Time-traveling Inca impregnation

[Saiwania]

I'm not familiar enough with Inca society or culture to know how easy or accepted polygamous relationships would be among them, but I think that the OP has probably just been playing too much Corruption of Champions.

[Breadknife]

I'm not familiar enough with Inca society or culture to know how easy or accepted polygamous relationships would be among them, but I think that the OP has probably just been playing too much Corruption of Champions.

Well, if his/her penis is huge, animalistic and/or¹ multiple in number, it could be thus...

Not that I know of what I speak, obviously

¹ But especially 'and'...

[Jetan]

More like they'll be too inbred to actually resist when the europeans arrive, seeing as the whole next generation are atleast half-siblings with each other, and the next generation after that are all still atleast cousins with each other.

[Degenerate Heart of HetRio]

the germ-resistant genes of the eastern hemisphere that the Amerindians lacked

I'm pretty sure it was exposure to the diseases, not genes, that made the eastern hemisphere more germ-resistant. I haven't been in history class for a while, but I thought it was the isolation of the Native American population that made them so susceptible to disease.

This too, but their genetic diversity didn't help.

They have like, 68 ancestors. It's really bottlenecked.

[Ashmoria]

If I as someone who has the germ-resistant genes of the eastern hemisphere that the Amerindians lacked go back in time to seduce and impregnate every single Inca woman to spread my genes, history would turn out different because the European diseases were a major reason for the conquest of the new world. While I'm there I might as well give the Incas an alphabet and a very useful but simple machine, the printing press. Just to mess with future historians, I would teach them Katakana

Since I have a time machine and simple special effects to overawe the natives, I might as well tell the Incas to launch a holy war of conquest northwards so that they control the isthmus of Panama, giving them an advantageous position for modern times. They will eventually encounter and conquer the Aztecs (replacing human sacrifice with a religion of mercy thanks to llamas) and the Mayans, hopefully before the Spanish arrive. Maybe such an entity could survive the conquistadors.

To have some more lolz, I could tell them about theoretical concepts like a cartesian coordinate plane, set theory, algebra and basic calculus... in other words, things to mess with historians.

This would change the future so much that nobody would need to go back to kill Hitler since WWII as we know it would probably not even exist. It would also spread my genes far and wide over at least two continents.

So the question is, what kind of diet should I adopt to give me the stamina needed to carry this out?

you want a time machine so that you can have limitless amounts of sex?

[L Ron Cupboard]

The real answer would be to travel back in time and teach the Incas to process crack cocaine.

What are we going to do with it? Drug Europe and make them a bunch of junkies?

Yes, imagine the disruption crack-addicted pirates would cause to Spanish shipping.

[Phocidaea]

Is this another Especially Dirty Hippies alt?

[Rustantinople]

I think this is my favorite OP, ever.

[Divair]

Is this another Especially Dirty Hippies alt?

I hope so. He's hilarious.

[Crownariam]

I think we can safely award this thread the "weirdest thread title ever" award.

I used to try to be weird. I should've started like this guy.

[Liberonscien]

I don't even

That's what I was about to say.

[Liberonscien]

"mothers eating own placenta"
"time-traveling Inca impregnation"

on the same page = we must freak out a lot of new players

They'll get used to it if they don't run screaming.

[Yaltabaoth]

If I as someone who has the germ-resistant genes of the eastern hemisphere that the Amerindians lacked go back in time to seduce and impregnate every single Inca woman to spread my genes, history would turn out different because the European diseases were a major reason for the conquest of the new world. While I'm there I might as well give the Incas an alphabet and a very useful but simple machine, the printing press. Just to mess with future historians, I would teach them Katakana

Since I have a time machine and simple special effects to overawe the natives, I might as well tell the Incas to launch a holy war of conquest northwards so that they control the isthmus of Panama, giving them an advantageous position for modern times. They will eventually encounter and conquer the Aztecs (replacing human sacrifice with a religion of mercy thanks to llamas) and the Mayans, hopefully before the Spanish arrive. Maybe such an entity could survive the conquistadors.

To have some more lolz, I could tell them about theoretical concepts like a cartesian coordinate plane, set theory, algebra and basic calculus... in other words, things to mess with historians.

