Relationships

[Aelosia]

And about me? Well, I am all about casual. I don't think I will be in a relationship again, I suppose something broke with my hormones. I enforce the three-times-rule with anyone, and only one extra chance to dispel anything that could have been lfet undone. I enforce it to myself and to others. I do not let me to feel any emotional attachment to physical partners, I leave that for my friends and family.

I am not entirely sure it is a choice.

I find more and more that those people who say that they do not let themselves get an emotional attachment mainly try to consciously overcome their natural propensities for "falling" for someone. They are usually the most likely to end up falling for someone.

You may be an exception to that, its just an observation.

And a "three-times rule" is just a shame. You are probably cutting off the best part of it.

Maybe you are right, but then again, I do not know if it is conscious or not, but I prefer not to "fall" for anyone. even the verb "fall" has a negative connotation, because if you fall, you usually are going to hit something at the end, and it is gonna hurt, amirite?

No, you can start a cycle with one person, continue with the next, and then close with a third one, for example. I have "tasted" the best part of it, and although it is interesting, I already discarded it.

[Vittos Ordination]

damn, boy! you can't go 2-3 weeks?

I can, and I have. But when you got a good lookin woman coming on to you strong and you haven't seen your girl in two weeks and for 5 days in the last month, it can be very difficult (for me) to turn that down.

The real problem is that I know I could have that physical slip up and still be totally emotionally committed to her, but I wouldn't want to put her through the wondering.

So the devil on my shoulder reads down a list like this:

1. You haven't gotten any in a while.
2. You don't see your girlfriend very often and won't see her for another week or two.
3. The sex won't mean anything.
4. This woman is hot and digs you.
5. There is not much chance of your girlfriend finding out.
6. You are drunk.

the angel has this:

1. Your girlfriend would be hurt if she ever found out.


And I'm not very good at focusing on long-term risks.

[Sarkhaan]

and/or snootily comment that they're too high and mighty for a relationship,

Ah, to be 13 again...

<.<
>.>

Couldn't resist

Ironically enough, my current reasons for remaining single boil down to the same thing by some interpretations. "I haven't met anyone I found attractive who I'd consider spending my life with" does basically translate as "YOU'RE ALL UGLY AND UNWORTHY OF MY PENIS."

True, but with just a tad less angst.

I've found mine to be much more "My penis and I are quite happy, thankyouverymuch."

Sure, others may be invited to join the party every now and again, but for the time being, no need to overcrowd.

*swats Czar's hand off DEAT key*

Aw man! I was only going to delete your nation a little bit. [/quote]
The NSG version of "just the tip"?

[Lackadaisical2]

damn, boy! you can't go 2-3 weeks?

<snip for space>

And I'm not very good at focusing on long-term risks.

I feel you, I just was in a sporadically long-distance relationship, which involved abstaining from the poon for 2-3 months at a time... It does get trying, but I'm generally not a one-night stand type of guy, so I guess that helps.

[Sarkhaan]

Currently single, with one "friend with benefits" and two fuckbuddies.

No clear relationship candidates in sight currently, sadly.

TBH, I don't get the whole "fuckbuddy" thing.

You wouldn't get my life, then. Fuckbuddys is about sharing everything with a good friend, mostly fun activities. Last time I checked, sex was an extremely fun activity.

That sounds closer to my definition of "Friends with benefits" than "fuckbuddy".
Friend with benefits is a friend who you occasionally boink. Fuck buddy is a person you boink and maybe occasionally do something beyond that.

[The Alma Mater]

That sounds closer to my definition of "Friends with benefits" than "fuckbuddy".
Friend with benefits is a friend who you occasionally boink. Fuck buddy is a person you boink and maybe occasionally do something beyond that.

*nods* - same here.
Although I do like boinking in odd places, so the doing something beyond that does happen

[Vittos Ordination]

Maybe you are right, but then again, I do not know if it is conscious or not, but I prefer not to "fall" for anyone. even the verb "fall" has a negative connotation, because if you fall, you usually are going to hit something at the end, and it is gonna hurt, amirite?

"Falling" isn't necessarily negative. Many people allow themselves to fall just for the thrill of it. And if you fall for the right person it can be a rather pleasant landing.

My problem appears to be enjoying the thrill a little too much.

