Child Discipline

[Khadgar]

if a child does something wrong that means they or others around them may not become as educated as possible, 1 beatings all it takes and they wont do it again, in the case of a child continueing to break the rules, giving them a warning isnt going to help anyone. when the childs grown up it will thank you for having a good job and house and reasonable income, everybody wins. :)

:palm: Really?

I hate to tell you this, but hitting a kid doesn't mean they won't do it again! Not unless you hit them hard enough of course, it's hard to do something again when dead or seriously injured.

Hitting the kid teaches them to not get caught again. And as soon as they figure out how to outsmart you they start to be dismissive of you. As soon as the kid figures out they're the smart one in the relationship and the parent is just a thug then the relationship has degraded to simply contempt for the parent.

[Ashmoria]

Really?

I hate to tell you this, but hitting a kid doesn't mean they won't do it again! Not unless you hit them hard enough of course, it's hard to do something again when dead or seriously injured.

Hitting the kid teaches them to not get caught again. And as soon as they figure out how to outsmart you they start to be dismissive of you. As soon as the kid figures out they're the smart one in the relationship and the parent is just a thug then the relationship has degraded to simply contempt for the parent.

and it teaches them to tough it out and hold you in contempt when your hitting no longer bothers them.

my husband's brother and sister in law spanked their kids for every freaking infraction. by the time the boy was 5 years old he would just look at them with defiance when they spanked him.

they decided to change their methods and their son is now a very responsible 30 year old.

[Yaltabaoth]

Hitting the kid teaches them to not get caught again. And as soon as they figure out how to outsmart you they start to be dismissive of you. As soon as the kid figures out they're the smart one in the relationship and the parent is just a thug then the relationship has degraded to simply contempt for the parent.

and it teaches them to tough it out and hold you in contempt when your hitting no longer bothers them.

my husband's brother and sister in law spanked their kids for every freaking infraction. by the time the boy was 5 years old he would just look at them with defiance when they spanked him.

they decided to change their methods and their son is now a very responsible 30 year old.

If the kid could still breathe after a spanking, clearly they didn't spank hard enough.

/obviouslytheoppositetowhatireallybelieve

[Ashmoria]

and it teaches them to tough it out and hold you in contempt when your hitting no longer bothers them.

my husband's brother and sister in law spanked their kids for every freaking infraction. by the time the boy was 5 years old he would just look at them with defiance when they spanked him.

they decided to change their methods and their son is now a very responsible 30 year old.

If the kid could still breathe after a spanking, clearly they didn't spank hard enough.

/obviouslytheoppositetowhatireallybelieve

that was the theory of the father of the boy down the street when I was growing up. the boy had to pretend to cry or the father would continue the "spanking" until he cried for real.

[Risottia]

NationStates sometimes you have to beat children good. I imagine that if I had any children who didn't now resent me or filed abuse charges on me multiple times they would agree. Some kids just aren't good and the only way to purify them is to either baptize them again or beat the child with the rod because the bible says the rod provides wisdom and even if you beat them they won't bleed so why not?

Because the Bible is full of uncivilized shit, would be my guess.

[Khadgar]

If the kid could still breathe after a spanking, clearly they didn't spank hard enough.

/obviouslytheoppositetowhatireallybelieve

that was the theory of the father of the boy down the street when I was growing up. the boy had to pretend to cry or the father would continue the "spanking" until he cried for real.

They stop eventually when their arm gets tired. Of course that just pisses 'em off more.

[Ashmoria]

that was the theory of the father of the boy down the street when I was growing up. the boy had to pretend to cry or the father would continue the "spanking" until he cried for real.

They stop eventually when their arm gets tired. Of course that just pisses 'em off more.

aye.

those were the good old days (1960s). that form of "discipline" is out of favor today.

[Paranizia]

Hitting a kid IS NOT THE WAY!

Sure they will be scared of punishment, but that is the problem.
You want your kids to fear you, but feel safe with you.

Plus if you hit your kids and they go out to church, school, parties, etc... People will ask questions about the marks on their face.
Hitting your kid could also influence the child to hit other kids when they do something wrong.
That is all I have to say

[Yaltabaoth]

If the kid could still breathe after a spanking, clearly they didn't spank hard enough.

/obviouslytheoppositetowhatireallybelieve

that was the theory of the father of the boy down the street when I was growing up. the boy had to pretend to cry or the father would continue the "spanking" until he cried for real.

