Approaching people

[Dyakovo]

I agree with everyone who says start with a friendly "Hi!"

Even me?

<snip>

Did you smile when you asked that question? I did specify a FRIENDLY "Hi."

Actually, I've never used that approach, although I have witnessed it used successfully, and yes he did...
Floored me, that's for sure...

[Barzan]

Lots of good advice from some people on here. I'd say the fact that this (from what I've ascertained, anyway) girl is a bit introverted and/or shy, one of those quiet shy Asian girls. This is good for you, because, not only does it make your job a lot easier, she'll most likely be in the market (if she's in the market at all) for someone smart and kind, as opposed to some frat-boy douchebag. You've both got the shyness and geekiness thing in common.

Maybe your goal at this point should be to make several female friends until you are able to experience the fact that girls are people too. They aren't divine beings -- they have their faults and quirks like everyone else. Heck, she might even have aspergers too! (So many people have mental disabilities that you'd never eve imagine...) Anyhow, once you're more familiar with girls, then you can move on from there. The best thing that can happen is she'll go out with you. The worst is she'll make some innocuous excuse about being busy. It's also very likely you will become a normal friend.

In China, one says hello by taking away the other person's civil rights. Then you exchange business cards and smoke.

What about rolling tanks into their square and then shooting all the unarmed peaceful civilians?

[Neu California]

In China, one says hello by taking away the other person's civil rights. Then you exchange business cards and smoke.

How did I miss this? Fuckin' sigged.

Lots of good advice from some people on here. I'd say the fact that this (from what I've ascertained, anyway) girl is a bit introverted and/or shy, one of those quiet shy Asian girls. This is good for you, because, not only does it make your job a lot easier, she'll most likely be in the market (if she's in the market at all) for someone smart and kind, as opposed to some frat-boy douchebag. You've both got the shyness and geekiness thing in common.

I like this advice a lot. Now to keep reminding myself of this, again and again, to get rid of my nerves. I have 'til tuesday.

Edit: fussy quote tags

[Getbrett]

I'm not shy. If I am interested in someone, I generally tell them while smiling and calling them something horribly inappropriate. Shocking someone into laughter leaves a good first impression.

[Fascist Dominion]

I agree with everyone who says start with a friendly "Hi!"

Even me?

<snip>

Did you smile when you asked that question? I did specify a FRIENDLY "Hi."

That's my kind of friendly.

[Isolous]

"Hi, I just wanted to say that that was a really interesting question you asked in class today. I hadn't thought of that before. My name's [name] - what's yours?"

Wanted to endorse this one. The other day after one of my classes, a guy came up and told me he agreed with something I mentioned despite the fact the professor had blown it off. I was really flattered.

If she doesn't talk that much, though, I agree that asking anything/making a comment about the class is a good place to start. Or pick up some kind of cue off of her and ask her about it like a book she's carrying or a logo on a binder or something.

It's key though that whatever happens, don't seem too desperate. If you totally botch something and she seems eager not to speak to you anymore or clearly not happy, it's probably better to just leave it alone. Otherwise you just start looking really creepy.

[Diamagra]

Well, I disagree with most ideas so far.
You social skills are half-decent at best, pretending you're easy with the whole situation, well... won't work, I guess.
I'm further assuming you kind of like her, as unsubstantiated that may be at the moment, and don't plan on "hit it and quit it".

Now I'd like to say "this is how I do it and it always works", but sadly I can't. Nevertheless, here's what you do:

1] Ask her out.
This is going to be extra hard. Use one of the posted lines you can life with, if it helps you, and then ask her if she would like to have lunch with you. You're not cool enough to take this slowly. You don't have the courage for several small-talk-sessions anyway and if you EVER say something stupid, you're going to be even more afraid to try again. A stupid line during 30min-lunch isn't that bad.

2] Don't stalk her, facebook her, research her!
Again, assuming you don't just wanna get her laid, talking with her is going to be torture if you already know what she likes or doesn't. Also, chances are you would find something you didn't like. You don't want do get an excuse to not talk to her.
Knowing her beforehand would make a conversation boring, you're not good at faking interest, right? Again, if she's stupid and you like that, don't follow my advise! Just impress her, play her, fuck her. Seems to work for many...

3] Be honest. Ask questions. Be brave.
I guess telling her about your Asperger's might be a good idea, but you know that best. Don't make excuses for things you're not to blame for. Don't play a role. Be interested in her. I don't know why, and this bugs me a bit, but conversations tend to go better than expected. Perhaps my expectations are too low, but I guess we're not that different in that aspect.
Let her talk about things she likes. You're not to show interest if you aren't. But ask, if you are.
Talk about stuff you feel strong about/you're interested in. There is a chance you won't agree about everything, but agreeing over nothing is BORING!
"Hmm... I think the holocaust was a bad thing. What do you think?"

4] Rise and repeat.

5] Report back!!!

I'm curious.


There is a decent chance this is going to end in friend- and not relationship. But practice hardly hurts.
And on an other note: I find it quite interesting that you have Asperger's and are studying psychology. Interesting indeed.

