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Unintentional double-entendres...

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Astholm
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Unintentional double-entendres...

Postby Astholm » Sat Nov 07, 2009 9:01 am

How often have you seen unintentional double entendres when out in town, on the Internet, or anywhere?
Here's some of my favo(u)rites: (these are slightly SFW)
Taken from a showbiz site discussing the BBC's sports coverage:
1. Pat Glenn, weightlifting commentator - "And this is Gregoriava from
Bulgaria. I saw her snatch this morning and it was amazing!"


2. New Zealand Rugby Commentator - "Andrew Mehrtens loves it when Daryl
Gibson comes inside of him."

3. Ted Walsh - Horse Racing Commentator - "This is really a lovely
horse. I once rode her mother."

4. Harry Carpenter at the Oxford-Cambridge boat race 1977 - "Ah, isn't
that nice. The wife of the Cambridge President is kissing the Cox of the
Oxford crew."

5. US PGA Commentator - "One of the reasons Arnie (Arnold Palmer) is
playing so well is that, before each tee shot, his wife takes out his
balls and kisses them .....

Oh my god!! What have I just said??"

6. Carenza Lewis about finding food in the Middle Ages on 'Time Team
Live' said: "You'd eat beaver if you could get it."


7. A female news anchor who, the day after it was supposed to have
snowed and didn't, turned to the weatherman and asked, "So Bob, where's
that eight inches you promised me last night?" Not only did HE have to
leave the set, but half the crew did too, because they were laughing so
hard!

8. Steve Ryder covering the US Masters: "Ballesteros felt much better
today after a 69 yesterday."

9. Clair Frisby talking about a jumbo hot dog on Look North said:
"There's nothing like a big hot sausage inside you on a cold night like
this."

10 Mike Hallett discussing missed snooker shots on Sky Sports: "Stephen
Hendry jumps on Steve Davis's misses every chance he gets."

11. Michael Buerk on watching Phillipa Forrester cuddle up to a male
astronomer for warmth during BBC1's UK eclipse coverage remarked: "They
seem cold out there, they're rubbing each other and he's only come in
his shorts."

12. Ken Brown commentating on golfer Nick Faldo and his caddie Fanny
Sunneson lining-up shots at the Scottish Open: "Some weeks Nick likes to
use Fanny, other weeks he prefers to do it by himself."


and this one:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3k0qZDdfvZk
(not quite that funny, but worth it anyway, for the hysterics it caused!)

plus:
http://www.nytimes.com/2006/10/02/washi ... r=homepage

Disclaimer: This is not spam, but a collection of humorous anecdotes. For comedy/educational purposes only.
Last edited by Astholm on Sat Nov 07, 2009 9:03 am, edited 1 time in total.
[spoiler=About Me]Based on the United Kingdom, but enlarged version with alternate history.
On IIWiki
I have multiple puppets here; only a select few are used to represent the continent of Astholm; others used represent Westholme, and do not artificially boost my nation's statistics.Previously i used puppets with nation names that did not identify as Astholm (e.g. Australis Australia; now all new puppets use ASTHLM, NORTHLM, SOUTHLM, WESTHLM (HLM denoting The Holmes.
NOTE: Other uses of Astholm here have a different continuity and refer to work created by the user Astholm, not the nation

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Milks Empire
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Postby Milks Empire » Sat Nov 07, 2009 10:43 am

Ruth Langsford: *shot of panting lion fades* "Hmm, nice pussy. The (unintelligible)-" *laughs* "Cat! Cat! Pussy cat!" *continues laughing*

Type her name into YouTube and you'll get part of that video.

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LOL ANARCHY NUBZ
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Postby LOL ANARCHY NUBZ » Sat Nov 07, 2009 11:57 am

Milks Empire wrote:Ruth Langsford: *shot of panting lion fades* "Hmm, nice pussy. The (unintelligible)-" *laughs* "Cat! Cat! Pussy cat!" *continues laughing*

Type her name into YouTube and you'll get part of that video.


I've always liked that one.

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Querinos
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Postby Querinos » Sat Nov 07, 2009 8:00 pm

I'm sure Glen Beck's Tea Bag party belongs here.

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Tech-gnosis
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Postby Tech-gnosis » Sat Nov 07, 2009 8:23 pm

Star wars:

Darth Vader to Emperor Palpatine, "I have... felt him, my master." It gets worse. The Emperor's line in reply, "Strange that I have not."

Han to Chewbacca "Get in there, ya big furry oaf. I don't care what you smell."

Lei to Tarkin ,"Governor Tarkin. I should have expected to find you holding Vader's leash."

Yoda to Luke, "Size matters not! Look at me. Judge me by my size, do you? Hmm? Hmm. And well you should not. For my ally is the Force, and a powerful ally it is."

Various other Star Wars quotes.

"Luke, at that speed, will you be able to pull out in time?"

"Look at the size of that thing!"

"You came in that thing? You're braver than I thought."

"I can't. It's too big."

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Tech-gnosis
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Postby Tech-gnosis » Sat Nov 07, 2009 8:25 pm

Harry Potter:

What d'you mean, I'm not brave in bed?" said Harry, completely nonplussed.

There was a groan of bedsprings, and Harry's mattress descended a few inches as George sat down near his feet. "So, got there yet?" said George eagerly.

"He's having a go at my mother!" Seamus yelled.

"I thought not," said Snape, watching him closely. "You let me get in too far. You lost control."

"Manners, Potter," said Snape dangerously. "Now, I want you to close your eyes." Harry threw him a filthy look before doing as he was told. He did not like the idea of standing there with his eyes shut while Snape faced him, carrying a wand.

