Child Discipline

[Torcularis Septentrionalis]

Showing disapproval works with many toddlers. A toddler is not old enough to understand why they are being spanked, they just know that mommy/daddy made them hurt. They are capable of understanding that, when they threw a meatball, mommy said no and didn't look happy with them.

Bad example. Toddlers hate displeasing parents. But it works better in the years from around 4th-9th grade. Looking back, son of a single mom who was too small to discipline, ugh. Bad. I will make sure that my kids (especially boys) know dad is still way stronger than them and can enforce the rules when they are rambunctious hormonal retards like I was.

When I was in 4th grade, my parents used words and punishments, not violence, to tell me when I was wrong. I respected them for that. By the time I was in 7th grade they were hurting me when I did something wrong and refused to listen to what I had to say. I didn't respect that, I didn't listen, and I sure as hell didn't want to be near them. This continued until I left home, and now I've moved hours away from them, and will be moving even further away in a couple weeks, just to get away from them and erase them from my life.

[NERVUN]

I'd rather not... his other brother already taught him the concept of scary... so now he claims everything he doesn't like is scary.

Try using these:

I should try to find those... I mean, I got my eldest snuggling up to a plushie Cthulhu...

[Samuraikoku]

*Groans and mumbles something about GoBusters and sentai will be the death of him yet*

You should be proud.

That and... well, my sons are Japanese boys. There is not a Japanese male alive who at one point in time or another didn't have a passionate love affair with trains, some of them never grow out of it and Thomas is perfect when you're young.

Thus why at age 34 and with an MA I can name a horde of engines and sing that damn Engine Roll Call song and ID them by their whistles because if I couldn't, I would be quickly schooled by a toddler. There is NOTHING like a little boy to note every single fricken detail for something he loves and memorize it!

Well if you're not proud of them being Sentai fans, you can be proud seriously for their learning.

[Norstal]

spankings are inappropriate. A mere "That's bad" in a harsh tone will (likely) do.

Well that's only if they care about what you say. And plus a reasonable amount of physical pain actually bypasses conscious areas of the brain, and good behavior becomes a reflex almost. Classical conditioning.

If you're teaching discipline through classical conditioning instead of operant condition, they wouldn't know the purpose of it.

More than that, the 4 above can be done without spanking. If those non-spanking methods fail, that's a problem with learning, which means that spanking wouldn't work anyways. Or it might, as you said with classical conditioning, but you're not solving the bigger issue.

[Soldati Senza Confini]

I will be rather upset at first and push them back in line (not by hitting them though, just by raising my tone of voice), but then I would laugh about it and explain it to them.

So I take it you're infallible and your children must remain subservient to you throughout their life.

I never said I was infallible, and I would never let them disrespect me.

I WANT them to be independent, however I don't want them to disrespect me. It's a fine line between letting them have freedom and having them trample all over you.

[Dazchan]

I was spanked, and I will spank my child. I had my hand slapped, and I will slap my child's hand.

'Nuff said for me.

So because it happened to you, it's acceptable to inflict it on others?

Good thing you weren't raped as a child, then, isn't it?

[The Orbital Death Ray]

My dad used to beat me, for any and every reason. It was more psychologically traumatizing than anything, and turned this promising straight A student into a miserable, flunking rebel. So, I turned around and started beating HIM.

I treat my own daughter like an intellectual adult, explaining things to her and talking things out. Calmly explaining to her why we can or cannot do something just about always works. When she gets unreasonable, as all children may do, depriving her of her immediate want or putting her off in a chair for a few minutes is more than enough punishment.

[NERVUN]

Showing disapproval works with many toddlers. A toddler is not old enough to understand why they are being spanked, they just know that mommy/daddy made them hurt. They are capable of understanding that, when they threw a meatball, mommy said no and didn't look happy with them.

Bad example. Toddlers hate displeasing parents. But it works better in the years from around 4th-9th grade. Looking back, son of a single mom who was too small to discipline, ugh. Bad. I will make sure that my kids (especially boys) know dad is still way stronger than them and can enforce the rules when they are rambunctious hormonal retards like I was.

I hate to tell you this, but I was raised by a very short (I mean VERY short, the top of my mother's head is chest high on me) single mom for most of my young life as she didn't remarry after losing my father for over a decade.

She had a good grip on discipline and she was not above reminding me, even when I hit my full adult height, that she could still reach up and grab my ear if need be.

