The "Nice Guy" and the friendzone, Society's attitude

[Seperates]

I just happen to be good at reading. Very good at reading. I can speed read and still understand the themes and plots of books. I 'get' storyboarding. I 'get' cultural tropes. So I want to do documentary work focusing on current archaeological methods and sites. I want to show people where the things in museums come from. I want to show them the context that I just for some reason see. I want to show that understanding where we came from is the best way to understand where we need to go.

And I would like to participate in the digs as well... but getting it to the people is important as well.

You happen to think the same way I do

I also have the talent to be very good at reading, but I prefer to use my critical thinking skills for something that will give me money and I am equally passionate about, which is computers.

I, like you, believe that understanding where we come from is the best way to understand where we need to go. Many people forget their history or they just despise historical studies while in high school and even in college, which I am trying to change the perception myself. In fact, I was the first one in my family to pick a branch of the humanities almost everyone wanted to be in the scientific or medical fields while I went 180 and chose a more classic career.

I just want to make film for some reason... I'd never given it a thought before this year... but for some reason I have been drawn to it. It's like magic... it's how I see things in my head, I can suddenly see the books, I can see the shots... I can see how and where and what and who. It is no longer text that I am reading, it is imagery that I am watching... and I want to show it to other people.

[Aurora Novus]

And with that, I think I'm going to bow out of this thread. I really can't handle shit heads blaming me for someone else's despicable treatment of me. I'll see you guys in another thread. Piss off, the lot of ya.

[Seperates]

And with that, I think I'm going to bow out of this thread. I really can't handle shit heads blaming me for someone else's despicable treatment of me. I'll see you guys in another thread. Piss off, the lot of ya.

Blaming some else for your mistakes is not a way to live. People can be shitty, sure. So try not to be shitty back. As I was taught by my parents... the only one who you can truly control is yourself, and even though that can be imperfect, it is important to at least try, especially in the face of those who don't.

Take care.

[Soldati Senza Confini]

-snip-

Here is the thing:

I was emotionally abused by my grandmother. What you are describing IS NOT emotional abuse (although it is, but in a slightly different manner). What you went through is being a clingy individual, and that has nothing to do with being emotionally abused.

I had such a relationship myself, in fact I had 2 of them. I was being relegated to put my desires above my own, but after my second relationship I realized that I needed to love myself FIRST before loving others, and if anyone dared to tell me shit about my friends, my family, or MY LIFE, that said people are not my fucking allies, they are my fucking enemies and I will take them out of my life as fast as you can say "damn he's ruthless".

I wised up quick and now I am not that stupid to fall again into the same traphole and give women a place above myself. That is faulty thinking because YOU should come first and foremost to YOU. You and only you are the only one who can control your life, not someone else who probably doesn't even know what the fuck makes you tick. This doesn't mean women do not have a special place in my life, sure, but it doesn't mean I have to particularly give a fuck about their objections about my lifestyle of who I associate with because I know what's best for ME, and she can go fuck herself if she tries to change me against my will.

In other words, you don't have to feel bad or bitter about what happened, it was just a shitty relationship. Now, I hope you learned from it and stop putting your desires aside for other people. Because your desires are as important as your partner's, and you better fucking let it known to future partners your issues with abandonment and the fact you give everything to a person. I do disclaim that a lot of times before dating so they know what they will get into. I am really guarded but that's because my personality is like yours.

[Vitaphone Racing]

The word "abuse" sure does get thrown around a lot these days.

[Mavorpen]

Abusers also, as I've stated in my case, tend to be very manipulative, and can convince an individual that they are in the wrong, even when they are not. As was my case. I became convinced that I was being an asshole, and so I continued on and left things the way they were, because my natural instinct to put others above myself was being exploited.

You WERE in the wrong. You WERE at fault. That's the thing. The second she said "potential relationship" or gave you ANY inclination that she wasn't entirely serious, you move the fuck on. That's what adults do.

[Soldati Senza Confini]

The word "abuse" sure does get thrown around a lot these days.

Funny, isn't it?

I mean, I WAS in the same relationships he describes, twice, and I don't feel I was abused.

