Most Exciting Life Stories

[Galloism]

Have you ever been in a Turkish prison?

This ol' line? Surely you can't be serious.

I am serious, and...

Have you ever been in a Turkish prison?

No. Fuck no.

Fuck. MORE BEER!

[Nanatsu no Tsuki]

What is Belgian prison like?

Have you ever been in a Turkish prison?

Do you like movies about gladiators?

[Galloism]

I was going to say something like "Have some standards, man..." but I realized that even though I hate those movies I, too, watch them when they're on just for the car porn. Apparently just for the car porn because I just realized with 6 that Han died in 3 and yet appeared in 4, 5, and 6...so when he was sitting around training some squid from America how to drift he had already been an international precision driving heist man and millionaire...and then played second fiddle to a 'Drift King' and fucked around with a yakuza because...he was bored? Or something.

Which makes me angry, because now when they come around I have to pay attention because they set up the full circle at the end of six for seven so I have to figure out what the hell is supposed to be happening...and I don't even like the damn movies, they're like what me playing with my Hot Wheels would have looked like if it was filmed by Justin Lin...

Also, I have to watch Megaforce if it's on. Fortunately, that hardly ever comes up. Gymkata too.

Honestly, there are very few shitty action movies NA doesn't appear to need to watch whenever they come on TV. He made me sit through Transformers a while back despite the fact that by about 15 minutes in I was like, "...does this movie have any point at all beyond 'Things explode while Megan Fox has boobs!'?" and he freely admittedly that the answer was no.

Nothing wrong with boobs. On average, everyone in the world has slightly more than one.

[Cannot think of a name]

Surprisingly clean.

I assumed as much. I know US prisons are among the worst in the western world.

Things I saw in my short, short time in an American jail:

A dude get his arm broken right in front of me by the guards because he fell asleep and missed his name being called in holding.

A loop in the floor with a helmet next to it that I was told by someone was for discipline. (never saw anyone actually in it)

An inmate push over the tv because he was bored.

Same cat pushed the red button we were told to only push if we were dying for the same reason.

Ironically, first time I saw someone smoke marijuana that he had somehow smuggled in his wristband.

[Disserbia]

I assumed as much. I know US prisons are among the worst in the western world.

Things I saw in my short, short time in an American jail:

A dude get his arm broken right in front of me by the guards because he fell asleep and missed his name being called in holding.

A loop in the floor with a helmet next to it that I was told by someone was for discipline. (never saw anyone actually in it)

An inmate push over the tv because he was bored.

Same cat pushed the red button we were told to only push if we were dying for the same reason.

Ironically, first time I saw someone smoke marijuana that he had somehow smuggled in his wristband.

Holy shit was this state or federal?

[Nailed to the Perch]

Honestly, there are very few shitty action movies NA doesn't appear to need to watch whenever they come on TV. He made me sit through Transformers a while back despite the fact that by about 15 minutes in I was like, "...does this movie have any point at all beyond 'Things explode while Megan Fox has boobs!'?" and he freely admittedly that the answer was no.

Nothing wrong with boobs. On average, everyone in the world has slightly more than one.

I've got nothing against boobs, but given that I can see a perfectly adequate pair anytime I like, I need a bit more out of a movie than just "contains boobs."

[Gaveo]

I almost drowned once when I was 4, does that count as exciting?

[Galactic Terran Empire]

Someone almost ran me over with a bicycle, the bicycle had several fake babies chained to it. The crazy bike dude came around me a second time even faster yelling ADVENTURE TIME at the top of his lungs, and that was the last of him.

[Galloism]

Nothing wrong with boobs. On average, everyone in the world has slightly more than one.

I've got nothing against boobs, but given that I can see a perfectly adequate pair anytime I like, I need a bit more out of a movie than just "contains boobs."

It also has explosions and big guns.

[Aleckandor]

I sat against a tree on the top of my neighborhood's hill and stared off into the horizon. Then I went home and ate a cookie.

Thug Life.

[Nailed to the Perch]

I've got nothing against boobs, but given that I can see a perfectly adequate pair anytime I like, I need a bit more out of a movie than just "contains boobs."

It also has explosions and big guns.

But Mythbusters has those things, too, with way better dialogue and 100% more accurate science!