He was on all fours again on Snape's office floor.
"Well, we'll soon find out, won't we?" said Snape smoothly. "Wand out, Potter."
Harry moved into his usual position...

He came quickly, as if a white flag had come out of his wand.

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Yaltabaoth
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Postby Yaltabaoth » Sat Nov 07, 2009 8:32 pm

Technically a Spoonerism, but my favourite has to be when NZ politician John Carter meant to accuse the Government of some "cunning stunts" and got it wrong...

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A Rightist Puppet
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Postby A Rightist Puppet » Sat Nov 07, 2009 8:33 pm

Tech-gnosis wrote:Harry Potter:

What d'you mean, I'm not brave in bed?" said Harry, completely nonplussed.

There was a groan of bedsprings, and Harry's mattress descended a few inches as George sat down near his feet. "So, got there yet?" said George eagerly.

"He's having a go at my mother!" Seamus yelled.

"I thought not," said Snape, watching him closely. "You let me get in too far. You lost control."

"Manners, Potter," said Snape dangerously. "Now, I want you to close your eyes." Harry threw him a filthy look before doing as he was told. He did not like the idea of standing there with his eyes shut while Snape faced him, carrying a wand.

He was on all fours again on Snape's office floor.
"Well, we'll soon find out, won't we?" said Snape smoothly. "Wand out, Potter."
Harry moved into his usual position...

He came quickly, as if a white flag had come out of his wand.


:rofl: have enough words in enough books about teenagers wielding hard, long, smooth and wooden objects....
I don't blog, sorry.

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Cubic kms
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Founded: Oct 18, 2009
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Postby Cubic kms » Sat Nov 07, 2009 8:34 pm

Tech-gnosis wrote:Harry Potter:

What d'you mean, I'm not brave in bed?" said Harry, completely nonplussed.

There was a groan of bedsprings, and Harry's mattress descended a few inches as George sat down near his feet. "So, got there yet?" said George eagerly.

"He's having a go at my mother!" Seamus yelled.

"I thought not," said Snape, watching him closely. "You let me get in too far. You lost control."

"Manners, Potter," said Snape dangerously. "Now, I want you to close your eyes." Harry threw him a filthy look before doing as he was told. He did not like the idea of standing there with his eyes shut while Snape faced him, carrying a wand.

He was on all fours again on Snape's office floor.
"Well, we'll soon find out, won't we?" said Snape smoothly. "Wand out, Potter."
Harry moved into his usual position...

He came quickly, as if a white flag had come out of his wand.


lol... reminded me of this: ... replaced the word "wand" with "wang" in the first Harry Potter Book
Ello guv'ner....

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Pope Joan
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Founded: Mar 11, 2009
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Postby Pope Joan » Sat Nov 07, 2009 9:12 pm

We heard a stodgy older woman, one of the "pillars of the community", lead a ladies' study on Saint Peter.

As clergy, I got invited even though my gender would otherwise have disqualified me.

Holding her chin up, fixing us with a steely gaze, she declared "Ladies, we must admit, there's a little Peter inside all of us."
"Life is difficult".

-M. Scott Peck

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Lackadaisical2
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Postby Lackadaisical2 » Sat Nov 07, 2009 10:30 pm

Pope Joan wrote:We heard a stodgy older woman, one of the "pillars of the community", lead a ladies' study on Saint Peter.

As clergy, I got invited even though my gender would otherwise have disqualified me.

Holding her chin up, fixing us with a steely gaze, she declared "Ladies, we must admit, there's a little Peter inside all of us."


You're a priest? :eyebrow:
The Republic of Lanos wrote:Proud member of the Vile Right-Wing Noodle Combat Division of the Imperialist Anti-Socialist Economic War Army Ground Force reporting in.

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Pope Joan
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Postby Pope Joan » Sat Nov 07, 2009 10:42 pm

Lackadaisical2 wrote:
Pope Joan wrote:We heard a stodgy older woman, one of the "pillars of the community", lead a ladies' study on Saint Peter.

As clergy, I got invited even though my gender would otherwise have disqualified me.

Holding her chin up, fixing us with a steely gaze, she declared "Ladies, we must admit, there's a little Peter inside all of us."


You're a priest? :eyebrow:


At that time I was a Methodist pastor.

Methodists are an offshoot (reject, in truth) of the Church of England. Like them, they have no problem acknowledging some early church leaders as "Saints".
Like them, they also have holy orders for women, similar to Catholic nuns.
"Life is difficult".

-M. Scott Peck

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Gauntleted Fist
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Founded: Aug 17, 2008
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Postby Gauntleted Fist » Sat Nov 07, 2009 10:46 pm

This women walks up to the register where I work (Grocery store.)

She sees that we have chicken breast on sale, and inquires on how long they will be on sale. I inform her that the sale goes off in two days.

"Oh, that's good, I'll be back in here tomorrow to buy some. I love buying cheap breast!"

Epic hilarity.

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Soratsin
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Postby Soratsin » Sat Nov 07, 2009 10:55 pm

Image
Earth saw clmate chnge4 ions;will cont 2 c chnges.R duty2responsbly devlop resorces4humankind/not pollute&destroy;but cant alter naturl chng
-Sarah Palin

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Anti-Social Darwinism
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Postby Anti-Social Darwinism » Sat Nov 07, 2009 11:37 pm

The funniest unintentional double-entendre was one I made. I was the head of the water crew at Southern Renaissance Faire and was giving a pre-performance exhortation to people about staying hydrated. Towards the end of the speech I said "... and I warn you, if any of you go down on me ..." I never did finish, everyone was laughing too hard.

(If any of you were there that day, I don't want to know about it.)
NSG's resident curmudgeon.

Add 6,771 posts from the old NSG.


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