No, you can start a cycle with one person, continue with the next, and then close with a third one, for example. I have "tasted" the best part of it, and although it is interesting, I already discarded it.

I'm an explorer and a learner. I'm just getting things mapped out with the third time. That's when things get really good.

[Sarkhaan]

I feel emotional an emotional attachment to my friends and family and it's wonderful. I seek to feel that same attachment to a partner. I no longer see any point in having sex without at least some sort of emotional attraction.

Here is an example you might understand.

I have a really good friend. We met when we were neighbors back at my old apartment complex. At the time, I was dating someone, and I wouldn't let anything happen between us, although it was obvious she had a thing for me. Being neighbors, we hung out a lot, often away from my girlfriend at the time, and she became a good friend and a confidante in woman matters.

About 7-8 months ago, I broke up with my girlfriend, and life went on as usual between my friend and I. One night, however, we were hanging out at a friends and drinking and just having a good time, and we ended up going home together. This repeated for several weeks, maybe three or so months.

Now, while we enjoyed the sex and it came to be habit that we would just go home together, it was always understood that we would not take it to another level, as we had come to like hanging out like friends too much to jeopardize that with a relationship. Relationships bring jealousy, commitments, constant presence, and other dynamics that neither of us thought would be good for our friendship.

In the end we always continued to hang out as friends would do, yet at the end of the night would go home for a round of drunken sex. I am not saying that way works for everyone, but I can say that right now we are both seeing different people, and while it can be awkward at times, we remain very good friends and hang out (without the sex) regularly.


As for me, I am in a long distance relationship right now, which is bad in ways and good in ways, but mostly just tries my saintly patience. I am emotionally committed to this girl, I trust her, and I enjoy the times we hang out. We can go 2-3 weeks at a time without seeing each other, however, and that really tests my physical commitment. I have been severely tempted on a couple of occasions.

Now again, to me, this is more "friend with benefit" than "fuckbuddy". I would say I currently have two people who are "fuckbuddies".

Let's see if I can break this down (note that the "I" is not necessarily me. I refuse to do some of these)

one night stand: random stranger I met at the bar. Maybe got a name, maybe not...doesn't really matter as we (or atleast I) have no intent on ever seeing or speaking to them again.
booty call: someone whom I only contact for sex. Literally, come over, take off clothes, do the deed, and leave. Minimal speaking.
fuck buddy: someone with whom I am actually willing to hang out with, though the focus of our relationship is still on sex. Maybe we can go do something casual, but in the end, we'll boink. Not someone I will tend to invite out for a night with my friends.
friend: someone whom I invite out regularly. We tend to keep our pants on around each other and, beyond maybe a one night encounter (which would be very rare), we have a purely and strictly platonic relationship
friend with benefits: We go out. We have the same circle of friends. We do everything I do with my friends. Afterwards, we boink.
full blown relationships of various types: actual commitment. Dating, boyfriend/girlfriend, fiancé, husband/wife, etc.

[Intangelon]

Any relationship is a product of both your care and consideration. The closer either of those gets to zero, the more likely the relationship is to be empty.

To paraphrase Kurt Vonnegut: I wish, when lovers fought, one would say "please, a little less love, a little more common decency."

[Sarkhaan]

I'm an explorer and a learner. I'm just getting things mapped out with the third time. That's when things get really good.

This. The first time, I'm going in with some knowledge of what feels good in general, but no idea of what this specific person's big turn-ons are. Second time, maybe I've figured out a good spot or two, but still plenty more to discover. Third, fourth, and fifth time, I've generally found the spot that is akin to scratching a dog's stomach and getting their leg to kick. Sure, still more to discover, but I have a handy book of tricks building up to make sure it's good.

[Vittos Ordination]

Now again, to me, this is more "friend with benefit" than "fuckbuddy". I would say I currently have two people who are "fuckbuddies".

