Games of the XXX Olympiad (Official Thread)

[TaQud]

Yes yes fucking yes! Once more the mighty British retain their gold medal in the greatest event of all: Cricket!

Though, rather awkwardly, the defending rugby champions for the last 88 years have been...

the United States.

[Carmadin]

You know you're addicted to the Games when...

You're up in the small hours watching women's volleyball. And it's not even the beach volleyball.

To be fair, though, Brazil v Turkey was pretty epic...

Kry has described my life

[Nadkor]

Becasue 60% of the Olympic audience is women and they like that crap.

Hive mind represent.

[Cyborg Holland]

Medal (should be) coming up for Team GB. Women's Road Cycling

[Britcan]

I'm watching Murray on centre court and a pidgeon has got stuck underneath the closed roof.

[The Blaatschapen]

Gold for Marianne Vos As expected

[Mesoland]

Gold for Marianne Vos As expected

And us Brits get a silver! Well done Lizzie Armitstead, gaining our first medal of the games!

Now we need Becky Adlington to retain her golds in the swimming tonight.

[Horusland]

GO ROMANIA!

[The Alchemists Guild]

Gold for Marianne Vos As expected

Breaking news!
She's been disqualified!
Her urine has just tested positive for being bear urine. From the BBC sport website:
"Race officials were alerted by the high levels of salmon and honey in her sample, after further inspection it has been revealed that Marianne Vos is in fact 55% bear, which explains her use of a comically small unicycle in the race, as well as her tactically questionable decision to hibernate in a cave during the first quarter of the race.
She is claiming that she was given the bear hormones as a legitimate cure for her fear of Elks. The matter is now in the courts."

[The Blaatschapen]

Gold for Marianne Vos As expected

Breaking news!
She's been disqualified!
Her urine has just tested positive for being bear urine. From the BBC sport website:
"Race officials were alerted by the high levels of salmon and honey in her sample, after further inspection it has been revealed that Marianne Vos is in fact 55% bear, which explains her use of a comically small unicycle in the race, as well as her tactically questionable decision to hibernate in a cave during the first quarter of the race.
She is claiming that she was given the bear hormones as a legitimate cure for her fear of Elks. The matter is now in the courts."

Bear urine? Don't you mean bear ursine?

[The Alchemists Guild]

Other breaking news!

Wissem Hmam, Left-Back in the Tunisian men's Handball team will be unfit to play in Thursday's match against France having burnt his tongue trying to find out what his iron tasted like.

Coach Alain Portes gave this quote:
"Of course I am disappointed to be missing one of my best players in what promises to be a key match for Tunisia, but Wissem is by his very nature a curious and adventurous man, and I wouldn't want him any other way."

[Licentiapacisterra]

Gold for Marianne Vos As expected

Breaking news!
She's been disqualified!
Her urine has just tested positive for being bear urine. From the BBC sport website:
"Race officials were alerted by the high levels of salmon and honey in her sample, after further inspection it has been revealed that Marianne Vos is in fact 55% bear, which explains her use of a comically small unicycle in the race, as well as her tactically questionable decision to hibernate in a cave during the first quarter of the race.
She is claiming that she was given the bear hormones as a legitimate cure for her fear of Elks. The matter is now in the courts."

I thought she'd seriously been disqualified, until I saw the bit about a "comically small unicycle"...

[Nazis in Space]

The BBC's coverage is extraordinary. I know there are likely advantages to being the host nation broadcaster, but the BBC is covering every single event simultaneously; anyone with an internet connection here in the UK (or anyone outside the UK who knows how to access the BBC) can watch any event they want to. There isn't always commentary - the waterpolo match I have on right now has no commentary, and I watched a heroic Best Korea woman play a revanchist capitalist Croat in table tennis without commentary yesterday - but you can watch anything.

Same for Germany. Hooray for publically funded broadcasters.

And you don't have to watch it live. You can choose to start watching any individual event at any point; so if an event started 15 minutes ago, but you want to watch it from the beginning while it's still taking place, you can.

This, on the other hand... While also the same in Germany, is pretty ghoddamned shitty.

What's the problem with keeping the events online for, say, 24 hours? Or a week?

But nooo...

Once it's over, it's gone from the archives. Gay.

[The Alchemists Guild]

Further breaking lies... I mean news!

French Dressage hopeful Jessica Michel has been disqualified for eating her own horse.

