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Why I Should Be One of The New Moderators

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The Rifle Brigade
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Founded: Sep 21, 2009
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Why I Should Be One of The New Moderators

Postby The Rifle Brigade » Fri Oct 16, 2009 4:27 pm

For those who want the backstory, click the spoiler:

In effort for more effective moderation, Melkor unchained has announced there will be a few new moderators, drawn from general.










What?


Alright, fine, if you want MORE back story, read on:


In the late 1970's I had recently retired from my position teaching cocksmanship at Hereford. I got an encrypted postcard from my old friend, "Arserot" Archer, who was then with MI 6, explaining that Her Majesty once again needed The Rifle Brigade. I was briefed, equiped, blindfolded, buggered, and put on a plane to Afghanistan.

There, I met my contact agent, Ara Durrani. From the moment I saw her, I was in love, and also quite turgid. She was everything a woman should be, beautful, educated, deadly, and under orders from her government to accomodate my needs. That night, as we sat on the verranda of our safehouse in Kabul, I told her how I felt. She thought for a moment, and then turned, wistfully, her eyes alighting to the moon, and in a gentle, dulcid voice, she said something to me in Pashtun that was so exquisitely lyrical, I realized I had never before known what sound was meant for. I remember every syllable, to this day. I late asked a waiter what it means, and he said it translates to "Pasty mustached asshole, I'd rather fuck a goat."

So, the next day I was out getting some hunting in before heading back, when I heard some kind of grunting from a nearby bush. Fancying I'd bag myself one of whatever the local game animal is, I switched my Bren gun to single fire and fired into the foliage. It was then that I discovered that the Bren Light Machine Gun is not a select fire weapon, and in fact only fires full auto. Apparently, the switch I'd been throwing all these years was the safety, which is broken.

So, after emptying a machine gun into the bushes at waste level, I went in to see if there was anything left of the taxidermist. There, I found six dead Russian infantry with their pants down, riddled with .303 caliber, and Ara prone on the ground, in a clear state of duress. Apparently the Ivans were about to enjoy some sport with her when fine Enfield made lead found their bellies, except the fellow on top of her, who took it in the head.

When she saw me, Ara said "Praise Allah, they were going to...to...and you...you...I'm sorry, Englishmen. I mistook you. You are a brave and good man, and I'm sorry for doubting you. You are truly a heroic and virtuous man to take on such superior numbers to protect me!"

And I said, "Yes. Yes, I am."

We made love in the clearing, after I moved the Russian, of course. Anyway, after that, I wrote up my report for our American allies, that the Russians were planning to withdraw, and we need not further involve ourselves in Afghanistan. The Mujahadeen had it well in hand, we would have no further problems from this section of the world.

Nine months later, I got the letter, and a little black and white photo of a beautiful baby girl. I wrote back that I had been killed, but Ara didn't buy it, clever lass she was. We discussed it (always in code of course, referring to the situation as "that land mine we stepped on"), and it was decided that for her safety, the child must never know she was the child of international spies. We swore, on our honor and any future potential of being moderators on an internet board, that we would never tell her who she really is. Since I was Anglican at the time, and Ara was Muslim, we drew up some calculations and determined that, theologically, halfway between the Church of England and Islam is the Catholics. (Well, its actually the Scientologists that are closer, but we thought the child was rogered enough as it is). So, we left her on the doorstep of a nice Catholic family.

That's right, Katganistan. I am your father.

Search your feelings, you know it to be true.


Anyway, Katganistan, I'm sorry you had to find out like this. But you get your Mod talent from me. Thus, the most reasonable choice for a new mod is myself.

This thread can also be used to discuss what qualities we would like to see in a new mod. Please stay civil with one another, but fair and polite critiques are welcome.
Last edited by The Rifle Brigade on Fri Oct 16, 2009 4:29 pm, edited 3 times in total.
I'll trade a woman's sense of equality for safety. -Bladeslayer

I'm just saying if the only change you can point to is the change that was made, then it would appear it didn't really change all that much, did it? -Hiddenrun

I rarely, if ever, argue on a factual basis; my arguments are based on logic, or should be ignored. -Kashindahar

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Tunizcha
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Postby Tunizcha » Fri Oct 16, 2009 4:29 pm

I second this nomination.