I only feel I was a god damn idiot for not having seen through their bullshit sooner, but that is just inexperience.

[Vitaphone Racing]

The word "abuse" sure does get thrown around a lot these days.

Funny, isn't it?

I actually don't find it funny. I find it sick and pathetic that somebody can class schoolyard bullshit as abuse and make a mockery of all those who suffered badly at the hands of a spouse before and were legitimately trapped in a relationship they couldn't leave even if they really wanted to.

[Mavorpen]

The word "abuse" sure does get thrown around a lot these days.

Funny, isn't it?

I mean, I WAS in the same relationships he describes, twice, and I don't feel I was abused.

I only feel I was a god damn idiot for not having seen through their bullshit sooner, but that is just inexperience.

Okay, here's the thing. It's very possible that the relationship could have evolved into an abusive one. The thing is though, he was completely and utterly at fault for KNOWINGLY taking a chance with this girl who he ADMITTED to sending mixed signals in the form of alluding to POTENTIAL relationships in the future. It's like being told by a foreign company that they will POTENTIALLY give you a job if you move there, then bitch and moan when they don't give you the job. It's childish and pathetic.

[Soldati Senza Confini]

Abusers also, as I've stated in my case, tend to be very manipulative, and can convince an individual that they are in the wrong, even when they are not. As was my case. I became convinced that I was being an asshole, and so I continued on and left things the way they were, because my natural instinct to put others above myself was being exploited.

You WERE in the wrong. You WERE at fault. That's the thing. The second she said "potential relationship" or gave you ANY inclination that she wasn't entirely serious, you move the fuck on. That's what adults do.

I like you, but I am not sure I want a potential relationship

[Mavorpen]

You WERE in the wrong. You WERE at fault. That's the thing. The second she said "potential relationship" or gave you ANY inclination that she wasn't entirely serious, you move the fuck on. That's what adults do.

I like you, but I am not sure I want a potential relationship

Because you like me, this obviously means that I am entitled to a relationship with you.

[Soldati Senza Confini]

Funny, isn't it?

I actually don't find it funny. I find it sick and pathetic that somebody can class schoolyard bullshit as abuse and make a mockery of all those who suffered badly at the hands of a spouse before and were legitimately trapped in a relationship they couldn't leave even if they really wanted to.

I wasn't saying it seriously as in "hahah funny"

I meant it more like "it's funny he claims his relationship was abusive when it is perfectly natural bullshit he should have expected with the kind of bullshit she was feeding him to begin with".

Like I said, I was legitimately emotionally abused by my grandmother. His story is nothing in comparison with the bullshit I had to deal from my grandmother for 7 years.

[Hathradic States]

I actually don't find it funny. I find it sick and pathetic that somebody can class schoolyard bullshit as abuse and make a mockery of all those who suffered badly at the hands of a spouse before and were legitimately trapped in a relationship they couldn't leave even if they really wanted to.

I wasn't saying it seriously as in "hahah funny"

I meant it more like "it's funny he claims his relationship was abusive when it is perfectly natural bullshit he should have expected with the kind of bullshit she was feeding him to begin with".

Like I said, I was legitimately emotionally abused by my grandmother. His story is nothing in comparison with the bullshit I had to deal from my grandmother for 7 years.

Doesn't make it any less abusive.

Sure, my ex didn't beat me, but she sure as hell did a number with my head. It wasn't for long, but does that make it any less abusive than a husband beating his wife? I still bear my emotional scars from it all.

[Mavorpen]

I wasn't saying it seriously as in "hahah funny"

I meant it more like "it's funny he claims his relationship was abusive when it is perfectly natural bullshit he should have expected with the kind of bullshit she was feeding him to begin with".

Like I said, I was legitimately emotionally abused by my grandmother. His story is nothing in comparison with the bullshit I had to deal from my grandmother for 7 years.

Doesn't make it any less abusive.

Sure, my ex didn't beat me, but she sure as hell did a number with my head. It wasn't for long, but does that make it any less abusive than a husband beating his wife? I still bear my emotional scars from it all.

No, what makes his story less abusive is the fact it wasn't abuse. It has nothing to do with a physical element.

