Seriously, what if the zombie apocalypse happens tomorrow?

[Artumatym]

I'd run down to the garage, get everything I can use to kill zombies and run back. My house has a couple of stairs and my bed is 1.8m above ground, I think.
I have already trained with using a shovel as a weapon. It's bloody marvelous. We also have an axe or two. And a sword. And a morningstar. And a set of plate armour which I fit.

I might also try to get to the HQ of the Army, which isn't that far from my home, or inhabit one of the bunkers or fortresses around here, though they are dark and pretty big. The doors are heavy, though, and surrounded by water.

Hideout: My house.
-Ground floor: Unsafe. Great windows.
-First floor: Safe. Stairs and a door. All rooms have doors. Bedrooms, library, toilet, bathroom.
-Second floor: Safe. Stairs. Livingroom, kitchen, balcony.
-Roof: Safe. Difficult to get there without using a ladder.

Weapons:
-Axe
-sword
-morningstar
-Tools, e.g. hammer, screwdriver, shovel.

Defense:
-Motorcycle clothing incl. fullface helmet.
-Long coat of thick fabric
-Suit of (fake) medieval armour.

Means of transport:
-For as long as there's fuel: Two cars and a motorcycle.
-Two bikes of mine and two of my parents.

[SaintB]

I've said this before, but... zombies are basically a non-threat.

See, the thing is, humans' basic capabilities are really not very good. We're slow, we're weak, we have no natural weapons to speak of, all of our senses except our daylight vision range from not very good to nearly non-existent, and while an in-shape human can run practically anything else on the planet into the ground over the long haul, very few of us in the modern world are in that kind of shape.

We are, nevertheless, the planet's top badasses. And anything that's tried to contest that position we've taken down hard. And the reasons for that are the three 'T's: Thinking. Talking. Tools.

We run into something that we can't take in a fair fight - which is, frankly, pretty much anything - we figure out ways to make it not a fair fight, we communicate those ways to each other and coordinate efforts, and we make things we can use to cheat.

And zombies are humans with all of the things that make humans the planet's top badasses taken away. There'll be some initial casualties, but a zombie is at a disadvantage in a fight against a thinking, tool-using human, and when the humans start talking (and this is the Internet Age... everyone's talking all the time, and everyone carries a camera) and figuring out what's going on and coordinating efforts and bringing in the tools that we use for killing the planet's top badasses (that'd be each other) instead of just improvising with whatever's to hand, the infection gets snuffed out fast and hard.

Because, seriously, there is absolutely nothing a zombie, or even a whole lot of zombies, can do to an armored fighting vehicle. Or an attack helicopter. And anyone who claims that modern military weapons don't work well against zombies has no clue what modern military weapons actually do.


So, yeah, in case of zombie apocalypse, I sit back and watch it on the Internet for the brief time that it lasts, and laugh at the lolzombies people post on their Tumblrs. And the remaining 90 minutes of the movie will be a romantic comedy.

If Patient Zero happens to be close enough that I have to deal with the outbreak personally, I grab my broadsword, call the cops, put on my armor if I've got time, and take up position in the opening between my foyer and my living room. My house has too many possible entrances to seal off, but all the ones that could be negotiated by zombies bottleneck through the foyer (I don't think the fire marshal would allow a house to be built like this now...), so I'll just cede them the kitchen and the whole basement level and hold that bottleneck at the foyer. I've been swinging a broadsword for twenty years, and against the planet's top badasses, not also-ran undead. I could hold that space against every shambling corpse in town plenty long enough to clog it with their rekilled bodies.

And if I had time to armor up, I'm pretty near invulnerable, too. Not that I'd need to be to execute zombies, but having a hefty safety margin is always nice.


(And slow zombies is only zombies. Fast "zombies" are ghouls.)

I agree with you on the whole the undead wouldn't stand much of a chance once we got our shit together part but I have to disagree with a couple other points.

Engaging them in a melee if they are viral is a bad idea... any spatter from hitting them with a melee weapon such as a sword endangers you and others because all it would take is a single droplet of blood to get into the eyes, mouth, or any open wounds and you would be one of the infected - best to avoid them or engage them at long range where they both cannot attack you and cannot splatter you with their fluids; melee combat should only be a last desperate resort.