[Cannot think of a name]

Things I saw in my short, short time in an American jail:

A dude get his arm broken right in front of me by the guards because he fell asleep and missed his name being called in holding.

A loop in the floor with a helmet next to it that I was told by someone was for discipline. (never saw anyone actually in it)

An inmate push over the tv because he was bored.

Same cat pushed the red button we were told to only push if we were dying for the same reason.

Ironically, first time I saw someone smoke marijuana that he had somehow smuggled in his wristband.

Holy shit was this state or federal?

State, pre-trial facility in Sacramento, California. I was going to be coy about where, but fuck those guys. The only consolation I got was once the guards figured out why I was there they thought it was ridiculous, too, and just ignored me.

Specifically it was a failure to appear that stemmed from a broken headlight where I kept misunderstanding the instructions I was getting and when I showed up again to sort this shit out they put me in cuffs and took me to jail.

Yep. I'm hardcore...rollin' cyclops, people in the 916 burbs don't play...it took almost a decade to get my license issues worked out from that little adventure.

[Cannot think of a name]

It also has explosions and big guns.

But Mythbusters has those things, too, with way better dialogue and 100% more accurate science!

I couldn't push Megan Fox out of the way fast enough to go hang out with Kari.

[Galloism]

It also has explosions and big guns.

But Mythbusters has those things, too, with way better dialogue and 100% more accurate science!

I'm not sure any noninfinity percentage can really describe the level of scientific accuracy difference between transformers and mythbusters.

However, that's not the point. Mythbusters talks too much before getting to the explosions.

Transformers does not have that glaring issue.

[Nailed to the Perch]

But Mythbusters has those things, too, with way better dialogue and 100% more accurate science!

I'm not sure any noninfinity percentage can really describe the level of scientific accuracy difference between transformers and mythbusters.

Touche.

However, that's not the point. Mythbusters talks too much before getting to the explosions.

Transformers does not have that glaring issue.

I'll give you that, but Mythbusters does have vastly less Shia Leboeuf. Which is a pretty massive point in its favor.

[Galloism]

I'm not sure any noninfinity percentage can really describe the level of scientific accuracy difference between transformers and mythbusters.

Touche.

However, that's not the point. Mythbusters talks too much before getting to the explosions.

Transformers does not have that glaring issue.

I'll give you that, but Mythbusters does have vastly less Shia Leboeuf. Which is a pretty massive point in its favor.

On, was he in the movie?

Must have been paying attention to other parts.

[Narthronia]

I had a bank representative speaking to me on the phone, doing his damnedest to convince me that I was dead. Twice.

And I tutored Greg Jennings.

[Disserbia]

Holy shit was this state or federal?

State, pre-trial facility in Sacramento, California. I was going to be coy about where, but fuck those guys. The only consolation I got was once the guards figured out why I was there they thought it was ridiculous, too, and just ignored me.

Specifically it was a failure to appear that stemmed from a broken headlight where I kept misunderstanding the instructions I was getting and when I showed up again to sort this shit out they put me in cuffs and took me to jail.

Yep. I'm hardcore...rollin' cyclops, people in the 916 burbs don't play...it took almost a decade to get my license issues worked out from that little adventure.

Yeah that is fuckig ridiculous. I wish I spoke legalese a little better. Stories like this scare me a lot.

[Torcularis Septentrionalis]

Dude it sucks. Most of them don't let you smoke, they often strip you of your shoes and your bra (I cannot STAND to be with out a bra, I even wear one during sex), the food is shit, there is nothing at all to do, etc etc etc. One of the units I went to, the one that kept me the longest, blackmailed me. I should have sued. It's always fucking cold and the blankets are paper thin. I hate it. And generally I hate all the people in there.

Games, television, no shoe laces but you get to keep your shoes, no bras with wires, no belts, our blankets were good, and so was the food...bomb ass food actually I used to bring family to the hospital for lunch since I ate free and they all got a discount, the psych unit generally had unrestricted access to the cafeteria food(just had to wait for meal time).

I also worked as a "Sitter" for extra money, sitting with patients who were ordered to have 24 hour 1 on 1 observation.

That being said, I got to leave after my shift.

