Jewish Discussion Thread

[Ethel mermania]

why orthodox? that denies other rabbi's are real rabbi's.

Most probably...... I am not familiar with the Karaite process of conversion though.

You are denying Karites are jews?

i was more thinking of conservative or reform. If a rabbi can not convert, he is not a rabbi. A reform rabbi would not require the amount of study, or the same study topics as a orthodox rabbi. Then you get the whole who is a jew mishagoss, which may not matter as much in the US, but try and go to israel.

http://www.jstandard.com/index.php/content/item/15753/

[Menassa]

Most probably...... I am not familiar with the Karaite process of conversion though.

You are denying Karites are jews?

i was more thinking of conservative or reform. If a rabbi can not convert, he is not a rabbi. A reform rabbi would not require the amount of study, or the same study topics as a orthodox rabbi. Then you get the whole who is a jew mishagoss, which may not matter as much in the US, but try and go to israel.

http://www.jstandard.com/index.php/content/item/15753/

I know of the whole debacle and what have you......

and I'm not saying you're not Jews..... unless you converted with a Sadducee/Karaite conversion

[Ethel mermania]

You are denying Karites are jews?

i was more thinking of conservative or reform. If a rabbi can not convert, he is not a rabbi. A reform rabbi would not require the amount of study, or the same study topics as a orthodox rabbi. Then you get the whole who is a jew mishagoss, which may not matter as much in the US, but try and go to israel.

http://www.jstandard.com/index.php/content/item/15753/

I know of the whole debacle and what have you......

and I'm not saying you're not Jews..... unless you converted with a Sadducee/Karaite conversion

I am hoping that was sarcasm.

[Menassa]

I know of the whole debacle and what have you......

and I'm not saying you're not Jews..... unless you converted with a Sadducee/Karaite conversion

I am hoping that was sarcasm.

It was.

Though please enlighten me of how you convert in the Karite way?

[Ralkovia]

I am hoping that was sarcasm.

It was.

Though please enlighten me of how you convert in the Karite way?

you convert to................DEATH!

[Evraim]

You should it's awesome.


Wroang.

. And the pig, because it has a cloven hoof that is completely split, but will not regurgitate its cud; it is unclean for you. ז. וְאֶת הַחֲזִיר כִּי מַפְרִיס פַּרְסָה הוּא וְשֹׁסַע שֶׁסַע פַּרְסָה וְהוּא גֵּרָה לֹא יִגָּר טָמֵא הוּא לָכֶם:

Thanks Rabbi Jew!

Are there non-Jewish rabbis? And I don't mean reconstructionists...

It was.

Though please enlighten me of how you convert in the Karite way?

you convert to................DEATH!

I suspect the Sadducee conversion is quite similar. That's why they're so sad, you see? *crickets*

[Ethel mermania]

I am hoping that was sarcasm.

It was.

Though please enlighten me of how you convert in the Karite way?

Darned if I know, I was bar mitzvahed at a young isreal, I have just come to respect the karite way from my reading, and understanding of the torah.

[The United Soviet Socialist Republic]

Hey Hebrews and Shebrews. In Judaism, when someone turns 13 that marks them turning into a man/women correct?

[Goodclark]

I am a Catholic that is seriously considering converting to conservative Judaism, do you have any advice?

[Farnhamia]

Hey Hebrews and Shebrews. In Judaism, when someone turns 13 that marks them turning into a man/women correct?

Pretty much, yes. Why do you ask? Is there a 7th-grader you have your eyes on?

[Farnhamia]

I am a Catholic that is seriously considering converting to conservative Judaism, do you have any advice?

Advice? No. Why are you thinking about converting?

[Goodclark]

I am a Catholic that is seriously considering converting to conservative Judaism, do you have any advice?

Advice? No. Why are you thinking about converting?

Judaism just seems to fit my moral standards better than Catholicism does.

[Farnhamia]

Advice? No. Why are you thinking about converting?

Judaism just seems to fit my moral standards better than Catholicism does.

Conservative Judaism is a much more restrictive life-style, you know. Care to elaborate on the moral standards?

[Ethel mermania]

Judaism just seems to fit my moral standards better than Catholicism does.

Conservative Judaism is a much more restrictive life-style, you know. Care to elaborate on the moral standards?

These days conservative judiasm runs the whole gamut from some congregations having male only alliyah's, to others fully supporting gay marriage and women rabbi's.

[Farnhamia]

Conservative Judaism is a much more restrictive life-style, you know. Care to elaborate on the moral standards?

These days conservative judiasm runs the whole gamut from some congregations having male only alliyah's, to others fully supporting gay marriage and women rabbi's.