Dressing up in cumbersome armor would be like tying your arms behind your back because you would lose one of the key advantages an uninfected human would have over the infected - mobility - and even if you are well versed to wearing armor you would also be taxing the limits of your endurance while the undead do not have to worry about such things.

Last but not least. Zombies are people who have been bewitched (usually by Voodoo) and have had their minds enslaved by the caster of the spell/ritual/etc.. Most zombies are harmless, and even childlike in their behavior and prefer to hide or flee. We should pity the zombie and work to break the evil spells that hold them under the sorcerer's sway.
Ghouls are undead monsters who crave the flesh of the living, they are tenacious, deadly, aggressive, and have no traces of humanity left anywhere in them. Ghouls should be hunted down and exterminated with extreme prejudice wherever possible without any remorse or hesitation because they won't afford you any of those considerations either.

[Veceria]

Grab Mannlicher, go innawoods.

[Hippostania]

I live in the second largest metropolitan area in the country (with a grand population of 300,000 ) and as a lifelong city dweller, I have no skills to survive in the wild whatsoever. To put it mildly, I'd be royally fucked.

[Hornesia]

No beer?

Fail.

HA! Your American alcohol is weak and pathetic compared to the mighty power of Russian vodka!

Polish vodka is better.

[Towson]

Get to the local armory and kill.

[The IASM]

Nukes everywhere. Salted bombs everywhere. Clones of me everywhere.

[Fulflood]

Go to the Isle of Wight (assuming we have a couple of hours to spare). Stay there. Sorted.


Oh, and acquire a gun from somewhere; probably more difficult than it sounds. There's probably a farm or something nearby, but it'd take a fair amount of time to find/steal/buy one.

[Mavrovlachia]

Jump in a boat in the middle of the baltic, live from fishing and ocassional deer hunting.

And maybe collect all Poles of NS I can into that boat.

[Aequalitia]

It makes my worry that this thread is already 15 pages big....

Well, if there is really a zombie apocalypse tomorrow, then I would enjoy today my last day, and then let it happen tomorrow.

[Ptghyriahs]

If a zombie apocalypse occurs, the main issue would be surviving the initial viral outbreak. Let's say the virus stays dormant for a month. After a month, think of how many people could be infected, especially if the disease is airborne and undiscovered. The amount of infected turning would also increase exponentially. Heck, the military would be infected. So when the first batch of people turn, surely, most people are already doomed! Zombies also would probably infect people close by, eliminating those who fight anywhere near them. Even being where a zombie has before would pose some kind of risk. However, zombies would have capabilities ranging from almost equal to much less than that of a human being, depending on the severity of rot. Zombies still operate on the same principles as humans, and would only have a physical advantage in the fact that they likely do not feel pain. Thus, zombies can be rendered incapable of doing anything via bleeding out, or any method of killing humans, really. Just make sure you're not infected (put on a gas mask or something), have a safe supply of food and drink, and a clean hiding spot. The rot will claim zombies fairly easily, and they will likely damage themselves beyond considering them a threat due to their lack of pain. Just wait it out, and make sure you're safe when going into a once infected zone.

[Paddy O Fernature]

No beer?

Fail.

HA! Your American alcohol is weak and pathetic compared to the mighty power of Russian vodka!

Silly Russians and their Vodka....

[Neo Arcad]

Well, normally I have enough supplies that I could just wait it out in my house, board up the windows and shoot any zombies that wandered into my out-of-the-way neighborhood. But right now, I'd be shit out of luck- I'm in Las Vegas for a few days. So, yeah, I'd probably die.

[Black cats luck]

I would get into banditry and KOS anyone that's not in my group.

[Neo Arcad]

I would get into banditry and KOS anyone that's not in my group.

It's douchebaggery like that that would make surviving the zombie apocalypse a bitch.

[Glasgia]

Meat cleaver, bread knife, whatever I can get out the fridge, the various first aid kits we have around the house and my dad's car is enough to make it to my nearest gun shop. Then I can grab all the decent weapons I need, or trade with the owner if he's still alive, and use them to raid a supermarket - or perhaps better a service station as they'll be less people trying to do the same. With weapons, transport, food and supplies, I can make it to the coast and hotwire a yacht. I figure either the Isle of Wight, Arran or Isle of Man should be doing ok, if not I can hole myself up in the English Channel for a few years.

