Beating up your girlfriend's suitors

[Hathradic States]

No, they aren't, and I will never say they are.

However, understanding the motivation goes a long way towards combating the crime. Further, it is best to understand that there is no simple solution.

I really don't think the motivation is the key here. I think in the case of abuse (not going to talk about rape, because it would be a threadjack), it's a personal problem of the abuser. As you say, there is no simple solution, but addressing the "problem" of cheating in our society in order to address abuse is going the wrong way.

Normally. Often times the abuser is themself abused, usually emotionally and mentally rather than physically. This leads to them justifying their actions in their mind, often times made worse when the person they are abusing had been/is emotionally abusing them. When that is the case, as it many times can be, both parties are at fault, and both are victims. However, neither of them deserved the abuse. (sorry if this is a little bit off topic).

In order to combat this problem, we have to curtail both emotional and physical abuse. Of course, I have no idea how to stamp out the first one (it is hard to make illegal, as you must understand).

[New haven america]

No, they aren't, and I will never say they are.

However, understanding the motivation goes a long way towards combating the crime. Further, it is best to understand that there is no simple solution.

I really don't think the motivation is the key here. I think in the case of abuse (not going to talk about rape, because it would be a threadjack), it's a personal problem of the abuser. As you say, there is no simple solution, but addressing the "problem" of cheating in our society in order to address abuse is going the wrong way.

Well, most abusers where abused themselves, so they take it out on other people(Children if their parents) and they think they can justify it.

[Temujinn]

Because nothing ever has reasons, right?

Sure does. I know a guy who's doing a five year prison term for beating up his girl and the guy she was with. He broke into the bloke's house, so it was ruled as a home invasion.

I just don't think reasons for abuse are any more valid than "reasons for rape".

This has nothing to do with you making a spurious claim, and then deflecting away when asked for a source.

You dont seem to have a problem asking people for sources, so how about you end this little redirect and either retract your claim, or support it?

[The Parkus Empire]

I really don't think the motivation is the key here. I think in the case of abuse (not going to talk about rape, because it would be a threadjack), it's a personal problem of the abuser. As you say, there is no simple solution, but addressing the "problem" of cheating in our society in order to address abuse is going the wrong way.

Normally. Often times the abuser is themself abused, usually emotionally and mentally rather than physically. This leads to them justifying their actions in their mind, often times made worse when the person they are abusing had been/is emotionally abusing them. When that is the case, as it many times can be, both parties are at fault, and both are victims. However, neither of them deserved the abuse. (sorry if this is a little bit off topic).

In order to combat this problem, we have to curtail both emotional and physical abuse. Of course, I have no idea how to stamp out the first one (it is hard to make illegal, as you must understand).

Yeah, of course. But looking for problems in the victim's actions isn't advisable.

[Hathradic States]

Normally. Often times the abuser is themself abused, usually emotionally and mentally rather than physically. This leads to them justifying their actions in their mind, often times made worse when the person they are abusing had been/is emotionally abusing them. When that is the case, as it many times can be, both parties are at fault, and both are victims. However, neither of them deserved the abuse. (sorry if this is a little bit off topic).

In order to combat this problem, we have to curtail both emotional and physical abuse. Of course, I have no idea how to stamp out the first one (it is hard to make illegal, as you must understand).

Yeah, of course. But looking for problems in the victim's actions isn't advisable.

It is needed to understand the situation fully.

[The Parkus Empire]

Sure does. I know a guy who's doing a five year prison term for beating up his girl and the guy she was with. He broke into the bloke's house, so it was ruled as a home invasion.

I just don't think reasons for abuse are any more valid than "reasons for rape".

This has nothing to do with you making a spurious claim, and then deflecting away when asked for a source.

You dont seem to have a problem asking people for sources, so how about you end this little redirect and either retract your claim, or support it?

Jealousy is nearly always a defining trait of an abusive person, dude. You seriously want me to find a source shows that every time a guy beats woman in regards to it, that he doesn't go out and beat up the guy he suspects?

[Nailed to the Perch]

Yeah, of course. But looking for problems in the victim's actions isn't advisable.

It is needed to understand the situation fully.

I'm unclear on what "understanding" we need beyond "abusing people is not okay, and the abuser chose to do it anyway." I don't give a flying fuck if an abuser claims to beat their victim because they cheated or because they came home late or because they burnt dinner or because they said the wrong thing or because they did exactly what their abuser said they wanted but it turned out to be a trap. The actual answer to "why did the abuser abuse" is "because they chose to," not "because they MADE me hit them," no matter how many abusers claim otherwise.

[Hathradic States]

It is needed to understand the situation fully.