I'm not sure I understand.
Was the spanking initially symbolic (ie not actually forceful enough to hurt) and would stop if/when the kid admitted wrong-doing - and in the absence of an admission the smacking would get progressively harder until either (a) contrition or (b) genuine tears of pain?
Or did the father just hit until the kid screamed?

[Risottia]

Hitting a kid IS NOT THE WAY!

Sure they will be scared of punishment, but that is the problem.
You want your kids to fear you, but feel safe with you.

Plus if you hit your kids and they go out to church, school, parties, etc... People will ask questions about the marks on their face.
Hitting your kid could also influence the child to hit other kids when they do something wrong.
That is all I have to say

You could add that mere punishment teaches them not to get caught doing it... not never to do it again.

[Yaltabaoth]

Hitting a kid IS NOT THE WAY!

Sure they will be scared of punishment, but that is the problem.
You want your kids to fear you, but feel safe with you.

Plus if you hit your kids and they go out to church, school, parties, etc... People will ask questions about the marks on their face.
Hitting your kid could also influence the child to hit other kids when they do something wrong.
That is all I have to say

Why would any parent want their kid to fear them?
Also there are many ways to hit someone without leaving an obvious mark.

[Mavorpen]

that was the theory of the father of the boy down the street when I was growing up. the boy had to pretend to cry or the father would continue the "spanking" until he cried for real.

They stop eventually when their arm gets tired. Of course that just pisses 'em off more.

This is why masturbation is important to improve arm strength.

[Yaltabaoth]

Hitting a kid IS NOT THE WAY!

Sure they will be scared of punishment, but that is the problem.
You want your kids to fear you, but feel safe with you.

Plus if you hit your kids and they go out to church, school, parties, etc... People will ask questions about the marks on their face.
Hitting your kid could also influence the child to hit other kids when they do something wrong.
That is all I have to say

You could add that mere punishment teaches them not to get caught doing it... not never to do it again.

This.
For the umpteenth fucking time in this thread, being beaten just taught me (a) to fear and hate my parents, and (b) to become better at telling them the lies they wanted to hear.

[Ashmoria]

that was the theory of the father of the boy down the street when I was growing up. the boy had to pretend to cry or the father would continue the "spanking" until he cried for real.

I'm not sure I understand.
Was the spanking initially symbolic (ie not actually forceful enough to hurt) and would stop if/when the kid admitted wrong-doing - and in the absence of an admission the smacking would get progressively harder until either (a) contrition or (b) genuine tears of pain?
Or did the father just hit until the kid screamed?

he hit him until the kid screamed. he wanted to be sure that he had inflicted enough punishment. I think he used a belt.

the kid didn't get the maximum, eh? he learned to pretend.

[Yaltabaoth]

I'm not sure I understand.
Was the spanking initially symbolic (ie not actually forceful enough to hurt) and would stop if/when the kid admitted wrong-doing - and in the absence of an admission the smacking would get progressively harder until either (a) contrition or (b) genuine tears of pain?
Or did the father just hit until the kid screamed?

he hit him until the kid screamed. he wanted to be sure that he had inflicted enough punishment. I think he used a belt.

the kid didn't get the maximum, eh? he learned to pretend.

Thanks for clarifying.
My parents used the "it's not punishment until he's hoarse from screaming" approach, so pretending wasn't really an option for me (pre-teens, anyway).

Edit: the kid shouldn't ever have gotten the "maximum", I hope you're not taking my post as some kind of assertion he "got off easy" or anything like that.
My parents mostly used the belt, but there were occasions where whatever-came-to-hand would be used (eg I remember my father breaking every wooden coat-hanger in the house on me once, after he ran out of kitchen spoons).

[Ashmoria]

he hit him until the kid screamed. he wanted to be sure that he had inflicted enough punishment. I think he used a belt.

the kid didn't get the maximum, eh? he learned to pretend.

Thanks for clarifying.
My parents used the "it's not punishment until he's hoarse from screaming" approach, so pretending wasn't really an option for me (pre-teens, anyway).

Edit: the kid shouldn't ever have gotten the "maximum", I hope you're not taking my post as some kind of assertion he "got off easy" or anything like that.
My parents mostly used the belt, but there were occasions where whatever-came-to-hand would be used (eg I remember my father breaking every wooden coat-hanger in the house on me once, after he ran out of kitchen spoons).

no I understand your post.

my nephew (totally different former boy from the one above) is in therapy now for PTSD from years of being abused by his father in ways similar to what you experienced. the effect of brutality like that lasts a lifetime.

