Is society too hard on marriage cheaters?

[Risottia]

Whenever I hear some news/rumours/allegations from a friend or family about So and So cheating on their wife, I'm always surprised at the overwhelmingly cold, dismissive, highly judgemental, and repulsed attitudes of the whisperers.
People's need/wants to satisfy one's cravings don't automatically stop because they've said some words at some marriage ceremony. We are all humans

Wait.

Humans, generally, are thought to be able to resist istincts such as "sex cravings" if we want to. A marriage implies a promise. Breaking a promise means breaking one of the fundamental pillars of society: mutual trust.

[Napkiraly]

OP is probably a hoe trying to justify her hoeness

Are you fucking serious?

1) OP gives the example of a man being shunned.
2) Why are you assuming the OP is a male?
3) Why should the gender of the OP even matter?

[Cabra West]

I think a lot of posters see the issue a little to black and white.

There are lots - and I really mean lots of situations that can lead to a person cheating.
The simplest one would be someone leaving the house after an argument, getting a little drunk and ending up having sex with someone else.
The most heart-breaking one I've ever come across personally was someone whose wife was suffering Alzheimers at quite and advanced state. He took loving care of her day and night, but after years of her disease getting worse and her not having recognised him in months he started an extra-martial affair. He is faithful to his now girlfriend, and sees her twice a month.

I think it's not up to society to judge, society rarely if ever knows the background of the relationship.
The only person who gets to judge the cheater should be the person who was cheated on. Some people find it unacceptable and would end any relationship once the other cheated, to others it may not be such a big deal.

[Napkiraly]

The simplest one would be someone leaving the house after an argument, getting a little drunk and ending up having sex with someone else.

That is never, ever a valid excuse.

[Cabra West]

The simplest one would be someone leaving the house after an argument, getting a little drunk and ending up having sex with someone else.

That is never, ever a valid excuse.

And I never said it was, if you care to read my post.
I presented it as a situation that can lead to a person who would have considered themselves faithful to end up cheating on their partner.

There is a difference between a reason and an excuse.

[Rocopurr]

If being in a monogamous marriage isn't working for you maybe try swinging, polyamory, getting a divorce, something besides cheating.

[Scomagia]

That is never, ever a valid excuse.

And I never said it was, if you care to read my post.
I presented it as a situation that can lead to a person who would have considered themselves faithful to end up cheating on their partner.

There is a difference between a reason and an excuse.

It's a lousy reason and show a colossal lack of self control, maturity, and respect.

[Christiaanistan]

Actually, I think that the main thing that leads to cheating is the false perception that monogamy is for everybody, which it isn't. Some people, as a product of their nature, cannot do it, and they shouldn't try to force themselves to. They should be encouraged to stick to safe short-term relationships, or they should be encouraged to find partners who would be supportive of them having "fringe benefits." I think that monogamy should be left to people who are actually cut out for it and genuinely happy with it.

[Risottia]

The only person who gets to judge the cheater should be the person who was cheated on. Some people find it unacceptable and would end any relationship once the other cheated, to others it may not be such a big deal.

10/10, hats off.

[Cabra West]

It's a lousy reason and show a colossal lack of self control, maturity, and respect.

And yet I would put good money on more than one person in your circle of friends and family having done exactly that. People who in everyday life you would respect and like.

I'm not defending it, and I'm certainly not trying to make excuses for people. But it's my experience that cheating is far, far more common than many people would like to believe, and that in most cases it's not a sign of a terrible character flaw.

And I do think that at the end of the day, it's up to the partner of the cheater to decide how and if the relationship continues.

[Scomagia]

I think a lot of posters see the issue a little to black and white.

There are lots - and I really mean lots of situations that can lead to a person cheating.
The simplest one would be someone leaving the house after an argument, getting a little drunk and ending up having sex with someone else.
The most heart-breaking one I've ever come across personally was someone whose wife was suffering Alzheimers at quite and advanced state. He took loving care of her day and night, but after years of her disease getting worse and her not having recognised him in months he started an extra-martial affair. He is faithful to his now girlfriend, and sees her twice a month.

I think it's not up to society to judge, society rarely if ever knows the background of the relationship.
The only person who gets to judge the cheater should be the person who was cheated on. Some people find it unacceptable and would end any relationship once the other cheated, to others it may not be such a big deal.

Bullshit. People are allowed, hell encouraged, to judge others for legal, career, and academic fuckups, why should being a cheating scumbag be off limits?

[United Marxist Nations]

I think a lot of posters see the issue a little to black and white.

There are lots - and I really mean lots of situations that can lead to a person cheating.
The simplest one would be someone leaving the house after an argument, getting a little drunk and ending up having sex with someone else.
The most heart-breaking one I've ever come across personally was someone whose wife was suffering Alzheimers at quite and advanced state. He took loving care of her day and night, but after years of her disease getting worse and her not having recognised him in months he started an extra-martial affair. He is faithful to his now girlfriend, and sees her twice a month.

