Favorite Bible Verse

[Nationalist State of Knox]

I have a few favourites. Here we go then:

If a man loudly blesses his neighbor early in the morning, it will be taken as a curse.

Speaking with a high volume is a sinful thing to do, you see.

When the powerful horses went out, they were straining to go throughout the earth. And he said, "Go throughout the earth!" So they went throughout the earth.

I think the fact that they went throughout the Earth needs restating.

And finally I think this one has already been posted, but it needs reposted because it's just too funny.

From there Elisha went up to Bethel. As he was walking along the road some youths came out of the town and jeered at him. "Go on up, you baldhead!" they said. "Go on up, you baldhead!"

He turned around, and looked at them and called down a curse on them in the name of the Lord.

Then two bears came out of the woods and mauled forty-two of the youths.

And thus clearly demonstrating the loving nature of God and his prophets.

[Idealismania]

For He does not willingly bring affliction or grief to any human being.
-Lamentations 3:33

[Menassa]

Step 1: Which Bible?

Step 2: Which Translation?

Step 3:

ו אֲנִי יְהוָה קְרָאתִיךָ בְצֶדֶק, וְאַחְזֵק בְּיָדֶךָ; וְאֶצָּרְךָ, וְאֶתֶּנְךָ לִבְרִית עָם--לְאוֹר גּוֹיִם. 6
I the LORD have called thee in righteousness, and have taken hold of thy hand, and kept thee, and set thee for a covenant of the people, for a light of the nations.

Also:

2. If there will arise among you a prophet, or a dreamer of a dream, and he gives you a sign or a wonder, ב. כִּי יָקוּם בְּקִרְבְּךָ נָבִיא אוֹ חֹלֵם חֲלוֹם וְנָתַן אֵלֶיךָ אוֹת אוֹ מוֹפֵת:
3. and the sign or the wonder of which he spoke to you happens, [and he] says, "Let us go after other gods which you have not known, and let us worship them," ג. וּבָא הָאוֹת וְהַמּוֹפֵת אֲשֶׁר דִּבֶּר אֵלֶיךָ לֵאמֹר נֵלְכָה אַחֲרֵי אֱלֹהִים אֲחֵרִים אֲשֶׁר לֹא יְדַעְתָּם וְנָעָבְדֵם:
4. you shall not heed the words of that prophet, or that dreamer of a dream; for the Lord, your God, is testing you, to know whether you really love the Lord, your God, with all your heart and with all your soul. ד. לֹא תִשְׁמַע אֶל דִּבְרֵי הַנָּבִיא הַהוּא אוֹ אֶל חוֹלֵם הַחֲלוֹם הַהוּא כִּי מְנַסֶּה יְהֹוָה אֱלֹהֵיכֶם אֶתְכֶם לָדַעַת הֲיִשְׁכֶם אֹהֲבִים אֶת יְהֹוָה אֱלֹהֵיכֶם בְּכָל לְבַבְכֶם וּבְכָל נַפְשְׁכֶם:
5. You shall follow the Lord, your God, fear Him, keep His commandments, heed His voice, worship Him, and cleave to Him. ה. אַחֲרֵי יְהֹוָה אֱלֹהֵיכֶם תֵּלֵכוּ וְאֹתוֹ תִירָאוּ וְאֶת מִצְו‍ֹתָיו תִּשְׁמֹרוּ וּבְקֹלוֹ תִשְׁמָעוּ וְאֹתוֹ תַעֲבֹדוּ וּבוֹ תִדְבָּקוּן:
6. And that prophet, or that dreamer of a dream shall be put to death; because he spoke falsehood about the Lord, your God Who brought you out of the land of Egypt, and Who redeemed you from the house of bondage, to lead you astray from the way in which the Lord, your God, commanded you to go; so shall you clear away the evil from your midst. ו. וְהַנָּבִיא הַהוּא אוֹ חֹלֵם הַחֲלוֹם הַהוּא יוּמָת כִּי דִבֶּר סָרָה עַל יְהֹוָה אֱלֹהֵיכֶם הַמּוֹצִיא אֶתְכֶם | מֵאֶרֶץ מִצְרַיִם וְהַפֹּדְךָ מִבֵּית עֲבָדִים לְהַדִּיחֲךָ מִן הַדֶּרֶךְ אֲשֶׁר צִוְּךָ יְהֹוָה אֱלֹהֶיךָ לָלֶכֶת בָּהּ וּבִעַרְתָּ הָרָע מִקִּרְבֶּךָ:

[The Empire of Pretantia]

Mark 16:18
"they will pick up snakes with their hands; and when they drink deadly poison, it will not hurt them at all; they will place their hands on sick people, and they will get well."

