The Girlfriend Zone

[United Dependencies]

Yeah... That is all that was needed to be done.

I'm kinda disappointed that you never actually get to see that king fellow again.

[Dakini]

No, seriously, the thing I posted in the OP was satire. It's a parody of the "friend zone" rants that "Nice Guys" go on.

I mean, did you think the part about learning to hunt mammoths was serious?

Somewhere in that post you apparently denied that sometimes women feel affection for people who don't return their affection.

You're a bad, bad person.

It's interesting that this time the assumption was sexism in the other way.

[United Dependencies]

I am a nice guy so im really bad off.
And girls i no act like thay like me f@$ing tell me so and then they say mean things to me.
I wonder why?

What is this...

[Anachronous Rex]

Porn helps with horniness, but does very little to address the innate need for intimacy.

Dammit.

Try hugging a pillow. I hear the Japanese make ones shaped like girls.

[Farnhamia]

Dammit.

Try hugging a pillow. I hear the Japanese make ones shaped like girls.

Better get rid of all your other pillows first. You know how girls can be.

[Cannot think of a name]

Dammit.

Try hugging a pillow. I hear the Japanese make ones shaped like girls.

In matters of sexual practice, "The Japanese do it" is not really a big endorsement.

[EnragedMaldivians]

Dammit.

Try hugging a pillow. I hear the Japanese make ones shaped like girls.

They make ones that friendzone you over in Korea.

[Farnhamia]

Try hugging a pillow. I hear the Japanese make ones shaped like girls.

They make ones that friendzone you over in Korea.

If you try to remove their tags they scream "Rape!"

[Anachronous Rex]

I am so very glad I said that.

Well done all.

[Curiosityness]

more than likely if a guy is going to hang out with you a lot and go hiking and concerts and what not. he probably just wants to have sexy time or date. but then again their are those rare occasions.

[Arkhane]

This satirical piece came up on my facebook feed and I thought that it might be appreciated here.

Why Do Men Keep Putting Me in the Girlfriend-Zone?

You know how it is, right, ladies? You know a guy for a while. You hang out with him. You do fun things with him—play video games, watch movies, go hiking, go to concerts. You invite him to your parties. You listen to his problems. You do all this because you think he wants to be your friend.

But then, then comes the fateful moment where you find out that all this time, he’s only seen you as a potential girlfriend. And then if you turn him down, he may never speak to you again. This has happened to me time after time: I hit it off with a guy, and, for all that I’ve been burned in the past, I start to think that this one might actually care about me as a person. And then he asks me on a date.

I tell him how much I enjoy his company, how much I value his friendship. I tell him that I really want to be his friend and to continue hanging out with him and talking about our favorite books or exploring new restaurants or making fun of avant-garde theatre productions. But he rejects me. He doesn’t answer my calls or e-mails; if we’d been making plans to do something before this fateful incident, these plans mysteriously fail to materialize. (This is why I never did get around to seeing the Hunger Games movie. Not to name any names, but thanks a lot, Tom.) Later, when I run into him at social events, our conversations are awkward and lukewarm. This is because the moment we met, he put me in the girlfriend-zone, and now he can’t see me as friend material.

I must say that I find this really unfair. I mean, I’m a nice girl. I have a lot to offer as a friend, like not being a douchebag and stuff. But males just don’t want to be friends with nice girls like me. They can’t help it, I guess; it’s just how they’re wired, biologically. Evolution conditioned our male hominid ancestors to seek nice girls as mates and form friendship bonds only with the other dudes that they hunted mammoths with. It’s true—I know this because I studied hominids in my fifth-grade science class.

So what’s the answer? Should I take up mammoth-hunting in an attempt to appeal to the friendship centers of men’s primal lizardbrains? Should I keep making guy “friends” and then prevent them from making a move on me by subtly undermining their self-confidence? Should I just give up on those manipulative, game-playing, two-faced bastards once and for all? I don’t know. I mean, I’d really like to have a true friendship with a guy someday, but it’s so hard to trust and respect them when they never say what they mean—and you never know when you might be relegated to the girlfriend-zone.

