Dating advice... why can I never manage to date girls?

[Nanatsu no Tsuki]

I'm going to pull on a Galloism: Buy yourself a banjo... and serenade her with it. She'll fall head over heels in love with you.

[Barzan]

Yeah, I call that "game playing", and I'd stay away from that if I were the OP. He should stick with people who are assimilated to his own culture. If he found that the dating customs of another culture were more comfortable for him, on the other hand, perhaps he might have luck with a different culture.

call it what ever u want but it works because if u act like u dont like them then they somtime star to like u making them weaker.the idea is to make them like u

What do you mean, though? Are you saying that some cultures have demure women who want to be "conquered" or something, as opposed to the West where they usually want to be treated like equals (even though you find different attitudes in all cultures)? I don't quite get where you're going.

for exaple in nicaragua we are vulgar,ect people.some girl are intersed if u have a morterbike or car,ect others like to be conquered.others may not know your intensions and have a low defence if u do it slowly others somtime will declare to u.i no a girl theat declared to me...

Hmm...I don't think the OP would want the kind of girl that goes for guys because he's "bad ass" with a motorbike or that wants to "conquer" them. We have the same types of girls in Canada and they do in the US as well. I tend to stay away from them, because I find them vain and petty. I'm not here to play a game. They will know his intentions if he is straight-up with them and he asks them to dinner. If he does this early-on after meeting them, before he's a "friend", his intentions should be pretty clear. Alternatively, when he asks "are you single?" early one, this is clear as well. I've chatted-up girls on the bus and then asked them to coffee. Those that were involved said "oh well I have a boyfriend, but we can still hang-out", or something to that effect.

[Yousefria]

well if they tell u they have a girl friend then tell them somthing that means that u dont care they have a girl friend and true stay away from those tipes

if ur going to ask them if they have a boy friend then do it after awile of talking with this way she wont suspect it

what im trying to say is make sure she dosent suspect after u get to know her it then bam u ask her the q

[Barzan]

if ur going to ask them if they have a boy friend then do it after awile of talking with this way she wont suspect it

I can agree with this. You don't want to meet someone and have the first words out of your mouth be "do you have a bf?"

[Dyakovo]

Problem number 1: you think of women as a thing to "get."

Problem number 2: you actually seriously consider statements like "you can't trust women these days" instead of laughing at them.

Summation of these problems: you seem not to have fully figured out yet that women are people. Once you master this concept, you'll find that having relationships with them becomes much easier, because it is, rather unsurprisingly, challenging to build a fulfilling relationship with someone you see as an object who shares a hivemind with anyone and everyone with the same chromosomal makeup.

Disclaimer: I am a woman and therefore cannot be trusted.

Fixed

[Dakini]

Hell all with the mind fuck. If she says she's single, ask her out. At least you won't have to spend time wondering what could have been.

BTW: Insecurity is a turn off:

http://www.heartless-bitches.com/rants/niceguys/niceguys.shtml

It's what they say that's one reason - and this anecdote shows why:

I had a friend, John*, he was friends with this girl for 3 months, asked her out, said she was single, then found out off a third party that she was already in a relationship with
someone else at the time and that he didn't know at all. He thanked his friend and it left him with trust issues regarding women.

* John is a pseudonym.

My friend mentioned in the anecdote above said to me "You can't trust women these days" and it left me thinking the same way...

Who cares? If she says she's single and she's not, she's obviously not happy with her current relationship and you don't owe it to random guy X to make sure that his girlfriend isn't pretending to be single. Just date her, see where it goes. If things work out, fine. If not then whatever.

I mean, don't start throwing yourself in, proclaiming that you love her right away or anything like this, but she's the one in the relationship pretending she isn't. Not you.

[Ryadn]

If a woman tells you she's single (and she brings it up), she's interested. Ask her out.

[Parthenon]

I feel like I have no confidence in having a relationship, I only end up ever being friends with girls. I'm not looking to "get laid" as that's tacky.

Theres your problem. You have a an antiquated view of relationships...