This would change the future so much that nobody would need to go back to kill Hitler since WWII as we know it would probably not even exist. It would also spread my genes far and wide over at least two continents.

So the question is, what kind of diet should I adopt to give me the stamina needed to carry this out?

you want a time machine so that you can have limitless amounts of sex?

You don't?

[Divair]

you want a time machine so that you can have limitless amounts of sex?

You don't?

Why have sex in the past when I can have sex in the present?

[Liberonscien]

Since I have a time machine and simple special effects to overawe the natives, I might as well tell the Incas to launch a holy war of conquest northwards so that they control the isthmus of Panama

Good luck crossing the Darien Gap.

And how's your Quechua? Good enough to seduce Inca women with? Good enough to avoid awkward disagreements with officials in a highly stratified society? Good enough to use as a basis for inventing an alphabet? Which of the primary dialects of Quechua will you use?

And you do realise what a narrow gap you're working with timewise here, right? The Inca only start to expand outside the immediate vicinity of Cuzco in the 1460s, following reforms by Inca Pachacuti and the military conquests of his leading general (and son - and subsequently Inca in his own right) Tupac Inca.

That gives you roughly thirty or forty years to get this reform programme of yours fully instituted before the Spanish turn up. Not to mention breed an army of disease-resistant Inca warriors; I'm sure you'll do your level best on that front, though.

Good luck!

And while you're unlikely to be a smallpox carrier (please keep away from all of us if you are), can you really guarantee that both yourself and your time machine aren't carriers of something nasty that'll have much the same impact on those Andean women you're cheerfully copulating with?


Top marks for originality of OP topic, though. Not so much for sanity; but originality, yes.

I feel that now that you've said that there will be a competition for weirdest OP.

[Liberonscien]

So I should instruct them to practice breeding with some conquered nations to get a useful variety? But only in a controlled way because I still want my genes to have a strong presence. Hopefully such a system will provide social mobility across generations rather than just one more way for the elites to control the population. Its almost as if it takes the hindsight of a time-traveler to make this work...

If your genes have a strong presence, you're still setting things up for the founder effect. The best thing to do would probably be to introduce each disease, first in a more watered-down form then in a more dangerous one, one at a time starting a long time ago to allow the natives to develop immunities.

Top marks for originality of OP topic, though. Not so much for sanity; but originality, yes.

Sanity has never been a priority on NSG.

What is this sanity thing?

[Liberonscien]

I never though that NSG would have the capability to make me speechless when it wasn't about politics.

I have been proven wrong by this post.

Dangit man, now I owe my buddy ten bucks. Thanks a lot.

That's NSG for you. Keeps getting weirder.

[Liberonscien]

Time travel, empire-building, learning a different language and the customs of a totally alien culture, transmission of cross-cultural, cross-temporal knowledge and being able to translate that into workable military technology, all of that is no problem for him.

It's keeping up his performance with the ladies that seems to worry him.

Hey. Time machine. In a universe where one can obviously cross back into "known events" and change things.

Land in middle of Incan civilisation totally ignorant. Spend the day wandering around, maybe picking up some basic language. At the end of the day, get a bit of sleep while you time-travel back to the beginning of the day, have another go. Rinse and repeat. (Just try not to get killed... no Groundhog Day safety-net, for you here!) Eventually (maybe a year or two of personal time) you'll acquire in one subjective day the ability to live that subjective day perfectly.

Now stage two. Having perhaps prepared the ground a bit, make your first 'conquest' of a native woman. By now you'll know who's 'easy' and open to just a nod and a wink, and you might as well shoot for the low-hanging fruit first. After the glorious half hour (*adjust as necessary) of passion, take a couple of hours down-time in the your time-machine, while travelling back to just after your former self has started on your first local lady, ready to pursue your next target. Rinse And Repeat again (taking extended down-times as required for actual sleep).

When you find your next potential lady-friend does not respond well to your advances, use Groundhog Logic to give that conquest an extra go. Also use that trick (perhaps when you need a break from the coupling, but are still socially capable) to sweep in there and distract any of the menfolk that might object to your advances on their women by 'brofriending' them and distracting them by teaching them darts or football (of either non-contemporary kind)... or wrestling, if that's your (and their) thing. At pretty much the same time (by their reckoning... when you've rested again by your own personal timeline) you get a little free time with their significant other and yet apparently have the perfect alibi!