[Desperate Measures]

Leviticus
15:19 And if a woman have an issue, and her issue in her flesh be blood, she shall be put apart seven days: and whosoever toucheth her shall be unclean until the even.

Beware of menstruating women.

It goes on:

15:28 But if she be cleansed of her issue, then she shall number to herself seven days, and after that she shall be clean.
15:29 And on the eighth day she shall take unto her two turtles, or two young pigeons, and bring them unto the priest, to the door of the tabernacle of the congregation.
15:30 And the priest shall offer the one for a sin offering, and the other for a burnt offering; and the priest shall make an atonement for her before the LORD for the issue of her uncleanness.

[Big Jim P]

One that is too often ignored: Let he who is without sin cast the first stone.

[Big Jim P]

Step 1: Which Bible?

Step 2: Which Translation?

Step 3:

ו אֲנִי יְהוָה קְרָאתִיךָ בְצֶדֶק, וְאַחְזֵק בְּיָדֶךָ; וְאֶצָּרְךָ, וְאֶתֶּנְךָ לִבְרִית עָם--לְאוֹר גּוֹיִם. 6
I the LORD have called thee in righteousness, and have taken hold of thy hand, and kept thee, and set thee for a covenant of the people, for a light of the nations.

Also:

2. If there will arise among you a prophet, or a dreamer of a dream, and he gives you a sign or a wonder, ב. כִּי יָקוּם בְּקִרְבְּךָ נָבִיא אוֹ חֹלֵם חֲלוֹם וְנָתַן אֵלֶיךָ אוֹת אוֹ מוֹפֵת:
3. and the sign or the wonder of which he spoke to you happens, [and he] says, "Let us go after other gods which you have not known, and let us worship them," ג. וּבָא הָאוֹת וְהַמּוֹפֵת אֲשֶׁר דִּבֶּר אֵלֶיךָ לֵאמֹר נֵלְכָה אַחֲרֵי אֱלֹהִים אֲחֵרִים אֲשֶׁר לֹא יְדַעְתָּם וְנָעָבְדֵם:
4. you shall not heed the words of that prophet, or that dreamer of a dream; for the Lord, your God, is testing you, to know whether you really love the Lord, your God, with all your heart and with all your soul. ד. לֹא תִשְׁמַע אֶל דִּבְרֵי הַנָּבִיא הַהוּא אוֹ אֶל חוֹלֵם הַחֲלוֹם הַהוּא כִּי מְנַסֶּה יְהֹוָה אֱלֹהֵיכֶם אֶתְכֶם לָדַעַת הֲיִשְׁכֶם אֹהֲבִים אֶת יְהֹוָה אֱלֹהֵיכֶם בְּכָל לְבַבְכֶם וּבְכָל נַפְשְׁכֶם:
5. You shall follow the Lord, your God, fear Him, keep His commandments, heed His voice, worship Him, and cleave to Him. ה. אַחֲרֵי יְהֹוָה אֱלֹהֵיכֶם תֵּלֵכוּ וְאֹתוֹ תִירָאוּ וְאֶת מִצְו‍ֹתָיו תִּשְׁמֹרוּ וּבְקֹלוֹ תִשְׁמָעוּ וְאֹתוֹ תַעֲבֹדוּ וּבוֹ תִדְבָּקוּן:
6. And that prophet, or that dreamer of a dream shall be put to death; because he spoke falsehood about the Lord, your God Who brought you out of the land of Egypt, and Who redeemed you from the house of bondage, to lead you astray from the way in which the Lord, your God, commanded you to go; so shall you clear away the evil from your midst. ו. וְהַנָּבִיא הַהוּא אוֹ חֹלֵם הַחֲלוֹם הַהוּא יוּמָת כִּי דִבֶּר סָרָה עַל יְהֹוָה אֱלֹהֵיכֶם הַמּוֹצִיא אֶתְכֶם | מֵאֶרֶץ מִצְרַיִם וְהַפֹּדְךָ מִבֵּית עֲבָדִים לְהַדִּיחֲךָ מִן הַדֶּרֶךְ אֲשֶׁר צִוְּךָ יְהֹוָה אֱלֹהֶיךָ לָלֶכֶת בָּהּ וּבִעַרְתָּ הָרָע מִקִּרְבֶּךָ:

1: I was going to find my favorite from The Satanic Bible, but I just can't be arsed tonight.