Let's see if I can break this down (note that the "I" is not necessarily me. I refuse to do some of these)

one night stand: random stranger I met at the bar. Maybe got a name, maybe not...doesn't really matter as we (or atleast I) have no intent on ever seeing or speaking to them again.
booty call: someone whom I only contact for sex. Literally, come over, take off clothes, do the deed, and leave. Minimal speaking.
fuck buddy: someone with whom I am actually willing to hang out with, though the focus of our relationship is still on sex. Maybe we can go do something casual, but in the end, we'll boink. Not someone I will tend to invite out for a night with my friends.
friend: someone whom I invite out regularly. We tend to keep our pants on around each other and, beyond maybe a one night encounter (which would be very rare), we have a purely and strictly platonic relationship
friend with benefits: We go out. We have the same circle of friends. We do everything I do with my friends. Afterwards, we boink.
full blown relationships of various types: actual commitment. Dating, boyfriend/girlfriend, fiancé, husband/wife, etc.

That all makes sense to me. I was just showing how s/he may start having sex with someone without building up that emotional content that you usually get with a relationship.

[Buie n Muie]

2 years of domesticated bliss...

[Doitzel]

Coming up on two years in February. The relationship is semi-open as we go to different universities a few hours apart and acknowledge that we can't always fulfill one another's physical needs. The stipulation is that we tell the other about it -- all about it. Neither of us really has done that in a couple months though ... I think we're getting old!

Emotionally it's a match made in heaven. The only one I trust more than him is my dog (who is my soul-mater). We were very good friends for years beforehand, and I harboured a secret crush for the longest time. I can honestly say he saved me from myself quite a few times, and if there's one thing for me to complain about it's that he makes me feel weak. And I don't just mean in the knees.

[Autotelic]

I've been in a committed relationship for almost eight years.

[Nadkor]

I have a awesome relationship with an great guy, and we love each other very much. Not much more needs to be said than that.

[Tokos]

I have never considered myself to be in a relationship. It's easy to get used to being single; I should probably do something to change this, as it's not the best rut to be in. A lot of girls here are not interesting at all for a relationship though.

[Andaluciae]

Kind of toying around with one right now. Not entirely sure how interested I am in having one at the moment, but it's kind of fun, even if I cannot afford the time (for the relationship or NSG).

Spent undergrad in a pretty serious relationship, only ended when I went to grad school in one place and she went to work in another place.

[Andaluciae]

I have never considered myself to be in a relationship. It's easy to get used to being single; I should probably do something to change this, as it's not the best rut to be in. A lot of girls here are not interesting at all for a relationship though.

That was high school for me. I went out on a couple of dates, but the people were so boring, so identical to each other (and everyone else at my high school, coincidentally), and had all had the same experiences. Very, very boring.

[Tokos]

That was high school for me. I went out on a couple of dates, but the people were so boring, so identical to each other (and everyone else at my high school, coincidentally), and had all had the same experiences. Very, very boring.

I'm in university at the moment. I went to a single-sex secondary school and was pretty shy, so obviously no relationships (I'm not shy anymore). But I wouldn't want a relationship with a girl who was not preferably Catholic, or at least Christian, and had decent moral standards, which is, heh, asking a lot in Britain.

[Lord-General Drache]

I know I do this in any vaguely relationship-related thread but...

*glomps Jordaxia*

*Makes order for delivery of several thousand old-school Jolt-style fluffles*

*gags* Stop tainting my friend!

I'm single, been that way for a while. Used to be engaged and I have a number of friends from NS. Nearly dated an NSer, but that failed spectacularly because they turned out to be batshit crazy.

[New Sociopia]

I foresee this thread being overrun with whiny, emo teens wishing to moan about how they can't get a girlfriend and/or snootily comment that they're too high and mighty for a relationship, and people who are suspiciously eager to talk about how awesome their relationship is and how much sex it involves and the like.

That is exactly all there will be in this thread.

[Cennazluga]

Any relationship is a product of both your care and consideration. The closer either of those gets to zero, the more likely the relationship is to be empty.

To paraphrase Kurt Vonnegut: I wish, when lovers fought, one would say "please, a little less love, a little more common decency."

Or as Elvis said:

"A little less conversation, a little more action please
All this aggravation ain't satisfactioning me
A little more bite and a little less bark
A little less fight and a little more spark
Close open your mouth and open up your heart and baby satisfy me
Satisfy me baby"

[Cennazluga]

Also, recently I had this one fuckbuddy/friend-with-benefits around for almost two years but he got scared and ran off because he thought it was turning into a relationship. boys never learn. I don't do proper relationships.

[Nanatsu no Tsuki]

Currently in a reationship. Been so for the past 10 months.

[Zeppy]

Not available, does not compute. Blue screen of death.