Well, screw you. We had a television, no volume. The most extreme case we had (she had the same diagnosis as me, but she was far worse) got a radio but none of the rest of us could touch it, it was the only thing that kept her calm. No books, no games, they wouldn't let me make phone calls to get my clothes so I had to wear the same clothes and underwear for over a week. They wouldn't let me smoke at this particular place, so they gave me the nicotine patch. It dropped my blood pressure so much I passed out every time I stood up. The only decent part of the food was the salad bar, because we could make it ourselves, but it was still not good. We only got two cups of coffee a day, and considering I am a coffee addict, that meant a lot of withdrawal, vomiting included. I also got sick while I was there and they wouldn't administer any medication for it. There were no windows, it felt like being in isolation. I was in the intensive care unit, so I wasn't even allowed to use the bathroom by myself and the first day I was there I was having such a panic attack from being committed that they tranqed me, even though all I was doing was sobbing in a corner, trying to cover my chest. I swear, if someone told me I was being forcibly admitted again to that place, I would go ahead and slit my wrists.

[Vazdania]

The title says it all. What is the most exciting life story you or a family member have ever experienced? I have a few that were debatable to tell but I will tell you this one; My father in 1984 was stationed in West Germany in the US Army. Well one day he went to East Berlin, and was in a East German Department store. It had basic things like paper, pens, etc. Then he turned a corner, and there was 4 East German soldiers who were talking, they were dressed in the clothes that you imagine a Russian/East German to wear. Big brown trench coat, snow hat, etc. And note, my father was in his uniform, and he looked at those East Germans, and they stopped talking and looked at him. My Dad probably shit his pants, I don't know. One of the East Germans said something, in German. My father replied back (He knew enough German to get around). Although my father said that he didn't remember what it was that they said, but that he remembered that he was very fucking scared. Then he went along with his business. So yeah, now it's your guys's turn.

i went to france....crazy shit happened there.

[Lewis Armistead]

"Walks into room, salutes everyone, and then sits down."
Gentlemen, I believe I have the story of the lifetime.
When I was at Gettysburg, Pennsylvania on July the third, 1863. I was forced to make a decision right then and there at the battle of Pickett's Charge. Die, or die rallying the remaining forces of The Confederate States of America. I shouted out to them, and they all began to run with me, the Union cannons and bullets ringing around my ears.

When we got over the stone-wall in the center, an overwhelming sense of agony gripped my body as I fell to the floor. My vision blurred and the world around me slowly turned to darkness. I even have a picture from this event:



Beat that event.

[Grenartia]

Oh I highly doubt that, but what I don't doubt is that if asked the mods will cooperate with proper legal authorities so this thread is an extremely bad idea.

Pretty much this, although I guess I would have to say the most excited I've ever been, would be the time I spent ten hours hospitalised with a pulse rate of 186. Ayup.

where's my rimshot, eh?

Meh. My mom's had a pulse of 48 before. And yes, she still resides with us in the land of the living.

What have I told you about abusing the laser printer?

It wants it.

Asks for it even. Every time I start to abuse her she gets hot and starts making lots of erotic noises.

^sigging.

Heh, how life-changing could it have been when you didn't even recognize him at first?

I didn't fucking recognize him at ALL, I have only the word of my family that it ever fucking happened. They could be fucking with me for the last 25+ years. "oh yeah that dude was totally mick jagger..."

I mean, I have a vague recollection of what he looked like (it was dark, I was occupied, I was fucking and that image does sorta match up to "Mic Jagger in the 80s" but who knows how much of that is selective adaptation.

It's entirely possible that the "Mick Jagger" was just some dude in the admiral's lounge of the JFK international airport and my brother has been a total douchebag for the last 2 and a half plus decades.

I once met Will Ferrell, back in '06. He was black and a used car salesman. Worked with my mom. Still funny as hell, though.

Exactly. Which is why I haven't participated in this thread. Also, the exciting stuff that does happen is generally the kind of stuff that you don't care to relive.

On the positive side, I won $1450 back in 2000 on the game show Win Ben Stein's Money.

That's awesome. It means that more than likely I've seen you on television because I watched the shit out of that show.