[Neu California]

Well, I disagree with most ideas so far.
You social skills are half-decent at best, pretending you're easy with the whole situation, well... won't work, I guess.

I'll not pretend otherwise

I'm further assuming you kind of like her, as unsubstantiated that may be at the moment, and don't plan on "hit it and quit it".

That's about right

Now I'd like to say "this is how I do it and it always works", but sadly I can't. Nevertheless, here's what you do:

1] Ask her out.
This is going to be extra hard. Use one of the posted lines you can life with, if it helps you, and then ask her if she would like to have lunch with you. You're not cool enough to take this slowly. You don't have the courage for several small-talk-sessions anyway and if you EVER say something stupid, you're going to be even more afraid to try again. A stupid line during 30min-lunch isn't that bad.

Pretty much the route I was going to take. Reaffirmation is nice though

2] Don't stalk her, facebook her, research her!
Again, assuming you don't just wanna get her laid, talking with her is going to be torture if you already know what she likes or doesn't. Also, chances are you would find something you didn't like. You don't want do get an excuse to not talk to her.
Knowing her beforehand would make a conversation boring, you're not good at faking interest, right? Again, if she's stupid and you like that, don't follow my advise! Just impress her, play her, fuck her. Seems to work for many...

Fortunately, knowing nothing about her makes this impossible.

3] Be honest. Ask questions. Be brave.
I guess telling her about your Asperger's might be a good idea, but you know that best. Don't make excuses for things you're not to blame for. Don't play a role. Be interested in her. I don't know why, and this bugs me a bit, but conversations tend to go better than expected. Perhaps my expectations are too low, but I guess we're not that different in that aspect.
Let her talk about things she likes. You're not to show interest if you aren't. But ask, if you are.
Talk about stuff you feel strong about/you're interested in. There is a chance you won't agree about everything, but agreeing over nothing is BORING!
"Hmm... I think the holocaust was a bad thing. What do you think?"

Sounds good. I guess the worst case scenario, other than vomiting my lunch up, is not being interested in anything

4] Rise and repeat.

5] Report back!!!

I'm curious.

I'm guessing more than a few are

There is a decent chance this is going to end in friend- and not relationship. But practice hardly hurts.

True enough

And on an other note: I find it quite interesting that you have Asperger's and are studying psychology. Interesting indeed.

Blame the Breadth reqauirement, and a long running interest.

[Neu California]

Bump, so I can find it again

[Greed and Death]

Bump, so I can find it again

Here read these Manga's
http://www.onemanga.com/directory/romance/

And do what the characters do in those.

[The Beautiful Darkness]

Yes, because he's the sort of person who wants to be around throngs of people. Great advice.

FD!! Squee!

[Barzan]

Here read these Manga's
http://www.onemanga.com/directory/romance/

And do what the characters do in those.

Eh? Which ones should he read? There's hundreds of series in there.

[Astholm]

I have a knack for managing to approach people, and get on with them. How I got it I'll never know...

[Neu California]

I have a knack for managing to approach people, and get on with them. How I got it I'll never know...

And this is what happens when you don't read the OP.

[Fascist Dominion]

Yes, because he's the sort of person who wants to be around throngs of people. Great advice.

FD!! Squee!

See? Just being in NSG is having a charm on its own.

I have a knack for managing to approach people, and get on with them. How I got it I'll never know...

And this is what happens when you don't read the OP.

You're just lucky it didn't happen until the fourth page.

[Theodoran]

Just talk about asian culture or something similar, if she takes against you for something like that, she's not worth it.

[Barzan]

Just talk about asian culture or something similar, if she takes against you for something like that, she's not worth it.

I don't think it's necessary, or even desirable, to talk about Asian culture right off the bat. It's always best to start with known shared interests or benign chit-chat, such as class, the weather, other courses, profs, etc. When he's "at lunch" with her, then he can ask her much more about herself.

Remember, let the girl do 70% of the talking. You ask questions about her, if you find something you have in common, maybe add something, but make her the centre of attention. No matter if it's a guy or a girl, people love talking about themselves to other people, so you'll be with her if she keeps talking, and you'll learn more. Plus, she'll realise if you're interested if you actually do find what she says as interesting -- more points for you.

[The Beautiful Darkness]

Yes, because he's the sort of person who wants to be around throngs of people. Great advice.

FD!! Squee!

See? Just being in NSG is having a charm on its own.

Well, you can get some of that charm any time you like.

[Neu California]

Just talk about asian culture or something similar, if she takes against you for something like that, she's not worth it.

I don't think it's necessary, or even desirable, to talk about Asian culture right off the bat. It's always best to start with known shared interests or benign chit-chat, such as class, the weather, other courses, profs, etc. When he's "at lunch" with her, then he can ask her much more about herself.

Remember, let the girl do 70% of the talking. You ask questions about her, if you find something you have in common, maybe add something, but make her the centre of attention. No matter if it's a guy or a girl, people love talking about themselves to other people, so you'll be with her if she keeps talking, and you'll learn more. Plus, she'll realise if you're interested if you actually do find what she says as interesting -- more points for you.

