Child Discipline

[The New Sea Territory]

I'm raising my children to be very individual. Self-reliant. I'll treat them almost as my equal once they reach an age around...maybe 12 if they are mature enough, 13 if not.

[Uelvan]

Beating? No. Spanking? Yes. You don't have to spank your kid very hard either, since the point of a spanking isn't necessarily to hurt them, but to discipline them.

[Surfistan]

As an ex-victim of physical abuse, no, if you can't raise children without physically harming them, please don't have any.

Correctional spanking; maybe, really depends on the wrong doing.
Beating: Never, ever, that includes the belt, the towel, you don't beat discipline in a child, you learn it.

[The Addams Family]

My take: Child discipline = sibling rivalry.

[Saint Jade IV]

If it's not acceptable for a teacher to hit a child, I don't see why a parent should be given the right.

Because unlike a teacher, that's their child so they can parent how they see fit.

So you do support the right of fathers to sell their underage daughters into marriage with 60 year old men?

[Southern Babylonia]

i would go straight to grandparent. unless my kid lived with me too. nothing like torking the little ones up and give them back to mom and dad. payback is a beautiful thing.

Sadist.

Actually, I do have a discipline question. Saturday, I was house hunting with my son and his family (yep, we're going to do the three generations under one roof thing - I'm getting a beautiful 4-bedroom apartment in the basement - with a private entrance - oh, and my own laundry room). Anyway, my 14-month old grandson decided, in that whimsical, experimental way that children that age have, to take a chunk out of my son's arm - he bit him, apparently quite hard. My son's response was a sharp yelp of shock and a loud "NO", which caused my grandson to burst into loud, wailing tears. My son's response was guilt. I told him not to feel guilty since the raised voice and loud "NO" were clearly effective, no harm was done and it was certainly a vastly superior response to, say, a resounding whack upside the head. I think that this is probably the first time that anyone's ever raised a voice to Nathan. I think it was handled well. Does anyone have an opinion on how it might have been handled better?

I agree with that method completely, but a bit less loud of an initial shout might have contained the tears. At that age, just the "NO" would probably have made me say "Désolé, Papa" and hugged him or maybe given him a kiss where I'd hurt him, as my mom did to me when I banged my head as a child.

[Parhe]

Because unlike a teacher, that's their child so they can parent how they see fit.

So you do support the right of fathers to sell their underage daughters into marriage with 60 year old men?

No but if the fathers do it for their daughters' own good and to help them then I would in a way understand them.

[Saint Jade IV]

No. If they are grounded they understand why rules are, and why it is wrong to disobey. Bout 50% of the rules in our society are utter fallacy and they are only there because they are mindlessly enforced.The other half are necessary. If your kid plays with the power socket, spanking them is not agood way to deal with the situation. If the kid is a toddler just carry them away, this works with animals as well everytime they approach an off limits area, ground them and carry them away,it doesn1t matter that a two years old will not understand your arguments they can read from your tone(not yelling just a strict voice),if they get carred away they'll understand its A forbidden B meaningless to try.If they are older just explain that sockets are not toys beacause you'll get shocked and it hurts like hell, and you'll end up in hospital which is a terrible place.

Any sort of severe punishmnet just makes the following connection:
Those with the power decide what is good and what is not.They need not consider the needs or feelings of anyone else, and only those with power can decide what to do. Therefore I shall one day obtain and exercise power over others and only then I can be free.
Seriously everybody who were regularly abused,and did not grow up to be adults like this are wonderful persons.
And yes all physical punishment, except for the lightest smack(just to raise attention) in a truly, truly emergency situation, is abuse.

Not so sure about this. Sometimes I see children that make me feel sorry for the parents. Some parents seem to take abuse from their kids sometimes. A couple personal observations. And yes these are both extreme situations.