I managed on two separate occasions to see people I know on tv without knowing they'd be on there-an ex-girlfriend was on Who Wants to be a Millionaire and bailed out at $125,000 on a Canterbury Tales question (she has a masters in English from William and Mary...so since then as we've reconnected I have not missed an opportunity to give her shit about that...) and my brother was on Judge Mathis. He got the shaft.

I always wanted to be on Teen Jeopardy! (and I know I could win, because I ace regular Jeopardy! all the time). Never had the chance.

Alright, well one time I was at Chili's right, it was after some sort of event or something, well, anyway, there is this guy sitting at the table next to me that looked EXACTLY like one of the German guys from Beerfest, well, anyway, he is super-drunk, and I'm drinking an IBC. He thinks I'm drinking beer, so he challenges me to a competition, now, mind you, I'm underage, so this was really awkward, but no matter, I ask for another IBC feeling like a total badass, and we both start drinking our respective drinks, the whole thing lasted ten seconds, but he ended up spilling all over his shirt and passing out. He gets rushed out of the place and I(I was fourteen) get taken home by my Mom ten minutes later, who was completely oblivious to the whole scene.

How's that?

Sounds like a fun time.

I once went on a shopping trip that the school I was attending at the time gave to students with good grades. I saw this guy who looked (and sounded) EXACTLY like the terrorist leader from True Lies, selling toy helicopters.

I almost drowned once when I was 4, does that count as exciting?

I'd guess. In which case, I should say that I almost killed myself when I was 2 by eating too much salt.

Games, television, no shoe laces but you get to keep your shoes, no bras with wires, no belts, our blankets were good, and so was the food...bomb ass food actually I used to bring family to the hospital for lunch since I ate free and they all got a discount, the psych unit generally had unrestricted access to the cafeteria food(just had to wait for meal time).

I also worked as a "Sitter" for extra money, sitting with patients who were ordered to have 24 hour 1 on 1 observation.

That being said, I got to leave after my shift.

Well, screw you. We had a television, no volume. The most extreme case we had (she had the same diagnosis as me, but she was far worse) got a radio but none of the rest of us could touch it, it was the only thing that kept her calm. No books, no games, they wouldn't let me make phone calls to get my clothes so I had to wear the same clothes and underwear for over a week. They wouldn't let me smoke at this particular place, so they gave me the nicotine patch. It dropped my blood pressure so much I passed out every time I stood up. The only decent part of the food was the salad bar, because we could make it ourselves, but it was still not good. We only got two cups of coffee a day, and considering I am a coffee addict, that meant a lot of withdrawal, vomiting included. I also got sick while I was there and they wouldn't administer any medication for it. There were no windows, it felt like being in isolation. I was in the intensive care unit, so I wasn't even allowed to use the bathroom by myself and the first day I was there I was having such a panic attack from being committed that they tranqed me, even though all I was doing was sobbing in a corner, trying to cover my chest. I swear, if someone told me I was being forcibly admitted again to that place, I would go ahead and slit my wrists.

Yeah, the mental health system, from all I've heard of it, and all I've experienced (no institutions, but I've had to deal with state psychologists), is really fucked up. I remember getting evaluated, and they asked me this grocery list of questions, with the woman who was responsible for me needing therapy in the first place in the same damn room, sitting right the fuck next to me. And they were asking the standard things. You know "Have you ever thought about or attempted to run away" (real answer was yes, but I had to say no), "Have you ever thought about or attempted suicide" (real answer was in fact, no, but that soon changed to a yes, in spite, or perhaps because of the therapy).

My only thought afterwards was that if this is SOP for that kind of shit all over the state, there must be a lot of suicides, and people with fucked up lives. And don't even get me started on the therapy itself. The therapist I was assigned to was well meaning, but for 6 months straight (including the period in which I heavily considered and began planning suicide), there was absolutely no one-on-one time between me and the therapist. At all. Just me, my therapist, and the woman who made my life such hell that I needed therapy in the first place.

In the last session, she apologized to me for forgetting to give me one-on-one time (ironically, I had earlier written a note that I was going to leave on her desk requesting the very same thing, but she apologized before I could do so). But nobody knew that was the last session until it was too late (nobody died or anything, I just managed to get myself out of that situation).