(link)

I thought that this was pretty funny and a good alternate perspective on the "friend zone" some men (typically Nice Guys^TM) claim to find themselves in. Of course my position is that nobody owes you affection and if you go around pretending to want friendship from a person while really wanting a romantic relationship, you don't have much ground to stand on when you complain that a person takes your offer of friendship at face value.

Let me just tell you something little Missy, hitting off with someone of the opposite gender often creates intimacy, intimacy breeds trust, respect, comfort, and obviously infatuation. Having a close, personal relationship while being platonic is rare in a guy. And if you really cherished him like the ones you mentioned above, then you are really asking for it. Listening to him? Playing video-games with him? The hiking, the parties?

Its all sending a signal to the guy that you consider him important enough to give him attention, which is rare in women these days, and when he really thinks that he won't find any girl like you in life, he'll know you're a keeper and ask you out. Because in his boyish mind, you're a rare type of girl, not like the careless, petty common sluts these days, but a genuine lover he will enjoy spending the rest of his life with.

And how dare you complain being in the "Girl friend zone" when he is suffering and confused in the "Friendzone".

If you really don't want to make a potential boyfriend out of the poor dude, then you should bring several other people in the circle, not just you two, that way, he'll just think that he's another one of your close friends and he would think you're treating them just the same.
That, or, if you really wan't to make sure he won't make a move, have a boyfriend already, that way, he'll know his boundaries and still remain close. Discuss these matters with your boyfriend though, so that he won't think you're cheating on him.

[Anachronous Rex]

This satirical piece came up on my facebook feed and I thought that it might be appreciated here.

Why Do Men Keep Putting Me in the Girlfriend-Zone?

You know how it is, right, ladies? You know a guy for a while. You hang out with him. You do fun things with him—play video games, watch movies, go hiking, go to concerts. You invite him to your parties. You listen to his problems. You do all this because you think he wants to be your friend.

But then, then comes the fateful moment where you find out that all this time, he’s only seen you as a potential girlfriend. And then if you turn him down, he may never speak to you again. This has happened to me time after time: I hit it off with a guy, and, for all that I’ve been burned in the past, I start to think that this one might actually care about me as a person. And then he asks me on a date.

I tell him how much I enjoy his company, how much I value his friendship. I tell him that I really want to be his friend and to continue hanging out with him and talking about our favorite books or exploring new restaurants or making fun of avant-garde theatre productions. But he rejects me. He doesn’t answer my calls or e-mails; if we’d been making plans to do something before this fateful incident, these plans mysteriously fail to materialize. (This is why I never did get around to seeing the Hunger Games movie. Not to name any names, but thanks a lot, Tom.) Later, when I run into him at social events, our conversations are awkward and lukewarm. This is because the moment we met, he put me in the girlfriend-zone, and now he can’t see me as friend material.

I must say that I find this really unfair. I mean, I’m a nice girl. I have a lot to offer as a friend, like not being a douchebag and stuff. But males just don’t want to be friends with nice girls like me. They can’t help it, I guess; it’s just how they’re wired, biologically. Evolution conditioned our male hominid ancestors to seek nice girls as mates and form friendship bonds only with the other dudes that they hunted mammoths with. It’s true—I know this because I studied hominids in my fifth-grade science class.

So what’s the answer? Should I take up mammoth-hunting in an attempt to appeal to the friendship centers of men’s primal lizardbrains? Should I keep making guy “friends” and then prevent them from making a move on me by subtly undermining their self-confidence? Should I just give up on those manipulative, game-playing, two-faced bastards once and for all? I don’t know. I mean, I’d really like to have a true friendship with a guy someday, but it’s so hard to trust and respect them when they never say what they mean—and you never know when you might be relegated to the girlfriend-zone.

(link)

I thought that this was pretty funny and a good alternate perspective on the "friend zone" some men (typically Nice Guys^TM) claim to find themselves in. Of course my position is that nobody owes you affection and if you go around pretending to want friendship from a person while really wanting a romantic relationship, you don't have much ground to stand on when you complain that a person takes your offer of friendship at face value.