[Coenston]

Hitting the kid teaches them to not get caught again. And as soon as they figure out how to outsmart you they start to be dismissive of you. As soon as the kid figures out they're the smart one in the relationship and the parent is just a thug then the relationship has degraded to simply contempt for the parent.

and it teaches them to tough it out and hold you in contempt when your hitting no longer bothers them.

my husband's brother and sister in law spanked their kids for every freaking infraction. by the time the boy was 5 years old he would just look at them with defiance when they spanked him.

they decided to change their methods and their son is now a very responsible 30 year old.

I might have missed something, but if i understood you correctly, he was spanked til the age of 29?

[Ashmoria]

and it teaches them to tough it out and hold you in contempt when your hitting no longer bothers them.

my husband's brother and sister in law spanked their kids for every freaking infraction. by the time the boy was 5 years old he would just look at them with defiance when they spanked him.

they decided to change their methods and their son is now a very responsible 30 year old.

I might have missed something, but if i understood you correctly, he was spanked til the age of 29?

lol no. im not sure how old he was when they switched methods but it wasn't much older than 5. they aren't so stupid that they noticed that their method wasn't working but still kept on with it.

[Terruana]

There are plenty of ways to punish a child which don't involve violence. Take away their toys or ground them or something. Geez.

[Royal Witch Realm]

rather, just educate a child about being moral and unmoral, gotta have patience, because they are still growing.

[Yaltabaoth]

Thanks for clarifying.
My parents used the "it's not punishment until he's hoarse from screaming" approach, so pretending wasn't really an option for me (pre-teens, anyway).

Edit: the kid shouldn't ever have gotten the "maximum", I hope you're not taking my post as some kind of assertion he "got off easy" or anything like that.
My parents mostly used the belt, but there were occasions where whatever-came-to-hand would be used (eg I remember my father breaking every wooden coat-hanger in the house on me once, after he ran out of kitchen spoons).

no I understand your post.

my nephew (totally different former boy from the one above) is in therapy now for PTSD from years of being abused by his father in ways similar to what you experienced. the effect of brutality like that lasts a lifetime.

Again, thanks for clarifying. And you're absolutely right that it lasts a lifetime.

It's almost funny, in a sad way.
When I ceased allowing my parents' abuse into my life, they made all kinds of justifications for what they had done - and all of those justifications focussed on what was wrong with me, rather than on them.

My mother sent me letter asserting that I had been hypnotised by an evil psycho-therapist, who had implanted false memories of abuse in my mind. (At the time I hadn't received any kind of counselling whatsoever)

My father posted on a public bulletin-board for "missing persons" that I was schizophrenic, and it was my "voices' that told me I'd been abused.
(I learned of the existence of this at work, of all places - it was during a quiet patch, and a work colleague, out of boredom, googled his own name, then the names of the rest of our team. So the first I learned of my supposed schizophrenia was when he asked, aloud, "hey *my name* do you really hear voices?" If I didn't already hate my parents enough...)

[Ovon]

well when i got in trouble i would get beat, but i deserved it i was also loved bye both my parents, i think that both love and a good knowing whats right and wrong is important, i got yelled at and no spanked i never learned a lesson that way i would just do it again but if i was spanked for doing something wrong i never did it again i was spanked as a child and i still love my parents because know that i'm grown up i know that they did it for my own good.

[Khadgar]

well when i got in trouble i would get beat, but i deserved it i was also loved bye both my parents, i think that both love and a good knowing whats right and wrong is important, i got yelled at and no spanked i never learned a lesson that way i would just do it again but if i was spanked for doing something wrong i never did it again i was spanked as a child and i still love my parents because know that i'm grown up i know that they did it for my own good.

And yet they never made you do your English homework.

[Ovon]

well when i got in trouble i would get beat, but i deserved it i was also loved bye both my parents, i think that both love and a good knowing whats right and wrong is important, i got yelled at and no spanked i never learned a lesson that way i would just do it again but if i was spanked for doing something wrong i never did it again i was spanked as a child and i still love my parents because know that i'm grown up i know that they did it for my own good.

And yet they never made you do your English homework.

because i always finished it before school was out

[Khadgar]

And yet they never made you do your English homework.

because i always finished it before school was out :)

By the way, the "I only hit you because you make me" is a classic abuser line.