1) Mother takes a child into my local Bi-Lo just last week. Her child wants some cereal. Forget what kind, I think it was lucky charms. She tells the child no. That she bought them last time. He never touched them but once, went stale and they had to throw it out. This kid goes full out whine mode. When she tries to calm her down from making a large scene in a very public place he smacks her, knocks the cereal off the shelf and and just screams. A few moments later his mother is in tears, has no idea what to do and just cries. We had staff attempt to calm the child down which took a very long 5 minutes. Oh, and he got the lucky charms and walked out with a grin.

2) A father was at the DMV when I was waitin to take my driver's test. A child's battery died to his gameboy and demanded that his father take him to go get replacement batteries. When daddy says no that he needed to stay with him at the DMV child throws a fit. Cusses his fatherat around 10 years old. Cusses his father at 10 in public. An then his father tries to negotiate with him to improve his behavior.

When I was growing up I would not have dared tried this with my parents. Why? Because I would have got a belt. Yeah, I thought it was abuse when I was 10 but by the time I was 15 I was mature enough to understand the reasoning of how I acted and what happned. I was rewarded when I done well, and punished when I deserved it.

Because there is only anarchy or the belt. The only two possible options on the child discipline scale.

[Torcularis Septentrionalis]

So you do support the right of fathers to sell their underage daughters into marriage with 60 year old men?

No but if the fathers do it for their daughters' own good and to help them then I would in a way understand them.

Please tell me you are joking. If you aren't, I can't handle this forum anymore.

[Thanatttynia]

So you do support the right of fathers to sell their underage daughters into marriage with 60 year old men?

No but if the fathers do it for their daughters' own good and to help them then I would in a way understand them.

The important word is sell.
Do you think that a father should be allowed to sell his daughter? That's human trading/trafficking, generally regarded as bad.

[Imsogone]

No but if the fathers do it for their daughters' own good and to help them then I would in a way understand them.

Please tell me you are joking. If you aren't, I can't handle this forum anymore.

I suspect seriousness here, Torc. I'd personally like a citation showing me where any culture that follows this custom has ever had the good of any woman or girl at forefront. They might hand you a spurious rationale about seeing to her financial security, but, no.

[Saint Jade IV]

So you do support the right of fathers to sell their underage daughters into marriage with 60 year old men?

No but if the fathers do it for their daughters' own good and to help them then I would in a way understand them.

Wow. Just wow.

I really hope that people with your complete lack of concern for the wellbeing and rights of children don't work in child protection, or anywhere near children.

[Torcularis Septentrionalis]

Please tell me you are joking. If you aren't, I can't handle this forum anymore.

I suspect seriousness here, Torc. I'd personally like a citation showing me where any culture that follows this custom has ever had the good of any woman or girl at forefront. They might hand you a spurious rationale about seeing to her financial security, but, no.

But Immy, girls don't know any better. That's why they're property, duh.

[Imsogone]

I suspect seriousness here, Torc. I'd personally like a citation showing me where any culture that follows this custom has ever had the good of any woman or girl at forefront. They might hand you a spurious rationale about seeing to her financial security, but, no.

But Immy, girls don't know any better. That's why they're property, duh.

Of course. My parents love me, that's why I'm being forced to marry a dirty old man with ED that I've never met before in return for three goats, a bad-tempered camel and a milk cow.

[Torcularis Septentrionalis]

But Immy, girls don't know any better. That's why they're property, duh.

Of course. My parents love me, that's why I'm being forced to marry a dirty old man with ED that I've never met before in return for three goats, a bad-tempered camel and a milk cow.

That camel is the next Jesus, you heretic

[Saint Jade IV]

No but if the fathers do it for their daughters' own good and to help them then I would in a way understand them.

The important word is sell.
Do you think that a father should be allowed to sell his daughter? That's human trading/trafficking, generally regarded as bad.

In the majority of religions where the practice of forcible marriage takes place, either money, other forms of currency, or privileges are extended in exchange for the girl child.

I know of no culture where underage girls are forcibly married with no benefit to their family.

[The Joseon Dynasty]

But Immy, girls don't know any better. That's why they're property, duh.

Of course. My parents love me, that's why I'm being forced to marry a dirty old man with ED that I've never met before in return for three goats, a bad-tempered camel and a milk cow.