I'm unclear on what "understanding" we need beyond "abusing people is not okay, and the abuser chose to do it anyway." I don't give a flying fuck if an abuser claims to beat their victim because they cheated or because they came home late or because they burnt dinner or because they said the wrong thing or because they did exactly what their abuser said they wanted but it turned out to be a trap. The actual answer to "why did the abuser abuse" is "because they chose to," not "because they MADE me hit them," no matter how many abusers claim otherwise.

Because you cannot stop something without understanding it. Nothing is as black and white as you want to make this seem.

[SaintB]

I look at it this way, if I have to fight some other dude to keep my girlfriend then she isn't worth the effort anyway.

Yeah, people who are impressed by violence really aren't the best option for a long-term relationship.

That and if they are always showing interest in other partners they must not be very interested in the one they already have. (this excludes certain types of open relationships)

[Christmahanikwanzikah]

Roleplaying Scott Pilgrim is always an option.

[The Parkus Empire]

I'm unclear on what "understanding" we need beyond "abusing people is not okay, and the abuser chose to do it anyway." I don't give a flying fuck if an abuser claims to beat their victim because they cheated or because they came home late or because they burnt dinner or because they said the wrong thing or because they did exactly what their abuser said they wanted but it turned out to be a trap. The actual answer to "why did the abuser abuse" is "because they chose to," not "because they MADE me hit them," no matter how many abusers claim otherwise.

Because you cannot stop something without understanding it. Nothing is as black and white as you want to make this seem.

I think you're looking for "understanding" in the wrong place. Abusive people don't really need a reason, sometimes they just make a reason up. They're abusive because they like it. It's about control and power, it's not about whatever justification the abuser comes up with. No matter how much data you gather on the abuser's SO "looking at someone wrong" or "coming home too late", it will never have any application in regards to fixing the abusive behavior.

And abuse is black and white, because it is always wrong and never right.

[Hathradic States]

Because you cannot stop something without understanding it. Nothing is as black and white as you want to make this seem.

I think you're looking for "understanding" in the wrong place. Abusive people don't really need a reason, sometimes they just make a reason up. They're abusive because they like it. It's about control and power, it's not about whatever justification the abuser comes up with. No matter how much data you gather on the abuser's SO "looking at someone wrong" or "coming home too late", it will never have any application in regards to fixing the abusive behavior.

And abuse is black and white, because it is always wrong and never right.

Actually, I am more thinking of "downs their SO (the physical abuser)", "treats them like shit", "cusses them out", etc. Just as wrong as the physical abuse, if not more so. What causes both reactions, which are equally wrong, is what I want to find out, and understand why. Nobody wakes up in the morning thinking "I'm going to be an abuser". There is always a reason, real or imagined. In order to truly defeat abuse, one must find the true root of it.


Furthermore, nothing is black and white, Parkus. Anybody who says something is strikes me as terribly idealist, and I am amazed they made it to adulthood with their sanity intact.

[Nanatsu no Tsuki]

...or you could just not beat anyone. Crazy, I know, but it just might work.

Nailed it in one.
The correct response is to either talk out the problem with your significant other, or to smile calmly, get the car keys, and leave them.

^This.

Violence in this case is so not the way to go.

And OP, really? Advocating violence against a woman just because she cheated? Should I advocate women beat the shit out of their cheating boyfriends/husbands/SOs? FFS.

[The Parkus Empire]

I think you're looking for "understanding" in the wrong place. Abusive people don't really need a reason, sometimes they just make a reason up. They're abusive because they like it. It's about control and power, it's not about whatever justification the abuser comes up with. No matter how much data you gather on the abuser's SO "looking at someone wrong" or "coming home too late", it will never have any application in regards to fixing the abusive behavior.

And abuse is black and white, because it is always wrong and never right.

Actually, I am more thinking of "downs their SO (the physical abuser)", "treats them like shit", "cusses them out", etc. Just as wrong as the physical abuse, if not more so. What causes both reactions, which are equally wrong, is what I want to find out, and understand why. Nobody wakes up in the morning thinking "I'm going to be an abuser". There is always a reason, real or imagined. In order to truly defeat abuse, one must find the true root of it.


Furthermore, nothing is black and white, Parkus. Anybody who says something is strikes me as terribly idealist, and I am amazed they made it to adulthood with their sanity intact.

Yes, certain things are black and white. Rape and abuse are two of them. "Cussing someone out" doesn't justify either, they are both just as wrong regardless.

The root of it isn't the "provocation", the root of it is the abuser's personal issues. Those can best be addressed through counseling or therapy.