What? Reasons? No reason.
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Maurepas
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Postby Maurepas » Fri Oct 16, 2009 4:30 pm

Well, I have been informed by a few threads recently that you are one of God's chosen people...you may have a point, hmmm...

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Ashmoria
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Postby Ashmoria » Fri Oct 16, 2009 4:31 pm

The Rifle Brigade wrote: Anyway, Katganistan, I'm sorry you had to find out like this. But you get your Mod talent from me. Thus, the most reasonable choice for a new mod is myself.

This thread can also be used to discuss what qualities we would like to see in a new mod. Please stay civil with one another, but fair and polite critiques are welcome.

while i am completely certain that you would be an excellent moderator...

why would you want to be?
whatever

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LOL ANARCHY NUBZ
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Founded: Dec 07, 2008
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Postby LOL ANARCHY NUBZ » Fri Oct 16, 2009 4:33 pm

I should be, actually.

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Almajoya
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Founded: May 26, 2009
Ex-Nation

Postby Almajoya » Fri Oct 16, 2009 4:34 pm

Sorry. Alma and Spartz for New Mods '09.

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Reblle
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Founded: Aug 23, 2009
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Postby Reblle » Fri Oct 16, 2009 4:35 pm

I may not know it but I think being a mod is no different from the rest of us and I... o forget it. Pick me! JK.
Damn it, right after I go about and remove the Nazi Apple/Microsoft flags.

I had two opportunities this time and I blew both, I have no hope.-Rhodmhire

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Gynocracy
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Founded: May 12, 2008
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Postby Gynocracy » Fri Oct 16, 2009 4:36 pm

As someone who runs my own forum, is a global moderator on two others and a former global mod on another three, I have to warn anyone who's thinking of stepping up to the plate that it's a thankless task!
'Femina supra mundum' - Women over the world.

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Kalibarr
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Founded: Sep 05, 2009
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Postby Kalibarr » Fri Oct 16, 2009 4:36 pm

I think they Ignore Self Nominations.

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LOL ANARCHY NUBZ
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Postby LOL ANARCHY NUBZ » Fri Oct 16, 2009 4:37 pm

Gynocracy wrote:As someone who runs my own forum, is a global moderator on two others and a former global mod on another three, I have to warn anyone who's thinking of stepping up to the plate that it's a thankless task!


As global mod on 7 other forums, and admin on 1, I know.

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Yootopia
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Ex-Nation

Postby Yootopia » Fri Oct 16, 2009 4:37 pm

What a tale :D
End the Modigarchy now.

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Vectrova
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Postby Vectrova » Fri Oct 16, 2009 4:37 pm

Welcome back, Hammurab. Glad to see you could join us again.
This is a signature. There are many like it, but this one is mine.
I hardy ever notice if someone else isn't being serious. By the same token, expect me to be serious.
If you want to know anything specific about me, send a TG and I'll respond when I can.
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I'm subject to disappear for periods of time with little to no explanation. This does not mean I conceded the argument; odds are that I just found something better to do.

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Reblle
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Postby Reblle » Fri Oct 16, 2009 4:38 pm

Should they do a quiz or something? That might help. :?
Damn it, right after I go about and remove the Nazi Apple/Microsoft flags.

I had two opportunities this time and I blew both, I have no hope.-Rhodmhire

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Gauntleted Fist
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Founded: Aug 17, 2008
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Postby Gauntleted Fist » Fri Oct 16, 2009 4:39 pm

Tunizcha wrote:I second this nomination.


What? Reasons? No reason.

I third this nomination.

For the same reasons.

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Almajoya
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Founded: May 26, 2009
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Postby Almajoya » Fri Oct 16, 2009 4:39 pm

Gynocracy wrote:As someone who runs my own forum, is a global moderator on two others and a former global mod on another three, I have to warn anyone who's thinking of stepping up to the plate that it's a thankless task!

I appreciate the warning, but my life is a thankless task, so I'm used to it.

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Reblle
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Founded: Aug 23, 2009
Ex-Nation

Postby Reblle » Fri Oct 16, 2009 4:40 pm

Should they do a quiz or something? That might help. :?
Damn it, right after I go about and remove the Nazi Apple/Microsoft flags.

I had two opportunities this time and I blew both, I have no hope.-Rhodmhire

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Cteduul
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Founded: Oct 16, 2009
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Postby Cteduul » Fri Oct 16, 2009 4:40 pm

Getting a new mod?

