What are the limits of "Slut shaming?"

[Jumalariik]

The world's problems are caused by people deliberately making each other suffer. People who make others suffer deliberately go against the proper ideal of love, they are not bad people, what they do and like to engage in sexually is terrible and I may even say sick not to offend anybody...

But they don't make people suffer. Everyone involves consents. One person consents to hurt the other because they experience pleasure from doing so and someone else consents to be hurt because they experience pleasure from pain. Many do both. If someone asks the other to stop, then they stop. I am disgusted by violence and seeing people have pain inflicted upon them when they did not consent to it. I have come close to being physically sick from such sights. Do not mistake my bedroom activities for my ethical views. I am still haunted by harm I have delivered to others from years ago even though they have repeatedly forgiven me. You argue that my comparison is insulting, but to associate my sexual desires with the desire to see people suffer is immensely insulting to me.

I'm not trying to insult anybody, but for crying out loud, you're calling yourself a sadist!
A year ago, I was repulsed at the idea of people defending him on any level, it made my dislike of intellectuals grow, now to see people calling themselves sadists?
I'm seriously saddened.

[Rebel America]

Having a lot of sex with the same partner is fine, have at it.

Having a lot of sex with different people isn't okay. I don't say this meaning that if you do somebody at 18, but another person at 30 is bad, but if you have sex with two different people in the same week.

I guess you can have sex with two different people in the same week if you break up with the first one and have a good first date with the second?

Why is having sex with one person fine, and sex with several people bad?

As long as everyone is consenting, why is it bad to have sex with multiple people? I'm not talking about cheating here, I'm talking about casual sex and polyamory, and open relationships.

I've known a couple different women who have had two long-term partners. Why is it bad for one of them to have sex with both her boyfriends during the same week, but it's okay for another person to have goodbye sex with one partner, and sex with a new long-term partner during the same week?

You may find it gross, even, but that doesn't mean it's morally disgraceful. I find lots of things gross that I have no moral problem with (such as brussels sprouts and pickled herring... both of those gross me the fuck out, but it's not wrong for people to eat them, I just find it unappealing).

Just because you don't find something appealing, or maybe even wouldn't be comfortable doing it yourself, does not mean that it is "disgraceful" for other people to do. You're not them, and they're not you. There are lots of sexual practices that, quite frankly, do not appeal to me at all, but that I have no problem with other people partaking of, so long as all participants are consenting.

I'm talking about cheating... In a way. Like this: having sex on-and-off with multiple people that you still contact in a given amount of time. Let's say... Three in a month. Have sex with them in this order. P1, P2, P3, P1, P2, P3. That is what I think is bad.

[Vettrera]

And some people enjoy feeling a pain while having sex. Again if they are consenting what is the problem, especially as there is no actual harm occurring.

It will invariably decrease their self esteem. Nobody should enjoy pain, it's not natural or right.

That's not true at all. And as to the stuff I bolded, that's a bunch of bullshit.

[Threlizdun]

And some people enjoy feeling a pain while having sex. Again if they are consenting what is the problem, especially as there is no actual harm occurring.

It will invariably decrease their self esteem. Nobody should enjoy pain, it's not natural or right.

It's strengthened my self esteem. Enjoying pain is quite common. Where do you think the desire to "feel the burn" from a workout comes? Why do you think people like being scared by watching horror films or similar activities? The intensity of these activities and the adrenaline they cause often act as a natural high. Different people react to them in different ways. For some, it results in intense pleasure.

[Neutraligon]

Why is having sex with one person fine, and sex with several people bad?

As long as everyone is consenting, why is it bad to have sex with multiple people? I'm not talking about cheating here, I'm talking about casual sex and polyamory, and open relationships.

I've known a couple different women who have had two long-term partners. Why is it bad for one of them to have sex with both her boyfriends during the same week, but it's okay for another person to have goodbye sex with one partner, and sex with a new long-term partner during the same week?

You may find it gross, even, but that doesn't mean it's morally disgraceful. I find lots of things gross that I have no moral problem with (such as brussels sprouts and pickled herring... both of those gross me the fuck out, but it's not wrong for people to eat them, I just find it unappealing).

Just because you don't find something appealing, or maybe even wouldn't be comfortable doing it yourself, does not mean that it is "disgraceful" for other people to do. You're not them, and they're not you. There are lots of sexual practices that, quite frankly, do not appeal to me at all, but that I have no problem with other people partaking of, so long as all participants are consenting.

I'm talking about cheating... In a way. Like this: having sex on-and-off with multiple people that you still contact in a given amount of time. Let's say... Three in a month. Have sex with them in this order. P1,P2, P3, P1, P2, P3. That is what I think is bad.

If there was no agreement or expectation to exclusivity what's the problem?