You can say that of Judaism as a whole, but I've always understood spectrum to run from Reform (gay marriage and women rabbis) through Conservative to Othrodox. A quick look at Wiki does show a more ... granular range of options, even within Conservative Judaism. Still, it's a more restrictive life-style than Roman Catholicism and more so than Reform Judaism.

[Ethel mermania]

These days conservative judiasm runs the whole gamut from some congregations having male only alliyah's, to others fully supporting gay marriage and women rabbi's.

You can say that of Judaism as a whole, but I've always understood spectrum to run from Reform (gay marriage and women rabbis) through Conservative to Othrodox. A quick look at Wiki does show a more ... granular range of options, even within Conservative Judaism. Still, it's a more restrictive life-style than Roman Catholicism and more so than Reform Judaism.

Meh, its changing, no more so in the conservative space, you have seminaries that are trying to be more orthodox (UJT), and some much more egalitarian (JTS). If your primary source on this is wiki, your going to have to defer to practicing (even as poorly as I do) jews. If you are jewish I apologize.

[Farnhamia]

You can say that of Judaism as a whole, but I've always understood spectrum to run from Reform (gay marriage and women rabbis) through Conservative to Othrodox. A quick look at Wiki does show a more ... granular range of options, even within Conservative Judaism. Still, it's a more restrictive life-style than Roman Catholicism and more so than Reform Judaism.

Meh, its changing, no more so in the conservative space, you have seminaries that are trying to be more orthodox (UJT), and some much more egalitarian (JTS). If your primary source on this is wiki, your going to have to defer to practicing (even as poorly as I do) jews. If you are jewish I apologize.

Given all the rules, it's no wonder practicing Jews are still practicing.

But seriously, folks ... Wiki confirmed what you said, that Conservative Judaism was not the monolithic entity I thought it was. I didn't read over the whole article but it seemed fairly detailed.

It's not quite like the story of the Jewish man who becomes rather successful and buys himself a Lamborghini. Thinking this is an expensive car, he goes to the Orthodox rabbi and asks, "Rabbi, will you make a berakhah on my Lamborghini?" The rabbi looks puzzled and replies, "What's a Lamborghini?" The man thinks the blessing will not be very efficacious if the rabbi doesn't know what a Lamborghini is, so he goes down the street to the Conservative synagogue, where he asks the same question. Here the rabbi engages in half an hour of philosophical discussion of the merits of spending so much money on a material object and whether G-d would approve and would a berakhah be appropriate. The man slips out and goes down the street to the Reform synagogue (I'm told reliably that in Great Neck, LI, you could do this, they were all on the same street). Here the rabbi says, "A Lamborghini? Wow! But ... what's a berakhah?"

[Ralkovia]

Meh, its changing, no more so in the conservative space, you have seminaries that are trying to be more orthodox (UJT), and some much more egalitarian (JTS). If your primary source on this is wiki, your going to have to defer to practicing (even as poorly as I do) jews. If you are jewish I apologize.

Given all the rules, it's no wonder practicing Jews are still practicing.

But seriously, folks ... Wiki confirmed what you said, that Conservative Judaism was not the monolithic entity I thought it was. I didn't read over the whole article but it seemed fairly detailed.

It's not quite like the story of the Jewish man who becomes rather successful and buys himself a Lamborghini. Thinking this is an expensive car, he goes to the Orthodox rabbi and asks, "Rabbi, will you make a berakhah on my Lamborghini?" The rabbi looks puzzled and replies, "What's a Lamborghini?" The man thinks the blessing will not be very efficacious if the rabbi doesn't know what a Lamborghini is, so he goes down the street to the Conservative synagogue, where he asks the same question. Here the rabbi engages in half an hour of philosophical discussion of the merits of spending so much money on a material object and whether G-d would approve and would a berakhah be appropriate. The man slips out and goes down the street to the Reform synagogue (I'm told reliably that in Great Neck, LI, you could do this, they were all on the same street). Here the rabbi says, "A Lamborghini? Wow! But ... what's a berakhah?"

As the resident Conservative Expert, I'd say don't convert to conservative Judaism. The more conservative you go, the less they want you. To the Orthodox, if your not born Jewish, they'll make converting as hard as possible. Most conservative temples also will deny you. While my father is a full blooded honest to G-d Jew, my mother was the progeny of a Gentile Man and a Half Jewish Woman. Even though Judaism is passed down through the Mother, my mom still had to 'convert' for my Mother and Father to get married.

We were a lot more accepting in the past, however now a days, a lot of the Rabbis discourage conversion. More out of the fact that Judaism is more an ethnicity than a religion. If you really want to be a Jew, go reform and then marry a Jewish Woman.