Obviously I'm the most qualified for this, I'm so new I only signed up like two hours ago, making me more new than any of you, making me the most logical candidate for a new mod.

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The Rifle Brigade
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Posts: 893
Founded: Sep 21, 2009
Ex-Nation

Postby The Rifle Brigade » Fri Oct 16, 2009 4:40 pm

Maurepas wrote:Well, I have been informed by a few threads recently that you are one of God's chosen people...you may have a point, hmmm...


Mozel Tov, mate!
I'll trade a woman's sense of equality for safety. -Bladeslayer

I'm just saying if the only change you can point to is the change that was made, then it would appear it didn't really change all that much, did it? -Hiddenrun

I rarely, if ever, argue on a factual basis; my arguments are based on logic, or should be ignored. -Kashindahar

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United Gordonopia
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Founded: Aug 04, 2008
Ex-Nation

Postby United Gordonopia » Fri Oct 16, 2009 4:40 pm

UG for mod 09, woot.
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Solm
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Postby Solm » Fri Oct 16, 2009 4:41 pm

Don't create another thread to explain why, it is just spam.

Nominate yourself in the thread they created, that would most likely get more attention than this, anyways.

Retired: ns .hellodot. solm @ gmail .dot. com

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The Rifle Brigade
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Founded: Sep 21, 2009
Ex-Nation

Postby The Rifle Brigade » Fri Oct 16, 2009 4:41 pm

Vectrova wrote:Welcome back, Hammurab. Glad to see you could join us again.


Right, then, what is this rot again?

Will someone tell me what the bloody hell a Hammurab is?
I'll trade a woman's sense of equality for safety. -Bladeslayer

I'm just saying if the only change you can point to is the change that was made, then it would appear it didn't really change all that much, did it? -Hiddenrun

I rarely, if ever, argue on a factual basis; my arguments are based on logic, or should be ignored. -Kashindahar

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Yootopia
Powerbroker
 
Posts: 8410
Founded: Dec 28, 2005
Ex-Nation

Postby Yootopia » Fri Oct 16, 2009 4:42 pm

The Rifle Brigade wrote:
Vectrova wrote:Welcome back, Hammurab. Glad to see you could join us again.


Right, then, what is this rot again?

Will someone tell me what the bloody hell a Hammurab is?

One of God's landmines that should never have gone off.
End the Modigarchy now.

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JuNii
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Posts: 13517
Founded: Aug 22, 2004
Ex-Nation

Postby JuNii » Fri Oct 16, 2009 4:42 pm

The Rifle Brigade wrote:Why I Should Be One of The New Moderators


and why you can't...

How do I become a Moderator?

Just a note: Don't ask to be a mod, that usually only hurts your chances. "Let your actions speak louder then your words."


Oh... and since this is a 'new' forum...

HEY MODS... I WANNA BE A MODERATOR!!

*nods*

that should secure me from ever becoming one. seriously... you mods got a responsibility that I wouldn't want.

Kudos for a job well done! :clap: :clap: :clap:
Last edited by JuNii on Fri Oct 16, 2009 4:43 pm, edited 1 time in total.
on the other hand... I have another set of fingers.

Unscramble these words...1) PNEIS. 2)HTIELR 3) NGGERI 4) BUTTSXE
1) SPINE. 2) LITHER 3)GINGER 4)SUBTEXT

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The Rifle Brigade
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Founded: Sep 21, 2009
Ex-Nation

Postby The Rifle Brigade » Fri Oct 16, 2009 4:43 pm

Ashmoria wrote:while i am completely certain that you would be an excellent moderator...


Sarcasm is sexy.

Ashmoria wrote:why would you want to be?


Because then I could pretend the hours on here are useful.
I'll trade a woman's sense of equality for safety. -Bladeslayer

I'm just saying if the only change you can point to is the change that was made, then it would appear it didn't really change all that much, did it? -Hiddenrun

I rarely, if ever, argue on a factual basis; my arguments are based on logic, or should be ignored. -Kashindahar

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Jenrak
Negotiator
 
Posts: 5676
Founded: Oct 06, 2004
Ex-Nation

Postby Jenrak » Fri Oct 16, 2009 4:43 pm

If you suggest yourself as a moderator, your chances of becoming one are significantly lower, to warn you.

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