[Libertarian California]

What I don't like about slut shaming is how it is selectively applied. If you're gonna have it, either apply it to everybody or don't have it at all.

[The Batorys]

Engaging in consensual sexual activty with people that want to experience minor degrees of pain while ensuring the safety of all parties involved and never pushing anyone outside what they are okay with doing makes me a terrible person? And then letting them do the same thing to me makes me...what, complacent in them being a terrible person?

It's literally called sadism, have we come to the point in this world where it's perfectly fine to be labeling oneself a sadist?
"Has the whole world gone crazy?"-Walter Sobchak

Yes, congratulations on knowing the word "sadism."

Someone being a sexual sadist in a consensual situation does not mean that person can't be a loving, kind, nurturing person. Same with sexual masochists. In fact, some of the people I know who are into that kind of kinky sex are some of the most caring, thoughtful people I know.

[Kiruri]

What I don't like about slut shaming is how it is selectively applied. If you're gonna have it, either apply it to everybody or don't have it at all.

I'll go with the "don't have it at all", kthanks xP

[Condunum]

What are the limits of "Slut shaming?"

In the topic about the suicide of the pornstar, I started to wonder about slut-shaming versus decency.



I think that obviously, people should not be made to feel inferior for not "conforming sexually," however, I do wonder what the limits of it can be. After a short time, I was able to create a rule of thumb for myself:
If it hurts others emotionally or physically, it does not count as "slut shaming" and is simply moral decency...

That seems vague.

If Bob and his wife have a girlfriend, and that 'hurts' you, because of your personal beliefs, is it 'okay' to slut-shame?

Let me help you, in fact - if everyone involved is safe, sane and consenting - it's not okay for you to slut shame, nor is it anything to do with your claims of 'moral decency'.

Basically this.

[The Batorys]

Why is it disgraceful?

And why is it any of your business?

Disgraceful? Well, to go "onto the next" quickly doesn't seem very respectable, in my opinion.

It's not cool to blow through relationships quickly, going from person to person to person. The same goes for sexual relationships.

Who said anything about relationships?

And why would it not be respectable? What does a person's private sex life have to do with you?

[Rebel America]

I'm talking about cheating... In a way. Like this: having sex on-and-off with multiple people that you still contact in a given amount of time. Let's say... Three in a month. Have sex with them in this order. P1,P2, P3, P1, P2, P3. That is what I think is bad.

If there was no agreement or expectation to exclusivity what's the problem?

I don't like thinking that he/she would be letting other people get into him/her while I am.

[The Batorys]

You didn't answer my question. When everyone is consenting and no harm is actually done, why would that make such individuals terrible people?

The world's problems are caused by people deliberately making each other suffer. People who make others suffer deliberately go against the proper ideal of love, they are not bad people, what they do and like to engage in sexually is terrible and I may even say sick not to offend anybody...

I don't think you actually know what sexual sadism and masochism are.

If one person is a sexual masochist, and another is a sexual sadist, why is it bad for them to hook up and have some kinky fun with each other?

[Threlizdun]

But they don't make people suffer. Everyone involves consents. One person consents to hurt the other because they experience pleasure from doing so and someone else consents to be hurt because they experience pleasure from pain. Many do both. If someone asks the other to stop, then they stop. I am disgusted by violence and seeing people have pain inflicted upon them when they did not consent to it. I have come close to being physically sick from such sights. Do not mistake my bedroom activities for my ethical views. I am still haunted by harm I have delivered to others from years ago even though they have repeatedly forgiven me. You argue that my comparison is insulting, but to associate my sexual desires with the desire to see people suffer is immensely insulting to me.

I'm not trying to insult anybody, but for crying out loud, you're calling yourself a sadist!
A year ago, I was repulsed at the idea of people defending him on any level, it made my dislike of intellectuals grow, now to see people calling themselves sadists?
I'm seriously saddened.

Yes, I am calling myself a sadist and a masochist because I receive gratification by inflicting pain on consenting partners and receive gratification from experiencing pain at the hands of others. That is the definition of those terms so I am not going to be dishonest and refuse to accept their accurate description of me. However, I am repulsed by violence and seek to rid the world of it. I believe it is wrong to ever resort to violence unless it can in turn prevent greater violence. I see no contradiction with these two aspects of me.

[Neutraligon]

If there was no agreement or expectation to exclusivity what's the problem?

I don't like thinking that he/she would be letting other people get into him/her while I am.

Then make sure when you have sex with someone you ensure exclusivity. If you make your opinion clear, and they agree and then don't follow through then dump them and do not have sex with them again.

[Rebel America]

Disgraceful? Well, to go "onto the next" quickly doesn't seem very respectable, in my opinion.

It's not cool to blow through relationships quickly, going from person to person to person. The same goes for sexual relationships.

Who said anything about relationships?