Judaism has survived this long by maintaining its long and hard traditions. We carry with us a story that has lasted nearly 6000 years. A story of suffering and great hope. It's hard to understand why we don't just let everyone in if your not a Jew, but the only emotion that I can compare it to is your sister getting married to someone you don't know and never heard of. There's this feeling of apprehension of allowing someone you don't know into the family, a feeling of doubt about if the person will fit in, and then indignanty that someone is trying to join your family.

[Ethel mermania]

Meh, its changing, no more so in the conservative space, you have seminaries that are trying to be more orthodox (UJT), and some much more egalitarian (JTS). If your primary source on this is wiki, your going to have to defer to practicing (even as poorly as I do) jews. If you are jewish I apologize.

Given all the rules, it's no wonder practicing Jews are still practicing.

But seriously, folks ... Wiki confirmed what you said, that Conservative Judaism was not the monolithic entity I thought it was. I didn't read over the whole article but it seemed fairly detailed.

It's not quite like the story of the Jewish man who becomes rather successful and buys himself a Lamborghini. Thinking this is an expensive car, he goes to the Orthodox rabbi and asks, "Rabbi, will you make a berakhah on my Lamborghini?" The rabbi looks puzzled and replies, "What's a Lamborghini?" The man thinks the blessing will not be very efficacious if the rabbi doesn't know what a Lamborghini is, so he goes down the street to the Conservative synagogue, where he asks the same question. Here the rabbi engages in half an hour of philosophical discussion of the merits of spending so much money on a material object and whether G-d would approve and would a berakhah be appropriate. The man slips out and goes down the street to the Reform synagogue (I'm told reliably that in Great Neck, LI, you could do this, they were all on the same street). Here the rabbi says, "A Lamborghini? Wow! But ... what's a berakhah?"

flavors of judiasm come in may kinds these days to quote your and my mutual friend Mr A. Kkoinsberg. A story he told about his rabbi:

Let me start at the very beginning. I did a vodka ad, that's the first important thing. A big vodka company wanted to do a prestige ad, and they wanted to get Noël Coward originally for it. He was not available, he had aquired the rights to My Fair Lady, and he was removing the music and lyrics, make it back into Pygmalion. They tried to get Laurence Olivier, and Howdy [Mokey?] - they finally got me to do it. I'll tell you how they got my name, it was on a list in Eichmann's pocket, when they picked him up. And I'm sitting home, and I'm watching television. I'm wathcing a special version of Peter Pan on television, starring Kate Smith, and they are having trouble flying her, 'cause the chains keep breaking all the time, y'know. And the phone rings and a voice on the other end says "How would you like to be this years vodka man?", and I say "No. I'm an artist, I do not do commercials. I don't pander. I don't drink vodka and if I did, I would not drink your product." He said "Too bad. It pays fifty thousand dollars." and I said "Hold on. I'll put Mr. Allen on the phone."

And I was caught here in an ethical crisis. Should I advertise a product that I don't actually use? It's a problem 'cause I'm not a drinker, my body won't tolerate...eh...spirits, really. I had two martinis new years eve and I tried to hi-jack an elevator and fly it to Cuba. In the past whenever I had any sort of...eh...emotional problem, I used to consult with my analyst all the time. This is public knowledge, I was in analysis for years, 'cause of a traumatic childhood I had. Remember I was breastfed from falsies. It scarred me emotionally, y'know. I was in a strict freudian analysis for a long time. My analyst died two years ago, and I never realized it, and now, whenever I have any sort of problem, I consult with my spiritual counselor, who in my case is my rabbi. I called him on the phone and laid the proposition on him, and he said "Don't do it, 'cause it's illegal and immoral to advertise a product that you don't use, just for the money." And I said "Okay", and I passed the ad up and I must say, that it took great courage at the time, 'cause I needed the money, I was writing and I needed to be free, creative. I was working on a non-fiction version of the Warren report.

I'd just passed the ad up and a month later I'm leafing through a Life magazine, and I see a photograph of Monique van Vooren in a slim bikini bathing suit, and she is on the beach in Jamaica, and there, next to her, with a cool vodka in his hand, is my rabbi. So I call him up on the phone, y'know, and he puts me on hold. What happened is, that he wanted to go into showbusiness - he had done a late night prayer on television. He was in the middle of the twentythird song and he tried to ad-lib, y'know, tried to name the ten commandments, couldn't think of them quickly and instead he named the Seven Dwarfs. He's got a discoteque now in his college, with topless rabbis, y'know, no scullcap on.

[Ethel mermania]

Advice? No. Why are you thinking about converting?

Judaism just seems to fit my moral standards better than Catholicism does.

i think a starting question you have to ask yourself is: How do you feel about Jesus?

[Farnhamia]

Given all the rules, it's no wonder practicing Jews are still practicing.