Let me just tell you something little Missy, hitting off with someone of the opposite gender often creates intimacy, intimacy breeds trust, respect, comfort, and obviously infatuation. Having a close, personal relationship while being platonic is rare in a guy. And if you really cherished him like the ones you mentioned above, then you are really asking for it. Listening to him? Playing video-games with him? The hiking, the parties?

Its all sending a signal to the guy that you consider him important enough to give him attention, which is rare in women these days, and when he really thinks that he won't find any girl like you in life, he'll know you're a keeper and ask you out. Because in his boyish mind, you're a rare type of girl, not like the careless, petty common sluts these days, but a genuine lover he will enjoy spending the rest of his life with.

And how dare you complain being in the "Girl friend zone" when he is suffering and confused in the "Friendzone".

If you really don't want to make a potential boyfriend out of the poor dude, then you should bring several other people in the circle, not just you two, that way, he'll just think that he's another one of your close friends and he would think you're treating them just the same.
That, or, if you really wan't to make sure he won't make a move, have a boyfriend already, that way, he'll know his boundaries and still remain close. Discuss these matters with your boyfriend though, so that he won't think you're cheating on him.

In my case it bred children. I must have been doing it wrong.

[Individuality-ness]

well in all honesty, i've never really wanted to hang out or be friends with a girl who i think is ugly. so more than likely if a guy is going to hang out with you a lot and go hiking and concerts and what not. he probably just wants to have sexy time or date. but then again their are those rare occasions.

Because the only reason a guy wants to hang out with a girl is because he wants to bang her, and if he doesn't want to bang her, he's either gay or the girl's ugly, since guys can't just want to hang out with a friend. *roll*

[Nadkor]

well in all honesty, i've never really wanted to hang out or be friends with a girl who i think is ugly. so more than likely if a guy is going to hang out with you a lot and go hiking and concerts and what not. he probably just wants to have sexy time or date. but then again their are those rare occasions.

On the other hand just because you can't manage to be friends with girls and apparently think they're only good for looking at doesn't mean that other guys can't or that they don't understand that girls are also people who you can be friends with.

[New England and The Maritimes]

The idea that someone is owed some specific interaction from someone else is the fault.

Nobody is owed friendship, and nobody is owed love. The ideal would be, if someone really doesn't want what you want, for you to fuck off and not act passive aggressive about it, that goes to both parties. If you can't reconcile your goals, it's not going to be a worthwhile interpersonal relationship.

[Nadkor]

This satirical piece came up on my facebook feed and I thought that it might be appreciated here.

Why Do Men Keep Putting Me in the Girlfriend-Zone?

You know how it is, right, ladies? You know a guy for a while. You hang out with him. You do fun things with him—play video games, watch movies, go hiking, go to concerts. You invite him to your parties. You listen to his problems. You do all this because you think he wants to be your friend.

But then, then comes the fateful moment where you find out that all this time, he’s only seen you as a potential girlfriend. And then if you turn him down, he may never speak to you again. This has happened to me time after time: I hit it off with a guy, and, for all that I’ve been burned in the past, I start to think that this one might actually care about me as a person. And then he asks me on a date.

I tell him how much I enjoy his company, how much I value his friendship. I tell him that I really want to be his friend and to continue hanging out with him and talking about our favorite books or exploring new restaurants or making fun of avant-garde theatre productions. But he rejects me. He doesn’t answer my calls or e-mails; if we’d been making plans to do something before this fateful incident, these plans mysteriously fail to materialize. (This is why I never did get around to seeing the Hunger Games movie. Not to name any names, but thanks a lot, Tom.) Later, when I run into him at social events, our conversations are awkward and lukewarm. This is because the moment we met, he put me in the girlfriend-zone, and now he can’t see me as friend material.

I must say that I find this really unfair. I mean, I’m a nice girl. I have a lot to offer as a friend, like not being a douchebag and stuff. But males just don’t want to be friends with nice girls like me. They can’t help it, I guess; it’s just how they’re wired, biologically. Evolution conditioned our male hominid ancestors to seek nice girls as mates and form friendship bonds only with the other dudes that they hunted mammoths with. It’s true—I know this because I studied hominids in my fifth-grade science class.

