Value of virginity and slut-shaming

[The Ben Boys]

May I vent?

Last year I was in class and one girl was explaining to me that her sister was sixteen and had a baby, which was why she was going to online school. I was a bit surprised but didn't really care, and thought I hid it well, but she repeated "Don't judge" and left it at that.

What really pissed me off was that two months later, I was joking with a female friend of mine about sex. The girl formerly mentioned asked if I was serious, and I replied that I would remain a virgin until marriage for both religous and practical reasons, then she replied with disdain "that's stupid" completely serious, whereupon I did everything I could to tell her to stop being a bitch.

What the fuck? Whatever happened to "Don't judge"? I live in NorCal, where everyone is supposedly "open-minded" yet this isn't the first time, only the stupidest incident: many people tell me quite bluntly that they think it's stupid and I need to get myself someone who I can screw silly. It seems people here are only "open-minded" to those who have sex or in regards to orientation.

[Nanatsu no Tsuki]

Okay.

Do you have a list of what NOT to do?

No, but I have a secret.

All women are different.

You would think this is well understood...

[Freelanderness]

I don't personally care if a woman decides to devalue herself, but I don't find the traits of promiscuity and arbitrariness as attractive. I also don't think such a display of unfaithfulness is appealing. So yes, I do value virginity. It shows control, too.

It's opinions like this that make me state my sexual partners as much higher than they are, and talk very openly about sex.Because then I can weed out the ones who think I'm property.

[Disserbia]

Which I explained was not what my grandmother was doing.

Stupid American slut is no longer a negative description of a person.

Got it.

It's rude. I never said it wasn't.

[Napkiraly]

Not really. Start with that, then, if she accepts, have a conversation like you're talking to a person.

Okay.

Do you have a list of what NOT to do?

Lesson 1: Do not use pickup lines. They are cliche and in my experience only a minority of women actually like them and only because it's "cute".

[Dyakovo]

I don't personally care if a woman decides to devalue herself, but I don't find the traits of promiscuity and arbitrariness as attractive. I also don't think such a display of unfaithfulness is appealing. So yes, I do value virginity. It shows control, too.

How does having sex reduce a woman's value?

[Galloism]

Which is slut shaming for the duration in which she was trying to guilt or shame you into changing your behavior.

Sad part is, she could have approached it in a better way without slut shaming you, but she didn't, by your own admission.

So basically because she used the word slut it's slut shamming. Lol no.

So you did not feel put down or cast in a bad light being called a stupid American slut?

Do you speak some hybrid of English and another language where "stupid American slut" refers to a person that farts rainbows?

[The Rich Port]

Okay.

Do you have a list of what NOT to do?

Lesson 1: Do not use pickup lines. They are cliche and in my experience only a minority of women actually like them and only because it's "cute".

... Has it ever been any other way?

[Disserbia]

Yes I agree intent and context matters

And that's the thing, some words in society carry intent from the start. Slut is one of those words. As it is now, slut is used almost exclusively as a derogatory term for a woman who you hold a negative opinion of, much like man whore, or bitch, or hoe. The sheer implications the word carries with it's own definitions are enough to be considered slutshamming when used on it's own.

That doesn't mean that is what the person saying t was intending.

[Farnhamia]

I don't personally care if a woman decides to devalue herself, but I don't find the traits of promiscuity and arbitrariness as attractive. I also don't think such a display of unfaithfulness is appealing. So yes, I do value virginity. It shows control, too.

How does having sex reduce a woman's value?

Wear and tear, depreciation. You'll never get full price for a used one, you know.

[Napkiraly]

Lesson 1: Do not use pickup lines. They are cliche and in my experience only a minority of women actually like them and only because it's "cute".

... Has it ever been any other way?

Probably not.

[Temujinn]

This answer ignore the neurological effects on behavior, specifically brain plasticity or "white matter" which is more abundant in adolescents than in adults, adults have more grey matter.

This plasticity makes adolescents more prone to quick thinking, and less capable of judgement based decisions.

This is also often associated with the high level of sexual activity in adolescents. It doesnt imply that all adolescent decisions are bad, merely that they are wired to make snap decisions. As the brain develops this changes.

Yeah, I dont bluff.

... So?

What does that have to do with the activity of looking for a social group?

Well, explaining how a reduced capacity for judgement based decisions effects the social associations we make shouldnt really be needed, but since you dont seem to grasp it.

An increased capacity for rapid decision making with a decreased ability for judgement in the decision making process means that most associations made by an adolescent will be made not with analytic judgement but as a snap decision, a primitive thinking if you will. Which means these decisions will have been considered less, and less logically, as the adolescent has less capacity to think rationally(biologically), so the "Social group is just social group" idea doesnt factor in that adolescents making snap decisions will cloister with those making similar decisions and thus positions will snowball, kids making bad decisions will seek out those making similar bad snap decision, and without rational analytic thought, self justify their own poor decision based on the actions of those around them.
So for instance, if all their friends are fucking and not using precautions, the snap decision is to follow suit.

Or if all their friends are chaste, they are more likely to be chaste.

Peer groupings is less of a factor in changing behavior among adults.

So since this thread is about sexual activity, and perception of it, the inability of adolescent to make judgement based decisions on a consistant basis factors in.

Herd mentality(biologically driven) mens if you and tom are calling sarah a slut, and I am your friend, I will be far less likely to consider the issue with any depth, but make a snap decision to humiliate Sara.

Teenage rebellion is biological, so I was simply contributing to your statement since it omitted the biological aspects of behavior, and one must, when considering behavior motivations- take into account biology, since we cant do anything about it.