[Soldati Senza Confini]

I like you, but I am not sure I want a potential relationship

Because you like me, this obviously means that I am entitled to a relationship with you.

Well of course it does! Don't you see I am giving you a POTENTIAL chance at success? And that POTENTIALLY you could be happy with me? Which totally means I am into you hard. So yea, you are entitled to a relationship with me, definitely so.

[Hathradic States]

Doesn't make it any less abusive.

Sure, my ex didn't beat me, but she sure as hell did a number with my head. It wasn't for long, but does that make it any less abusive than a husband beating his wife? I still bear my emotional scars from it all.

No, what makes his story less abusive is the fact it wasn't abuse. It has nothing to do with a physical element.

I am aware, I tend to go on about this stuff in an non-sensical way, almost. Especially whenever someone says "No, you weren't abused".

Though, I can't see much abuse in his story, though he might be relating it wrongly. For one, we might be missing something. For another, we don't know everything about it, nor about exactly how it went down. Ergo, i wouldn't go say "that's not abuse, I was abused sooooo much worse."

Because, let's be honest, that last bit can make someone really look like a douche.

[Soldati Senza Confini]

I wasn't saying it seriously as in "hahah funny"

I meant it more like "it's funny he claims his relationship was abusive when it is perfectly natural bullshit he should have expected with the kind of bullshit she was feeding him to begin with".

Like I said, I was legitimately emotionally abused by my grandmother. His story is nothing in comparison with the bullshit I had to deal from my grandmother for 7 years.

Doesn't make it any less abusive.

Sure, my ex didn't beat me, but she sure as hell did a number with my head. It wasn't for long, but does that make it any less abusive than a husband beating his wife? I still bear my emotional scars from it all.

I am not disputing emotional abuse doesn't exists. I am disputing the fact his relationship was abusive in the true sense of the word "abuse".

There is a difference between being scarred with words, and being treated like complete shit and not do anything about it when you can do something about it. I was scarred by my grandmother, but I was her grandson and I couldn't legitimately do shit about anything that was being done to me or my brother and sister.

Now with my exes I had the choice to leave, which I took when I got fed up with their bullshit.

[Hathradic States]

Doesn't make it any less abusive.

Sure, my ex didn't beat me, but she sure as hell did a number with my head. It wasn't for long, but does that make it any less abusive than a husband beating his wife? I still bear my emotional scars from it all.

I am not disputing emotional abuse doesn't exists. I am disputing the fact his relationship was abusive in the true sense of the word "abuse".

There is a difference between being scarred with words, and being treated like complete shit and not do anything about it when you can do something about it. I was scarred by my grandmother, but I was her grandson and I couldn't legitimately do shit about anything that was being done to me or my brother and sister.

Now with my exes I had the choice to leave, which I took when I got fed up with their bullshit.

See my above post, please.

You always have a choice, but, for many, it never seems obvious. Myself, for example, with my ex. I knew, deep down, that I had a choice, but, the way things were going, I felt as if I didn't. At that time, I felt like I had been stripped of all of my humanity, good only for a good fuck when she felt like having me, and not my (former) best friend. At the time, I felt as if I couldn't just walk away, for very, very painful to explain reasons.

Again, I don't want to see "worse abused than thou", but, in the end, we all have a choice. Sometimes, you just don't believe it is there.

[Mavorpen]

No, what makes his story less abusive is the fact it wasn't abuse. It has nothing to do with a physical element.

I am aware, I tend to go on about this stuff in an non-sensical way, almost. Especially whenever someone says "No, you weren't abused".

Though, I can't see much abuse in his story, though he might be relating it wrongly. For one, we might be missing something. For another, we don't know everything about it, nor about exactly how it went down. Ergo, i wouldn't go say "that's not abuse, I was abused sooooo much worse."

Because, let's be honest, that last bit can make someone really look like a douche.

Even if you assume it was abuse, there was utterly no reason whatsoever from a logical standpoint for the relationship to have existed in the first place.

[Hathradic States]

I am aware, I tend to go on about this stuff in an non-sensical way, almost. Especially whenever someone says "No, you weren't abused".