[Hathradic States]

Actually, I am more thinking of "downs their SO (the physical abuser)", "treats them like shit", "cusses them out", etc. Just as wrong as the physical abuse, if not more so. What causes both reactions, which are equally wrong, is what I want to find out, and understand why. Nobody wakes up in the morning thinking "I'm going to be an abuser". There is always a reason, real or imagined. In order to truly defeat abuse, one must find the true root of it.


Furthermore, nothing is black and white, Parkus. Anybody who says something is strikes me as terribly idealist, and I am amazed they made it to adulthood with their sanity intact.

Yes, certain things are black and white. Rape and abuse are two of them. "Cussing someone out" doesn't justify either, they are both just as wrong regardless.

The root of it isn't the "provocation", the root of it is the abuser's personal issues. Those can best be addressed through counseling or therapy.

From your view, they might be. But, this is not a discussion of relativism. And cussing someone out is just as bad as beating them, believe me.

There is no one solid root. In order to destroy the beast, one must use all avenues of assault on the abuser mindset. Focusing on just one is foolish. You cannot hope to understand them without being in their minds first.

[The Parkus Empire]

And cussing someone out is just as bad as beating them, believe me.

No, I really don't think I will.

[Hathradic States]

And cussing someone out is just as bad as beating them, believe me.

No, I really don't think I will.

What I am referring to with that, is emotional abuse. Words do hurt people, sometimes severely. To say that it isn't as bad as being beaten is a very narrow minded thing to say.

[The Parkus Empire]

No, I really don't think I will.

What I am referring to with that, is emotional abuse. Words do hurt people, sometimes severely. To say that it isn't as bad as being beaten is a very narrow minded thing to say.

It's not. I have been cussed out severely a few times, and I have been beaten up a few times, once requiring stitches and staples. The former cannot compare to the latter.

[Hathradic States]

What I am referring to with that, is emotional abuse. Words do hurt people, sometimes severely. To say that it isn't as bad as being beaten is a very narrow minded thing to say.

It's not. I have been cussed out severely a few times, and I have been beaten up a few times, once requiring stitches and staples. The former cannot compare to the latter.

As have I, on both.

Now, for emotional abuse, I picked out the worst possible example. Because, what it looks like you are saying is that physical abuse > emotional abuse. Which we should both know is bullshit.

[Nanatsu no Tsuki]

Both are forms of abuse that leave lasting effects and should not be encouraged.

[Hathradic States]

Both are forms of abuse that leave lasting effects and should not be encouraged.

Truth. However, most find emotional abuse not as real as physical abuse. To which I call BULLSHIT.

[The Parkus Empire]

It's not. I have been cussed out severely a few times, and I have been beaten up a few times, once requiring stitches and staples. The former cannot compare to the latter.

As have I, on both.

Now, for emotional abuse, I picked out the worst possible example. Because, what it looks like you are saying is that physical abuse > emotional abuse. Which we should both know is bullshit.

It looks like you're saying that beating the shit out someone is no worse than cussing them out.

[Baltenstein]

Didn't mean to imply beating anyone was the correct response, I'm just asking why you think the girl is usually safe but the guy guys beat up.

Where do you get that assumption from in the first place? There are countless cases of domestic abuse and even inter-relationship killings who disagree with you.

[Shofercia]

This is something that has bugged me for a while. Why do guys fight the guys their girlfriends cheat on them with? And for the guys of NSG, would you do this? Have you ever been on the receiving end?

My guess about why this happens is the cheated-on guy becomes violently angry, but refrains from beating his girlfriend either because he still likes her, or because he has been taught by society that harming women is unacceptable, but harming other men is more acceptable.
As someone who does not respect the sanctity of (other people's) relationships, this is bad for me. I'd much rather the guy beat up his girlfriend -- she's the one who cheated -- and leave the guy alone, because he didn't make her cheat.

EDIT: Yea, or you could beat up no one, as I would do.

Wow, what a gentleman you are! "Hey, bro, she be the bitch that cheated, beat her up, not me!"

[The Parkus Empire]

This is something that has bugged me for a while. Why do guys fight the guys their girlfriends cheat on them with? And for the guys of NSG, would you do this? Have you ever been on the receiving end?

My guess about why this happens is the cheated-on guy becomes violently angry, but refrains from beating his girlfriend either because he still likes her, or because he has been taught by society that harming women is unacceptable, but harming other men is more acceptable.
As someone who does not respect the sanctity of (other people's) relationships, this is bad for me. I'd much rather the guy beat up his girlfriend -- she's the one who cheated -- and leave the guy alone, because he didn't make her cheat.

EDIT: Yea, or you could beat up no one, as I would do.

Wow, what a gentleman you are! "Hey, bro, she be the bitch that cheated, beat her up, not me!"

*slaps woman on ass*
*gets beat up*
*rants on forum*