[Domminus]

I'm going to pull on a Galloism: Buy yourself a banjo... and serenade her with it. She'll fall head over heels in love with you.

Is that how he "got" you?

[Greed and Death]

Following on from viewtopic.php?f=20&t=21609 - I have a similar problem, like the individual who wrote that article.
In my case: I'm 23, enjoying life generally. However, I just can't get into a relationship, never had a girlfriend.
How can I meet nice women who want a relationship? (work is a no-no, it's frowned upon in most places to date employees)
I know the bar/club scene is probably a bad idea.

If I meet a woman, have a conversation with her, and a few weeks down the line once I know her a bit better, some of them say they haven't got a boyfriend [most of the time they say they are in a relationship], but I've no way of verifying whether it's genuine or not. If a woman likes me (which doesn't happen very often) and says they're single, I still have doubts about if they're genuine (is that odd?)

I feel like I have no confidence in having a relationship, I only end up ever being friends with girls. I'm not looking to "get laid" as that's tacky.

I've no idea how to boost my confidence in this area, as I have good social skills, but I feel am very lacking with regard to relationship skills, and I want a relationship simply because I want one, not to "have a girlfriend" or fit in with the crowd.

Okay/ start with girls below your attractiveness level.
Learn how to date them. These we shall call practice girls.

Then work your way up until your with a chick you think matches your level.

[Greed and Death]

I'm going to pull on a Galloism: Buy yourself a banjo... and serenade her with it. She'll fall head over heels in love with you.

Is that how he "got" you?

Yes, he posted the videos on you tube.

[Barzan]

Following on from viewtopic.php?f=20&t=21609 - I have a similar problem, like the individual who wrote that article.
In my case: I'm 23, enjoying life generally. However, I just can't get into a relationship, never had a girlfriend.
How can I meet nice women who want a relationship? (work is a no-no, it's frowned upon in most places to date employees)
I know the bar/club scene is probably a bad idea.

If I meet a woman, have a conversation with her, and a few weeks down the line once I know her a bit better, some of them say they haven't got a boyfriend [most of the time they say they are in a relationship], but I've no way of verifying whether it's genuine or not. If a woman likes me (which doesn't happen very often) and says they're single, I still have doubts about if they're genuine (is that odd?)

I feel like I have no confidence in having a relationship, I only end up ever being friends with girls. I'm not looking to "get laid" as that's tacky.

I've no idea how to boost my confidence in this area, as I have good social skills, but I feel am very lacking with regard to relationship skills, and I want a relationship simply because I want one, not to "have a girlfriend" or fit in with the crowd.

Okay/ start with girls below your attractiveness level.
Learn how to date them. These we shall call practice girls.

Then work your way up until your with a chick you think matches your level.

I dunno about that. I think they catch on to that kind of thing. They tend to know if someone's playing a game with them or if they are really liked. He said he wants a relationship. How can a relationship be based on "I'm not interested in you for real, I'm just using you to make me feel better about myself?"

[RightLeaningChristians]

Don't be a pussy, and don't do anything outrageous you wouldn't do anyways.

Be yourself. If you are a "OH FU- THE ROOM IS ON FIYAAH!" type of guy, be yourself. If your a "lol. imma typin meh report" kind of guy, be yourself.



Don't change to impress women!

[Greed and Death]

Following on from viewtopic.php?f=20&t=21609 - I have a similar problem, like the individual who wrote that article.
In my case: I'm 23, enjoying life generally. However, I just can't get into a relationship, never had a girlfriend.
How can I meet nice women who want a relationship? (work is a no-no, it's frowned upon in most places to date employees)
I know the bar/club scene is probably a bad idea.

If I meet a woman, have a conversation with her, and a few weeks down the line once I know her a bit better, some of them say they haven't got a boyfriend [most of the time they say they are in a relationship], but I've no way of verifying whether it's genuine or not. If a woman likes me (which doesn't happen very often) and says they're single, I still have doubts about if they're genuine (is that odd?)

I feel like I have no confidence in having a relationship, I only end up ever being friends with girls. I'm not looking to "get laid" as that's tacky.