Either that or find enough petrol, white spirit and alcohol to go down in a blaze of molotovs

[Lancearc]

I own a gun and I buy a lot of canned goods so I'd give myself about a week of survival if it happened tomorrow.

And, assuming it originated in my home town.

[Glasgia]

I would get into banditry and KOS anyone that's not in my group.

It's douchebaggery like that that would make surviving the zombie apocalypse a bitch.

Actually, that's survival. While you should probably try and make allies, people are threats and carry supplies. You kill them before they kill you, you've killed the threat and gained whatever they had on them.

[Paddy O Fernature]

It's douchebaggery like that that would make surviving the zombie apocalypse a bitch.

Actually, that's survival. While you should probably try and make allies, people are threats and carry supplies. You kill them before they kill you, you've killed the threat and gained whatever they had on them.

I give bad ideas like this 30 second life spans in real life.

Just as I rate anyone who uses their COD experiences for a basis poorly, I also rate poorly anyone who uses WarZ for a basis for anything.

[Galactic Terran Empire]

First I would get on my toughest clothes,plate steel chest armor, and a steel helm,then load all of my weapons and food in into my largest car.Next I would gather 3 friends, raid a sporting goods store, then a hardware store and take as many melee weapons as I can do away with In a quick manner. Having plenty of weapons from the stores, supplemented with those of my own, I would raid the warehouse store nearest to my abode with my team,killing all who are there at the time, be it human or zombie(except the team). This warehouse store happens to be on a hill, with only one way up, a somewhat narrow pass, so if a zombie horde comes, it's going to be like the battle of Thermopylae for us. There should be enough food and water to last us a while, because the warehouse is siamese twins with a wall-mart, and there are several other small stores on the hill that we can pillage. The last thing I would do is cover the pass onto the hill with so many metered of fence zombies could not make it through. With this strategy maybe I could live through a hypothetical Invasion. I would also maybe recruit a few people into the group, but I would kill most to save resources.

[Diopolis]

Probably go out praying. Oh wait, you wanted the macho fantasy. In that case, kill every zombie with my bare hands.

[Conscentia]

[...]
Last but not least. Zombies are people who have been bewitched (usually by Voodoo) and have had their minds enslaved by the caster of the spell/ritual/etc.. Most zombies are harmless, and even childlike in their behavior and prefer to hide or flee. We should pity the zombie and work to break the evil spells that hold them under the sorcerer's sway.
Ghouls are undead monsters who crave the flesh of the living, they are tenacious, deadly, aggressive, and have no traces of humanity left anywhere in them. Ghouls should be hunted down and exterminated with extreme prejudice wherever possible without any remorse or hesitation because they won't afford you any of those considerations either.

Yeah well, unfortunately, the modern era has butchered folklore & mythology.

[Gallup]

There is no way I'd live, so I'd shoot every zombie I can, and kill myself before they turn me to one.

[Glasgia]

Actually, that's survival. While you should probably try and make allies, people are threats and carry supplies. You kill them before they kill you, you've killed the threat and gained whatever they had on them.

I give bad ideas like this 30 second life spans in real life.

Just as I rate anyone who uses their COD experiences for a basis poorly, I also rate poorly anyone who uses WarZ for a basis for anything.

I didn't use COD or WWZ for this. My "experience" is DayZ, which is probably pretty damn realistic compared to some of the other shit out there. Though I don't usually shoot on sight, but if they're heavily armed and alone or simply a bandit that's far game to me. New spawns and groups I try to reason with or just leave alone.

My plan works on there too, though I've only found a boat once and admittedly it's too boring sitting out at sea to actually do. I instead managed a raid on a camp which someone had put near the coast, before being shot trying to escape as the guys came back.

[Neo Arcad]

I give bad ideas like this 30 second life spans in real life.

Just as I rate anyone who uses their COD experiences for a basis poorly, I also rate poorly anyone who uses WarZ for a basis for anything.

I didn't use COD or WWZ for this. My "experience" is DayZ, which is probably pretty damn realistic compared to some of the other shit out there. Though I don't usually shoot on sight, but if they're heavily armed and alone or simply a bandit that's far game to me. New spawns and groups I try to reason with or just leave alone.

My plan works on there too, though I've only found a boat once and admittedly it's too boring sitting out at sea to actually do. I instead managed a raid on a camp which someone had put near the coast, before being shot trying to escape as the guys came back.

The flaw with DayZ is that everyone is a dick.