[NERVUN]

Children do that, that is the nature of children as well. They will ALWAYS test the boundaries, sometimes just to make sure they are there.

I understand, which is why I don't think being authoritarian and putting them a step back is necessarily a bad thing. You can always explain later why you made the decision, but sometimes you have to make decisions on the fly. My dad knows, he has had to deal with 6 teenagers.

Depends on the situation and the age of the kid. "Because I said so" doesn't work as well with older kids in non-harmful situations.

[Threlizdun]

So I take it you're infallible and your children must remain subservient to you throughout their life.

I never said I was infallible, and I would never let them disrespect me.

Such a statement assumes that you will never do anything worthy of disrespect though.

I WANT them to be independent, however I don't want them to disrespect me. It's a fine line between letting them have freedom and having them trample all over you.

Having your child openly challenge you is not trampling all over you.

[Flaxxony-Setram]

Bad example. Toddlers hate displeasing parents. But it works better in the years from around 4th-9th grade. Looking back, son of a single mom who was too small to discipline, ugh. Bad. I will make sure that my kids (especially boys) know dad is still way stronger than them and can enforce the rules when they are rambunctious hormonal retards like I was.

When I was in 4th grade, my parents used words and punishments, not violence, to tell me when I was wrong. I respected them for that. By the time I was in 7th grade they were hurting me when I did something wrong and refused to listen to what I had to say. I didn't respect that, I didn't listen, and I sure as hell didn't want to be near them. This continued until I left home, and now I've moved hours away from them, and will be moving even further away in a couple weeks, just to get away from them and erase them from my life.

First of all, not explaining something is what caused the problem. Second of all you said "words and punishments" worked. Exactly what I advocate; explanation of why it was stupid and then a paddle to the ass. I would never beat the shit out of my kid and refuse to explain shit

[Zweite Alaje]

Indeed, there's also the kids who openly challenge parents, which isn't cool either.

An observation from your child is valuable, an open challenge is not.

I will be proud when my child openly challenges me.

I wouldn't, that is a sign of disrespect. That is belt worthy behavior.

[Torcularis Septentrionalis]

When I was in 4th grade, my parents used words and punishments, not violence, to tell me when I was wrong. I respected them for that. By the time I was in 7th grade they were hurting me when I did something wrong and refused to listen to what I had to say. I didn't respect that, I didn't listen, and I sure as hell didn't want to be near them. This continued until I left home, and now I've moved hours away from them, and will be moving even further away in a couple weeks, just to get away from them and erase them from my life.

First of all, not explaining something is what caused the problem. Second of all you said "words and punishments" worked. Exactly what I advocate; explanation of why it was stupid and then a paddle to the ass. I would never beat the shit out of my kid and refuse to explain shit

A "paddle to the ass" is violence, not punishment.

[Torcularis Septentrionalis]

I will be proud when my child openly challenges me.

I wouldn't, that is a sign of disrespect. That is belt worthy behavior.

Disrespecting you is not an inherently bad thing. You can turn it into a learning experience.

[Flaxxony-Setram]

Bad example. Toddlers hate displeasing parents. But it works better in the years from around 4th-9th grade. Looking back, son of a single mom who was too small to discipline, ugh. Bad. I will make sure that my kids (especially boys) know dad is still way stronger than them and can enforce the rules when they are rambunctious hormonal retards like I was.

I hate to tell you this, but I was raised by a very short (I mean VERY short, the top of my mother's head is chest high on me) single mom for most of my young life as she didn't remarry after losing my father for over a decade.

She had a good grip on discipline and she was not above reminding me, even when I hit my full adult height, that she could still reach up and grab my ear if need be.

But see, she still instilled in you that she could have authority when you got cocky. My mom should have slapped me access the face a couple of times HARD. I wouldn't have retaliated; hitting women is weak

[Soldati Senza Confini]

When I was in 4th grade, my parents used words and punishments, not violence, to tell me when I was wrong. I respected them for that. By the time I was in 7th grade they were hurting me when I did something wrong and refused to listen to what I had to say. I didn't respect that, I didn't listen, and I sure as hell didn't want to be near them. This continued until I left home, and now I've moved hours away from them, and will be moving even further away in a couple weeks, just to get away from them and erase them from my life.

For me it was the opposite.