[Tlaceceyaya]

One that is too often ignored: Let he who is without sin cast the first stone.

[Big Jim P]

One that is too often ignored: Let he who is without sin cast the first stone.

Doesn't work, Jesus took ALL the sins, the greedy bastard.

[Gauthier]

And the meme-raped verse, Ezekiel 25:17

[Imsogone]

Usually I try to be funny. But I'm not feeling funny today after watching, reading and listening to a bunch of spoiled brat conservatives have temper tantrums because they didn't get their own way and have to deal with liberals for another four years - so I'll leave said conservatives with this "What does it profit a man if he gain the whole world and lose his soul?"

"You people" (to quote Anne Romney) seem to think that it's perfectly ok to throw away the civil rights, liberty, equality, health and safety of half (and more) of the population for money. You've outright stated that the economy (the world) is more important than civil rights, liberty, justice and equality (the soul of the US) of the nation. Well, you've not only lost your souls, you've lost the election.

Sorry, I just had to get that off my chest.

[The Blaatschapen]

My favourite verse is the last one. It means that you managed to finish the bible and can get back to reading better books.

[Wisconsin9]

Genesis 11:6

And now nothing will be restrained from them, which they have imagined to do.

So he struck down the Tower of Babel, destroyed the city, and gave us different languages so we couldn't do anything like that again. We scared God. Suck it, you abusive parent in the sky.

[Question Everything]

Pilate to Jesus-What is truth?

Pretty sure it's said once in each gospel. That's about the deepest philisophial question in there imo.

[Genivaria]

The verse where the army backed by the lord is turned back by iron chariots.
I'm on a mobile so I can't be assed to copy-paste it.

[Question Everything]

Usually I try to be funny. But I'm not feeling funny today after watching, reading and listening to a bunch of spoiled brat conservatives have temper tantrums because they didn't get their own way and have to deal with liberals for another four years - so I'll leave said conservatives with this "What does it profit a man if he gain the whole world and lose his soul?"

"You people" (to quote Anne Romney) seem to think that it's perfectly ok to throw away the civil rights, liberty, equality, health and safety of half (and more) of the population for money. You've outright stated that the economy (the world) is more important than civil rights, liberty, justice and equality (the soul of the US) of the nation. Well, you've not only lost your souls, you've lost the election.

Sorry, I just had to get that off my chest.

Why don't you tell us how you really feel.

[Ceannairceach]

I'm tempted to quote Pulp Fiction, but I'll go the high road and take my actual favorite lines:

'One of the criminals who hung there hurled insults at him: “Aren’t you the Messiah? Save yourself and us!” But the other criminal rebuked him. “Don’t you fear God,” he said, “since you are under the same sentence? We are punished justly, for we are getting what our deeds deserve. But this man has done nothing wrong.” Then he said, “Jesus, remember me when you come into your kingdom.” Jesus answered him, “Truly I tell you, today you will be with me in paradise.”' Luke, 23 : 39-43


'"Which of the two do you want me to release to you?" asked the governor. "Barabbas," they answered. "What shall I do, then, with Jesus who is called Christ?" Pilate asked. They all answered, "Crucify him!" "Why? What crime has he committed?" asked Pilate. But they shouted all the louder, "Crucify him!" When Pilate saw that he was getting nowhere, but that instead an uproar was starting, he took water and washed his hands in front of the crowd. "I am innocent of this man's blood," he said. "It is your responsibility!" All the people answered, "Let his blood be on us and on our children!" Then he released Barabbas to them. But he had Jesus flogged, and handed him over to be crucified.' Matthew 27 : 21-26

[Genivaria]

Genesis 11:6

And now nothing will be restrained from them, which they have imagined to do.

So he struck down the Tower of Babel, destroyed the city, and gave us different languages so we couldn't do anything like that again. We scared God. Suck it, you abusive parent in the sky.