I've no idea how to boost my confidence in this area, as I have good social skills, but I feel am very lacking with regard to relationship skills, and I want a relationship simply because I want one, not to "have a girlfriend" or fit in with the crowd.

Okay/ start with girls below your attractiveness level.
Learn how to date them. These we shall call practice girls.

Then work your way up until your with a chick you think matches your level.

I dunno about that. I think they catch on to that kind of thing. They tend to know if someone's playing a game with them or if they are really liked. He said he wants a relationship. How can a relationship be based on "I'm not interested in you for real, I'm just using you to make me feel better about myself?"

the practice girls might know it, but they have low self esteem and they either accept it, or tell themselves it is for real despite all the signs.

[Barzan]

Don't be a pussy, and don't do anything outrageous you wouldn't do anyways.

Be yourself. If you are a "OH FU- THE ROOM IS ON FIYAAH!" type of guy, be yourself. If your a "lol. imma typin meh report" kind of guy, be yourself.



Don't change to impress women!

This is good advice. People can figure you out if you're full of shit. Plus, you won't like the kind of girls that would require you to put on stupid frat boy acts anyway -- they'd be awful bitches. You want a girl you can respect who shares common traits with you.

[Almajoya]

*snip OP*

When you see a girl you like, go straight up to her and ask her out. She might turn you down, but you'll live. Don't hang out with her to get to know her for a week; you'll end up in the dreaded Friend Zone. Get to know her while you're dating, you can always pull the plug.

And if it supports my opinion or anything, I am female. (Yes, there are some on the Internets.)

[Barzan]

*snip OP*

When you see a girl you like, go straight up to her and ask her out. She might turn you down, but you'll live. Don't hang out with her to get to know her for a week; you'll end up in the dreaded Friend Zone. Get to know her while you're dating, you can always pull the plug.
[Emphasis mine]

Isn't that the truth! If a girl says "yes" and goes out with you then she's interested, assuming you've not met her and been relegated to that "friend zone".

[Almajoya]

*snip OP*

When you see a girl you like, go straight up to her and ask her out. She might turn you down, but you'll live. Don't hang out with her to get to know her for a week; you'll end up in the dreaded Friend Zone. Get to know her while you're dating, you can always pull the plug.
[Emphasis mine]

Isn't that the truth! If a girl says "yes" and goes out with you then she's interested, assuming you've not met her and been relegated to that "friend zone".

Yup-yup, and the longer you hang out with her without asking her out, the more likely you'll end up in that Zone. (I've been on both ends of this situation, several times. I have learned my lesson.)

[RightLeaningChristians]

*snip OP*

When you see a girl you like, go straight up to her and ask her out. She might turn you down, but you'll live. Don't hang out with her to get to know her for a week; you'll end up in the dreaded Friend Zone. Get to know her while you're dating, you can always pull the plug.

Yeah. The friend zone is never fun.

And if it supports my opinion or anything, I am female. (Yes, there are some on the Internets.)

hahahaha. riiiight..

[Barzan]

*snip OP*

When you see a girl you like, go straight up to her and ask her out. She might turn you down, but you'll live. Don't hang out with her to get to know her for a week; you'll end up in the dreaded Friend Zone. Get to know her while you're dating, you can always pull the plug.
[Emphasis mine]

Isn't that the truth! If a girl says "yes" and goes out with you then she's interested, assuming you've not met her and been relegated to that "friend zone".

Yup-yup, and the longer you hang out with her without asking her out, the more likely you'll end up in that Zone. (I've been on both ends of this situation, several times. I have learned my lesson.)

Wha? But as a girl, you're the one who decides where the boundaries of the "friend zone" lie. How can you get stuck in it? Or are you assertive and you ask guys out? If so, I sure wish more girls were like that.

[Greed and Death]

*snip OP*

When you see a girl you like, go straight up to her and ask her out. She might turn you down, but you'll live. Don't hang out with her to get to know her for a week; you'll end up in the dreaded Friend Zone. Get to know her while you're dating, you can always pull the plug.
[Emphasis mine]

Isn't that the truth! If a girl says "yes" and goes out with you then she's interested, assuming you've not met her and been relegated to that "friend zone".