So what’s the answer? Should I take up mammoth-hunting in an attempt to appeal to the friendship centers of men’s primal lizardbrains? Should I keep making guy “friends” and then prevent them from making a move on me by subtly undermining their self-confidence? Should I just give up on those manipulative, game-playing, two-faced bastards once and for all? I don’t know. I mean, I’d really like to have a true friendship with a guy someday, but it’s so hard to trust and respect them when they never say what they mean—and you never know when you might be relegated to the girlfriend-zone.

(link)

I thought that this was pretty funny and a good alternate perspective on the "friend zone" some men (typically Nice Guys^TM) claim to find themselves in. Of course my position is that nobody owes you affection and if you go around pretending to want friendship from a person while really wanting a romantic relationship, you don't have much ground to stand on when you complain that a person takes your offer of friendship at face value.

Let me just tell you something little Missy, hitting off with someone of the opposite gender often creates intimacy, intimacy breeds trust, respect, comfort, and obviously infatuation. Having a close, personal relationship while being platonic is rare in a guy. And if you really cherished him like the ones you mentioned above, then you are really asking for it. Listening to him? Playing video-games with him? The hiking, the parties?

Its all sending a signal to the guy that you consider him important enough to give him attention, which is rare in women these days, and when he really thinks that he won't find any girl like you in life, he'll know you're a keeper and ask you out. Because in his boyish mind, you're a rare type of girl, not like the careless, petty common sluts these days, but a genuine lover he will enjoy spending the rest of his life with.

And how dare you complain being in the "Girl friend zone" when he is suffering and confused in the "Friendzone".

If you really don't want to make a potential boyfriend out of the poor dude, then you should bring several other people in the circle, not just you two, that way, he'll just think that he's another one of your close friends and he would think you're treating them just the same.
That, or, if you really wan't to make sure he won't make a move, have a boyfriend already, that way, he'll know his boundaries and still remain close. Discuss these matters with your boyfriend though, so that he won't think you're cheating on him.

You know, I genuinely can't tell...

[EnragedMaldivians]

This satirical piece came up on my facebook feed and I thought that it might be appreciated here.

Why Do Men Keep Putting Me in the Girlfriend-Zone?

You know how it is, right, ladies? You know a guy for a while. You hang out with him. You do fun things with him—play video games, watch movies, go hiking, go to concerts. You invite him to your parties. You listen to his problems. You do all this because you think he wants to be your friend.

But then, then comes the fateful moment where you find out that all this time, he’s only seen you as a potential girlfriend. And then if you turn him down, he may never speak to you again. This has happened to me time after time: I hit it off with a guy, and, for all that I’ve been burned in the past, I start to think that this one might actually care about me as a person. And then he asks me on a date.

I tell him how much I enjoy his company, how much I value his friendship. I tell him that I really want to be his friend and to continue hanging out with him and talking about our favorite books or exploring new restaurants or making fun of avant-garde theatre productions. But he rejects me. He doesn’t answer my calls or e-mails; if we’d been making plans to do something before this fateful incident, these plans mysteriously fail to materialize. (This is why I never did get around to seeing the Hunger Games movie. Not to name any names, but thanks a lot, Tom.) Later, when I run into him at social events, our conversations are awkward and lukewarm. This is because the moment we met, he put me in the girlfriend-zone, and now he can’t see me as friend material.

I must say that I find this really unfair. I mean, I’m a nice girl. I have a lot to offer as a friend, like not being a douchebag and stuff. But males just don’t want to be friends with nice girls like me. They can’t help it, I guess; it’s just how they’re wired, biologically. Evolution conditioned our male hominid ancestors to seek nice girls as mates and form friendship bonds only with the other dudes that they hunted mammoths with. It’s true—I know this because I studied hominids in my fifth-grade science class.

So what’s the answer? Should I take up mammoth-hunting in an attempt to appeal to the friendship centers of men’s primal lizardbrains? Should I keep making guy “friends” and then prevent them from making a move on me by subtly undermining their self-confidence? Should I just give up on those manipulative, game-playing, two-faced bastards once and for all? I don’t know. I mean, I’d really like to have a true friendship with a guy someday, but it’s so hard to trust and respect them when they never say what they mean—and you never know when you might be relegated to the girlfriend-zone.