*Almost prints this out, before realizing the printer is out of paper. Is too lazy to get some*

And it's good that this got bumped tot he first page today (though I rebumped it) because I see her again tomorrow.

Any advice on how to take care of negative thoughts like "Oh, she'll be boring" or "she won't be that into me," or "she already has a boyfriend" (none of which I know for sure)

[Barzan]

Just talk about asian culture or something similar, if she takes against you for something like that, she's not worth it.

I don't think it's necessary, or even desirable, to talk about Asian culture right off the bat. It's always best to start with known shared interests or benign chit-chat, such as class, the weather, other courses, profs, etc. When he's "at lunch" with her, then he can ask her much more about herself.

Remember, let the girl do 70% of the talking. You ask questions about her, if you find something you have in common, maybe add something, but make her the centre of attention. No matter if it's a guy or a girl, people love talking about themselves to other people, so you'll be with her if she keeps talking, and you'll learn more. Plus, she'll realise if you're interested if you actually do find what she says as interesting -- more points for you.

*Almost prints this out, before realizing the printer is out of paper. Is too lazy to get some*

And it's good that this got bumped tot he first page today (though I rebumped it) because I see her again tomorrow.

Any advice on how to take care of negative thoughts like "Oh, she'll be boring" or "she won't be that into me," or "she already has a boyfriend" (none of which I know for sure)

If she's into you, she'll go out with you. If she has a boyfriend, then one of four things will most likely happen:

1. She'll state it right off the bat (of course it could be a trick to see if you're a "player" or someone who really does see her as more than just a "hot chick worth banging once")
2. When you go "out" on your lunch date, she'll mention her bf in the conversation. It will slip-in somehow, such as "oh yeah, my boyfriend and I did that when..."
3. She's one of those girls who will sleep with someone even if she has a bf, with his knowledge and active consent, because they are "in an open relationship" and they both occasionally have sex with others for fun
4. She's one of those girls who will sleep with someone even if she has a bf, without his knowledge or consent, because she's a cheating two-timing whore

It's not as likely that #2 or 4 will happen, though.

As far as her "being boring" and all, don't make any judgements on that until afterwards. In fact, don't make any judgements until afterwards. Ask her out again, to something more personal. If she says "yes", then she'll obviously like you enough to go out with you again. That may not translate into "someone who wants to bang you next date", but it's moving forward.

[Parthenon]

Don't bother. It's as simple as that.


Notes seem childish, random approaches from across the classroom seem creepy. Either see her somewhere outside of class and ask "Aren't you in my PSY XXX class?" or just forget about it altogether and find a girl at a party like the rest of the lot.

[Neu California]

Don't bother. It's as simple as that.


Notes seem childish, random approaches from across the classroom seem creepy. Either see her somewhere outside of class and ask "Aren't you in my PSY XXX class?" or just forget about it altogether and find a girl at a party like the rest of the lot.

You might have a point if we weren't locked out of the classroom for 5 to 15 minutes (depending on how long I stay in my car and when she arrives).

Anyway, it's going to be a cold day tomorrow (73 degree high is cold here, which shows how wimpy we are), so I may yet have something to turn to my advantage. We'll see. We shall see.

[Barzan]

You might have a point if we weren't locked out of the classroom for 5 to 15 minutes (depending on how long I stay in my car and when she arrives).

Anyway, it's going to be a cold day tomorrow (73 degree high is cold here, which shows how wimpy we are), so I may yet have something to turn to my advantage. We'll see. We shall see.

If you think that 23°C is cold, then you've got thin blood. I consider that to be close to the upper limit of a comfortable outside temperature, if it's sunny.

Anyhow, be sure to tell us all how it goes. Good luck, and Godspeed!

[Neu California]

You might have a point if we weren't locked out of the classroom for 5 to 15 minutes (depending on how long I stay in my car and when she arrives).

Anyway, it's going to be a cold day tomorrow (73 degree high is cold here, which shows how wimpy we are), so I may yet have something to turn to my advantage. We'll see. We shall see.

If you think that 23°C is cold, then you've got thin blood. I consider that to be close to the upper limit of a comfortable outside temperature, if it's sunny.

Anyhow, be sure to tell us all how it goes. Good luck, and Godspeed!

Well, here we're all borderline desert rats (115 is not unheard of and 105 is not unusual, not sure what that is in celsius)

And I'll be sure to do that, even if I chicken out.

[Barzan]

You might have a point if we weren't locked out of the classroom for 5 to 15 minutes (depending on how long I stay in my car and when she arrives).

Anyway, it's going to be a cold day tomorrow (73 degree high is cold here, which shows how wimpy we are), so I may yet have something to turn to my advantage. We'll see. We shall see.

If you think that 23°C is cold, then you've got thin blood. I consider that to be close to the upper limit of a comfortable outside temperature, if it's sunny.

Anyhow, be sure to tell us all how it goes. Good luck, and Godspeed!

Well, here we're all borderline desert rats (115 is not unheard of and 105 is not unusual, not sure what that is in celsius)

And I'll be sure to do that, even if I chicken out.

Do or do not, there is no try.