(Image)



"Walks into room, salutes everyone, and then sits down."
Gentlemen, I believe I have the story of the lifetime.
When I was at Gettysburg, Pennsylvania on July the third, 1863. I was forced to make a decision right then and there at the battle of Pickett's Charge. Die, or die rallying the remaining forces of The Confederate States of America. I shouted out to them, and they all began to run with me, the Union cannons and bullets ringing around my ears.

When we got over the stone-wall in the center, an overwhelming sense of agony gripped my body as I fell to the floor. My vision blurred and the world around me slowly turned to darkness. I even have a picture from this event:

(Image)

Beat that event.

>claims to have been a CSA general
>seems legit

[Disserbia]

Pretty much this, although I guess I would have to say the most excited I've ever been, would be the time I spent ten hours hospitalised with a pulse rate of 186. Ayup.

where's my rimshot, eh?

Meh. My mom's had a pulse of 48 before. And yes, she still resides with us in the land of the living.

It wants it.

Asks for it even. Every time I start to abuse her she gets hot and starts making lots of erotic noises.

^sigging.

I didn't fucking recognize him at ALL, I have only the word of my family that it ever fucking happened. They could be fucking with me for the last 25+ years. "oh yeah that dude was totally mick jagger..."

I mean, I have a vague recollection of what he looked like (it was dark, I was occupied, I was fucking and that image does sorta match up to "Mic Jagger in the 80s" but who knows how much of that is selective adaptation.

It's entirely possible that the "Mick Jagger" was just some dude in the admiral's lounge of the JFK international airport and my brother has been a total douchebag for the last 2 and a half plus decades.

I once met Will Ferrell, back in '06. He was black and a used car salesman. Worked with my mom. Still funny as hell, though.

That's awesome. It means that more than likely I've seen you on television because I watched the shit out of that show.

I managed on two separate occasions to see people I know on tv without knowing they'd be on there-an ex-girlfriend was on Who Wants to be a Millionaire and bailed out at $125,000 on a Canterbury Tales question (she has a masters in English from William and Mary...so since then as we've reconnected I have not missed an opportunity to give her shit about that...) and my brother was on Judge Mathis. He got the shaft.

I always wanted to be on Teen Jeopardy! (and I know I could win, because I ace regular Jeopardy! all the time). Never had the chance.

Alright, well one time I was at Chili's right, it was after some sort of event or something, well, anyway, there is this guy sitting at the table next to me that looked EXACTLY like one of the German guys from Beerfest, well, anyway, he is super-drunk, and I'm drinking an IBC. He thinks I'm drinking beer, so he challenges me to a competition, now, mind you, I'm underage, so this was really awkward, but no matter, I ask for another IBC feeling like a total badass, and we both start drinking our respective drinks, the whole thing lasted ten seconds, but he ended up spilling all over his shirt and passing out. He gets rushed out of the place and I(I was fourteen) get taken home by my Mom ten minutes later, who was completely oblivious to the whole scene.

How's that?

Sounds like a fun time.

I once went on a shopping trip that the school I was attending at the time gave to students with good grades. I saw this guy who looked (and sounded) EXACTLY like the terrorist leader from True Lies, selling toy helicopters.

I almost drowned once when I was 4, does that count as exciting?

I'd guess. In which case, I should say that I almost killed myself when I was 2 by eating too much salt.

Well, screw you. We had a television, no volume. The most extreme case we had (she had the same diagnosis as me, but she was far worse) got a radio but none of the rest of us could touch it, it was the only thing that kept her calm. No books, no games, they wouldn't let me make phone calls to get my clothes so I had to wear the same clothes and underwear for over a week. They wouldn't let me smoke at this particular place, so they gave me the nicotine patch. It dropped my blood pressure so much I passed out every time I stood up. The only decent part of the food was the salad bar, because we could make it ourselves, but it was still not good. We only got two cups of coffee a day, and considering I am a coffee addict, that meant a lot of withdrawal, vomiting included. I also got sick while I was there and they wouldn't administer any medication for it. There were no windows, it felt like being in isolation. I was in the intensive care unit, so I wasn't even allowed to use the bathroom by myself and the first day I was there I was having such a panic attack from being committed that they tranqed me, even though all I was doing was sobbing in a corner, trying to cover my chest. I swear, if someone told me I was being forcibly admitted again to that place, I would go ahead and slit my wrists.

