Bullying, damaging or helpful?

[Radiatia]

It is a bad thing. As a child I was bullied - and I was raised by parents who believed it was a good thing and would "toughen me up." and so they did nothing (and, as I came to realise later in life, they bullied me too.)

For a while I believed the BS - indeed, being bullied did serve to make me a more compassionate person, and more inclined to stand up for the weak, but in the end it got to me and two years ago I had a full-scale nervous breakdown, complete with a night-in-the-nuthouse™.

The depressive illnesses I have suffered throughout my life are due in no small part to the bulllying and abuse I have endured in my youth.

...

Woah, that post was a real downer so here's a picture of a cat kicking a dog to cheer you up.

[Raeyh]

You never learned a greater respect for compassion and humanity?

I became cynical and detached.

You never learned greater coping skills?

Negative coping skills.

Never learned to stand the hell up for yourself?

Easier just to ignore everyone.

You never learned to shrug off hate?

This I did. Don't make much friends ignoring everyone, though.

Boy, I guess you people just let it happen and never thought about it again.

Are you telling me that you didn't try to change your world? Never tried to take control of a situation?
It's easier to change yourself than change the world.

Maybe you deserved it if you didn't try to help yourself.

Absolutely. However, much like the scammed needs to be protected from scammers, the bullied needs to be protected from bullies. It doesn't matter how at fault the victim is. You don't say, "ah, he may have been buried alive, but the guy was a jerk and he had poor hygine."

[Raeyh]

Meh, I got a bit of shit like everyone else back in the HS middle class but I had friends and shrugged it off. TBH, a lot of the people who got really bullied were fuckups to begin with...the kind who weren't so much smart as smarmy assholes or who were just plain weird.

So let me get this straight....I made A-B honor roll in 2nd grade.....I had high grades in history and science....I like sci-fi and video games....so because of that, I'm weird and deserved to be bullied??

You probably committed some social taboo, don't rack you brain over what it was, it doesn't matter now.

[Raeyh]

There will be noone to shelter them from insults as a grown up.

I have yet to be insulted by a single coworker as an adult. They would probably lose their job or at least get a serious talking-to by HR.

[Ramenasia]

I would agree that on rare occasion bullying could be beneficial in some ways, but it still needs to be stopped as soon as it develops.

[Ravineworld]

I agree completely with the OP.
Bullying makes us stronger. Attempting to stop bullying will only make children less tough, which will increase the suicide rate when kids finally are confronted with the reality of bullying. Bullying is actually decreasing currently, but bullying-related suicides are going up. I think that has to do with the fact that schools are continually wussifying children. I hate to sound like a social darwinist, but it should be about survival of the fittest. Attempts to interefere with survival of the fittest is interefering with the laws of nature. And bullying is, and should be protected by the first amendment (physical bullying isn't, however)
btw, I was bullied as a kid. I got stronger. Then I beat the bullies up. Nobody ever layed a hand on me after that.
Point is, I got to learn a lesson, and I became stronger

[Ravineworld]

Had I not been bullied, I wouldn't have ever had a reason to fit in, get friends, and enjoy my life. People who can't take bullying are unfit for the real world. It is a benificial, natural, and normal method of natural selection. Making schools hostile to bullies will only make the problem worse. It will reduce bullying, but it won't end it. In the end it will increase bullying-related suicides, cut first amendment rights, and destroy the motive for loser children to gain friends.
I should probably thank the people who bullied me.
Oh, and bullies were the reason I stopped playing baseball, and started playing sports that I enjoy far more and am actually good at (rugby and football).

[Ravineworld]

... Get the fuck out, OP.

This is not a debatable topic. At all. Bullying is never helpful for anyone, ever.

Really, because after being bullied for years, I am in complete and total agreement with the OP.
Bullying actually improved my life. It gave me a reason to fit in and make friends.

[Ravineworld]

Really, because after being bullied for years, I am in complete and total agreement with the OP.
Bullying actually improved my life. It gave me a reason to fit in and make friends.

For all your natural selection talk, it sounds like you lost the battle. You let them change you, you gave in.

No, it taught me basic social skills, something that I lacked greatly.
Had I not been given the reason to change (I would get beat up if I didn't), I would have a terrible life. I would be incompetent with women, fail at making freinds, and I would therefore be spending my saturday nights at home, not having any friends to make lifelong memories with. I wouldn't be able to enjoy my childhood (and teenage years) if it wasn't for the fact that I was beat up every day after school. Also, it gave me a reason to work harder at martial arts (which I have recieved a first degree black belt in TKD). It gave me a life and freinds. If it wasn't for bullying, I wouldn't be able to properly discuss anything here on NS. I wouldn't be able to make freinds. I wouldn't be able to go to the school dances and dance with numerous girls, simply by asking. If it weren't for bullying, I would probably never have learned social skills, joined sports that I was actually good at, and gotten to enjoy my life.
Now, I understand that others have had different experiences with bullying. But the fact still stays: making schools wussified will only make bullies seem like criminals, increase suicide rates, and prevent people like me from having a decent life and social skills.