My dad didn't let me do much when I was a child. As I grew up he started to give me more freedom and more responsibilities. He placed a clear hierarchy at home, but he never wantonly disrespected us. He never hit me though except for three times when I did deserve it. I still respect my dad to this day because most of his decisions, even though he's always told me "because I say so", have turned out to be the best choices he could have come up with at the time in the long run.

[NERVUN]

I never said I was infallible, and I would never let them disrespect me.

Such a statement assumes that you will never do anything worthy of disrespect though.

I WANT them to be independent, however I don't want them to disrespect me. It's a fine line between letting them have freedom and having them trample all over you.

Having your child openly challenge you is not trampling all over you.

I can kinda see where he's coming from, though perhaps not stating it as well as it could be.

It's knowing that you ARE the parent (Or teacher) and thus are the adult in charge. That doesn't make you infallible, nor does it mean you cannot nor should not listen to the children in your care, but it does mean yours is the final decision because yours is also the responsibility.

[Zweite Alaje]

I wouldn't, that is a sign of disrespect. That is belt worthy behavior.

Disrespecting you is not an inherently bad thing. You can turn it into a learning experience.

How is that?

[Flaxxony-Setram]

First of all, not explaining something is what caused the problem. Second of all you said "words and punishments" worked. Exactly what I advocate; explanation of why it was stupid and then a paddle to the ass. I would never beat the shit out of my kid and refuse to explain shit

A "paddle to the ass" is violence, not punishment.

Not mutually exclusive. Question was did it work? And efficient?

Paddle gets the point across.

[NERVUN]

I hate to tell you this, but I was raised by a very short (I mean VERY short, the top of my mother's head is chest high on me) single mom for most of my young life as she didn't remarry after losing my father for over a decade.

She had a good grip on discipline and she was not above reminding me, even when I hit my full adult height, that she could still reach up and grab my ear if need be.

But see, she still instilled in you that she could have authority when you got cocky. My mom should have slapped me access the face a couple of times HARD. I wouldn't have retaliated; hitting women is weak

I admit my mother spanked me when I was young (Well, until the day my butt finally broke the spoon), but it wasn't the spankings that instilled disciplined, it was the fact that I loved her and respected her because she did the same for me.

Didn't mean I wasn't a cocky twerp who needed a 'tude adjustment like many teens, but it did mean that at the end, we all knew she was the boss of the house.

[Torcularis Septentrionalis]

When I was in 4th grade, my parents used words and punishments, not violence, to tell me when I was wrong. I respected them for that. By the time I was in 7th grade they were hurting me when I did something wrong and refused to listen to what I had to say. I didn't respect that, I didn't listen, and I sure as hell didn't want to be near them. This continued until I left home, and now I've moved hours away from them, and will be moving even further away in a couple weeks, just to get away from them and erase them from my life.

For me it was the opposite.

My dad didn't let me do much when I was a child. As I grew up he started to give me more freedom and more responsibilities. He placed a clear hierarchy at home, but he never wantonly disrespected us. He never hit me though except for three times when I did deserve it. I still respect my dad to this day because most of his decisions, even though he's always told me "because I say so", have turned out to be the best choices he could have come up with at the time in the long run.

The first time my mother hit me was the first time I tried to commit suicide.

[Zweite Alaje]

A "paddle to the ass" is violence, not punishment.

Not mutually exclusive. Question was did it work? And efficient?

Paddle gets the point across.

I can verify that, my parents used a paddle on me when I repeated an offense.....I didn't do it again.

[Torcularis Septentrionalis]

A "paddle to the ass" is violence, not punishment.

Not mutually exclusive. Question was did it work? And efficient?

Paddle gets the point across.

Paddle is unnecessary and a violation of the child's right to not be purposefully put in pain.

[NERVUN]

A "paddle to the ass" is violence, not punishment.

Not mutually exclusive. Question was did it work? And efficient?

Paddle gets the point across.

What point is actually getting across though? Don't do that or fear your parents because they will hurt you?

[Flaxxony-Setram]

For me it was the opposite.

My dad didn't let me do much when I was a child. As I grew up he started to give me more freedom and more responsibilities. He placed a clear hierarchy at home, but he never wantonly disrespected us. He never hit me though except for three times when I did deserve it. I still respect my dad to this day because most of his decisions, even though he's always told me "because I say so", have turned out to be the best choices he could have come up with at the time in the long run.

The first time my mother hit me was the first time I tried to commit suicide.

Well that is not normal. That was a problem with you not your mother. I would have had you see somebody if that's the case.