But seriously, folks ... Wiki confirmed what you said, that Conservative Judaism was not the monolithic entity I thought it was. I didn't read over the whole article but it seemed fairly detailed.

It's not quite like the story of the Jewish man who becomes rather successful and buys himself a Lamborghini. Thinking this is an expensive car, he goes to the Orthodox rabbi and asks, "Rabbi, will you make a berakhah on my Lamborghini?" The rabbi looks puzzled and replies, "What's a Lamborghini?" The man thinks the blessing will not be very efficacious if the rabbi doesn't know what a Lamborghini is, so he goes down the street to the Conservative synagogue, where he asks the same question. Here the rabbi engages in half an hour of philosophical discussion of the merits of spending so much money on a material object and whether G-d would approve and would a berakhah be appropriate. The man slips out and goes down the street to the Reform synagogue (I'm told reliably that in Great Neck, LI, you could do this, they were all on the same street). Here the rabbi says, "A Lamborghini? Wow! But ... what's a berakhah?"

flavors of judiasm come in may kinds these days to quote your and my mutual friend Mr A. Kkoinsberg. A story he told about his rabbi:

Let me start at the very beginning. I did a vodka ad, that's the first important thing. A big vodka company wanted to do a prestige ad, and they wanted to get Noël Coward originally for it. He was not available, he had aquired the rights to My Fair Lady, and he was removing the music and lyrics, make it back into Pygmalion. They tried to get Laurence Olivier, and Howdy [Mokey?] - they finally got me to do it. I'll tell you how they got my name, it was on a list in Eichmann's pocket, when they picked him up. And I'm sitting home, and I'm watching television. I'm wathcing a special version of Peter Pan on television, starring Kate Smith, and they are having trouble flying her, 'cause the chains keep breaking all the time, y'know. And the phone rings and a voice on the other end says "How would you like to be this years vodka man?", and I say "No. I'm an artist, I do not do commercials. I don't pander. I don't drink vodka and if I did, I would not drink your product." He said "Too bad. It pays fifty thousand dollars." and I said "Hold on. I'll put Mr. Allen on the phone."

And I was caught here in an ethical crisis. Should I advertise a product that I don't actually use? It's a problem 'cause I'm not a drinker, my body won't tolerate...eh...spirits, really. I had two martinis new years eve and I tried to hi-jack an elevator and fly it to Cuba. In the past whenever I had any sort of...eh...emotional problem, I used to consult with my analyst all the time. This is public knowledge, I was in analysis for years, 'cause of a traumatic childhood I had. Remember I was breastfed from falsies. It scarred me emotionally, y'know. I was in a strict freudian analysis for a long time. My analyst died two years ago, and I never realized it, and now, whenever I have any sort of problem, I consult with my spiritual counselor, who in my case is my rabbi. I called him on the phone and laid the proposition on him, and he said "Don't do it, 'cause it's illegal and immoral to advertise a product that you don't use, just for the money." And I said "Okay", and I passed the ad up and I must say, that it took great courage at the time, 'cause I needed the money, I was writing and I needed to be free, creative. I was working on a non-fiction version of the Warren report.

I'd just passed the ad up and a month later I'm leafing through a Life magazine, and I see a photograph of Monique van Vooren in a slim bikini bathing suit, and she is on the beach in Jamaica, and there, next to her, with a cool vodka in his hand, is my rabbi. So I call him up on the phone, y'know, and he puts me on hold. What happened is, that he wanted to go into showbusiness - he had done a late night prayer on television. He was in the middle of the twentythird song and he tried to ad-lib, y'know, tried to name the ten commandments, couldn't think of them quickly and instead he named the Seven Dwarfs. He's got a discoteque now in his college, with topless rabbis, y'know, no scullcap on.

[The United Soviet Socialist Republic]

Hey Hebrews and Shebrews. In Judaism, when someone turns 13 that marks them turning into a man/women correct?

Pretty much, yes. Why do you ask? Is there a 7th-grader you have your eyes on?

Lol no. I was just wondering.

[Nordengrund]

What makes someone a real Jew?

[Danan]

Although I'm an Anti-Theist, I do like the Jews. They are calm, peaceful, and don't really mind if you eat their banned food, or if your not a Jew.

Hell, one of the nicest people I know is a Jew.

[Ethel mermania]

What makes someone a real Jew?

Depends on who you ask.
Orthodox will say circumcised and born of a jewish mother or converted by a specific group of orthodox rabbi's, and circumcised.

Consevative will say born of a jewish mother, circumcised, or converted by a rabbi, and circumcised.

Reform will say, born of jewish parents, and wants to be, or converted by a rabbi. Circumcision is usually but not always required.

Women do not require circumcision.