[Disserbia]

So basically because she used the word slut it's slut shamming. Lol no.

So you did not feel put down or cast in a bad light being called a stupid American slut?

Do you speak some hybrid of English and another language where "stupid American slut" refers to a person that farts rainbows?

I thought it was rude but its clear that isn't what she thinks of me. Like I said I'm not sure her grasp of English is ever solid enough to know what she was saying.

[Galloism]

Stupid American slut is no longer a negative description of a person.

Got it.

It's rude. I never said it wasn't.

And a clear intent to guilt or shame you into changing your behavior by casting you in a negative light.

Ergo, textbook definition of slut shaming.

[Northern Dominus]

Not really. Start with that, then, if she accepts, have a conversation like you're talking to a person.

Okay.

Do you have a list of what NOT to do?

1) Don't use pickup lines of any kind
2) Just because you bought her a drink it does not entitle you to any sort of amorous act
3) Shut the hell up and listen.

That's a good starting point.

[The Rich Port]

... So?

What does that have to do with the activity of looking for a social group?

Well, explaining how a reduced capacity for judgement based decisions effects the social associations we make shouldnt really be needed, but since you dont seem to grasp it.

An increased capacity for rapid decision making with a decreased ability for judgement in the decision making process means that most associations made by an adolescent will be made not with analytic judgement but as a snap decision, a primitive thinking if you will. Which means these decisions will have been considered less, and less logically, as the adolescent has less capacity to think rationally(biologically), so the "Social group is just social group" idea doesnt factor in that adolescents making snap decisions will cloister with those making similar decisions and thus positions will snowball, kids making bad decisions will seek out those making similar bad snap decision, and without rational analytic thought, self justify their own poor decision based on the actions of those around them.
So for instance, if all their friends are fucking and not using precautions, the snap decision is to follow suit.

Or if all their friends are chaste, they are more likely to be chaste.

Peer groupings is less of a factor in changing behavior among adults.

So since this thread is about sexual activity, and perception of it, the inability of adolescent to make judgement based decisions on a consistant basis factors in.

Herd mentality(biologically driven) mens if you and tom are calling sarah a slut, and I am your friend, I will be far less likely to consider the issue with any depth, but make a snap decision to humiliate Sara.

Teenage rebellion is biological, so I was simply contributing to your statement since it omitted the biological aspects of behavior, and one must, when considering behavior motivations- take into account biology, since we cant do anything about it.

And yet, allegedly understanding all of this, you treat your children like property.

Willfully ignorant of you to do so.

Analysis of biology only leads to understandings of how, not of why.

People aren't just hormones and electrical signals.

[Galloism]

So you did not feel put down or cast in a bad light being called a stupid American slut?

Do you speak some hybrid of English and another language where "stupid American slut" refers to a person that farts rainbows?

I thought it was rude but its clear that isn't what she thinks of me. Like I said I'm not sure her grasp of English is ever solid enough to know what she was saying.

If you backpedal any faster you might violate causality, then we're all fucked.

[Freelanderness]

How does having sex reduce a woman's value?

Wear and tear, depreciation. You'll never get full price for a used one, you know.

they're like cars, they lose half the value when you drive em off the lot.

[Autismiah]

I don't personally care if a woman decides to devalue herself

1. Why are you only dealing with women? Are men allowed to sleep around but not women?
2. How does it devalue them?

1. I'm dealing with women because I'm only attracted to women.
2. I feel it devalues them because it demonstrates how they are promiscuous, arbitrary, and basically all the other things I said.

[Living Freedom Land]

Okay.

Do you have a list of what NOT to do?

Lesson 1: Do not use pickup lines. They are cliche and in my experience only a minority of women actually like them and only because it's "cute".

"Hey girl, are you Nation States? Because I want to get on you every day and resolve all your issues."

No wonder I don't have a girlfriend.

[Temujinn]

May I vent?

Last year I was in class and one girl was explaining to me that her sister was sixteen and had a baby, which was why she was going to online school. I was a bit surprised but didn't really care, and thought I hid it well, but she repeated "Don't judge" and left it at that.

What really pissed me off was that two months later, I was joking with a female friend of mine about sex. The girl formerly mentioned asked if I was serious, and I replied that I would remain a virgin until marriage for both religous and practical reasons, then she replied with disdain "that's stupid" completely serious, whereupon I did everything I could to tell her to stop being a bitch.

What the fuck? Whatever happened to "Don't judge"? I live in NorCal, where everyone is supposedly "open-minded" yet this isn't the first time, only the stupidest incident: many people tell me quite bluntly that they think it's stupid and I need to get myself someone who I can screw silly. It seems people here are only "open-minded" to those who have sex or in regards to orientation.

This is just as much shaming as slut shaming is.

[Condunum]

And that's the thing, some words in society carry intent from the start. Slut is one of those words. As it is now, slut is used almost exclusively as a derogatory term for a woman who you hold a negative opinion of, much like man whore, or bitch, or hoe. The sheer implications the word carries with it's own definitions are enough to be considered slutshamming when used on it's own.

That doesn't mean that is what the person saying t was intending.

I can understand that, but you have to at least understand that intent isn't everything.

[Nanatsu no Tsuki]

I thought it was rude but its clear that isn't what she thinks of me. Like I said I'm not sure her grasp of English is ever solid enough to know what she was saying.

If you backpedal any faster you might violate causality, then we're all fucked.

Ok, seriously, this made howl with laughter. I'm a nerd.

[Brocwika]

I would prefer to have sex with a virgin honestly.

[Farnhamia]

I would prefer to have sex with a virgin honestly.

Why?