(link)

I thought that this was pretty funny and a good alternate perspective on the "friend zone" some men (typically Nice Guys^TM) claim to find themselves in. Of course my position is that nobody owes you affection and if you go around pretending to want friendship from a person while really wanting a romantic relationship, you don't have much ground to stand on when you complain that a person takes your offer of friendship at face value.

Let me just tell you something little Missy, hitting off with someone of the opposite gender often creates intimacy, intimacy breeds trust, respect, comfort, and obviously infatuation. Having a close, personal relationship while being platonic is rare in a guy. And if you really cherished him like the ones you mentioned above, then you are really asking for it. Listening to him? Playing video-games with him? The hiking, the parties?

Its all sending a signal to the guy that you consider him important enough to give him attention, which is rare in women these days, and when he really thinks that he won't find any girl like you in life, he'll know you're a keeper and ask you out. Because in his boyish mind, you're a rare type of girl, not like the careless, petty common sluts these days, but a genuine lover he will enjoy spending the rest of his life with.

And how dare you complain being in the "Girl friend zone" when he is suffering and confused in the "Friendzone".

If you really don't want to make a potential boyfriend out of the poor dude, then you should bring several other people in the circle, not just you two, that way, he'll just think that he's another one of your close friends and he would think you're treating them just the same.
That, or, if you really wan't to make sure he won't make a move, have a boyfriend already, that way, he'll know his boundaries and still remain close. Discuss these matters with your boyfriend though, so that he won't think you're cheating on him.

What an absolutely pathetic rant. It's almost as pathetic as the fact that you missed what not only was obvious satire, but obvious satire that was stated to be satire in the OP.

Let me just tell you something little Missy

Yeah, you sound like a keeper. Hahahahaha.

[Anachronous Rex]

well in all honesty, i've never really wanted to hang out or be friends with a girl who i think is ugly. so more than likely if a guy is going to hang out with you a lot and go hiking and concerts and what not. he probably just wants to have sexy time or date. but then again their are those rare occasions.

Because the only reason a guy wants to hang out with a girl is because he wants to bang her, and if he doesn't want to bang her, he's either gay or the girl's ugly, since guys can't just want to hang out with a friend. *roll*

I really hate to take this position, as it brings me into conflict with you my love, but I'm afraid that... I pretty much do want to bang all of my attractive female friends (almost be definition, they "attract" me, after all.)

The bit about not wanting to hang out with unattractive women is bullshit, however.

[Dakini]

This satirical piece came up on my facebook feed and I thought that it might be appreciated here.

Why Do Men Keep Putting Me in the Girlfriend-Zone?

You know how it is, right, ladies? You know a guy for a while. You hang out with him. You do fun things with him—play video games, watch movies, go hiking, go to concerts. You invite him to your parties. You listen to his problems. You do all this because you think he wants to be your friend.

But then, then comes the fateful moment where you find out that all this time, he’s only seen you as a potential girlfriend. And then if you turn him down, he may never speak to you again. This has happened to me time after time: I hit it off with a guy, and, for all that I’ve been burned in the past, I start to think that this one might actually care about me as a person. And then he asks me on a date.

I tell him how much I enjoy his company, how much I value his friendship. I tell him that I really want to be his friend and to continue hanging out with him and talking about our favorite books or exploring new restaurants or making fun of avant-garde theatre productions. But he rejects me. He doesn’t answer my calls or e-mails; if we’d been making plans to do something before this fateful incident, these plans mysteriously fail to materialize. (This is why I never did get around to seeing the Hunger Games movie. Not to name any names, but thanks a lot, Tom.) Later, when I run into him at social events, our conversations are awkward and lukewarm. This is because the moment we met, he put me in the girlfriend-zone, and now he can’t see me as friend material.