I think it's not up to society to judge, society rarely if ever knows the background of the relationship.
The only person who gets to judge the cheater should be the person who was cheated on. Some people find it unacceptable and would end any relationship once the other cheated, to others it may not be such a big deal.

Bullshit. People are allowed, hell encouraged, to judge others for legal, career, and academic fuckups, why should being a cheating scumbag be off limits?

This is the first time I've really agreed with you a lot.

[Scomagia]

It's a lousy reason and show a colossal lack of self control, maturity, and respect.

And yet I would put good money on more than one person in your circle of friends and family has done exactly that. People who in everyday life you would respect and like.

I'm not defending it, and I'm certainly not trying to make excuses for people. But it's my experience that cheating is far, far more common than many people would like to believe, and that in most cases it's not a sign of a terrible character flaw.

And I do think that at the end of the day, it's up to the partner of the cheater to decide how and if the relationship continues.

In my experience, it is a sign of a terrible character flaw. Namely that you don't respect people, or at least the person you're with. As for my circle of friends, not so much. My family, on the other hand, is full of cheaters and other disreputable folks. A hive of scum and villainy, if you will. So I have a fair amount of experience with this subject.

[Cabra West]

Bullshit. People are allowed, hell encouraged, to judge others for legal, career, and academic fuckups, why should being a cheating scumbag be off limits?

People are encouraged to judge random strangers on their failing careers or academic underachievements?

I do have to ask, what society do you live in? Over here, those tend to be reasons to pity someone and possibly offer some help.

[Scomagia]

Bullshit. People are allowed, hell encouraged, to judge others for legal, career, and academic fuckups, why should being a cheating scumbag be off limits?

This is the first time I've really agreed with you a lot.

It's a numbers game. I post most days, at least a few posts each day, so statistically you would have to agree with me at some point.

[United Marxist Nations]

Bullshit. People are allowed, hell encouraged, to judge others for legal, career, and academic fuckups, why should being a cheating scumbag be off limits?

People are encouraged to judge random strangers on their failing careers or academic underachievements?

I do have to ask, what society do you live in? Over here, those tend to be reasons to pity someone and possibly offer some help.

I think he was talking more about committing financial and education fraud than failing careers.

[Napkiraly]

It's a lousy reason and show a colossal lack of self control, maturity, and respect.

And yet I would put good money on more than one person in your circle of friends and family having done exactly that. People who in everyday life you would respect and like.

Yes, actually. And I chided and scolded them. Our friendship took awhile to fully recover and even then it wasn't the same.

And I refuse to ask my mother if she cheated on my father because I'm terrified of the potential answer and the resulting conflict that could arise between my morals and the love for my mother.

[Scomagia]

Bullshit. People are allowed, hell encouraged, to judge others for legal, career, and academic fuckups, why should being a cheating scumbag be off limits?

People are encouraged to judge random strangers on their failing careers or academic underachievements?

I do have to ask, what society do you live in? Over here, those tend to be reasons to pity someone and possibly offer some help.

The U.S., where we judge people for being poor, being under-educated, getting in legal trouble, but strangely not for fucking with peoples emotions.

[Ashmoria]

Im still wondering just how hard society IS on cheaters. I don't see that there is any societal price to pay at all.

[Scomagia]

People are encouraged to judge random strangers on their failing careers or academic underachievements?

I do have to ask, what society do you live in? Over here, those tend to be reasons to pity someone and possibly offer some help.

I think he was talking more about committing financial and education fraud than failing careers.

More or less.

[Scomagia]

Im still wondering just how hard society IS on cheaters. I don't see that there is any societal price to pay at all.

Not really. If you're a man and you're in the right place, you get a fucking atta-boy.

[Imperializt Russia]

Don't act like marriage is for anything other than marriage benefits and fulfilment of some lifelong "dream wedding" fantasy.

Since when did you turn into such a bitter cynic?

July 26 1993.

They told me I could be anything, so I became a razor blade.

OP is probably a hoe trying to justify her hoeness

Are you fucking serious?

1) OP gives the example of a man being shunned.
2) Why are you assuming the OP is a male?
3) Why should the gender of the OP even matter?

I usually come across "ho" (not seen the "hoe" spelling often) referring to women.

[Vamtrl]

People want to cheat? Get a divorce. Otherwise all the contempt they get is deserved.

[Socialist Tera]

Bullshit. People are allowed, hell encouraged, to judge others for legal, career, and academic fuckups, why should being a cheating scumbag be off limits?

People are encouraged to judge random strangers on their failing careers or academic underachievements?

I do have to ask, what society do you live in? Over here, those tend to be reasons to pity someone and possibly offer some help.

Australia, one of my good friends cheated in a relationships, I was disgusted at him for months. People hated him and some even wanted to fight him. It goes against moral values.

[WestRedMaple]

If being in a monogamous marriage isn't working for you maybe try swinging, polyamory, getting a divorce, something besides cheating.

Exactly. People try and justify cheating, but the seem intent on ignoring the fact that they already have plenty of options which don't involve dishonesty