[Ravineworld]

Had I not been bullied, I wouldn't have ever had a reason to fit in, get friends, and enjoy my life. People who can't take bullying are unfit for the real world. It is a benificial, natural, and normal method of natural selection. Making schools hostile to bullies will only make the problem worse. It will reduce bullying, but it won't end it. In the end it will increase bullying-related suicides, cut first amendment rights, and destroy the motive for loser children to gain friends.
I should probably thank the people who bullied me.
Oh, and bullies were the reason I stopped playing baseball, and started playing sports that I enjoy far more and am actually good at (rugby and football).

Social Darwinism was thoroughly discredited decades go.

Like I said, I am no social darwinist. But I do realize that if it weren't for bullies, I'd have no social skills, freinds, or a life for that matter. I would be a complete and total loser who would be universally hated. Is bullying good, no. Has it helped me a lot? Yes.
Wussifying the whole world will not make there be less bullying or fix the problem. It will decrease bullying, but increase suicide.

[Ravineworld]

I think the OP has a point. I would say bullying made me stronger, but I don't think it was worth it. Yes, I learned to stand up for myself, and I learned how to hurt people who might be physically stronger than I, but I also became suspicious, somewhat paranoid, and more anti-social than I was before the bullying.

I am very suspicious of people I don't know. I have very anti-social political views. I have paranoid political views.
None of these were the product of bullying. They were the product of my families mistrust of all things government.
Bullying literally helped me get a life and freinds. I wouldn't be a somewhat popular kid at my school, I wouldn't be able to enjoy playing football, and I wouldn't be able to rip somebody's face off if they lay a hand on me if it wasn't for bullying.

[Rhodmhire]

Sometimes people need to be made aware of their weaknesses, limitations, and negative or unappealing traits, lest they live in ignorance of them to the point where they find themselves in more socially awkward or even more harmful situations than that created by the realization being made by another party. If a kid smells like roadkill because he won't wear deoderant, tell him. You don't have to be a dick about it, but inform him of it and suggest he start using something to mask the smell. At the end of the day, you'll be doing the guy a favor. If anything, he might thank you for it. Things like that are completely fine, although they should be one time deals, or few and far between at most.

That being said, that is not to say that such people need to be made aware of these things, or worse, teased for them, through physical force or through persistent acts of verbal insults.

Nobody should have to put up with that, especially not on a regular basis.

[Rhodmhire]

I bullied a lot of kids in my younger years. I taught them to act normal. They owe their future to me.

Ha.

Bullshit.

You think some playground or middle/high school bullying, whatever it was, shaped even a single person to the point where they owed their entire adult live to those isolated incidents?

I have my doubts that youth, especially prior to high school, has anything to do with one's adult life in the long run. But even if it did, I doubt you had that much of an effect on anyone's future existence.

God, I can't stop laughing.

Also who are you to dictate what is normal or weird? What is in and out of line? How old were you? No older than 16, 17, maybe 18? I really want to know when this "youth" was, because quite frankly I don't think people under the age of 18 generally have the capacity to know what "normal" is.

And if they think they do, then they don't know what "normal" is.

Because there really is no "normal" when you get down to it.

[Rhodmhire]

Sometimes people need to be made aware of their weaknesses, limitations, and negative or unappealing traits, lest they live in ignorance of them to the point where they find themselves in more socially awkward or even more harmful situations than that created by the realization being made by another party. If a kid smells like roadkill because he won't wear deoderant, tell him. You don't have to be a dick about it, but inform him of it and suggest he start using something to mask the smell. At the end of the day, you'll be doing the guy a favor. If anything, he might thank you for it. Things like that are completely fine, although they should be one time deals, or few and far between at most.

Constructive criticism, handled in a polite and mature manner, is good.

That being said, that is not to say that such people need to be made aware of these things, or worse, teased for them, through physical force or through persistent acts of verbal insults.

Nobody should have to put up with that, especially not on a regular basis.

Bullying is bad.

Yes, my point exactly.

[Rhodmhire]

Constructive criticism, handled in a polite and mature manner, is good.



Bullying is bad.

There's 'constructive criticism'..then there's being an a**hole about something you don't like.

Of course.

I can't say that there's a clear line for everyone distinguishing between the two, and someone could very easily be interpreted as mocking or even bullying someone over something irrelevant whereas they themselves believe they're just pointing something out more like constructive criticism. Also, something else which distinguishes the first and second scenarios I described is that the first is ideally singular, whereas the latter is, by definition, repetitive.

The repetition is one of the trademarks of classic bullying, and a huge factor in why it can be so detrimental to victims of the act.

