not only true but strongly true; language shapes psyche. The Culture's language, Marain, is a constructed language explicitly designed to promote egalitarian thinking. In The Player of Games, the protagonist travels to the explicitly hierarchical and sexist Azad Empire, immerses himself in their culture, starts to think in their language, and his thinking actually changes to be more like theirs.

W/R/T fiction in general, I guess I always found I had trouble getting into books with a cisgender male protagonist. Heck, if you'd asked me (and I'd been honest to you) I'd have said it was because I identified more with female protagonists ... because I secretly wanted to be one (and at the same time I'd have still said I wasn't trans!). This was explicit knowledge I had, and still. And still! Aargh.

Now, though, I find myself craving media with trans or genderqueer protagonists. The one that springs to mind, that I absolutely must reread now, is Delia S. Dawson's Wake of Vultures, in which Nat, a half-black, half-native american genderqueer cowboy, stumbles into a quest to hunt down a cannibal were-owl monster in an alternate frontier Texas. It was pretty good.

Does anyone have any recommendations for good books with trans or genderqueer protagonists? Preferably fantasy or science fiction?

Off the top of my head, Mary Gentle's The Black Opera has a whole host of non-traditional characters, mostly in supporting roles. Actually, a lot of the examples I can think of are as supporting roles. Which is fine, but I really want stuff which puts people like me front and centre.

If you like quirky humour, Lumberjanes might be right up your alley.

[Aphryss]

Lumberjanes looks like fun!

So it turns out googling "trans book review" doesn't actually bring up book reviews, because there is a thing called an Asus Transformer Book T100, which is not only not a robot in disguise, a time-travelling robot assassin, or a book, it's some sort of laptop/tablet thing running Windows 8. This is disappointing on so many levels.

[Nature-Spirits]

W/R/T the number of trans men (I can't be bothered quoting, it's a PITA to edit quotes for the relevant bits on my iPad), my theory is that a woman who assumes masculine roles is seen by society as reaching upwards. So masculine women or butch lesbians stand out less than effeminate men, who are seen as reaching downwards. If that makes sense. Pronouns and things in that paragraph are a mess, but you get what I mean.

Oh, that's certainly a factor. It's much easier to be a butch woman than a femme man.

W/R/T the Culture, one of the explicitly stated assumptions underlying the Culture universe is that the Sapir-Whorf Hypothesis is not only true but strongly true; language shapes psyche. The Culture's language, Marain, is a constructed language explicitly designed to promote egalitarian thinking. In The Player of Games, the protagonist travels to the explicitly hierarchical and sexist Azad Empire, immerses himself in their culture, starts to think in their language, and his thinking actually changes to be more like theirs.

Huh. That's... actually an odd extension of the Sapir-Whorf Hypothesis. Personally, I give the concept some credit, since I think it's definitely conceivable that language shapes the way we think. After all, in translation between languages, there is often a good deal of ambiguity and impreciseness -- Spanish has separate words for the inside and outside of a corner, for instance, whereas English uses the same word for both. Colours are a good example of the hypothesis at work, I think: while russophones would consider light blue and dark blue fundamentally different colours, pre-War japanophones would consider all shades of blue, along with green, a single colour; speakers of Telugu, meanwhile, would conflate green and yellow! This is doubly so for culturally-specific concepts: most anglophones would have difficulty gaining a full understanding of the Japanese concept of kami (神). At the same time, there are alternate explanations for many examples, and I don't think that it can be extended so far as that series would propose.

tl;dr: I'm a nerd who plans to be a linguist.

Now, though, I find myself craving media with trans or genderqueer protagonists. The one that springs to mind, that I absolutely must reread now, is Delia S. Dawson's Wake of Vultures, in which Nat, a half-black, half-native american genderqueer cowboy, stumbles into a quest to hunt down a cannibal were-owl monster in an alternate frontier Texas. It was pretty good.

Does anyone have any recommendations for good books with trans or genderqueer protagonists? Preferably fantasy or science fiction?

Off the top of my head, Mary Gentle's The Black Opera has a whole host of non-traditional characters, mostly in supporting roles. Actually, a lot of the examples I can think of are as supporting roles. Which is fine, but I really want stuff which puts people like me front and centre.

Huh. I'll have to check Wake of Vultures out.

There actually aren't a whole lot of books written from a trans perspective, unsurprisingly. There are even less when you ignore the stuff written by cis people to affirm their conception of the tragic trans victim (seriously, too many LGBT+ characters die in fiction). There are several good memoirs, but in terms of fiction, I actually can't think of any off the top of my head.