That's steep.

[Imsogone]

Of course. My parents love me, that's why I'm being forced to marry a dirty old man with ED that I've never met before in return for three goats, a bad-tempered camel and a milk cow.

That's steep.

Hey, when I was 13, I was hot.

[Galloism]

If it's not acceptable for a teacher to hit a child, I don't see why a parent should be given the right.

Actually, some schools still allow corporal punishment.

[Parhe]

No but if the fathers do it for their daughters' own good and to help them then I would in a way understand them.

The important word is sell.
Do you think that a father should be allowed to sell his daughter? That's human trading/trafficking, generally regarded as bad.

Yes. There have been times when if I were in the child's position I would have prefered it. For instance in the Qing Dynasty of China as well as others children of very improvished familes would be sold to greater lords or nobles because if the family kept them the child would have starved while if the child was sold the child would, statistically, live much much better off than otherwise and also the family would have gotten some money to feed themselves.

So yes, although i think it is bad, there are times where I would understand the person's position.

[Galloism]

The important word is sell.
Do you think that a father should be allowed to sell his daughter? That's human trading/trafficking, generally regarded as bad.

Yes. There have been times when if I were in the child's position I would have prefered it. For instance in the Qing Dynasty of China as well as others children of very improvished familes would be sold to greater lords or nobles because if the family kept them the child would have starved while if the child was sold the child would, statistically, live much much better off than otherwise and also the family would have gotten some money to feed themselves.

So yes, although i think it is bad, there are times where I would understand the person's position.

I'd say that a functioning social safety net is preferable to selling children to older men as partners, wouldn't you?

[Parhe]

No but if the fathers do it for their daughters' own good and to help them then I would in a way understand them.

Wow. Just wow.

I really hope that people with your complete lack of concern for the wellbeing and rights of children don't work in child protection, or anywhere near children.

It is because I care for the well being of the child and child's family I believe there are times it is understandable though, like I said before, I believe it is not right.

[In case y'all missed it the post asked if i support the right of a father to sell his child and my first word in my post was No.]

[Imsogone]

The important word is sell.
Do you think that a father should be allowed to sell his daughter? That's human trading/trafficking, generally regarded as bad.

Yes. There have been times when if I were in the child's position I would have prefered it. For instance in the Qing Dynasty of China as well as others children of very improvished familes would be sold to greater lords or nobles because if the family kept them the child would have starved while if the child was sold the child would, statistically, live much much better off than otherwise and also the family would have gotten some money to feed themselves.

So yes, although i think it is bad, there are times where I would understand the person's position.

Yeah, and they exposed deformed children and girls to the elements to die (a practice that continues, though more covertly).

I think we can do better.

[Parhe]

Yes. There have been times when if I were in the child's position I would have prefered it. For instance in the Qing Dynasty of China as well as others children of very improvished familes would be sold to greater lords or nobles because if the family kept them the child would have starved while if the child was sold the child would, statistically, live much much better off than otherwise and also the family would have gotten some money to feed themselves.

So yes, although i think it is bad, there are times where I would understand the person's position.

I'd say that a functioning social safety net is preferable to selling children to older men as partners, wouldn't you?

Yes but in some nations such as my example that does not exist and while it is a very good idea to start one it might not be done swiftly enough to save the life of that a child that is currently on the brink of death. Also the post never specifically said for what good the men was buying the child. While to some it was implied i just read it as an example of a child being sold. Not that that would make it any better or worse and also not saying it is the same.

[Thanatttynia]

If it's not acceptable for a teacher to hit a child, I don't see why a parent should be given the right.

Actually, some schools still allow corporal punishment.

Oh, I see. Well, they're not allowed to do it over here.

The important word is sell.
Do you think that a father should be allowed to sell his daughter? That's human trading/trafficking, generally regarded as bad.

In the majority of religions where the practice of forcible marriage takes place, either money, other forms of currency, or privileges are extended in exchange for the girl child.

I know of no culture where underage girls are forcibly married with no benefit to their family.

So you think that a human should be able to sell another human?