Yup-yup, and the longer you hang out with her without asking her out, the more likely you'll end up in that Zone. (I've been on both ends of this situation, several times. I have learned my lesson.)

Wha? But as a girl, you're the one who decides where the boundaries of the "friend zone" lie. How can you get stuck in it? Or are you assertive and you ask guys out? If so, I sure wish more girls were like that.

I still say he needs to find a few practice girls to build is confidence.

It is sort of like a rebound without a break up before.

[Barzan]

*snip OP*

When you see a girl you like, go straight up to her and ask her out. She might turn you down, but you'll live. Don't hang out with her to get to know her for a week; you'll end up in the dreaded Friend Zone. Get to know her while you're dating, you can always pull the plug.
[Emphasis mine]

Isn't that the truth! If a girl says "yes" and goes out with you then she's interested, assuming you've not met her and been relegated to that "friend zone".

Yup-yup, and the longer you hang out with her without asking her out, the more likely you'll end up in that Zone. (I've been on both ends of this situation, several times. I have learned my lesson.)

Wha? But as a girl, you're the one who decides where the boundaries of the "friend zone" lie. How can you get stuck in it? Or are you assertive and you ask guys out? If so, I sure wish more girls were like that.

I still say he needs to find a few practice girls to build is confidence.

It is sort of like a rebound without a break up before.

Or he can build his confidence with girls he really likes. How does low-balling everything make you confident? Confidence is built by testing your limits. There are always failures, and those help you learn and grow.

[Greed and Death]

*snip OP*

When you see a girl you like, go straight up to her and ask her out. She might turn you down, but you'll live. Don't hang out with her to get to know her for a week; you'll end up in the dreaded Friend Zone. Get to know her while you're dating, you can always pull the plug.
[Emphasis mine]

Isn't that the truth! If a girl says "yes" and goes out with you then she's interested, assuming you've not met her and been relegated to that "friend zone".

Yup-yup, and the longer you hang out with her without asking her out, the more likely you'll end up in that Zone. (I've been on both ends of this situation, several times. I have learned my lesson.)

Wha? But as a girl, you're the one who decides where the boundaries of the "friend zone" lie. How can you get stuck in it? Or are you assertive and you ask guys out? If so, I sure wish more girls were like that.

I still say he needs to find a few practice girls to build is confidence.

It is sort of like a rebound without a break up before.

Or he can build his confidence with girls he really likes. How does low-balling everything make you confident? Confidence is built by testing your limits. There are always failures, and those help you learn and grow.

Easier to prep to risk failure the first time with someone you don't care about.

[Barzan]

Easier to prep to risk failure the first time with someone you don't care about.

You don't prepare for failure by not trying hard enough. When you write an exam do you half-ass it so you won't feel as bad when you sink a final? One should go for it. Failure is a given anyway with girls -- it's all numbers. The more he goes for the more his chances of success wil increase. And he can ascertain their interest before-hand anyhow by smiling at them and chatting them up. If the convo goes will, he asks them out. If not, move along.

[Almajoya]

*snip OP*

When you see a girl you like, go straight up to her and ask her out. She might turn you down, but you'll live. Don't hang out with her to get to know her for a week; you'll end up in the dreaded Friend Zone. Get to know her while you're dating, you can always pull the plug.
[Emphasis mine]

Isn't that the truth! If a girl says "yes" and goes out with you then she's interested, assuming you've not met her and been relegated to that "friend zone".

Yup-yup, and the longer you hang out with her without asking her out, the more likely you'll end up in that Zone. (I've been on both ends of this situation, several times. I have learned my lesson.)

Wha? But as a girl, you're the one who decides where the boundaries of the "friend zone" lie. How can you get stuck in it? Or are you assertive and you ask guys out? If so, I sure wish more girls were like that.

Yeah, I've asked a few guys out. My problem was, I kept waiting too long, and they got comfortable with the idea of me as a friend rather than a love interest. Now I ask 'em right off the bat, and I've been a bit more successful. What's your story?