Though, I can't see much abuse in his story, though he might be relating it wrongly. For one, we might be missing something. For another, we don't know everything about it, nor about exactly how it went down. Ergo, i wouldn't go say "that's not abuse, I was abused sooooo much worse."

Because, let's be honest, that last bit can make someone really look like a douche.

Even if you assume it was abuse, there was utterly no reason whatsoever from a logical standpoint for the relationship to have existed in the first place.

Again, we cannot know that for certain, and judging that there was is not helpful at all.

[Mavorpen]

Even if you assume it was abuse, there was utterly no reason whatsoever from a logical standpoint for the relationship to have existed in the first place.

Again, we cannot know that for certain, and judging that there was is not helpful at all.

Don't speak for me. I'm pretty damn certain. If he's leaving out an important piece of information, that's on him. I don't give a flying fuck though, because he was the one who decided to whine about it. No one forced him to give his story.

[Soldati Senza Confini]

I am not disputing emotional abuse doesn't exists. I am disputing the fact his relationship was abusive in the true sense of the word "abuse".

There is a difference between being scarred with words, and being treated like complete shit and not do anything about it when you can do something about it. I was scarred by my grandmother, but I was her grandson and I couldn't legitimately do shit about anything that was being done to me or my brother and sister.

Now with my exes I had the choice to leave, which I took when I got fed up with their bullshit.

See my above post, please.

You always have a choice, but, for many, it never seems obvious. Myself, for example, with my ex. I knew, deep down, that I had a choice, but, the way things were going, I felt as if I didn't. At that time, I felt like I had been stripped of all of my humanity, good only for a good fuck when she felt like having me, and not my (former) best friend. At the time, I felt as if I couldn't just walk away, for very, very painful to explain reasons.

Again, I don't want to see "worse abused than thou", but, in the end, we all have a choice. Sometimes, you just don't believe it is there.

I am not saying you were not abused (you obviously were), and it sucks when you are, but honestly, his story sounds more like a shitty romance story than actually abuse.

I'm sorry you had to go through that, honestly, I am, and I can sympathize with it, but I cannot sympathize with his story because he chose to be there in spite of the red flags, he chose to put her desires above his own.

Love isn't putting your desires above anyone else's, it is striking a balance between what you want and what they want. Love, in other words, is closer to compromise and less related to complete and total surrender of your free will.

[Hathradic States]

See my above post, please.

You always have a choice, but, for many, it never seems obvious. Myself, for example, with my ex. I knew, deep down, that I had a choice, but, the way things were going, I felt as if I didn't. At that time, I felt like I had been stripped of all of my humanity, good only for a good fuck when she felt like having me, and not my (former) best friend. At the time, I felt as if I couldn't just walk away, for very, very painful to explain reasons.

Again, I don't want to see "worse abused than thou", but, in the end, we all have a choice. Sometimes, you just don't believe it is there.

I am not saying you were not abused (you obviously were), and it sucks when you are, but honestly, his story sounds more like a shitty romance story than actually abuse.

I'm sorry you had to go through that, honestly, I am, and I can sympathize with it, but I cannot sympathize with his story because he chose to be there in spite of the red flags, he chose to put her desires above his own.

Love isn't putting your desires above anyone else's, it is striking a balance between what you want and what they want. Love, in other words, is closer to compromise and less related to complete and total surrender of your free will.

And many don't know that. Honestly, how much education do we get on love, past shitty TV shows with shitty romances?

Furthermore, when one suffers from already low self-esteem, that could seem like love to them. Of course, they are wrong, but they do not know any better.

I understand why he might feel abused, and, sometimes, the feeling of it can be just as bad as the real thing to someone, especially when they are young.