Yeah, the mental health system, from all I've heard of it, and all I've experienced (no institutions, but I've had to deal with state psychologists), is really fucked up. I remember getting evaluated, and they asked me this grocery list of questions, with the woman who was responsible for me needing therapy in the first place in the same damn room, sitting right the fuck next to me. And they were asking the standard things. You know "Have you ever thought about or attempted to run away" (real answer was yes, but I had to say no), "Have you ever thought about or attempted suicide" (real answer was in fact, no, but that soon changed to a yes, in spite, or perhaps because of the therapy).

My only thought afterwards was that if this is SOP for that kind of shit all over the state, there must be a lot of suicides, and people with fucked up lives. And don't even get me started on the therapy itself. The therapist I was assigned to was well meaning, but for 6 months straight (including the period in which I heavily considered and began planning suicide), there was absolutely no one-on-one time between me and the therapist. At all. Just me, my therapist, and the woman who made my life such hell that I needed therapy in the first place.

In the last session, she apologized to me for forgetting to give me one-on-one time (ironically, I had earlier written a note that I was going to leave on her desk requesting the very same thing, but she apologized before I could do so). But nobody knew that was the last session until it was too late (nobody died or anything, I just managed to get myself out of that situation).

(Image)



"Walks into room, salutes everyone, and then sits down."
Gentlemen, I believe I have the story of the lifetime.
When I was at Gettysburg, Pennsylvania on July the third, 1863. I was forced to make a decision right then and there at the battle of Pickett's Charge. Die, or die rallying the remaining forces of The Confederate States of America. I shouted out to them, and they all began to run with me, the Union cannons and bullets ringing around my ears.

When we got over the stone-wall in the center, an overwhelming sense of agony gripped my body as I fell to the floor. My vision blurred and the world around me slowly turned to darkness. I even have a picture from this event:

(Image)

Beat that event.

>claims to have been a CSA general
>seems legit

My pulse dropped mid to low 40s a while back. I'm not sure it's kosher for me to say why on here, suffice to say I learned my lesson.

[Grenartia]

Meh. My mom's had a pulse of 48 before. And yes, she still resides with us in the land of the living.



^sigging.



I once met Will Ferrell, back in '06. He was black and a used car salesman. Worked with my mom. Still funny as hell, though.



I always wanted to be on Teen Jeopardy! (and I know I could win, because I ace regular Jeopardy! all the time). Never had the chance.



Sounds like a fun time.

I once went on a shopping trip that the school I was attending at the time gave to students with good grades. I saw this guy who looked (and sounded) EXACTLY like the terrorist leader from True Lies, selling toy helicopters.



I'd guess. In which case, I should say that I almost killed myself when I was 2 by eating too much salt.



Yeah, the mental health system, from all I've heard of it, and all I've experienced (no institutions, but I've had to deal with state psychologists), is really fucked up. I remember getting evaluated, and they asked me this grocery list of questions, with the woman who was responsible for me needing therapy in the first place in the same damn room, sitting right the fuck next to me. And they were asking the standard things. You know "Have you ever thought about or attempted to run away" (real answer was yes, but I had to say no), "Have you ever thought about or attempted suicide" (real answer was in fact, no, but that soon changed to a yes, in spite, or perhaps because of the therapy).

My only thought afterwards was that if this is SOP for that kind of shit all over the state, there must be a lot of suicides, and people with fucked up lives. And don't even get me started on the therapy itself. The therapist I was assigned to was well meaning, but for 6 months straight (including the period in which I heavily considered and began planning suicide), there was absolutely no one-on-one time between me and the therapist. At all. Just me, my therapist, and the woman who made my life such hell that I needed therapy in the first place.

In the last session, she apologized to me for forgetting to give me one-on-one time (ironically, I had earlier written a note that I was going to leave on her desk requesting the very same thing, but she apologized before I could do so). But nobody knew that was the last session until it was too late (nobody died or anything, I just managed to get myself out of that situation).



>claims to have been a CSA general
>seems legit

My pulse dropped mid to low 40s a while back. I'm not sure it's kosher for me to say why on here, suffice to say I learned my lesson.

My TG box is open if you want to say it there.

[Battenburgia]

probably having to run for about 10 miles through the African desert in pitch darkness to get to safety before the hyenas came out to play