That said, Topside Press is a publisher that mostly does stuff by trans and queer authors.

I'm an aspiring writer (aspiring because I'm so far unpublished, mostly because I'm too anxious to actually send anything in to a publisher), and most of my protagonists (as well as most of the other major characters) are LGBT+. I've recently been working on a story about a non-binary person suffering from depression who finds themself wrapped up in surreal situations involving disturbing dreamworlds. I'm also working on one starring a panromantic asexual, an aromantic pansexual, and a trans merman, and the setting includes lazy gods, cruel fae, enterprising demons, egotistical witches, and tyrannical angels. The main setback with the latter is that the lore is monumental, and I find myself revising details here and there each time I look over it. :/ I'm a perfectionist, so it's hard for me to just sit down and write without constantly fretting about all the other aspects of the story.

Anyway.

I do know of several good webcomics starring trans characters, if you're into those. Rain is one of my favourites, and I also enjoy Validation. For something more focused on quirky skits rather than a cohesive story, I like Chaos Life.

[The Serbian Empire]

I don't see any papers cited in any version of HB2. I assume you're referring to the Karolinsa Institutet paper, though? That one's a favourite of bigots, but only because they're terrible at understanding it.

I mean the one you cited here.

Mostly because of the bits where it goes into ASD symptoms that can lead to misdiagnosis of GID.

But I see it as if we were cis and it was merely the ASD, these thoughts would have ended long ago. My interests are a lot more fleeting.

[Val Halla]

It feels kinda weird that we've got so many big companies and people on our side against the discriminatory states.

[Torsiedelle]

Hi.

Just, well, popping in. I don't really have much to discuss. Still feel kind of weird, I guess? I don't give this much thought nowadays, though I guess I do find myself kind of casually/offhandedly thinking like a woman more than a man, of that makes sense? I dunno, I'm weird. Anyways, hi again.

[The Serbian Empire]

It feels kinda weird that we've got so many big companies and people on our side against the discriminatory states.

I feel like companies see us a little more than money sources, though. They're doing this because they want our money. But at least they care enough to see us as valuable nonetheless.

[Aphryss]

No like that's what shoes do y'know? Whenever you wear shoes the first few times they feel weird don't they?

Yeah, and it's worse for heels.

Oh man, I'm conflicted about heels. I'm not sure if I like them or not. I guess I like some of them? Plus I know they're painful and hard to walk in.

Hi.

Just, well, popping in. I don't really have much to discuss. Still feel kind of weird, I guess? I don't give this much thought nowadays, though I guess I do find myself kind of casually/offhandedly thinking like a woman more than a man, of that makes sense? I dunno, I'm weird. Anyways, hi again.

Hi Torsiedelle, welcome! It is certainly fine to be weird. If it's causing you distress, though, it may be worth looking into it more. It's mainly about thinking about who you'd like to be, in an ideal world in which restrictions and bigotry didn't apply, and reading stuff, or watching stuff, or talking to people about stuff. YouTube has a lot of great videos about gender dysphoria, for instance.

I'm not quite sure what you mean by "thinking like a woman/man" - personally I've only ever thought like myself, and don't intend to change that any time soon - but it sounds like your perception of your own gender changes back and forth over time? If you're the sort of person who likes to label everything (and labels do help a lot of people, it's nice to be able to say "this is who I am") that's probably genderfluid.

But I may be overthinking this and you're perfectly happy presenting and identifying as who you are right now. The important thing is that you be comfortable in your own skin!


In other news, I came out to my dad today! He actually rang last night but since he's got the time zones wrong it was 2:30 AM >.< he was very happy for me, said he didn't feel surprised but wasn't able to articulate why. There was a lot of that, really - he was definitely supportive and happy but couldn't find the words he wanted. "You don't need to ask if you have my love and acceptance," he said, "It is."

Now I need to actually make an appointment with this gender therapist before office hours close, and then I'm thinking I'll call my eldest stepsister. Current mood: cheerful.

[Linux and the X]

Yeah, and it's worse for heels.

Oh man, I'm conflicted about heels. I'm not sure if I like them or not. I guess I like some of them? Plus I know they're painful and hard to walk in.

Chunky. Heels.

[Aphryss]

Oh man, I'm conflicted about heels. I'm not sure if I like them or not. I guess I like some of them? Plus I know they're painful and hard to walk in.

Chunky. Heels.

It depends. Like these are super cute, but these just look like solid blocks, they're really ugly.