And why would it not be respectable? What does a person's private sex life have to do with you?

I brought up relationships.

I just don't find someone who has sex with lots of different people respectable. I have no logical or scientific explanation why, I just don't.

It has nothing to do with me. Why do you ask?

[Vettrera]

Who said anything about relationships?

And why would it not be respectable? What does a person's private sex life have to do with you?

I brought up relationships.

I just don't find someone who has sex with lots of different people respectable. I have no logical or scientific explanation why, I just don't.

It has nothing to do with me. Why do you ask?

It has everything to do with you because this thread is about "slut shaming", as in is it right to publicly ridicule and harshly criticize someone for doing this. That's what the whole thread is about.

[Vettrera]

If there was no agreement or expectation to exclusivity what's the problem?

I don't like thinking that he/she would be letting other people get into him/her while I am.

Sharing is Caring.

[Cannot think of a name]

Are you referring to porn?

I think he's referring to people getting worked up about the immorality of other peoples' sex lives.

Clearly. I find people's obsession over the sex lives of others...creepy, to be honest. The person theoretically having a lot of sex? Don't care. What they do with other consenting adults is really, none of my fucking business. Even if they tell me, it's like telling me they drive a Buick, "Oh, you have a thing I like but not the way I like it. Well, you have to drive it, I don't care. That's why they make so many different kinds of cars." The people who hand wring and obsess and try to come up with some sort of weird formula for the amount and kind of sex other people can have...that's fucking creepy, man. Why are you being weird about other people's sex lives? To me, that's a 'hiding in the bushes' kind of weird. What's up with that?

[Rebel America]

I don't like thinking that he/she would be letting other people get into him/her while I am.

Sharing is Caring.

If you wish to think that way.

[Threlizdun]

Who said anything about relationships?

And why would it not be respectable? What does a person's private sex life have to do with you?

I brought up relationships.

I just don't find someone who has sex with lots of different people respectable. I have no logical or scientific explanation why, I just don't.

It has nothing to do with me. Why do you ask?

If you can admit that there is no logical basis to your beliefs then why not accept that you simply view matters differently from others rather than saying slut shaming is acceptable? You can live your monogamous life with another strictly monogamous person (considering monogamy remains the dominant form of romantic relationships I can't imagine that will be hard) without condemning others for not holding the same opinion of the matter you do.

[Rebel America]

I brought up relationships.

I just don't find someone who has sex with lots of different people respectable. I have no logical or scientific explanation why, I just don't.

It has nothing to do with me. Why do you ask?

It has everything to do with you because this thread is about "slut shaming", as in is it right to publicly ridicule and harshly criticize someone for doing this. That's what the whole thread is about.

Their private sex life has nothing to do with me at all. I just gave my opinion, saying that slut shaming is okay.

[The Batorys]

So, you're all okay with people have sex over and over with many different people in short amounts of time?

I'm asking for your opinion about others, not yourself. Don't pull that "it's not your business" card. If you don't want to tell me, don't.

Think of it this way:
You meet a nice person of your sexual (gender) preference while out with your friends. You get their number. Later, you go on a date. All goes well, you end up having sex. But then, you buddy texts you saying, "Hey, I saw [enter name here] having sex with another person in a car! I swear, it looks just like [enter name here]!
You confront your was-to-be lover and their excuse is that you're not in a relationship.

How does that make you feel?

Why wouldn't I be okay with people having sex over and over with many different people in short amounts of time?

As to your example, if, as you say, this hypothetical partner and I didn't decide to actually be in a relationship, let alone a closed, exclusive one (there are open, non-exclusive relationships), then I'm not sure what the problem would be. If we'd never decided on exclusivity, the partner isn't betraying my trust by fucking other people, because we'd never decided to be in a relationship, let alone one where fucking other people is against the rules.

I would also note that I would prefer an open relationship. I would have to be really in love with my partner, and they'd have to be really really dead set on an exclusive relationship for me to agree to one.

In fact, in this scenario, I'd probably be irritated at my friend for gossiping, and being creepy by watching. That's not cool, and I would tell them so.

And then I'd continue on my merry way.

[The Batorys]

We've miscommunicated.

I mean that having sex with multiple people many times in a short amount of time is bad. Having sex a few times in a week with the same partner is completely fine.

Why?

[Neutraligon]

It has everything to do with you because this thread is about "slut shaming", as in is it right to publicly ridicule and harshly criticize someone for doing this. That's what the whole thread is about.

Their private sex life has nothing to do with me at all. I just gave my opinion, saying that slut shaming is okay.

If their private sex life has nothing to do with you, or anyone else, why is slut shaming ok?

[Cannot think of a name]

Their private sex life has nothing to do with me at all.

If this is true, then why is this

I just gave my opinion, saying that slut shaming is okay.

a thing at all?