I must say that I find this really unfair. I mean, I’m a nice girl. I have a lot to offer as a friend, like not being a douchebag and stuff. But males just don’t want to be friends with nice girls like me. They can’t help it, I guess; it’s just how they’re wired, biologically. Evolution conditioned our male hominid ancestors to seek nice girls as mates and form friendship bonds only with the other dudes that they hunted mammoths with. It’s true—I know this because I studied hominids in my fifth-grade science class.

So what’s the answer? Should I take up mammoth-hunting in an attempt to appeal to the friendship centers of men’s primal lizardbrains? Should I keep making guy “friends” and then prevent them from making a move on me by subtly undermining their self-confidence? Should I just give up on those manipulative, game-playing, two-faced bastards once and for all? I don’t know. I mean, I’d really like to have a true friendship with a guy someday, but it’s so hard to trust and respect them when they never say what they mean—and you never know when you might be relegated to the girlfriend-zone.

(link)

I thought that this was pretty funny and a good alternate perspective on the "friend zone" some men (typically Nice Guys^TM) claim to find themselves in. Of course my position is that nobody owes you affection and if you go around pretending to want friendship from a person while really wanting a romantic relationship, you don't have much ground to stand on when you complain that a person takes your offer of friendship at face value.

Let me just tell you something little Missy, hitting off with someone of the opposite gender often creates intimacy, intimacy breeds trust, respect, comfort, and obviously infatuation. Having a close, personal relationship while being platonic is rare in a guy. And if you really cherished him like the ones you mentioned above, then you are really asking for it. Listening to him? Playing video-games with him? The hiking, the parties?

Its all sending a signal to the guy that you consider him important enough to give him attention, which is rare in women these days, and when he really thinks that he won't find any girl like you in life, he'll know you're a keeper and ask you out. Because in his boyish mind, you're a rare type of girl, not like the careless, petty common sluts these days, but a genuine lover he will enjoy spending the rest of his life with.

And how dare you complain being in the "Girl friend zone" when he is suffering and confused in the "Friendzone".

If you really don't want to make a potential boyfriend out of the poor dude, then you should bring several other people in the circle, not just you two, that way, he'll just think that he's another one of your close friends and he would think you're treating them just the same.
That, or, if you really wan't to make sure he won't make a move, have a boyfriend already, that way, he'll know his boundaries and still remain close. Discuss these matters with your boyfriend though, so that he won't think you're cheating on him.

I really hope that you're just adding to the parody aspect here.

And that you're not addressing me given 1. that calling me "Missy" is fucking ridiculous since I'm probably older than you and 2. I have a partner who does not give a fuck that most of my friends are male (and amazingly, they don't want to bone me because adults are capable of having reasonable friendships), but really, if I was dating someone who had a problem with me having male friends, I'd dump his ass faster than he could finish that sentence.

Also:

wan't

This is not a contraction of anything.

[Choronzon]

Let me just tell you something little Missy, hitting off with someone of the opposite gender often creates intimacy, intimacy breeds trust, respect, comfort, and obviously infatuation. Having a close, personal relationship while being platonic is rare in a guy. And if you really cherished him like the ones you mentioned above, then you are really asking for it. Listening to him? Playing video-games with him? The hiking, the parties?

Its all sending a signal to the guy that you consider him important enough to give him attention, which is rare in women these days, and when he really thinks that he won't find any girl like you in life, he'll know you're a keeper and ask you out. Because in his boyish mind, you're a rare type of girl, not like the careless, petty common sluts these days, but a genuine lover he will enjoy spending the rest of his life with.

And how dare you complain being in the "Girl friend zone" when he is suffering and confused in the "Friendzone".

If you really don't want to make a potential boyfriend out of the poor dude, then you should bring several other people in the circle, not just you two, that way, he'll just think that he's another one of your close friends and he would think you're treating them just the same.
That, or, if you really wan't to make sure he won't make a move, have a boyfriend already, that way, he'll know his boundaries and still remain close. Discuss these matters with your boyfriend though, so that he won't think you're cheating on him.

You know, I genuinely can't tell...

Took the words right out of my mouth.

[New haven america]

well in all honesty, i've never really wanted to hang out or be friends with a girl who i think is ugly. so more than likely if a guy is going to hang out with you a lot and go hiking and concerts and what not. he probably just wants to have sexy time or date. but then again their are those rare occasions.