God: There! That'll keep them trying to climb to heaven. *yawn* I'm feeling a bit tired, think ill take a nap.
*wakes up 2000 years later and sees skyscrapers EVERYWHERE*
God: FFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU-

[Wisconsin9]

Genesis 11:6



So he struck down the Tower of Babel, destroyed the city, and gave us different languages so we couldn't do anything like that again. We scared God. Suck it, you abusive parent in the sky.

God: There! That'll keep them trying to climb to heaven. *yawn* I'm feeling a bit tired, think ill take a nap.
*wakes up 2000 years later and sees skyscrapers EVERYWHERE*
God: FFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU-

*watches moon landing video*

Oh COME THE FUCK ON!!!!


Biggest middle finger in all of creation.

[Question Everything]

One that is too often ignored: Let he who is without sin cast the first stone.

Jesus said that in response to a group of men who caught an unmarried woman sleeping with a married man. They asked if it was right to stone her to death as it says to do in Exodus, and that was his response. Then he told the woman to "go and sin no more." If that picture was true, jesus would have stoned her himself.

[Big Jim P]

God: There! That'll keep them trying to climb to heaven. *yawn* I'm feeling a bit tired, think ill take a nap.
*wakes up 2000 years later and sees skyscrapers EVERYWHERE*
God: FFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU-

*watches moon landing video*

Oh COME THE FUCK ON!!!!


Biggest middle finger in all of creation.

Yeah, and the line of moon-gods and goddesses is still miles long. I have just taken to pimp-slapping them before the can start bitching at me to do something about it.

[Genivaria]

God: There! That'll keep them trying to climb to heaven. *yawn* I'm feeling a bit tired, think ill take a nap.
*wakes up 2000 years later and sees skyscrapers EVERYWHERE*
God: FFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU-

*watches moon landing video*

Oh COME THE FUCK ON!!!!


Biggest middle finger in all of creation.

No I think the biggest middle finger was when we split the atom.

[Wisconsin9]

*watches moon landing video*

Oh COME THE FUCK ON!!!!


Biggest middle finger in all of creation.

No I think the biggest middle finger was when we split the atom.

He never did anything with the express intent of preventing us from creating a small star on Earth. Going to the moon? That's like building a Tower of Babel that goes a hundred miles past heaven, then flinging burning dog feces down on them from above.

[Zna]

Jesus hates figs:
Mark 11: 11-14

11 And Jesus entered into Jerusalem, and into the temple: and when he had looked round about upon all things, and now the eventide was come, he went out unto Bethany with the twelve.

12 And on the morrow, when they were come from Bethany, he was hungry:

13 And seeing a fig tree afar off having leaves, he came, if happily he might find any thing thereon: and when he came to it, he found nothing but leaves; for the time of figs was not yet.

14 And Jesus answered and said unto it, No man eat fruit of thee hereafter for ever. And his disciples heard it.

[Arthurista]

Rev 5

2: And I saw a strong angel proclaiming with a loud voice, "Who is worthy to open the book, and to loose the seals thereof?"

3: And no man in heaven, nor in earth, neither under the earth, was able to open the book, neither to look thereon.

4: And I wept much, because no man was found worthy to open and to read the book, neither to look thereon.

5: And one of the elders saith unto me, "Weep not: behold, the Lion of the tribe of Judah, the Root of David, hath prevailed to open the book, and to loose the seven seals thereof."

6: And I beheld, and, lo, in the midst of the throne and of the four beasts, and in the midst of the elders, stood a Lamb as it had been slain, having seven horns and seven eyes, which are the seven Spirits of God sent forth into all the earth.

7And he came and took the book out of the right hand of him that sat upon the throne.

8And when he had taken the book, the four beasts and four and twenty elders fell down before the Lamb, having every one of them harps, and golden vials full of odours, which are the prayers of saints.

9And they sung a new song, saying, Thou art worthy to take the book, and to open the seals thereof: for thou wast slain, and hast redeemed us to God by thy blood out of every kindred, and tongue, and people, and nation;

10And hast made us unto our God kings and priests: and we shall reign on the earth.

11And I beheld, and I heard the voice of many angels round about the throne and the beasts and the elders: and the number of them was ten thousand times ten thousand, and thousands of thousands;

12Saying with a loud voice, Worthy is the Lamb that was slain to receive power, and riches, and wisdom, and strength, and honour, and glory, and blessing.




Revelation is some cool stuff.

Considering the author was most likely seriously stoned when he wrote it, you're probably right.