[Ostroeuropa]

So long as we're sharing,
One of my exes used to sell my stuff if I had pissed her off (or she was just having a bad day) to buy drugs, then shout at me if i brought it up.
"Oh YOUR stuff, we're supposed to be a couple." shit like that.
They used to spend a lot of time telling me how shit a person I was and how ugly I am, that I was lucky she was so nice and forgiving and all that.
But the real problem was the arbitraryness and skinners box.
She'd be great one day, perfectly fine. And another day, without warning, snappy, abusive, quick to get angry etc.
Looking back, I realize that it didn't matter what I did. They were going to find an excuse to shout and throw things.
The result by the end of it was that I was a nervous wreck who didn't want to do anything wrong at all and would immediately back down if she said something confrontational, which was a lot of the time. I wasn't allowed to go out and see friends, or they'd do things like lock me out of the house. I'd just do the housework and avoid talking to them or bothering them unless they spoke to me first, and even then I was usually extremely careful with what I said.
Occasionally she hit me and things, at first that led to her immediately realizing what she'd done and we'd both pledge to make ourselves work at the problem. That'd last for a while but it'd always slip back into it, toward the end she stopped caring and started hitting me a lot more. It's not that it hurt physically, necessarily, sometimes it did, mostly it was just "oh no, i've made them angry again, i'm such an idiot."
When I tried to leave her she'd go back to being fine and stuff for a while and i'd be stupid and think "Maybe it'll stick."
In the end I just left one day. Didn't say goodbye or anything. Once that was done I was too scared to go back and apologize even though part of me wanted to, so I crashed with a friend and after a few days realized just how fucked up it all was.
Phoned her up to explain why I couldn't break up face to face and such, and she was all nice and trying to get me to come back. I agreed to see her at my friends house, with him in the other room, and we could talk it out, but she just started cussing me out so I hung up.
That's the last time I spoke to her. Real life stories don't really seem to have morals, but if there was one here I guess it'd be if you have to be in an abusive relationship, make sure you can pack all your belongings quickly.
There isn't really any specific thing she used to do that made it automatically an abusive relationship, it's more of a network of the way she treated me.
And that's the first and last time i'll go into detail about it, I don't like thinking about it. And yes, I have had therapy for the problem (not specifically, but it was brought up during therapy and we spent a number of sessions on it.)

[Mavorpen]

So long as we're sharing,
One of my exes used to sell my stuff if I had pissed her off (or she was just having a bad day) to buy drugs, then shout at me if i brought it up.
They used to spend a lot of time telling me how shit a person I was and how ugly I am, that I was lucky she was so nice and forgiving and all that.
But the real problem was the arbitraryness and skinners box.
She'd be great one day, perfectly fine. And another day, without warning, snappy, abusive, quick to get angry etc.
Looking back, I realize that it didn't matter what I did. They were going to find an excuse to shout and throw things.
The result by the end of it was that I was a nervous wreck who didn't want to do anything wrong at all and would immediately back down if she said something confrontational, which was a lot of the time. I wasn't allowed to go out and see friends, or they'd do things like lock me out of the house. I'd just do the housework and avoid talking to them or bothering them unless they spoke to me first, and even then I was usually extremely careful with what I said.
Occasionally she hit me and things, at first that led to her immediately realizing what she'd done and we'd both pledge to make ourselves work at the problem. That'd last for a while but it'd always slip back into it, toward the end she stopped caring and started hitting me a lot more. It's not that it hurt physically, necessarily, sometimes it did, mostly it was just "oh no, i've made them angry again, i'm such an idiot."
When I tried to leave her she'd go back to being fine and stuff for a while and i'd be stupid and think "Maybe it'll stick."
In the end I just left one day. Didn't say goodbye or anything. Once that was done I was too scared to go back and apologize even though part of me wanted to, so I crashed with a friend and after a few days realized just how fucked up it all was.
Phoned her up to explain why I couldn't break up face to face and such, and she was all nice and trying to get me to come back. I agreed to see her at my friends house, with him in the other room, and we could talk it out, but she just started cussing me out so I hung up.
That's the last time I spoke to her. Real life stories don't really seem to have morals, but if there was one here I guess it'd be if you have to be in an abusive relationship, make sure you can pack all your belongings quickly.
There isn't really any specific thing she used to do that made it automatically an abusive relationship, it's more of a network of the way she treated me.
And that's the first and last time i'll go into detail about it, I don't like thinking about it. And yes, I have had therapy for the problem (not specifically, but it was brought up during therapy and we spent a number of sessions on it.)

And then you assassinated her.