So, only looks, really?
You're saying the only reason guys hang out with girls is get in their pants, that's sexist basically.
Also, sounds like a suckish personality.

[Anachronous Rex]

The idea that someone is owed some specific interaction from someone else is the fault.

Nobody is owed friendship, and nobody is owed love. The ideal would be, if someone really doesn't want what you want, for you to fuck off and not act passive aggressive about it, that goes to both parties. If you can't reconcile your goals, it's not going to be a worthwhile interpersonal relationship.

Very much this.

Although I might take exception in the case of children with respect to their parents (phone it in at least.) Obviously that's not exactly what we're talking about here, however.

[Choronzon]

well in all honesty, i've never really wanted to hang out or be friends with a girl who i think is ugly. so more than likely if a guy is going to hang out with you a lot and go hiking and concerts and what not. he probably just wants to have sexy time or date. but then again their are those rare occasions.

Don't project your shitty behavior onto me.

[Cannot think of a name]

well in all honesty, i've never really wanted to hang out or be friends with a girl who i think is ugly. so more than likely if a guy is going to hang out with you a lot and go hiking and concerts and what not. he probably just wants to have sexy time or date. but then again their are those rare occasions.

Don't project your shitty behavior onto me.

So often in threads like these I want to shout at the 'guys' trying to defend 'guys' "STOP HELPING! Just...just you be shitty, there's no need to drag me into this, man..."

[Arkhane]

Let me just tell you something little Missy, hitting off with someone of the opposite gender often creates intimacy, intimacy breeds trust, respect, comfort, and obviously infatuation. Having a close, personal relationship while being platonic is rare in a guy. And if you really cherished him like the ones you mentioned above, then you are really asking for it. Listening to him? Playing video-games with him? The hiking, the parties?

Its all sending a signal to the guy that you consider him important enough to give him attention, which is rare in women these days, and when he really thinks that he won't find any girl like you in life, he'll know you're a keeper and ask you out. Because in his boyish mind, you're a rare type of girl, not like the careless, petty common sluts these days, but a genuine lover he will enjoy spending the rest of his life with.

And how dare you complain being in the "Girl friend zone" when he is suffering and confused in the "Friendzone".

If you really don't want to make a potential boyfriend out of the poor dude, then you should bring several other people in the circle, not just you two, that way, he'll just think that he's another one of your close friends and he would think you're treating them just the same.
That, or, if you really wan't to make sure he won't make a move, have a boyfriend already, that way, he'll know his boundaries and still remain close. Discuss these matters with your boyfriend though, so that he won't think you're cheating on him.

What an absolutely pathetic rant. It's almost as pathetic as the fact that you missed what not only was obvious satire, but obvious satire that was stated to be satire in the OP.

Let me just tell you something little Missy

Yeah, you sound like a keeper. Hahahahaha.

My rant isn't pathetic, this is:

OH MY GOSH WHAT AN UNGRATEFUL LITTLE F*** YOU'RE SO FULL OF YOURSELF, BLAHABLAHBLAH, MY GOODNESS KILL IT WITH FIRE!! YOU ARE AN INSULT TO MANY BOYS WHO WANT TO HAVE A DECENT RELATIONSHIP OH MY GOODNESS F***** ***** *** YOU PUSSY-DOUCHE!!! THERE IS A SPECIAL PLACE IN HELL FOR PEOPLE LIKE YOU, YOU ARE ONE BITCH ASKING FOR IT, YOU MAY ACT ALL NICE BUT I KNOW WHAT YOU REALLY DO! YOU JUST PUT THE CARROT IN FRONT OF THE DUDE SO HE'LL MOVE FORWARD WHILE YOU RIDE HIM, OMG OMG YOU IS A VERY PATHETIC WASTE OF SPACE NERF, NERF, NERF, NEVER WOULD HAVE BELIEVED PEOPLE LIKE YOU EXISTED, MY GOODNESS YOU'RE HORRIBLE, DEPRAVED BLAHABLABLAH
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That is a rant, and its very common in satirical articles like this, so forgive me little Missy if that was pathetic.