Obviously, not all of the potentially fertile women are actually fertile on that one day (something else you can establish during your various recons and "fuggit, I'm doing this one over again"s), so you'd probably have to draw the process out for the best part of a month (local time). Shouldn't take you more than five years personal time (keep some "grey-away" handy, just to offset any obvious signs of aging... unless becoming a Silver Fox is part of your strategy with some of your 'target audience').


Now all (well, Ok, not all, but for starters) you have to worry about (as others have said) is that even if you do inject your disease-resistance genes into the precolumbian American population (and somehow keep anything less welcome from your personal genome from also dominating, etc, etc), until and unless the diseases themselves happen, there's no selective pressure to keep the resistances you have endowed the population with.


You know what, you're almost half-way there, already, you might as well use the time-machine to zoom ahead to get hold of some really good genetics research from the future, a medical intervention suite capable of inducing ovulation and/or fertilisation with chosen genetic stock, plus an Area Anaesthetic Machine (perhaps a futuristic crowd-control device), plus perhaps plug a good "Ancient Inca Primer" brain-uploader into your cranium while you're at it (for your later wanderings, keeping an eye on things) and do a full Midwich Cuckoos on the civilisation to "get the dirty done", and then just take it easy wandering around the place without all the stress of having to do all that breeding personally. (Never mind all the tedious social interaction!)

Just make sure you give enough diversity to all your "kids". It's probably Ok to given them the same external phenotype (although if you make them all look like you, remember to use that medical suite on yourself for cosmetic surgery, before the nine months are too long expired, to not look suspiciously like the stranger that everyone's new and possibly unexpected babies now look like), but a little variation is probably a good thing in order to to prevent "potato blight" problems. (Talking of potatoes, that's something else you could help them with, prior to 'westernisation' (*ahem*) back in the Old World. Again, avoid monocultures.)

I think you applied logic to an illogical situation, and made it sound logical. Wonderfully executed.

[Liberonscien]

Is this another Especially Dirty Hippies alt?

I hope so. He's hilarious.

I don't know who this guy is but I'm gonna look him up.

[Gauthier]

And there's another risk that far as I know nobody pointed out.

The further you go back in time to make a booty call, the greater the chance you end up shagging someone in your ancestral bloodline. Sure the Incas might be immune to smallpox, but is coming back to your own time as some malformed flipper baby worth it?

And that's before the question of a grandfather paradox comes in.

[Soldati Senza Confini]

You don't?

Why have sex in the past when I can have sex in the present?

Because, unlike the present, you can impress someone from the past with all your knowledge and present charisma?

On the other hand, who here hasn't thought of having sex with a hot historical figure of the sex you are attracted to?

[Divair]

Why have sex in the past when I can have sex in the present?

Because, unlike the present, you can impress someone from the past with all your knowledge and present charisma?

On the other hand, who here hasn't thought of having sex with a hot historical figure of the sex you are attracted to?

Most historical figures were probably dramatically over-exaggerated.

[Soldati Senza Confini]

Because, unlike the present, you can impress someone from the past with all your knowledge and present charisma?

On the other hand, who here hasn't thought of having sex with a hot historical figure of the sex you are attracted to?

Most historical figures were probably dramatically over-exaggerated.

I would not think that in their youth they were over-exaggerated.

I mean, Charlotte Bronte's descriptions are convincing enough to want to go back in time and shag her.

[Liberonscien]

Because, unlike the present, you can impress someone from the past with all your knowledge and present charisma?

On the other hand, who here hasn't thought of having sex with a hot historical figure of the sex you are attracted to?

Most historical figures were probably dramatically over-exaggerated.

Not all of them were… hopefully.

[Soldati Senza Confini]

Most historical figures were probably dramatically over-exaggerated.

Not all of them were… hopefully.

We're just going for having sex, perhaps drunk sex, but sex nevertheless.

I'm sure looks don't matter at that point.