Spurred on by the nationalist nature of world sports Michel found herself unable to refrain from acting as French as possible.
So she strangled her steed Riwera de Hus with a string of onions, fried it in garlic, munched it down on a baguette and then cycled away in a black and white striped shirt whilst smoking.

Riwera de Hus is said to be disappointed with the move, claiming that "Being slaughtered and eaten by your own rider is a serious blow to the confidence and self esteem of a horse, even one of international caliber such as myself. But I will try to come back from this defeat and prepare for 2016."

Meanwhile a tarpaulin has been placed on Jessica Michel, and a shotgun deployed.
It's the kindest thing to do.

[Britcan]

Murray has beaten the random Swiss guy!

[Horusland]

Further breaking lies... I mean news!

French Dressage hopeful Jessica Michel has been disqualified for eating her own horse.

Spurred on by the nationalist nature of world sports Michel found herself unable to refrain from acting as French as possible.
So she strangled her steed Riwera de Hus with a string of onions, fried it in garlic, munched it down on a baguette and then cycled away in a black and white striped shirt whilst smoking.

Riwera de Hus is said to be disappointed with the move, claiming that "Being slaughtered and eaten by your own rider is a serious blow to the confidence and self esteem of a horse, even one of international caliber such as myself. But I will try to come back from this defeat and prepare for 2016."

Meanwhile a tarpaulin has been placed on Jessica Michel, and a shotgun deployed.
It's the kindest thing to do.

LOL!

[The Crimson Realm]

Watching Boxing atm... Waiting for my America boys to come up and whoop dat azz...

[The Alchemists Guild]

Yet further breaking news!

World sprint champion Usain Bolt has won the Men's 100m sprint final 7 days in advance.

Witnesses this afternoon claim to have seen a bright flash of light at the end of the athletics track, out of which sped Bolt, his features twisted and his feet aflame.
After staggering a few strides he fall forwards into the arms of caretaker Jimmy "Stink-water" McGee where he died. It is believed that Bolt is set to run so fast in the final that he will punch a hole in reality, and be rocketed back in time.

Officials are unsure whether to award the gold medal to the present day's Bolt, who is understandably distraught having seen his own corpse, or to the corpse itself, although Bolt's new time of minus 601,087 seconds is the new official world record.

"The record will take some beating" Claims Trinidad and Tobago's Richard Thompson. "Being able to break the fabric of time itself is a definite advantage in athletics, and one which I will have to work on in the future."
It looks like another silver at best for the 27 year old Caribbean.

[Vitius]

The U.S. beat France in basketball!

..What a surprise?

[TaQud]

US wins against France (B-Ball) 98-71 Link

[Carbarosia]

I am guessing the Women's 3 metre Springboard gold medal will be awarded to the Chinese, again, as per usual. I could see America or Italy snatching silver, either way I am sure one of them will nab the bronze or silver medal.

Update: China is confirmed with the gold medal. America is confirmed with the silver medal. Canada, surprisingly, is confirmed with bronze.

[The Crimson Realm]

China's Olympic Team - "Medal or Your Family Dies"

[Licentiapacisterra]

Yet further breaking news!

World sprint champion Usain Bolt has won the Men's 100m sprint final 7 days in advance.

Witnesses this afternoon claim to have seen a bright flash of light at the end of the athletics track, out of which sped Bolt, his features twisted and his feet aflame.
After staggering a few strides he fall forwards into the arms of caretaker Jimmy "Stink-water" McGee where he died. It is believed that Bolt is set to run so fast in the final that he will punch a hole in reality, and be rocketed back in time.

Officials are unsure whether to award the gold medal to the present day's Bolt, who is understandably distraught having seen his own corpse, or to the corpse itself, although Bolt's new time of minus 601,087 seconds is the new official world record.

"The record will take some beating" Claims Trinidad and Tobago's Richard Thompson. "Being able to break the fabric of time itself is a definite advantage in athletics, and one which I will have to work on in the future."
It looks like another silver at best for the 27 year old Caribbean.

Best one yet !!

[Nadkor]

Brazil almost surely about to beat Belarus in the football. 2-1 with 10 minutes to go and Brazil have dominated the second half. They're terrifyingly good. The interchange between Pato, Neymar, and Hulk is brilliant.. Oscar, Marcelo, and Rafael also impressing

This shouldn't be surprising seeing as those players play for AC Milan, Porto, Chelsea, Real Madrid, and Manchester United, but Jesus. Brazil's World Cup team in two years is going to be incredible.

[TaQud]

Brazil's World Cup team in two years is going to be incredible.

just like 2 years ago and then 6 years ago...