[Rhodmhire]

There's 'constructive criticism'..then there's being an a**hole about something you don't like.

"handled in a polite and mature manner"

Also this.

It's not as if you have to go up to someone and be a dick about what you're bringing up. In fact, it'd probably be something between two friends, in private. And even if it's misconstrued, at least then it still remains a singular instance, and it can be resolved more easily. If it's not resolved, then it's that one instance and it's probably going to be soon forgotten anyways.

Again, bullying is repetitive and it's goal is intentionally offending or harming someone else. It is far from being handled politely or maturely, aspects which are key to that first scenario.

I know. I was agreeing with you.

Mhm, I thought as much.

[Romanar]

I think the OP has a point. I would say bullying made me stronger, but I don't think it was worth it. Yes, I learned to stand up for myself, and I learned how to hurt people who might be physically stronger than I, but I also became suspicious, somewhat paranoid, and more anti-social than I was before the bullying.

[Romanar]

I think the OP has a point. I would say bullying made me stronger, but I don't think it was worth it. Yes, I learned to stand up for myself, and I learned how to hurt people who might be physically stronger than I, but I also became suspicious, somewhat paranoid, and more anti-social than I was before the bullying.

I am very suspicious of people I don't know. I have very anti-social political views. I have paranoid political views.
None of these were the product of bullying. They were the product of my families mistrust of all things government.
Bullying literally helped me get a life and freinds. I wouldn't be a somewhat popular kid at my school, I wouldn't be able to enjoy playing football, and I wouldn't be able to rip somebody's face off if they lay a hand on me if it wasn't for bullying.

Bullying definitely did NOT help my social life. I was a socially clumsy nerd before the bullying and I was a socially clumsy nerd with a mean streak afterwards. I eventually learned to at least fake being social, but it took awhile and had nothing to do with bullying.

[Samozaryadnyastan]

I'd say I'm pretty fucking damaged.

[Samuraikoku]

Congratulations on having been the exception, rather than the rule. However, you still need to learn that one person's experience is not sufficient evidence to overturn larger statistical examinations. Bullying sucks and does great harm.

This.

[Segland]

Hey now, he actually has the same problem I had, so lay off the facepalm.

What, that you don't care until it happens to affect you? I facepalm at people who claim something only matters if it happens to affect them, and then make things harder for those it does affect.

Hem, hem.

He only said it's a lot easier if those 3 things apply to you. Not that it's only possible if they apply to you. Besides, I've never been bullied (as long as you don't count raging/flaming) yet I consider bullying a problem and mentally damaging to victims of it.

[Shady Deals]

While I normally do not use ad hominid rebuttals, I do find the original post suspicious. I'm willing to accept the possibility he is the exception and he most definitively not the norm. As evidenced by the unfortunate encounters by other citizens, bullying in every form is harmful.

[Sidhae]

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger.

I used to be bullied around quite a lot as a kid, until I eventually learned to hit back, which involved bluffing and intimidation far more than it did involve actual physical force. In other words, I learned to play a rabid dog that everyone deems too dangerous to bother, and I still use this tactic around people that I don't feel safe around with.

The only problem is, genuine sociopaths don't fall for this deception, not even because they would see through it, but simply because they are incapable of being intimidated by it. This has resulted in a few quite painful backlashes, but otherwise works well on most normal people.

---

Anyway, bullying is part of the natural animal way of determining the pecking order in the pack. One thing I've learned in my life is that you must always hit back if struck (figuratively and literally), or you will always remain somebody's bitch. So I think it is beneficial because it toughens one and teaches one to stand up for himself. Respect and approval is never handed on a silver platter, it can only be earned with sweat and sometimes blood. Of course, it may drive some hypersensitive weaklings to suicide, but then again, the world doesn't have much use of overly emotional folks anyway.

[Sidhae]

The bully is there to test your resolve. To be what you are means to have the resolve and guts to be it. If you don't have what it takes to stand up against the bully and make him bugger the hell off of you, then you will obviously be his bottom bitch and frankly don't deserve better either.

The bully's purpose is to make you fear him, and the only way you can avoid that is make him fear you, at least to a degree that convinces him to seek for easier prey. Never ever let someone humiliate you unchallenged, even if it means violence. Flesh wounds eventually heal, but pride wounds never do. More often than not, standing up against bullies ended... well, painfully for me, but it was the consistency with which I continued to strike back when struck eventually convinced them to seek more defenseless victims.

[Simon Cowell of the RR]

Congratulations on having been the exception, rather than the rule. However, you still need to learn that one person's experience is not sufficient evidence to overturn larger statistical examinations. Bullying sucks and does great harm.

I understand your reasoning entirely, but because bullying had no lasting adverse effects on me there is still a debate in this.

Dude. You are still talking about it 30 years later. Saying it had no effect is laughable.